Chapter 8 – 2: Laura

  It’s been two months since the death of Hai-Chi and Aimi Sakka. There’s no public information on the cause of their deaths, but a ton of newspapers and news stations are still talking about the case.

  The 18-year-old soccer prodigy who got hospitalized after an accident on the field and his mom whose heart suddenly stopped with no clear reason as of why.

  Hai-Chi, my first love, died on his 18th birthday. Though they say there’s no clear cause, I’m not sure what to believe anymore. My whole life has been lies and hell twice over. 18 years living as a waste of space. Even Aimi broke her promise to me. Aimi and Hai-Chi. Nothing is truly promised other than the end of your life, which is what I wanted back before I met Hai-Chi. It makes me feel guilty that Hai-Chi had such a good life and died trying to make mine better. He was never rude to me, he never pushed me aside, and he always considered my feelings. His upbringing must’ve been far better than mine. Hai-Chi was raised properly by his mom and had such good manners. He gave me such happiness while I didn’t do anything to deserve it. I can’t believe I lied to him back on our first date.

  My mom’s just on a long business trip and I haven’t seen her in a long time… Yeah right…

  I was scared to tell him back then, but now I regret it so much. I should’ve been honest and just told him that she passed away in a car crash when I was a child. But still, it’s not like you can just rip off the bandaid to a healing scar before it’s a thing of the past, no matter what the reason. Not even for Hai-Chi. Her death still impacts me to this day. I just wasn’t ready. Only if I would’ve known what would happen, I would’ve told him. I would’ve told him everything.

  “YOU DAMN BITCH, GO TO YOUR FUCKING ROOM!!”

  “Hhnnk.” I sniffled, “Y-yes, father…” I crawled down the hallway.

  He spped the back of my head, “HURRY IT UP DAMMIT!!”

  “O-OKAY!!” I yelled back, crying.

  “You dare raise your tone to me?”

  “N-NO, I’M SORRY!” I got on my feet and ran.

  “You better be…” he said, “Now… Be a good girl and work on your homework like I asked.”

  “You don’t want mom to suffer because of your actions again, do you?”

  “N-NO PLEASE DON’T HURT HER!!”

  “THEN DO WHAT I ASKED OF YOU!!”

  Sobbing, I did as he said and ran inside my room to finish my schoolwork, “why’s it gotta be me…” boogers started falling down my nose.

  I limply walked over to my bag that was leaning against my bed frame and grabbed my science textbooks as well as my assignment out. After pcing the stuff on my desk, I blew my nose and looked at the paper, “Wha!” I said in disbelief, “Thirty questions, are you kidding me!?”

  “Oh my god, I’m never getting this done…” my voice was destroyed from screaming as I cried.

  I opened my textbook to the page stated on the paper and began reading the first question, “Which answer presents the correct diagram to the order of the water cycle.”

  I went digging back into my backpack for my notebook. I always took notes in css, so I should have the answer somewhere.

  “please don’t tell me…” a couple minutes of digging ter there was no sign of my notebook anywhere, “no, no, no.”

  I stood still contempting where I could’ve left it. I knew if I went out of my room without my homework finished, my dad would beat mom, so I looked all around my room. But then I remembered… Earlier today, I gave it to my friend who needed to copy my notes, and I forgot to ask for it back. Unsure of what to do now, I sat back down and took a deep breath, looking back inside my textbooks hoping for the answer to be in there somewhere.

  After finding the answer to the first question in the book, I circled the answer and just did the same for the rest of the twenty-nine questions I had left. Once I was finished, I id in my bed and took over forty minutes to fall asleep.

  The next day, I woke up not ready to leave for school. When I got dressed and left my room, I saw my father cooking breakfast, “Good morning… You got your homework done like I asked?”

  “Y-yeah… Don’t worry, it’s finished…”

  “Good…” he paused, “Well what are you waiting for… Show me…”

  “Uhmm…”

  “Give me that damn bookbag.” he yanked my bag off my shoulders and rummaged inside for my science folder. He took out my assignment and looked at the questions and then at me with a disgusted look, “You bitch... There’s no way you’re my child…”

  “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!”

  I flinched while staying silent, looking down at the dusty floor.

  “That’s it… That was my st straw…”

  “W-wait! Please no…” I begged.

  He quickly walked inside his room and pulled my mom out of the bed while she was sleeping, “Look, Laura. This is what happens when you don’t follow my GODDAMN RULES!!”

  In a horrifying dispy of dominance and control, my father’s rage escated to the point where he forced her to the ground, the impact of her fall resonating with the violence of his actions.

  “DAD NO!” his rage reached a terrifying peak, as he stomped on her stomach. The force of the blow was brutal and revolting.

  “uhghhh.” she struggled to breathe and wasn’t able to speak from the sudden and unexpected strike.

  “STOPPP!!”

  “Look at your frail mother now, Laura...”

