The food in this house always looked terrifying or disgusting, but it wasn’t so bad. My go-to if I was ever in control was the bugs, they were always crunchy or squishy but didn’t taste too different from other meats. I didn’t like almost anything slimy textured though, no matter what the taste. Wednesday was different, pying with and eating almost anything that moved on the pte, which I tried not to pay attention to. She also had a bigger sweet tooth than me, and our collective favorite treat was bugs trapped in “amber” caramel that grandmama always had a bowl of somehow.

  One thing that helped take my mind off of the squiggling thing in our bowl was our escape pn that had ground to a halt. As soon as I was old enough that the adults were convinced they could take their eyes off us for a few seconds, I searched both Morticia and Gomez’s bags. But just as I’d feared, neither of them had a flip phone that I could use to record anything on, let alone the fancier touch screens that some of my cssmates were showing off in css that I expected of a rich family like this.

  I suppose I can sort of understand no phones, but not even a computer? Other than the big one in Gomez’s study I guess.

  I’d even memorized the unlocking sequence for Morticia’s trapped purse, with nothing to show for it! If I was going to get us both out of here, I needed to somehow get our parents to neglect or endanger us in public. Maybe I could use the neighbors? They had filed compints more than I could count, especially with Gomez’s recent golfing hobby, so they should jump on the chance.

  I’d already tried getting a building safety inspector over here, but somehow this crazy family technically had all the proper permits and followed the safety precautions. From the sound of the inspector’s sighs, they knew it too. But how does one get a permit for a maybe-sentient bear rug??

  “I’m having a baby.”

  And that’s not to mention- wait, what?

  As I was menting the zero progress made in the st three years, Morticia casually dropped a nuclear bomb on the dining table.

  The room paused, then immediately whipped into a complete fury, running and kissing and shouting happening everywhere at once. Wednesday rolled her eyes and calmly walked outside to the car. Everyone packed in not a moment ter, and it was off to the hospital we went, driving well above the speed limit and swerving between cars at the behest of Thing, who had won the rock paper scissors match with Lurch to drive the family. Wednesday shoved me into the control seat and mentally plugged her ears.

  “You deal with it.”

  “Hey wait, what if I get knocked into a surgery room by accident or something?”

  “You can handle it.”

  You little- I stopped the thought before it could leak out, but the sentiment still carried through. She didn’t so much as mentally blink. Sighing, I tugged out our headache-inducing braids and let our hair loose, massaging our scalp. I have no idea how she manages that hair style. If I knew it would stick I would’ve prevented grandmama from pying with our hair with all my might.

  I have a switch knife, lockpicks, and mini first aid kits in my pockets, and extra clothes in my bag if I ever need them, it’ll be fine.

  There wasn’t much to do about it, so I just breathed out and focused, keeping my head on a swivel and munching on a backup bag of protein-dense dried crickets to make up for the interrupted breakfast.

  I wonder if our younger sibling will be okay. Wednesday might have the same crazy luck as the rest of her family, but maybe he’ll be more like me instead?

  And even if not, there’s no way this is a healthy environment to live in. Great, now I have to get two little siblings out of this hellhole. Bursting into the hospital, Gomez carried his wife in a dramatic princess carry, sprinting into the operating room a staff guided him too.

  “Quera mia, do you feel it? Is it just as agonizing as it once was?”

  “Ohhh it’s one of the most horrible pains a human can feel. It aches inside of me, as if a little parasite is eating me from the inside out while my muscles convulse in terror~.

  “Ooohhh, Tish!” he moaned.

  “Sir, please don’t smoke in the hospital!” A nearby doctor desperately tried to speak from between them.

  I pressed my hands against my ears, openly scowling. I had gained a resistance to their flirting long ago, but I did not need to hear all the graphic details. I wouldn’t be surprised if Gomez climbed on top of the woman right here and now, but miraculously, they refrained from tearing eachothers’ clothes off.

  Breathe in, breathe out. This is my personal little bubble, and all the other energies can bounce right off.

  We all settled into the hospital room and I blocked out Morticia and Gomez’s feverish whispers and turned my back to them, keeping an eye on the surroundings instead. The regur nurses and doctors looked understandably confused and more than a little shocked at our Addam’s Antics?, one woman in particur squealing and jumping as Thing crawled over her foot, and another man constantly looked over his shoulder to keep an eye on Lurch as he loomed over everyone from the corned expressionlessly. To be honest, those types of faces were wonderfully vindicating after dealing with the family for so long myself.

  After a series of overly sensual moans, the chaos unfolded when everyone realized the baby wasn’t coming out the usual way. I stiffened as a doctor ran past me with a sharp knife, prepared to dodge out of the way, but he just passed me by peacefully.

  Muahaha! The power of my bubble knows no bounds! Never doubted it for a second!

  Grinning, I puffed out my chest, reinforcing the bubble with a yer of iron bars. So satisfied I was, I didn’t notice the moans growing louder rapidly or the screams of astonishment from behind me.

  A wet fleshy pop made me flinch, breaking my concentration, and I yelped courageously as I spun around to face the threat! The next moment was pure instinct; upon seeing an ugly bloody baby rocketing straight toward my face with devilish ughter, I lunged back and snapped my leg out with as much force as I could muster, punting the heavy sack of flesh all the way up to the ceiling mp.

