Feeding the Squirrels
by Roy L. Pickering Jr.
EXCERPT
PROLOGUE
MICHAEL
You may be envious once I've related a little
about myself. Or perhaps you will despise me. No matter. I
seek neither acceptance nor punishment. And as for peace of
mind, that elusive serum for hobgoblins which sets so many
self-indulgent tongues in motion, I never held much stock
in the stuff. I choose to spill my guts for no other reason
than that they overflow.
This is not my life story. About myself there isn't much to
tell. Not because the passage of time has been uneventful.
My travels have been numerous, though no topographer could
chart the shores I have landed upon. For it is not places
that have been my destination, but women. I am drawn to them
by a force I have never questioned. To their infinite variety
of charms I am helpless. But the hold of none has been strong
enough to keep me from wandering aimlessly to others. No matter
how sweet the pollen of a particular flower, the supply quickly
runs out. Rather than settle in the embrace of petals, I move
onward, because my thirst has yet to be quenched.
I suppose I am blessed. Those who dream exclusively of riches
do not find money where others see only leaves. A desire for
fame is usually unfulfilled by the obscure. Longing for immortality
adds not a second to one's allotted time. And I know there
are men with carnal natures equal to mine who find relief
mostly in the palm of their hands. But that which I seek,
I tend to find.
I have done nothing to earn such good fortune. Genetics showed
favor without regarding my worthiness for the gift. Of course,
more important than appearance is knowledge of what to say,
who to say it to, and who not to bother with. This too was
bestowed upon me, though I am less certain how this came to
be. Unlike the origin of my physical features, climbing the
family tree provides few clues.
I would love to claim the ability to posses any woman I choose,
but such a notion is ludicrous. Rather, I am gifted at knowing
whom to eliminate as possibilities and whom to pursue wholeheartedly.
My talent is looking into a woman's eyes and instinctively
knowing what I need to. If she's lonely or bored; neglected
or abused; timid or adventurous; satisfied or confused; looking
to recapture the past or re-invent the present; making plans
for tomorrow or merely concerned about tonight. I discover
what a woman is looking for and promise it to her. If all
she wants is a good time, she gets everything. If she wants
more, I lie and take what she has to give. Then I move on.
You can say I'm taking advantage of the vibes I sense, or
make a case that the vibes are exploiting my weakness. I take
nothing that is not willingly offered. I hunt only for the
bodies. Is it my fault that trust occasionally comes along
for the ride?
I love them all in my fashion. For me, love means never forgetting.
Every moment of the ecstasy is preserved, the agony as well.
I remember who they were, and who I pretended to be. Or perhaps
it's who they brought out of me. It seems I am unable to tell
the difference. Does the answer lay in the truth beneath my
lies, or the lies beneath my truths?
I determine what a woman's fantasy is, then play the part.
This is done for my benefit as much as theirs, for most women
will and do settle for far less than their ideal. You see,
I’ve found that I need to be someone else. Or maybe
I just need to be someone. The lies set up the foundation.
The women fill in the empty spots. Take away the lies and
the women, and who am I? Your guess is as good as mine.
My name is Michael. I don't lie about my name. Something has
to be sacred, it might as well be something inconsequential.
My father passed away when I was in my early teens, leaving
me independently comfortable and on my own to determine what
it meant to be a man. Bequeathed the luxury of spending time
as I saw fit, my cock decided early on to run my itinerary.
Since further back than I can remember, as I suckled on my
mother's breasts, I have been a hedonist. Having no brothers
or sisters, parental attention did not have to be split. I
got it all, just as I like it.
I sense your misinterpretation already. You think I'm selfish,
but in fact, giving pleasure is far more important to me than
receiving. Seeing a woman's satisfied smile, hearing her contented
moans, that's my reward. Sometimes I think I am the sum of
the orgasms I bring about. When they cease to come I will
likely cease to be. If I satisfy a woman's physical desires,
it must mean I am worthy of her appreciation. When she clutches
my back and tries to draw me in deeper, the moment could only
be enhanced if she absorbed me entirely.
That's enough about me. I want to speak of them. The ethereal
beings who give purpose and meaning to my existence. They
are as varied as can be. My lust may not be blind, for standards
must be met, but what stirs my loins is more spiritual than
physical. I am equally content laying my head on pillow-like
breasts or slurping substantially smaller versions like a
pair of Hershey's chocolate Kisses. An ass tight as a fist
brings my blood to a boil, but one that voluptuously stretches
elastic to its limit has a similar effect. As long as a woman's
legs are wrapped around my torso, short or long, thick or
thin makes little difference. And as for the fiery region
between those legs, I have yet to encounter one I did not
find sublime.
If I brought about solely pleasure, I suppose I would be a
happy man. But I am also responsible for pain on occasion,
and this shames me, though only in retrospect. The pain is
caused by them wanting more than I am willing to give. I make
promises I know I won't keep, and some people grow attached
faster and stronger than others. The thing is, for the most
part I can detect these situations in advance. It's my gift,
remember? I'm fully cognizant of what they desire, and need
only be honest to avoid the inevitable scene of heartbreak.
But then I wouldn't get to experience what they have to share,
and my greed never fails to vanquish my conscience. The women
who want the most are the ones I most desire, because they
have the longest distance to travel towards contentment. They're
in search of a man who will make their dreams of day a reality
of night. The look in their eyes when they see the possibility
of that in mine is a drug I cannot decline. I need to make
the oaths as much as they need to hear them. Then I must callously
break them.
If you are inclined to listen, I will tell you about a few
of the women who have flitted in and out of my life. All beautiful
in a way unique to the individual possessor. Each one touching
me in a fashion, adding to the blank slate that I am. Some
wanting me to stay regardless of the circumstances, but all
being left behind. They had to be. How else was I to find
out who and what lay ahead?
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