Of course, even after my father left us, things didn’t just get better overnight, or even just better. Once you learn to live with fear, that sticks around. And with all the mind games my father played on us, it was easy for us to believe this was another one. That the instant we grew comfortable with his absence, he’d jump out from behind the couch and start terrifying us again.

  And there were all the bad decisions I made, leading up to getting involved with—

  Fuck. How is having every bad experience jumping out of my mind supposed to help me? All I want is for it to be quiet in here.

  I run a hand over my face, take a few breaths to settle my racing heart, thinking about him always causes that, then feel the last breath leave my body, pause a second, feel the breath enter, pause, feel—

  What’s that? My hand closes on the bar and I listen. The rustling happens again and I open my eyes in time to see white fur vanish into the underbrush.

  Great, I can’t even get a moment’s peace. I watch for it to return, hands on the bar. If nothing else, I’ll get to test it in actual fighting.

  The minutes pass with only the wind rustling the leaves.

  You’re being paranoid, my father says. Probably just a dog.

  Considering you’re the reason I’m paranoid, you don’t get to comment. And you saw what those dogs in Harrisonburg turned into outside the fully civilized zone. We’re in the wild, so if that was a dog, it’s a monster now.

  But you’re the bigger monster, right? You’ve proven that over and over throughout your life. Since it’s not coming back, it’s clearly smarter than you, not a high bar.

  I ignore the snide in the comment, but it seems he’s right. Whatever that was, has moved on to easier prey.

  I close my eyes and breathe slowly to get my heartbeat down. Then I pay attention to—

  It’s back. My eyes snap open and I look around. It must have just gone back into the underbrush.

  Or, you know, you’re imagining things.

  I glance in the upper right corner for the icon and my father laughs.

  What have I taught you about depending on anything other than you and me? You know very well that this system’s going to trick you the instant you start depending on it.

  No, it won’t. It’s a computer.

  Oh sure, like computers can change the world.

  They already have.

  Not what I mean, and you know it. This system changed the literal word you live in.

  It’s still a system and not a person. Terry says that in all games—

  My father scoffs. You are listening to a kid?

  I’m listening to someone who knows more about this than—

  My head snaps to the side and I look among the trees. I saw movement, I’m sure of it. Just a hint of white, there and gone.

  Definitely gone now.

  It was never there.

  I thought you wanted me to live, you know, with you being my subconscious and all. You should be telling me to be on my guard at all times.

  You don’t need me to tell you that. Those are lessons you already learned. I also taught you better than to waste your time like this. There is nothing wrong with the way you are. That bear’s only trying to make you weaker.

  I actually have to think about that one. I have no doubt Albert has ulterior motives. Everyone does, but do they have to be bad ones?

  Of course, no one wants the best for others, just—

  So I’m not training Deloy for his benefit?

  The silence is surprising. I almost never catch my father’s voice in an argument mistake. He’s me, so he’s usually multiple steps ahead.

  You’re different, he says reluctantly. Unlike them, you’re nice.

  The disgust in that one word is almost funny.

  I’m choosing to believe Albert over you this time.

  Why do I even bother?

  This tale has been pilfered from Royal Road. If found on Amazon, kindly file a report.

  We’re free to stop bothering.

  And leave you to die? No thanks.

  I close my eyes, feel the warm metal under my hands. Take a slow breath and—

  My eyes snap open. That was the monster, I know it. I look around and see nothing. I glance to the upper right. Still no debuff. Does that mean I’m not imagining it, or is there some rule to what qualifies as paranoia I’m not understanding?

  It’s screwing with you.

  I refuse to believe that. The Walmart was screwing with me and—

  You think that because the system took your side there, it’s not screwing with you now? My father asks in disbelief.

  You know, for being my subconscious, you really get me wrong sometimes.

  You know how boring it is knowing everything about you?

  You’re welcome to leave.

  Ah, funny.

  I start to close my eyes and slow my breathing.

  It turned into a sigh. What’s the point? I’m just going to get distracted again.

  I told you it’s—

  I’m ignoring you. It would be easier to do with an actual mute button, but this is what I have to work with.

  If I’m not going to meditate, I guess I should head back and see what I can do to help. I look in the direction of the others.

  Yeah, really not interested in going back.

  Sitting here not doing anything isn’t appealing either. I guess I can train; I have this new bar to get used to. Only it’s exactly like my previous one, down to the weight. What I really need is to test what it can do, and I probably need someone to hit to figure that part out.

  Which means I have nothing to do.

  I so don’t want to let my mind wander or go back to them and listen to them jabber about. Terry’s going to demand to know what I was up to and if I worked on my build, which I still haven’t, because there’s always someone distracting me from that when I even remember to do it.

  Wait a minute.

  There is no one bothering me now, so why did I almost dismiss it?

  You need me to answer that?

  No, it was rhetorical. I know very well it’s because I’m not looking forward to doing it. It’s not the first time I’ve distracted myself away from what needed to be done.

  Needed is kind of a strong word, don’t you think?

  Make up your mind. You want me to survive or not? Terry’s right that I can’t just wander through this blindly. I have to plan ahead.

  Fumbling about blind has worked pretty well for all those years.

  That was when the world wasn’t literally out to kill me.

  Before my father can respond, I bring up my class information.

  That’s convenient, my father scoffs. You have to pick without knowing what they do?

  You’re not even trying, Dad, are you? I ask for a detailed list of the level one abilities.

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