The softness and comfort of a top quality mattress, the sweet smell of the perfume I used to love. The enveloping warmth of the morning Sun and its light streaming through the window, bothering my eyes, the gentle voice of my maid calling me. It's a set of things, it works like the best “arm clock”. These are things that not only do I miss immensely, but it took me a long while to realise what a privilege they were.

  I spend some time contempting it all. How long has it been since I've been able to appreciate something like this? Ah… could this be what they call heaven? No.. I don't know if I’m worthy of this. Maybe a dream too sweet, it makes me feel envious. What wouldn't I give to go back to that time?

  Hilda keeps calling me… I miss you, but could you please stop? I want to enjoy the warmth and light of the Sun, the softness of my bed, this sweet smell... just for a moment... more... AAH, FINE! FINE, HILDA!

  I finally open my eyes. Oh. It's my old bedroom. Hah, what a damn dream. Not to mention, Hilda is a few years younger. Did I go back in time?? HAHAHA, what a funny joke~ wait. I can't help but notice my reflection in the mirror that sits against the wall next to my bed. It's not just Hilda who is younger, I am too. I finally get up from the bed. I take a good look at my reflection. I look about 10 years younger! Why would I be dreaming about something like that?

  “My dy, the Duke and Duchess were calling for you. They are waiting for you to have breakfast.”

  Hmm? This is unusual. Leopold and Selena never paid much attention to me. I caused a lot of trouble for them, so it was only natural for them to stop bothering with me. Because if they did, they would have quickly gone crazy. What kind of dream is this? Is this some ridiculous gift from God, trying to console me?

  “My dy needs to get ready.”

  Agh, this is so confusing. I look around. Everything seems… so real I almost want to cry. I missed it all so much! My senses want to believe this is reality, but my mind says otherwise. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

  Well, there is an easy, quick and efficient way to find out if this is true or not. I quickly turn to the balcony and run towards it. I just have to jump, if I die... I'll find out.

  “MISS? MY LADY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MY LADY?!”

  Before I could even reach the balcony, Hilda was holding me with all her strength. I look at her. Who knew she could make such an expression? Oh. What an idiot. Her emotions, this room, the sunlight, all of it’s real. I went back in time. HOW COULD I BE SO HASTY? This is real… I take a deep breath.

  “Hilda, are Leopold and Selena waiting for me?”

  “Huh?”

  Oh, what a stupid mistake! If I'm still living with my parents, I wouldn't call them that way back then!

  “uhm… dad and mom…”

  It's embarrassing to say that. How old am I, really?

  “Oh, yes! But... is my dy alright?”

  Hilda's warmth, her expression, all of it is real. It's overwhelmingly real.

  “I… I just wanted to take a look at the trees in the front garden.”

  “Oh, pardon me! You went so seriously towards the balcony that I was afraid of what you could be pnning, I'm so sorry!”

  “Fine... well, they're waiting, we can't take any longer.”

  I went back in time. I went back in time. AGHH, that still sounds unreal. But, the person in front of me now, this room, all of this… has become my reality. How? Oh, wait. I might have an idea.

  As I eat my breakfast, just as if it was a completely normal day where my parents don’t exchange a single word, I’m able to organise my thoughts. And a specific one seems to keep bothering me, one that I cannot ignore nor disagree. The thought that all of this is my fault. But I’m not able to sort it out correctly before I’m interrupted.

  “My child”, is dad speaking, “I’ve heard from Hilda that you've attempted to jump from the balcony. Are you alright, did something happen? Do you want me to call the physician? Is it because you don’t want to be sent to that kingdom?”

  “Oh, yes, my dear”, now is mom, “is it something cking? Tell us and we will give it to you right away! We’ll make sure your travel will be safe, and we won’t ever forget to send you letters!”

  What? Both my parents never called me that way, nor worried for my health and own thoughts. Maybe… in the very past, when I was barely a toddler, but once I grew, and started to escape from my duties and give them problems, the more we grew apart. This is unexpected, to say the least. But… did they say travel?

  “Oh, no, Leopold, Selena. Nothing like that has happened. As I told Hilda, I just wanted to observe the front garden. I think I got too excited and ended up scaring her. Pardon my imprudence.”

  “Oh?”, both of them seemed surprised

  Shoot. I made another mistake. It’ll surely give me some time to get used to calling them “mom” and “dad”.