  I jumped on him to try and get him to stop, “I HATE YOU!!”

  “SHUT IT LAURA, THIS IS WHAT SHE GETS!!” he grabbed my small legs and threw me over his shoulders and unched me across the room. I hit the wall with neck breaking force as he continued to repeatedly kick and stomp my mom all over. I lost consciousness and had to turn in my assignment the next day. My father covered me in makeup to conceal my bruises like always.

  “Umm... uhhh...” the teacher stared bnkly at my assignment.

  I stared at her bnkly as well.

  “What’s this?” she asked morbidly concerned.

  “I accidentally spilled my Mega Mountain Twist Kool-Aid on it.”

  “sorry...” I looked down twiddling my thumb.

  My teacher looked at the clock and back at me, “H-hey... Do you mind following me real quick?”

  “o-okay...” I followed her to a teacher conference room. It was just me and her. She then proceeded to ask me a question that could’ve saved my live, “Is everything okay at home?”

  Little did I know, my ignorance would cause me hell for much longer than I could’ve ever imagined. Ignorance isn’t bliss…

  The moment I saw you, Hai-Chi, I felt a spark too. But this time I know... It wasn’t just a spark of connection, it was more. Like you told me back at the mall, you felt a spark of love at first sight. Guess it’s the same with you too.

  “well... here we are... Hai-Chi.”

  “Those flowers look beautiful beside you... You sure are getting a ton of love...”

  I got on my knees and repced the wilting daffodils with new, healthy ones, “I miss you, Hai-Chi...”

  I continued with the flowers, “Do you miss me?” I asked mencholically. Once I finished repcing the flowers, I scooted up a little to graciously pick the leaves off his headstone. Then I took my purse off my shoulders and id it down beside me.

  “Woah!” a huge gust of wind flew by, knocking a folded piece of paper out of my purse.

  “Oop, can’t let you run away from me just now. Not yet at least, haha…” I lightly chuckled through the sadness.

  “Anyway, sorry for taking so long to get to the point… How have you been...?”

  Obviously, no response.

  “Hhnrf.” I sniffled.

  I brought my hands up to my face, “oh man, im crying… silly me.”

  “I promised myself I wouldn’t get too worked up…” I said, “I’m sorry you have to see me like this…”

  I stuck my hand in my purse and pulled out a bottle of Sake, “Sorry if this isn’t the kind you like…” I paused.

  “oh right, you haven’t had alcohol before have you…”

  Once again, I wiped my tears and called myself a silly girl, “I’m so pitiful aren’t I.” I continued to wipe my tears with my hands.

  “To be fair, I’ve never had alcohol either…” I said, “So I’m gd my first time trying it will be with you…”

  I also reached in my purse for my corkscrew and I popped the bottle open. The cork flew out and I raised my arm over Hai-Chi’s headstone and poured the Sake over it.

  “Only if I could see you one more time, this wouldn’t have to happen…”

  My voice started to tremble, and my hands started to shake, “Ahh!”

  “S-sorry…” the Sake slipped from my hands and dropped on the daffodils.

  “C-clumsy me…” I looked at the flowers, “oh no… I’m so sorry, Hai-Chi…”

  “Brand new flowers and they’re already destroyed…” I said, “I guess those flowers and I have more in common than I thought…”

  With what was left of the alcohol, I picked it up and brought it to my lips.

  “here we go… I’m really doing this…” tears starting to form, and I hatched the bottle back and took a single gulp.

  “Ahh…”

  “It’s nothing I couldn’t get accustomed to…” after saying that I froze. I poured the rest of the Sake on the grave, while intensely shaking.

  “here we go…” I reached in my purse again and pulled out the gun that was hiding inside. Next, for a final time, I pulled out the paper from earlier as well as a sharp knife.

  “I’ve been practicing for you… Hai-Chi… See…” I started to use the knife and carve Hai-Chi’s name on it in Japanese, “this is harder than I thought it’d be…”

  I tried my hardest to suppress my tears as to not mess up the characters I was writing, “There we go…”

  I pced the handgun on the grass next to me and said, “I made this for you, my love… please accept my gratitude for everything you’ve done…”

  The words of the poem I made a few days ago echoed within my head as I was reading it and the sound of everything else started to muffle. My ears began to ring.

  Consciously, I reached for the gun and brought it to my head while smiling through the pain as tears streamed down my face and onto the grass, “Goodbye… Hai-Chi… please forgive me…”

  They speak of healing. I feel only the gap.

  Each touch with him, a fragile, precious thing,

  knowing the dark waiting.

  Now, just the dark.

  His memory, a shadow of warmth.

  My hand holds this weight. A final quiet.

  灰志 I carve, small and deep, into the cold trigger.

  Each letter, a lost whisper.

  We promised.

  Death was not the pn.

  The light fades.

  The night calls.

  My finger tightens.

  Soon, I follow.