Announcementcontent warning: dysphoria; depression"So what do you think's up with mom?" Amelia asked quietly.

  I shrugged and mumbled, "No idea."

  My sister frowned, "There must be something going on though, right? It doesn't make any sense how our mom would be involved in some sort of magic conspiracy cover-up stuff. She's a waitress, we live in the middle of nowhere. If she was involved in some kind of magical stuff, you'd think she'd be able to quit her job at the restaurant. And maybe we'd have a bigger house and live somewhere more interesting. Or at least she'd be able to afford a better car."

  "I said I don't know," I sighed. "I'm sorry Amelia, I really don't feel like talking right now."

  It was Sunday evening, and my sister and I had dinner in the living-room together while mom stayed in the kitchen. She said she wanted to do some more work on her home study course, but I couldn't help wondering if she was working on her secret research stuff instead.

  Amelia put something on the TV while the two of us ate, but I really wasn't paying attention to the show. I didn't have much of an appetite either. It was probably one of the worst 'sick days' I'd ever had, like bad enough to make me almost wish I was actually sick.

  Our big conversation earlier ended without any answers from mom. She refused to talk about the ring or how she was involved, and wouldn't say anything about who dropped it in our mailbox. That just added to my lousy mood, after transforming back to my original masc body.

  Ellie and Harper left around noon, they invited me to go with them but I really wasn't feeling up for it. Instead I finally had a shower like I'd pnned, which just made me feel even worse.

  I tried to remind myself nothing had really changed, after all I'd lived with this body for eighteen years. By comparison I'd only experienced less than six hours of having something better. But like I told mom, now that I knew there was an alternative I was that much more sensitive about how my original body looked and felt.

  And with that ring on my finger, it's like there was a constant temptation to just give in and use it. Ellie's theories kept pying back and forth in my head too, like on the one hand if she was right then maybe I could make my non-magical girl body permanent just by changing back and forth a few times really quickly. Like a minute on and off. Maybe it'd only take fifteen or twenty minutes, then I'd never have to deal with my original body again.

  Except there were three more days of high school before we graduated. And I had another shift at Crawford's tomorrow after css.

  So I told myself I could st another three days. Just get through until the st css on Wednesday, then it'd be ok to use the ring again. I wasn't sure what to do about work, but I figured I could always quit. Or I could try and come out there, and see what happened.

  Either way I knew the next few days were going to be really rough. I just hoped this was the worst of it, that maybe things would feel better tomorrow.

  "Hey Bke?" my sister asked. Her voice was quieter than usual, like she was feeling hesitant or uneasy about something.

  I stifled another sigh as I responded, "Yeah Amelia?"

  She gave me a sad look as she asked, "So you're really a girl? You're trans?"

  "Yeah," I nodded, and this time I didn't bother hiding my sigh. "I know I don't look like it right now, or sound like it. But..."

  Amelia shook her head, "I get it. Or, I mean I don't really get it, but I'm not completely clueless. And um, I'm sorry you're going through all that. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now."

  "Thanks sis," I gave her a weak smile. "I appreciate it."

  She nodded once, then asked "So um, you're sticking with the same name but changing pronouns and stuff? And um, are you going to come out at school and everything? Like should I be referring to you as my sister tomorrow?"

  "I hadn't thought that far ahead," I admitted with a grimace. Then I shrugged, "I guess it doesn't matter. There's only a couple days left, right? Then I'll graduate, I won't have to go back."

  "And I'm already an outcast. So it's not like I have any big social status to get ruined," I added.

  My sister reminded me, "Even after you graduate, odds are you're still going to see a lot of those people again. It's not like any of them live that far away."

  "Yeah," I frowned. Then my eyes drifted back down to the ring on my left pinkie finger and I forced a smile, "But odds are they won't recognize me, right? In a few days I'll look completely different."

  "You don't look that different," Amelia stated. "I mean the second form, without all the pink? It's a shock at first, but you actually still look sort of like you? Just in a smaller femme package."

  My fake smile became a lot more genuine as I nodded, "I know. I like that even better than the girly pink form."

  She gave me another sad smile, then gestured at my half-eaten meatloaf. "Are you done with that? I'll take it back to the kitchen if you like?"

  "Thanks sis," I replied. "And thanks for talking with me."

  Amelia just nodded as she got to her feet, "You're welcome. Sis."

  Hearing her call me that made me feel a little better. In fact the whole conversation turned out to be ok. I knew I was lucky to have so many people supporting me. Ellie, Harper, Amelia, even mom was supportive. Except I still didn't know how to feel about the rest of the mom situation, and all the secrets she seemed to be keeping from my sister and me.

  After a half minute or so I heard Amelia and mom talking. They were keeping their voices down, at least at first, but it sounded like she was trying again to get mom to talk about some of those secrets. There wasn't any shouting, but I could tell both of them were uptight by the time my sister came back out to the living-room. She had a couple cans of soda with her, and offered me one as she sat back down again.

  I mumbled a quiet thanks, but it wasn't long before I wished her a good night then headed up to my room. I ended up in bed early, and y there surfing the web on my phone. I bounced around different topics, but mostly I was either looking at more stuff about being trans or trying to find any real information about magic or magical girls. Except that second topic didn't lead anywhere, apart from an endless list of anime and manga titles.