  “Oh, my child”, mom says, dearly, "I see, you’re worried about your marriage, don’t worry, mom will always be there for you!”

  What kind of show is this? They’ve never done any of this! What happened, what’s gotten into them?

  “Sorry, mom, dad. I’m really fine”

  “Ah yes!! That’s what I want to hear!!”, dad seemed bright, “then, child, is everything alright, are you fine for your trip?”

  “Yes, dad.”

  “Then, since this is your st day at the dukedom, we shall enjoy it, no?”, dad said, “right, honey?”

  “Ah, yes, dear! It doesn’t matter, nothing is more important than our sweet little girl.”

  What???? Leo- I mean - dad and mom are acting as lovers?? What is this? They didn’t had a bad retionship but seeing them acting like this is weird. Is this the right reality? No, no, wait, I’m missing an important point here! They keep talking about a trip!

  “Then, mom, dad, my thoughts are a bit confused..To where am I travelling tomorrow?”

  “How could you forget such an important thing, my kid? You’re going to Krieg, marry the king”

  There’s no way.

  I don’t know when things started to go wrong with my marriage, but in the end I got sentenced to death. I thought that if I made a contract with a magic creature, it could save me, but I got scammed. My whole life I was portrayed as a terrible person, a true viliness. If I was going to die anyways, might as well do it nicely. That’s what I thought, at least. But right now… here I am! If I finally got a second chance, shouldn’t I enjoy it..?

  “Is… the marriage already agreed?”

  “Of course, Beatrice!! You’re leaving tomorrow, don’t you remember? We thought that all of this was already expined to you.”

  Darn it. I thought I could escape Elric and that terrible country. No! I got a second chance, I can’t get negative now. Maybe there’s some hope left. There has to be! Think about it, Beatrice!

  There’s no way I can go against something that not only my father, the prime minister, but also the king, have decided. So if I just live quietly, using my free time to study whatever I wasn’t able to in my past life, maybe I’ll have a happier ending. I mean, from my perspective, either Elric hated me or he was very incapable. We never exchanged a single conversation during the more than 10 years of our marriage. He just didn’t care much about me, maybe it’s better to assume that, than say that he is incapable. So, going for his love or whatever is useless. I’ll work to change my reputation, not so that people favour me, but it’ll be important to solidify my position in a foreign kingdom, since I won’t be having the king’s support.

  “I’m… not feeling so well, mom, dad”

  I know I should enjoy this moment since I finally got a second chance, but I really need to sort out my thoughts and have a decent pn. I don’t have much time, since I’ll be leaving tomorrow.

  “It’s fine”, my mom and dad looked at eachother, concern in their eyes, “go rest, my child, tomorrow will be a very busy day”

  “Thank you, I’ll be leaving then”

  Alright. I’m finally at peace. I can think about all of this calmly.

  I strongly believe that part of the reason why I ended up getting sentenced to death was because I was a naive, egoistic person. I always neglected my duties as the only daughter of a duke, as a noble. That’s not the case now. I mean, until now I’ve been living like that so my reputation is not good, but I can still change that. I’ll have plenty of time to study in Krieg, since it’s not like Elric will ever care about my existence. He didn’t even care when I got sentenced to death, so no matter what I do, he’s not going to care .

  However, I regret not making any effort to be a good mother to his children. Besides, I’ll be there as a representative of Vergessenheit, a sign of peace between the countries. Not only do I have to act accordingly but everyone must respect me, otherwise, that’s basically saying that they prefer war instead.

  .

  .

  .

  Unfortunately, tomorrow arrived earlier than I would have wanted. Everything was prepared and I was sent to Krieg. The trip would take a few days, about 5, since we would have to make some stops to rest. And to show Krieg’s disrespect to me, the day I was to arrive would be the same day of my marriage. So, in other words, I had to travel in an uncomfortable carriage for days with a wedding dress on. I tried my best to remain positive. And again, unfortunately, those 5 days took longer than I wanted. To be fair, the carriage was going so slow it took longer than expected, and because of that, I didn’t receive a tour, the carriage went instantly to the cathedral. But as I was passing through the gardens and paces, I became thoughtful.

  Though I lived in the royal pace for the rest of my past life, I didn’t had the chance to meet much of the royal family. That was mostly because either they were ashamed to meet me or…. they already had died. And also, I wasn’t allowed to go to certain parts of the pace, the only pces I knew were Elric’s pace and the royal family’s pace, that was all.

