I should have known that it would end up like this. Showing me around turned into us going to the mall and browsing, which just happens to turn into Kelly and Emma ‘helping’ me pick out and buy 3 dance sets. I would have never imagined that they were so costly, so I’m really gd Mom gave me 200 when I mentioned needing to get some during lunch.

  I’m somewhat embarrassed that I’m going to be wearing these in public since the sets are quite small and tight since they are made of spandex. They’ll leave virtually nothing to the imagination. That said, I’m going to have to talk to Mom about getting some low-rise bikini panties as well since my others show when I wear these.

  While we were at the mall looking around, I stopped in a jewelry shop and looked at their earrings. Browsing through them, I happen across a pair of really cute 14k gold butterfly charm, hoop earrings.

  When I hold them up to my ear, Kelly says, “Those would look so cute on you. You should get them,” and Emma nods in agreement.

  I doubt Mom is going to get angry at me if I buy them and they aren’t that expensive. Plus, I agree with them that they are really cute and I do want them. I tell myself, ‘Screw it. I want them and I have the money.’

  As we meander through the shops, we stop here and there to try on clothes. Some I liked, some I considered too revealing, and others I merely felt didn’t suit me.

  I can certainly say that I had a lot of fun with them this afternoon as we walked around the mall window shopping, talking and giggling about the boys who stared at us. Who can bme them? After all, the three of us are very cute. As we walk home, I think, ‘I fully expected to have a long, boring summer. Meeting Emma and Kelly has changed that for me. This is so much better, especially considering I’m a girl.’

  As you can imagine, the three of us grew to be almost inseparable over the next few weeks. Whether we’re practicing for tryouts, swimming, seeing a movie, or whatever else we’re up to that day, you normally see the three of us or none at all. I’ve also grown exponentially more comfortable with myself during this time. I even ‘allowed’ Emma and Kelly to talk me into getting a bikini, which my smiling Mom happily forked over 60 so I could choose ‘the perfect one.’ I don’t care if it’s simple T-shirts, shorts, skirts, or whatever else you want to name, girls’ clothing is so expensive! I asked Mom what my new wardrobe cost and she ftly stated, “Don’t ask. You don’t want to know.”

  Then there was a sleepover at Emma’s where I was introduced to the girls from st year’s cheerleading squad. Of them, the only one I don’t care for is Karen. Excuse my nguage here, but she’s a passive-aggressive bitch. I say that because she was super nice to me when we met, but I had to use the bathroom and when I came back I heard her being extremely critical of me. Of course, the moment I walked in she was all smiles and super nice again. You can bet your butt that I want nothing to do with her. She tried to act hurt when I refused to talk to her for the rest of the night.

  Happily, she wasn’t invited to the sleepover at Kelly’s, which I was very gd about. The other girls said they tolerate her because her parents fund all the cheer activities. Karen has never been the cheer captain, let alone co-captain, yet she acts as if she’s in charge of the squad, and that everyone has to do as she says. Rather an eye-opening revetion.

  I mean, I always knew that boys are always poking at each other in one form or another, joking or not, but the girls I knew were always really sweet and easy to get along with. Welcome to a new world, huh? I never knew that girls did the same thing only in a different form.

  Regardless, we had a lot of fun during our sleepover. Early that evening we did Karaoke. Later in the evening, Kelly’s mom helped us make pizzas, which turned out awesome. Everyone had fun making them and they were super yummy. Later, each of them had makeovers from the others. I rather liked the chartreuse green my finger and toenails were painted. The lic-colored eyeshadow made my eyes pop. Then, trying new styles for our hair - not that there is a lot that can be done with my slightly longer than shoulder-length hair, card games, and we even watched a couple of movies.

  My parents and the Jensen’s have been switching off having parties on the weekends. Most of the neighbors show up at the parties and I have a lot of fun. I never thought Lisa would hang out with us since she is 2 years older, but she has been at the parties and I find that I like her. I love her sense of humor, not to mention that she’s quick to smile and joke around to get us all ughing.

  Jeremy still watches me, though not quite outright staring anymore. I burst out ughing the first time he saw me in my new bikini, his expression was priceless and I have to admit it made me feel good about myself. I’m not trying to sound vain here, but I’m very cute. I admit that I enjoy the appreciative looks I get from boys, though the expressions I see on a few of them are a bit frightening. So, to sum it all up, I’m enjoying my life, but I’m still not ready to think about romantically seeing boys, yet, so don’t get ahead of yourselves.

  After the party, David pulls me to the side. “Umm… I don’t know if you noticed or not, but Jeremy thinks you’re hot.”

  As sarcastically as possible, I say, “Oh, really?”

  Completely unfazed by my sarcastic tone, he continues on. “Yeah, he even asked me tonight if you’re interested in anyone.” I can't help but smile and let out a soft chuckle. “So, I take it that means you're not interested in anyone?”

