3.43.

  “I really don’t see why people think that Diego Cruz is a controversial symbol. His defense of Earth was stalwart and vigilant. We would have lost the second battle if it were not for his timely involvement, or we would have suffered far more damage than we did. And he effectively kept Earth’s orbitals clear of the enemy by himself during the third battle,” the commentator said.

  John grunted and pushed, bench pressing several times his weight as the other students recorded his efforts. He did five reps as he continued listening to the news with most of his attention. The weights were only heavy; he didn’t need to focus on them entirely to do as his friends had asked him to.

  “In other news, the government has been announcing that, apparently, one of the rights of our citizens under interstellar law is to engage in a practice of ding-dong-ditching nearby star kingdoms. They are encouraging private citizens who have successfully acquired their own spacecraft, such as Lisa Desmond, the Widow of Earth, to actively troll the universe.”

  “There’s more to it than that, Bert,” the female commentator objected. “There’s a humorous element in the practice which the Yonohoans call Korjakala, yes. But it’s a legitimate diplomatic method. Have you read the guidelines that the ESF is releasing to the public?”

  “I’ve read them, but I don’t see what good releasing them will do when we’re all stuck here on planet Dirt,” Bert objected. “I’m not sure how Lisa Desmond, or her late husband Captain Kirk, managed to talk the aliens into giving them their own spaceships, but I’m not even sure how to talk to an alien aside from walking into one of the two embassies in New York.”

  “Well, have you tried that?” the woman inqired.

  “What?”

  “Have you tried going to the embassies and asking for a spaceship?” she inqired.

  “… you don’t think that would actually work, do you?” Bert asked incredulously.

  “What’s the worst that could happen?”

  “I could get anally probed?” Bert suggested.

  “They’re not grays, Bert. They’re people like us,” she insisted.

  “Aliens are aliens whether they look like us or not. I don’t care if we’re genetically identical on a cellular level or whatever. They grew up in space, they’re aliens. End of discussion.”

  “What about the Einherjar?” she asked. “John Doe is growing up right here on Earth. Doesn’t that make him --’

  “Alien. He’s an alien with superpowers, Betty. Look, I’m grateful for the Einherjar’s part in the battle. I really am. We would have lost without them. But let’s not lose sight of the fact that they are aliens and they came to this planet illegally. Honestly, we ought to enforce our immigration laws and …”

  Someone turned the radio off.

  “Hey, I was listening to that,” John objected as he rested between sets.

  “Oh, sorry. I thought maybe you wouldn’t want to hear it,” Xiang admitted, turning the radio back on.

  “I like the radio,” John said.

  “They were talking shit about you,” Xiang explained.

  “So fuck Bert or whatever his name is. I’d rather hear the truth about what people are saying about me than not,” John said.

  “Okay. Sorry.”

  “Okay, so I did the weights. What do you guys want to film next?” he asked the other boys. And the girls who had joined them as well. Emily wasn’t there this time, but she’d hung out with the ‘Einherjar Ability Exploration Squad,’ as the group was calling themselves, on several occassions.

  John didn’t really care. He knew that the videos they were producing were getting thousands of views per day, but that was fine. It was just him exercising.

  He was more concerned about the videos where he was killing people. Or when the other Einherjar were shown in action.

  He didn’t like that people were afraid of him, even if most people were grateful for his role during the third battle. But he couldn’t blame them for being afraid, either. In a large number of ways, they should be.

  Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

  After John had been showing off for a while, the boys decided that they had enough footage for the day and they hit the locker room to change out of their gym clothes. John and Xiang walked toward the bus station. They didn’t live close to each other, but they could hang out until their respective bus routes separated them.

  “Do you think that they’d let us do Korjakala when we go on the Toormonda?” Xiang asked him.

  John shrugged. “There’s so much to learn on a Toormonda that I don’t think that you’d have time to do something so stupid as that.”

  “You think Korjakala is stupid?”

  “It kind of is and it’s kind of not,” John admitted. “Did you actually look up what it really is?”

  “Yeah, and it’s kind of cool, the way that the Yonohoans were checking to make sure everybody was following the law,” Xiang said. “But when we do it, it’ll be different, won’t it?”

  “Yes,” John admitted. “It’s not really correct to call it Korjakala when Earth does it.”

  “I heard that Lisa Desmond is trading space ships for Playboys. I wish I could do that,” Xiang said.

  “What’s stopping you?” John asked.

  “I’m thirteen. Nobody will sell me a playboy,” Xiang said, deadpan.

  “Oh. I could probably get you a spaceship if you really want one.”

  Xiang hesitated. “That would be awesome, John, but you already gave the school a Toormonda. Won’t you bankrupt your family if you keep giving out spaceships like they’re candy?”

  “I don’t know,” John admitted. “I’m not certain how rich my family actually is. I don’t think the Yonohoans see money quite the same way that Earth does.”

  “How do you think they see money?”

  “I don’t know. My mental image of the Yonohoans is ninety-thousand years out of date, remember? The Yonohoans I remember traded tools, clothes and food for other tools, clothes and food. They had a barter system, not currency.”

  “The internet says that your government has given the Earth something like three hundred trillion dollars worth of aid,” Xiang pointed out.

  “I guess,” John admitted. “I don’t know. I’m struggling to figure out how to tell if Emily likes me or not, Xiang. Interstellar politics aren’t really on my agenda.”

  “Oh she definitely likes you. You should kiss her,” Xiang said.

  “I should?”

  “Yeah, totally.”

  John’s bus came shortly after that, and they parted ways.

  He arrived home and took off his shoes. Olivia wasn’t there, she’d take another thirty minutes or so to get home. John went to the kitchen table and quickly did his English homework. There wasn’t very much and it didn’t take him long.

  Olivia arrived while he was laying on the sofa and reading The Hobbit . It wasn’t for school. One of his friends had asked his opinions on classic earth fantasy stories and he’d been completely stumped by what she meant, so he’d asked for examples. Tolkien had come up, and so now he was reading The Hobbit .

  That exchange at least made sense. Why couldn’t Emily and his relationship make so much sense?

  “How was school?” Olivia asked as she slid through the room on her way to begin making dinner.

  “Xiang says I should kiss Emily,” John reported.

  “I see. That is one way to handle your situation,” Olivia admitted.

  “Do you think I should?”

  “I abstain from telling you how to deal with your Emily situation, John, you know that. I’m too much of an authority figure to tell you how to navigate your relationships,” she explained.

  “Some fucking help you are,” John muttered.

  Olivia smiled. “I’m thinking hamburgers for dinner tonight. Thoughts?”

  “Whatever,” John said. “I think I’ll kiss Emily when we go on the Toormonda together. If she doesn’t like it then she can just tell me not to do it again.”

  “If that’s how you want to handle the situation then I’ll respect your decisions. Just don’t get her pregnant.”

  “I know,” he said. “I wasn’t planning to.”

  “It’s the ‘unplanned’ part of it that makes adults worry, John. But I’m not worried. I know you’ll be a perfect gentleman.”

  John continued to read about the adventures of Bilbo until dinner was served.

  ?