Leaf

  —

  "Leaf, do you have any idea what's wrong with Erin? Flygon didn't blast off again, did he? He came in really slow, actually. I wouldn't mind a landing like that every now and then."

  I looked at Raihan in desperate confusion as Erin half-way hung from me. She had not enjoyed the flight back. She was unsteady, and while her eyes were dry, she looked like she was crying, her face scrunched up, eyes deep pits. Her arms were wrapped around herself and she refused to meet anyone's eyes as she slipped away from me.

  "No, she was fine when we got there…" I glanced at her in wariness but she didn't appear to hear me as she began to slowly walk off towards the woods.

  "We got ice cream, but she was like this after I got done with my shower. It got worse over time, but she just… stopped, during the flight."

  His eyes narrowed at Erin before he rose from the bedding, walking over to stop her with a hand on her arm, an intense look on his face.

  Raihan peered closer at her, and when his face got close to hers he softly grabbed the back of her head, gently drawing her closer to him. His head drew close to her head, eyes steely yet also so gentle.

  I almost squealed in anticipation, despite the situation. He looked like he was about to kiss her! His eyes looked so soft, so kind! So handsome, despite his… him-ness.

  I knew there was something there! Age or not!

  Instead, to my vast disappointment, as their faces neared his expression grew worried and he held her closer before he sniffed. After a moment he began to glower at her, a huge scowl on his face.

  He looked behind him at the Tyrantrum with said furious scowl and she also looked highly displeased. The Tyrantrum roughly nodded at him, so with a low growl Raihan grabbed Erin.

  He didn't grab her arm. He didn't grab her hand, or her shoulder as he began to drag her away from the camp. He didn't grab her clothes. He didn't even grab her waist for a romantic walk, like I kind of wanted him to.

  I shipped them, now, even if they would both hate it. Sue me.

  The fact they would hate it made it so much sweeter, actually.

  Instead, he grabbed her face. He threw his huge hand over the top of her head, palm latched onto her face as he began to slowly walk, fingers digging into her skull. He dragged her behind him as she stumbled forward, bent almost in half as his arm pulled, still attached to her face.

  Her Pokemon didn't seem surprised, to my surprise, and just watched the scene in silence.

  The Salandit was nodding in approval!

  "I'll kiilll yoo Raihan, let meh go! I will not beh treated like a schiild!"

  Her tone was murderous as she screeched into his huge hand. She tried to flail at him, but fierce, savage Dragon Master or not, he was huge compared to her, and far stronger.

  He just kept marching her by her face, dragging her behind him slowly as he completely ignored her flailing arms and legs. His grip was like steel.

  "Be thankful it's me doing this and not your mother, Erin! If you'd prefer I can let her give you the Leaf Special!"

  I resent that, Raihan, you ass!

  He bellowed it so loudly that I was certain no Pokemon in a ten mile radius was asleep right now, and with a massive, aggressive snarl he dragged her off into the woods.

  I heard them continue their fight for a bit, but not much of it.

  "I am- am a drragonnn!" She roared, anger dripping from her voice like acid.

  I would freely admit she didn't whine it out, and it actually was intimidating, to me at least, but the response made me smile.

  Raihan barked out a single laugh before he growled at her.

  "You don't say? Girl, I am a Dragon Master, so calm your crazy ass down before I put you in your place! Don't think that because you've won once means you will again!"

  She snarled into his palm as they went around a large stand of trees, and soon their voices were just blurs in the distance. I could almost, barely hear them, though. The stream was over there, so they must be talking next to it.

  And I couldn't hear them.

  They hadn't said 'Hey Leaf, don't listen in.'

  They hadn't even noticed me.

  Could anyone blame me for being curious? Erin and Raihan acted like the best of friends, and there was a spark of some type there I swore/hoped, but they were disgusted by the thought of dating one another?

  Why was Erin drunk, because I had the horrible feeling that's what I had seen.

  And smelled.

  Why was she so sad? What had happened to my new mentor?

  Why had she looked at me like that?

  I wish I could describe the look, but it was blank! It was so blank that it scared me, truly scared me. Like she was seeing me, but at the same time she was seeing something horrific and ignoring it, and the only reason I didn't speak up was because she was obviously scared for me, not of me.