  That’s when I also started to realise that going to the royal pace would mean having bitter memories go through my mind.

  As I get out of the carriage, being right in front of the front garden of the cathedral, some meters away from the entrance, I see fshes of this entire pce engulfed in fmes. Those were one of my st memories. Such fmes, created by me. I can’t help but grin when remembering such a sight. But there’s no time to ugh at the past. Elric won’t be there for the wedding. Not that I care about his selfish reasons. I’ll just have to be confident, it’ll be the first impression of me for a lot of people. I don’t want to be their ughing stock once more.

  So I take a deep breath and raise my chin, walking up the stairs of the cathedral confidently. As my arrival is announced they open the doors so I can enter. I see so many people looking at me, some I recognize from my past life. A lot of influential nobles and families are here - at least they have a bit of respect. And, to no surprise, in the altar, there’s no groom, only the priest. I show no reaction, keeping my confidence (well, I’m actually not surprised). I continue to walk confidently until the altar. The priest gives me a concerned look. Maybe he thinks I’m that dumb, thinking that Elric will eventually appear or something like that - that’s what I thought st time.

  The entire cathedral is quiet, but I can feel the stares on my back. They want to ugh. But I’m taking no disrespect.

  “So”, I say, loudly and clearly, “are you waiting for something? The trip was tiring, so go on with the ceremony”

  A bit ashamed and lost, the priest awkwardly started the ceremony. It was quick, of course, since there was no groom. But I acted as if there was one. As the ceremony ended I was sent to Elric’s pace. Normally, this would’ve been the first night spent together, a way of showing the wedding is consummated. However, I know that, again, Elric is not going to show up. I’ll be spending the night alone. Well, that’s actually a good thing, I really need to rest and sort some things out. But for my reputation, that’s horrible. If Elric himself doesn’t see me as his wife, then no one has to.

  Though, this is a huge act of disrespect and I have all rights to get angry at this. So then, I can easily make things favorable for me. If I act as a damsel in distress, a poor lonely newly married noblewomen, who was sent to a foreign kingdom completely alone… oh, who wouldn’t take my side? I’ll show you, Elric, that I don’t need you to solidify my position in this country.

  The maids gave me a nice bath and even had the trouble to get me ready for this night, though it’ll be completely useless. Well, there is one more thing I can use to make people pity me. Now, I can’t always be a damsel in distress, pity is good right now, but they’ll also have to respect me. Maybe that’ll eventually attract Elric’s attention. Haha, as if. But it would be funny to see for how long he can ignore me. If I act differently, maybe even threatening his position, can he stay quiet for a decade?

  As I am in the nuptial room, and there’s no one but me, I walk towards the balcony. It has quite the view. The pace is really beautiful, more than Vergessenheit’s, though Krieg is a much smaller country. Hm, I guess that goes for Elric, he somehow is so capable that he managed to almost destroy Vergessenheit entirely. I’m here for a reason, afterall. Agh, staying in this pace is making me think too much about Elric. Enough of him.

  .

  .

  .

  The next day, I woke up very te - I guess I really was tired… I only woke up because a maid had entered the room to bring me lunch. Judging by how she looked at me and since she entered the room without a warning, it’s obvious she’s looking down at me. Besides, if Elric were to be here, she wouldn’t be acting this way… of course, the rumours should have spread throughout the whole pace by now. Worse, if they really respected me, someone would already have woken me up, offered me a change of clothes and a bath. Seeing the bad state of the food she just brought me, as she also left as soon as she put the dishes down, no one here seems to respect me. Fine. That’s how they want to py, hm?

  If they want to put me down, that maid is probably behind the door, maybe waiting for when I eat the food, or for when I throw a tantrum - at least, that’s what I did in my past life. Well, I mean, is it not a viliness that they want? I can be one if they want. Let the show begin.

  I ring the bell and sit on the couch, calmly waiting for someone to attend. It takes a few minutes, though I’m sure the maid hasn’t left the door. They’re just mocking me. I’ll py their little games. She arrives, again, without even knocking on the door.

  “What is it?”

  No honorifics, no formal speech, a rude demeanor. She’s not even trying to hide, is she? I can’t help but ugh a bit. You’re making this much easier for me!