  I shrug nonchantly, trying to hide how upset I am. “Right now, no. Despite my front of confidence and self-acceptance, I am not okay with everything. Boys? No, absolutely not. I am nowhere near ready for them.”

  He stands there, his eyes locked onto mine. His expression is thoughtful, but there's a hint of skepticism lurking behind it. “Hmm,” he says, as if weighing his words carefully. “So, let me get this straight. Are you still the same person inside? Like, are you attracted to girls? What about the way you dress now? You’re so... girly. I can't even remember the st time I saw you wearing jeans. It seems like you're really enjoying yourself.” As he speaks, his eyes flicker over my body and I feel a flush creep onto my cheeks.

  I roll my eyes and let out a heavy sigh, exasperated by David's constant questioning. “Seriously, David, again? We’ve already had this talk. I am still me, just a female version of myself. I am happy with who I am. It’s not like they mind-wiped me when they found out I was intersexed and started over. I still have the same interests and passions as before, but now I have others as well. Can't you see that?” Seeing his unconvinced expression, I put my hands on my hips, and as firmly as I can, state, “Listen to me, I like who I am. I’m a girl and I’m comfortable in my skin for the first time that I can remember. I’m not, and never was, your little brother. Please try to understand that.”

  He gnces away and finally looks at me again. “It just seems strange that you accept this so readily.”

  As I tilt my head and raise an eyebrow in response, I feel a fire ignite within me. Why does he not get it? “What would you have me do?” I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. “Whine, bitch, and moan that I'm not, and never was, a boy? Would that make you feel better?” I ask in an acidic tone ced with anger and frustration over his willful ignorance. “Would it be better if I wallowed in self-pity because I was thrown a curveball? Honestly, what good would that do anyone, especially me?” I take a deep breath and swallow my building irritation before continuing. “Sure, I could try to act like I’m a boy and force myself into a mold that doesn't fit me and never did, but what would that achieve? Do you want me to become an outcast because I tried? I don’t believe anyone wants that.”

  His brow furrows, forming deep lines of concern on his forehead. “I guess I’m really just trying to make sure you're okay with everything.”

  I give a nonchant shrug, trying to mask how badly I’m hurt. “What else could I be? I have no say in the matter, I’m what I was born as nothing more and nothing less.” I tentatively pce my hand on his arm, hoping for some comfort or understanding. A small smile pys on my lips as I try to ease the tension between us. “I understand this is hard for you, especially when others start asking about me... So, can you do us both a favor?"

  “What’s that?”

  “Forget that I was ever considered to be a boy. It’ll be a lot easier for both of us if you do.”

  He hesitantly shrugs, and says, “I can try.”

  I gently pat his arm and offer a warm smile. “That’s all I can ask.” Standing on my tip-toes, I wrap my arms around him in a hug, and press a soft kiss to his cheek before murmuring, “Good night.” Without waiting for a response, I release him and spin on my heel, taking steady steps away as I leave him with a look of utter shock and confusion on his face.

  Tryouts are finally here. Kelly and Emma reassure me that I’m more than prepared and will easily make the squad. My heart swells with excitement as I think about all the tumbling they taught me. With a hint of pride, they said they taught me far more than I’d need to know because I’m so good at it. It dawns on me then that my years of karate training must have pyed a rge part in my seeming natural ability for gymnastics.

  So, after I take a shower, use depitory cream on my legs, and put lotion on them, I apply some light makeup. Slip on a pair of my low-rise bikini panties, wiggle into a pair of my dance shorts and the matching top. Then a cute blush-colored, rather snug fitting, halter top and a red pleated skirt, along with no-show socks, and my sports shoes. Once I’m dressed, I head downstairs to find Mom in the kitchen making breakfast for the two of us. It’s Saturday, so no one else should be up. I had pnned on having some cereal, but this is even better.

  I smile brightly when I see her. “Morning, Mom,” I cheerfully say.

  She gnces at me and smiles. “Morning, Sweetie. Are you ready for tryouts?”

  I chirp, “You bet,” and grin since surprisingly, I’m truly looking forward to it. It’s amazing how just a few weeks can change your entire outlook.

  Taking a seat, she pces my pte in front of me. A single fried egg, over medium, of course, and a sausage patty, along with a piece of buttered toast. It’s not much, but it’s something to put on my stomach without making me overfull. I definitely wouldn’t need that today.

  Mom sits down across from me with her pte and asks, “Are you sure you don’t want me to go with you today?”

  I swallow my bite of food. “Uh-huh. I’m sure. Kelly says that parents don’t usually come to tryouts,” I frown, “other than Karen’s mom.”

  “You really don’t like her, do you?”

  I frown and shake my head. “Would you, after what she said? I’m not mousy and that was the nicest thing she said about me.”

  “Well, try to at least get along with her, you two are likely to be on the same team and you’ll need to work together.”

  I shrug as I say, “I can always hope that she doesn’t make it on the squad.”

  Mom raises an eyebrow as she looks at me, but she doesn’t say anything else and we finish our breakfast in silence.