  At one point I even texted Ellie, to ask where she found that conspiracy stuff about magical girls in the fifties. She must have been busy though, since I didn't hear back from her. I figured she and Harper were probably hanging out again, or maybe she was back home by that point and dealing with her parents.

  In the end I just pyed some stupid mindless puzzle game on my phone until I finally drifted off.

  I didn't sleep well though, I had a bunch of messed up dreams that seemed to feed off my dysphoria. So I was feeling kind of miserable and listless when I finally got up Monday morning. I pulled on some clean clothes, but it was still my usual sort of outfit. Including the hoodie, even though it was warm and sunny outside.

  Breakfast was just a gss of juice, then my sister and I headed out for school together. It didn't take long for us to split up though, she went off to meet with some friends so she could walk with them, while I caught up to Ellie and walked with her. And when we got to school the two of us found Harper then we all made our way to algebra, which was our first css of the day.

  There really wasn't much going on though, the teacher basically just had us do some review stuff to kill time. Then Ellie headed off to machine shop and Harper went to the gym, while I headed for the school's art room. After that was lunch, but I still had no appetite. So I ended up getting a bottle of water and a little container of yogurt, before looking for somewhere to sit.

  "Hey Bke," Ellie greeted me with a worried look as she took the seat next to mine. "How are you holding up?"

  I shrugged, "Fine I guess?"

  Harper sat across from us then said, "You look kind of miserable. Is there anything we can do?"

  "Nah," I shook my head. "I'll be fine."

  He nodded, then lowered his voice and asked "You didn't use the ring again yesterday did you? I mean after me and Ellie left?"

  "No," I sighed. "I was so tempted though. I still am. I just want to do it and get it over with, but I'm going to try and stick it out. It's just a few more days, right? Then who knows, maybe I'll use the ring like twenty times in a row and run up the counter so the whole thing's permanent in under an hour."

  My best friend frowned as she had a bite of her sandwich. Then as she chewed she asked, "I don't know if that'd be safe? And what would you do about work?"

  "I don't know," I shrugged. "Not sure if I care anymore."

  That got worried looks from both of them. Then Harper leaned closer and quietly asked the same thing Amelia did st night, "Are you officially out now? Like everywhere? Like I don't want to out you by mistake, but I also don't want to misgender you."

  So I gave him the same answer, "I don't know but I guess it doesn't matter? We're only here for two more days, right?"

  He and Ellie exchanged another worried look. Then the tomboy said, "I know you probably feel pretty bad right now Bke, but try to remember this is only temporary, right?"

  This time I sighed and my shoulders slumped, "You're right Ellie. I'm sorry. It's just, it's more than the dysphoria, you know? Mom wouldn't talk to either Amelia or me at all yesterday, or st night. That's got both my sister and I stressed. And I can't help wondering what mom's up to, or what she's got herself into?"

  "Like it seems so out of character for her?" I added with a frown. "She's my mom, she's a single parent working as a waitress and trying to earn a college degree on the side? She's not supposed to be involved in secret conspiracies and magic cover-ups and stuff like that."

  I continued with a sigh, "But then I start asking myself, do I even really know her that well? Ok I know what her favourite food is and what shows she likes to watch, what kind of music she listens to? But I don't know if she has any hobbies or interests. I don't really know much about her past, I don't know if she's from here or if she moved here from somewhere else. I don't even know what she's studying, or what college degree she's been working on all this time."

  "We don't have any retives on her side of the family," I stated with another frown. "She doesn't have any brothers or sisters, and her parents both died before Amelia and I were born. So it's not like there's anyone else we could talk to, to find out that sort of thing."

  Harper was quietly munching on a burger while I talked. Then he gave me an apologetic look before asking, "What about someone from your dad's family? Maybe they'd know some family history stuff?"

  "Maybe," I frowned. "I don't know if dad's parents are still around, but I know he had a sister? Except I don't know how to get in touch with her. After he died we just sort of lost contact with his side of the family. I don't think we've heard from any of them since I was like eight or nine."

  My friends were both quiet for the next minute or two, as we all just sat there eating our lunch. Or they ate theirs, I had a couple spoonfuls of yogurt before I got bored with it.

  Then Ellie asked quietly, "I don't suppose you've ever thought about snooping on your mom's ptop? Or her phone?"

  "Not really," I sighed. "I get what you're saying, what you're thinking? But I really don't want to start spying on my mom. I feel bad enough as it is, just questioning what she's into and knowing she doesn't trust me and Amelia enough to tell us the truth."

  "Yeah I get that," my best friend replied with another worried look. "Even though I sometimes don't say the nicest stuff about my folks, I can't imagine not actually being able to trust them."

  Harper nodded, "Same. Whatever happens though Bke, you can always count on us. That's a promise."

  "Thanks," I mumbled.

  That was the st of the difficult conversation at lunch, but when it came time to head back to csses they both made sure I knew they had my back. No matter how things turned out with my mom, or that magic ring.

  PurpleCatGirl