EXCERPT

From the Publisher's Desk

We hope you enjoy this trip down memory lane. We have done our best to verify all the names and dates included here. In the course of the research, the author and editors found resources with conflicting information or sources that used middle names instead of first names. In these situations, the author has used the most commonly encountered information for this book.

If you are not a card-carrying member of the lap-over, comb-over, or plastic surgery generation, that's okay. You can enjoy our lives vicariously through this hilarious look at some of the most interesting folks to grace this planet.

Damned If I Dotage
or
Where Were You When Ricky Nelson Died?

On the cutting edge of the Boomer Generation are those men and women turning 50 around the turn of the millennium. This book is for the first pioneer Boomers to face the half-century marker, middle age, and mortality. You, for instance. Or Bill, Hillary, Stephen King, O.J., and others you’ll see listed in this book.

As the light-hearted Leo Tolstoy once wrote, “Anyone over 35 for whom death is not the main consideration is a fool.” Of course, that was before therapy. Now, if you must dwell on death, you can think of it as a form of distancing - the ultimate flat affect. Count Leo out. You can turn 35 in deep, deep denial. (Repeat after me, “Damned if I dotage! Damned if I dotage! Damned if…)

As for middle age, that bumpy approach path to the Boomer Beyond, give it the same treatment. Don't think of your ‘pre-geezer’ years. Rather, an extended ‘medication consultation’ brought on by ‘body image issues’ and mild ‘biofeedback dysfunction.’

The only way to deal with age and death anxiety is to laugh! So, this is a Fun Book, boys and girls; pages loosely divided into five sections of death-defying lines, lists, quizzes and general guff. Use the material for meditations, put-downs, T-shirts, bumper stickers, song titles, boat names, obit entries, or bathroom graffiti.

So, where were you when Rick (son of the great and powerful Oz) died?* You should remember! Rick's death was one of those pop-culture markers that signal the passing of a mythic age, an event rivaled only by the deaths of Lennon and Belushi, or, more recently, Jerry, The Mick, and Frank. If not the end of peace, it was certainly a warning from Father Time: your days as a hormone happening are numbered!

* You don't remember the date?
(See the APPENDIX A: NECROLOGY TEST)

Denial Meditation Mantra #1:
Compared to the dead, my chances of success are still fairly good.

You no longer have youth going for you:

If your platitude-per-minute rate is over 5:1.

If suicide sometimes sounds great, but you don't feel you could stand the guilt.

If your idea of a good time is fondue.

"Middle age is the time when a man is always thinking that in a week or two he will feel as good as ever."
- Don Marquis

"I'm so damn frightened of getting old, I don't believe I'll be able to do it."
- Aunt Marge


It's getting difficult:

IF a clear definition of brain death would include you.

IF turning to look out a car's rear window feels like an event from the Extreme Games.

"I prefer old age to the alternative."
- Maurice Chevalier

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