  A squealing ugh pierced my ears, and the demon baby swung on light before unching at the nurse holding mom’s other hand, who screamed in terror a split second before the mp smashed against the ceiling. There was a fall, and a loud crash.

  Darkness fell, the operating room only occasionally illuminated by the flickering dying breaths of the fluorescent light. Fester’s ecstatic ughter filled the room with a twisted, ominous energy.

  “THE LITTLE MONSTER’S A FEISTY ONE ISN’T HE!?!? AHAHAHAAHHAA!!!!!”

  I tried to breathe and form my bubble again, but someone stepped on my foot. I looked up to gre at the perpetrator, but between one flicker and the next, the baby tched onto the man’s face and violently ripped off his abundant mustache before guzzling it down. The doctor cried in agony reeling backwards, and I quickly stepped out of the way before he toppled straight on top of me.

  The light vanished again, but this time Gomez interrupted his brother’s cackling, “Fester! Now’s not the time to watch the youngest py by himself. Have at you; the first one to catch him is the first one to teach him how to use TNT!”

  There was a whoosh and another loud thump. Now on the floor, Fester’s eyes lit up with a brilliant blue glow, casting deep shadows over his ghastly grin, “Ohhhhh no you don’t! When I get my blinders on, you’re done for!!!”

  Something bumped my shoulder and nearly sent me to the ground as well, and when I reached out to stabilize myself I accidentally gripped the hospital bnket, draping the cloth soaked in mom’s blood all over me.

  Ewwww, gross!!! I ripped it off me and wiped our hands on our dress, but the damage was done.

  Looking up, the light fshed to reveal that what hit me was the st unharmed nurse who tried to make a break for the door. He might have made it too if he hadn’t stumbled over me, but as if the sight of fleeing prey triggered its predator instincts, the demon baby unched forward and grabbed the back of his head, the momentum carrying to smash the man’s nose into the gss and knock him out.

  Gomez didn’t let go of the scant window of sight, lunging toward the baby with an outstretched hand, but he was stopped by a hand grabbing his ankle. “Ahaha, Fester—!?” but Fester’s glowing eyes weren’t visible. Only I saw it from my point of view; it was Thing who grabbed him, then flung himself at the baby just before the light flickered and died again.

  There was a gleeful, high pitched squeal and the sound of scuffle before the lights flicked on again for a brief second. This time, somehow, Thing had been flung up to the door’s window, sliding down and leaving a trail of a bloody handprint on the gss.

  “Thing! You sly dog!” While Gomez was distracted, Fester’s eyes swiveled around the room, acting like twisted fshlights before nding on the bloody bnket right next to me. The ugly baby sat there, suckling on the red soaked fabric with blissful closed eyes.

  “GOCHA!” The stocky man crackling with electricity charged straight at me, and suddenly my stomach dropped. The dark room reeked of pot, smoke, and alcohol. The trash covering the stained carpet was partially illuminated by the glow of the television, the occasional needle glinting in the heaps. Blood stuck my bangs to my head, but through the hair and my spinning vision I saw the stocky man with a beer belly lung forward, rge hands outstretched and reaching for my neck. Calling up strength I didn’t knew I had, I grabbed the bottle at my side, lurched up from the floor, and threw at -

  “Thunk!” The baby’s head collided with Fester’s before my hand slipped on its slimy foot, sending the bloody flesh bag spinning into the air. The man stomped on the floor, coming to a sliding halt inches away from me before turning around and diving the other direction. Gomez leaped forward from the opposite direction, holding Thing in his hand for extra reach in a masterful dispy of the power of coalitions.

  Then the baby grabbed the ceiling light again, and all three parties crashed together with an audible crack, followed by a bright discharge of electricity before colpsing in a twitching heap.

  And then there was silence. The world slowed down, and all I could hear was the rapid thumping in my chest as I struggled to calm myself. But as if Pandora’s box were suddenly opened, I was helpless to the fshbacks and memories dancing behind my eyes with nothing to distract me. No five things to see other than the disorienting flickering light, and all I could hear was squawking, groaning, and my own pulse. I tried feeling my dress, but I flinched back when my fingers came away wet and sticky.

  Shit. He was just a stereotypical drunk dad, I don’t have to be scared of him! Am I really still hung up on this, even in my new life? Fuck it, try something else. Breathe, just breathe. In for five, hold for six, out for seven.

  But my nostrils were swarmed with metallic blood and the burningly sterile hospital smell.

  Nothing is happening. You’re safe. You’re okay. Get it the fuck together, and get in the extra dress, you weirdo!

  I gasped, hugging my arms as a strong shudder ran up my spine. I tried to fumble for my bag, but my shaking, slippery hands couldn’t grip the straps.

  —I’ll give you something to cry over!—

  Impact. A pull of my hair. Beep of a pulse monitor. Thin white sheets. The rough asphalt of the school pyground. Pouring disgusting beer into my throat. The itch of my wrist cast. Laughter.

  Thoughts and memories and sensations blurred together, and I could actively feel myself losing track of reality. With a st exertion of will, I pushed myself back, plunging deep into our subconscious and visualizing my favorite protective bubble around me; shutting my mind into a steel vault to keep all of the overflowing emotions away from my younger sister just as my grip on reality slipped away.