  “Say that again?”, I look at her, raising my chin, gring angrily

  I can see the maid trembling a bit, she wasn’t expecting me to retort. At least my father’s eyes serve for something. Everyone always saw me as a rude person because of them - I mean, is my gre so terrible?

  “Oh, cat got your tongue? A few minutes ago you were so full of yourself”, I get up, still gring at her, “Know your pce”

  She can’t even look at me. I thought she would st a bit longer… but I’m not done yet. I turn back to the table and grab one of the dishes she served me. I offer it to her.

  “Eat it.”

  “W-what?”

  “Hm?”, I smile, “I just arrived in a foreign country. No servant came to wake me up, change and bathe me. Besides, you even dared to enter the room without any notice. How can I trust the food you served me? Or do you think I’m that idiot? How should I take that, are you mocking Vergessenheit, or are you mocking his majesty Elric for marrying such an idiotic woman?”

  “N-no! My dy.”

  “My dy?”

  I could accept it if I was just engaged to Elric, but our marriage was yesterday. I’m the queen.

  “Do you perhaps have a bad sight?”, I lean in, “or do you have a mental disease?”, I grab her chin, making her look at me, “I am your queen. Treat me as such,” I release her face and turn back, “Bring this ridiculous dish back to the kitchen. Ask the cook to make something actually edible. My trip sted 6 days, that’s the least courtesy you can give to your new queen, right? I’ll let it pass just this time ”

  “Y-yes!! Forgive my insolence, your majesty!”, She bowed, trembling, “I'll bring you a new lunch right away!”

  She left the room quickly, couldn’t even take a good look at her. I’m sure I remember her. Of course she was one of my maids in the past life, but so many crossed me, so many were rude. Why would I remember her specifically?

  I can’t even take some time to think about it before someone knocks on the door. Oh, are they showing some respect now?

  “Excuse me, your majesty”

  “You can enter”

  It’s another maid. I can’t recognize her.

  “Greetings, your majesty”, She bows, “I’ve prepared a bath and change of clothes for you. After we’re finished, I’ll escort you to a new room. Please follow me”

  Oh, that’s new. In my past life I was the one who had to beg them to bathe me, bring me clothes and even to show me where my room was. God, how could I have let them treat me that way?

  The maids that tended to me were all really capable. Though they weren’t disrespectful, I could sense that they didn’t like me. Not that I care, I just need them to do their work right. As I was bathed and changed, the same maid from that time bought me a new lunch. It looked and smelled nice. She’s quick. But I’m not thanking her. I still have to make sure that no one will dare to disrespect me.

  “What’s your name?”, I look at her

  “O-oh. Colette.”

  Right. She had ginger hair and freckles. Looked quite young. What was it again? Wasn’t she under one of the noblewomen who harassed me? That’s funny.

  “Fine, Colette. I hope you don’t commit the same mistakes from today”, I gre, “I may be kind, but not so kind to excuse a mistake twice”

  “Yes!!! I won't make the same mistakes, your majesty!”

  “Then”, I looked to the balcony, it had a nice view of the garden, but not as beautiful as the one in the nuptial room, “Why has no one showed me the pace yet? Are you thinking I should live my life as if I didn’t exist? If I’m the queen of this country, shouldn’t I at least be acquainted with my own pace?”

  “Y-YES!! You’re completely right, your majesty!! I’ll find the head butler right away, so he can give you a tour!”

  She’s not half bad. Quick-witted, fast to take sides. She’ll be useful. As she left, I finally saw a familiar face. It was Hilda. In my past life I didn’t know I could bring with me a maid from the dukedom, so I was completely lost. But now, that’s different.

  “Hilda”, I smile, “It’s nice seeing a familiar face for once. Where have you been?”

  “I was acquainting myself with the pace. And I didn’t want to enter the nuptial room…”

  Uhm… does Hilda not know?

  “There was no reason. Elric didn’t come.”

  “H-huh?”

  “He didn’t appear in the ceremony, neither at night. I’m starting to wonder if he really exists or is just a ghost.”

  “Your majesty!! If someone were to hear…”

  “Don’t worry Hilda, everyone is expecting that I act this way..”, I ugh, “besides, who’s ‘your majesty’? Just act naturally when we’re alone”

  “How could I? You’re the queen now!”

  “And you are the one who teached everything this queen knows. You should be treated accordingly.”

  “T-that’s…”

  Ahh.. how I missed teasing Hilda. She’s so funny.

