EXCERPT

TABLE OF CONTENTS

INTRODUCTION - The BRASS RING

1. FAREWELL TO THE SUN
2. POEMS - LIGHT OF LOVE
LOVES REWARDS
CHANCE LOVE
WHERE IS LOVE
GOD’S WAITING LOVE
MUSIC
OCEANS WAVES OF LOVE
SPIRITUAL RENEWAL
FINDING LOVE
REACHING ABOVE
STEP BACK
ELUSIVE BUTTERFLY
REACHING TO ETERNITY
LIFE’S GOAL
SAY YES TO LOVES SONG
WEDNESDAYS CHILD
OFFICE SPACE and PILLS
WITHOUT LOVE WHAT LIFE IS THERE
TIMELESS LOVE
COMING FALL and CHANGING SEASONS
THIS IS MY BELOVED
BOOMERANG
WHICH ROAD TAKEN
A SHADOW BETWEEN
SUPERFICIAL PEOPLE
TIMELESS PATTERNS
THE MENTAL GAME
THE STRUGGLE OF THE SOULFUL INANIMATE
3. STORMY SIEGE
POEMS - VELVET
PETS
4. BROTHERS
5. SOMEPLACE SPECIAL
6. RIVER’S JOURNEY
7. HELP SAVE OUR ENVIRONMENT

A FAREWELL TO THE SUN

With a deafening roar from the jet engines, the midnight flight to New Haven taxied out onto the runway and waited to take off. Delays had prevented its departure until now at One AM Monday morning. The observation deck was deserted, except for a lone man stood smoking a cigarette and watching the plane as it vanished into the darkness.

Gazing at the gap in the night where the last trace of the plane’s lights had disappeared, I realized that the choice I had just made hit me full force. Turning with heavy steps, I felt a deep sense of loss and depression, because I knew that possibly I may never again see Ann, the woman I love. The very private life of Randy Carter, movie star, was hanging in the void that was left.

The empty corridor stretched out before me like an endless road as I walked back to the terminal at Kennedy International Airport. Along the runway aprons the lurking hulks of ghostly silver planes were waiting patiently for cargoes to fill their bellies while empty luggage carriers stood around like deserted souls on a shipwrecked boat.

Riding the escalator back up to the waiting room and walking down the nearly empty corridors, the hollow shell of loneliness in the pit of my stomach accompanied me. The blank eyes of closed shops stared mutely at me as I strolled past searching for an open cafeteria. It was almost closing time and only one section still remained open for the few customers that were fixed like statues on the stools. As soon as I sat down on a secluded seat, a waitress with short dark hair appeared quickly. “What ya have, mister?” she said in a Brooklyn accent.

“Just a cup of black coffee,” I replied.

She placed a murky cup of hot coffee and a napkin on the counter and went back to cleaning up for the night.

While I was sipping the hot coffee, the haunting image of the love that I had just said goodbye to occupied my thoughts. I could still see Ann, a tiny brunette waving with tears in her green eyes and wearing a blue suit with a chiffon scarf streaming from the collar, as she boarded the plane back to New England. While we had waited for the plane’s departure, she had debated with me over what she felt was a senseless course of action.

“Why does this have to end like this? You always come back from a location shoot when you return home to my welcoming arms and shelter of a safe harbor. Please, Randy, I love you more than life itself and we talked about getting married and starting a family. I will support you in anything that you want to do and be at your side always. Please reconsider.”

“Ann, I’m sorry about this but you know how it is and my work comes first above all else. Right now I can’t see you anymore. Please don’t be upset. Will you be all right?”

“I’ll be okay after awhile,” she replied with tears in her eyes. “It doesn’t make sense for a complete break after we have known each other for so long.”

“It was really a beautiful thing, quite unlike any other relationship that I ever had.”

“Oh, Randy,” Ann cried leaning against my chest, “I’ll always love you no matter what. I won’t ever forget you.”

“It’s not easy for me either, Ann. Right now I’m at an impasse. I’ve got to develop my career to its farthest possible extent. I must be free to pursue it and travel wherever it takes me.”

“I understand that your career comes first but don’t stifle yourself as a man when you have so much to give. For fear of being hurt you restrain yourself from giving. It’s like you lock yourself up in a castle with a moat round it. Living in an isolated world does not work.”

“I’ve always played the field with a few steady relationships, you know that.”

“With so many people coming and going, it does not give you time to grow and let loose your emotions which you keep in check. Everything is planned with no surprises. You have to take an adventurous step sometime.”

“I’m not ready to settle down yet.”

“Every time you get too close to a girl you have been dating for a long time, you back off before the I DO’S.”

I sat stunned by Ann’s sensible honesty. A vague numbness enveloped me but by my own stubbornness I could not change my mind. “At the moment, Ann, I can’t cope with the tremendous pressure of responsibility that marriage and a career involves. When I do take that step, I want everything to be just right. Now is not the time.”

“Well, you know best. I hope that you decide before it is too late and come back to the love that is waiting for you.”

“I’ll let you know and give you a call someday when I ‘m ready.”

Over the loudspeaker a voice announced, “ Flight 341 for New Haven now boarding.”

“Randy, I’ll miss you and remember you always.”

“Goodbye, Ann, have a nice flight home.”

As she filed through the gate with the other passengers, she looked back once and then was gone. The parting hurt me even more but not showing it, I believe, because I had truly found someone who loved me for myself and not for my fame and fortune.

We had many beautiful times together since our first meeting at a summer stock theater twelve years ago. It was in the midst of the second act of the play that I was doing at the Music Hall when I had my first unsettling glance of Ann. After the curtain closing in preparation for the third and final act of Noel Coward’s play, “Private Lives”, I had paced nervously backstage disturbed by my emotions.

“What’s wrong, Randy, everything is going great?” said Greg Polaski, the director.

“It’s nothing. It’s just that …Oh, it couldn’t be.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know the part. After I finished yelling at Grace, I was just standing by the footlights stage right when I noticed her.”

“Who?”

“This girl. I think it is possible or someone I know, but I am not sure. It couldn’t be for this girl in the front row has a pixie and heaven forbid has committed a sacrilege by bringing a shopping bag into a live theater performance!”

“Don’t dwell on it. It is probably nothing but an avid fan. Get ready for the next act. There’s a packed house out there, baby, waiting for you. I got lots of bread invested in you so don’t louse it up over some chick you think you saw in the audience.”

“You know that I always put everything I’ve got into a character. It has been a good week and you got your share of the house receipts.”

“That’s because you’re such a big attraction as a star of a long popular TV series. The fans just rave about your romantic charm, good looks and sense of humor to beat down the doors just to see the lanky blond who is America’s darling.”

“I wish you knew what it is like for people to close in and mob you and the press trying to invade your privacy. Even a public figure is entitled to a life of his own.”

“Well put, good friend, now get out there and sell the audience. We have a full house again tonight.”