  “T-then.. my dy. Are you waiting for the head butler?”

  “Yes. I asked him to give me a tour”

  “They should have done so without you having to ask”

  “I know, right?”

  We both looked at eachother. We both knew how Krieg viewed me, and if they don’t respect me, they’re not gonna respect Hilda. And I won’t let anyone dare to disrespect her.

  Someone knocks at the door.

  “Excuse me, your majesty. It’s me, the head butler. I’ve come to give you a tour of the pace”

  “That was quick”, I get up

  “Well, my dy, have a nice tour! Go see if there’s anything interesting in here.”, Hilda smiled. I already know the answer to that: there’s none, “I’ll arrange everything here in your new room while you’re off!”

  But no one knows that I know this entire pce.

  “Fine, I’ll see you ter, then”

  Well, I guess, there used to be something interesting here. I think, as I walk through the corridors, they’re open, since it’s the first floor, I can observe the garden. The head butler is expining about the architecture of the King’s Pace, why the patterns in the garden are like that, who the famous botanist was, etc, etc. Don’t really care about all that, I’ve heard about it in my past life. I already know it all.

  To be honest, the only thing that kept me in this pce.. was Elric. Otherwise there was nothing that made me happy or made me stay. I had nothing, and they took even the nothing from me. So ridiculous. Ugh, I know I was the one who asked for the tour but this will be useless and it’s just going to make me remember bitter memories. Though, it’s important for me to establish my position here and make myself known to everyone that works here.

  As I’m walking through the corridors and looking at the beautiful garden I see a sight that, if possible, I wouldn’t want to see. God . To see you young like that. I get flooded by memories, such bitter memories, such hard times. I hate it. I hate it all. I hate how you make me feel. And I hate even more that you will never know that. Why couldn’t he stay in his study forever? Agh, I guess he’s talking to someone important. But I don’t want to look for any longer. I look at the head butler and he’s staring at me. He noticed, didn't he?

  “Let’s continue the tour”, I say, looking away

  “The queen doesn't want to greet his majesty, the king?”

  “No. He’s busy now.”

  As he has been for a decade. I don’t wish to talk to him. I talked to him once right before he killed me and I do not wish to have another conversation with him. I don’t need him.

  The tour continued to be boring - better than running into Elric. But, differently from my past life, the head butler showed me a pace that I didn’t have access to in my past: the queen’s pace. Elric’s pace was huge, so I wouldn’t be able to explore it entirely in one day, so the head butler showed me just the most important rooms. And, at the end, while he continued to babble something about the garden, we stopped at the entrance of the queen’s pace.

  “Do I have access to it?”

  In the past, I was only able to enter Elric’s pace and the royal family’s pace. So I wouldn’t be surprised if the same happened in this life.

  “Of course, you’re the queen of this country. There’s no pce you’re not allowed, your majesty”

  “Right”, I sigh, he’s not going to be sincere, “but I mean, if I’m the queen, like you just said, and this is the queen’s pace … is it mine?”

  No. It’s not. Whatever the reason was, just a useless excuse.

  “Well”, I could notice his hesitation, “that’s currently the te queen’s pace, the queen dowager.”

  She’s dead. So, who’s taking care of it? Her ghost?

  “But, since her death, it has been a bit neglected. Maybe if you were to ask his majesty Elric, he would give you the rights to it”

  Haha, as if. Besides, I don’t want to have a headache such as taking care of a pace as big as this one. I have a lot on my pte right now.

  “I’m not sure if I’m capable of taking care of such a beautiful pace like this, head butler.”

  “But isn’t it a shame to leave it forgotten?”

  Is he.. Mocking me? Elric wouldn’t give me this pace, not even in my best dreams. For generations the king gave this pace to the queen as a form of showing his love for her. And as for the queen, it was the best form of showing her power and influence. Elric giving me this pace would mean that he actually acknowledges me as his queen. But he doesn’t. And the head butler knows that. Besides, it’s not like I can whine my way out of this, since it’s still the te queen’s property, it would be an act of disrespect towards her - didn’t work in my past life.

  “Truly a shame. But it’s not up to me to decide who has the right for this pace, is it?”, I look at him

  “King Elric certainly would listen to you, my queen. Give a thought to it”

  I can’t tell if he’s still mocking me or sincerely hoping that Elric acknowledges me.