  Why did they both look at me like that, sometimes?

  I looked around and found a panorama of Pokemon idly training, resting, and in Hatenna's case, catching a fun ride on the baby Tyrunt as she charged around the clearing. They weren't really looking at me, but I knew they wouldn't allow me to follow Erin or Raihan, especially not her mother.

  Her mom aside, her Pokemon looked at her like she caused the sun to rise, and it hurt me to see what I could have had. If I hadn't been a failure. If this wasn't all my fault.

  My fault.

  My newest Pokemon came up to me and stared into my face, Clefairy beaming. Her smile was too knowing as she glanced towards the woods, then back to the camp full of Pokemon that would restrain me if I made a move for the distant argument I could almost hear. She grinned and cocked her head at me, then the forest behind me.

  Really? Am I just too hopeful?

  Could she help me? Would she help me? They know something about me! They're keeping me in the dark about something!

  Erin wasn't as smart as she thought she was, and she babbled. Not that I would ever tell her that. She was great about not talking about the weirdest things, and she thought she was smooth when she tried to redirect me. She thought she was smart. Thought. I hadn't known her long at all, but I knew that.

  Raihan was smart, though.

  "Can you distract them?" She nodded and I grew elated.

  "Would you do that for me for a fair price?"

  She held her hand to her ear, pointed at me, then pointed to herself and then deliberately spoke her name with a singsong tone, Cleee-Faaii-Ryyyy. She then stared up at me with those adorably beady little eyes absolutely glowing. The light in her eyes seemed to shift… twice? Was that a flicker in the shine in her eyes?!

  What the fuck was that!?

  "You'll help me if I tell you what I hear?"

  I smiled at her, still mostly okay. Mostly. I had known something like this would happen eventually within five minutes of getting her, thanks to Erin ranting. Don't freeze in front of a fae. Keep going. Don't show the horror you feel when you finally see it.

  I had finally seen it.

  She was so wrong.

  But she was so adorable.

  She nodded rapidly, smiling wide. The Tyrantrum was giving us a direct glare, and met my eyes, so I lowered my voice as I continued.

  "I can't promise you that! I don't know what I'll hear! I'll tell you what I believe she won't actually kill me for or break our traveling plans if she finds out, good enough?" Erin's warnings screamed in my mind, even as I used her teachings against her.

  Clefairy, my cute, pink, absolutely adorable fae thought about it for a long moment, eyes closed tightly, before her little eyes latched onto mine and she lightly nodded at me.

  She wasn't nearly as happy as she had been before, and from what Erin said that was a good thing, but suddenly she was smiling. She pointed towards the sounds of Erin and Raihan's voices, then slowly lowered an arm in that direction. With a huge grin she winked at me before rapidly bouncing over to the meat spit.

  It stood unused at the moment, though it was holding a roasted Tauros leg safely off the ground. The instant my little fairy touched it the entire camp growled and snapped, even little Hatenna looking vicariously offended as she glared.

  She loathed my new fairy already.

  Clefairy gave a wide, innocent grin before her hand slowly rose and shoved it over. It toppled to the ground with a clang, and I could almost see the tiny cloud of dust that covered the meat. Not that they would have cared about dirt on their food, but it was the infuriating culprit, the deliberate nature of the act, that made the offense so great.

  The come at me gesture was entirely unnecessary, as the entire camp began to chase her, Hatenna riding Tyrunt while Salandit and Skrelp rode Deino, Salandit standing on his head and already beginning to conjure globes of flame. Raihans dragons leapt forward, too, and even though they weren't going all out they were fast.

  All but the Tyrantrum, who's eyes nonetheless continued to unerringly follow my newest Pokemon as she began to sprint towards the training grounds nearby, occasionally front flipping so she could continue to give them hand gestures while upside down.

  It looked like the move Follow Me, and I grew excited as I watched her utilize the move effortlessly, over and over again while running from Champion level Pokemon, even if they were going easy. She was so powerful!

  The Move looked a lot more like middle fingers now, though.

  I didn't breathe as I crawled away, too scared to even watch behind me as I did, and I finally took a deep breath as I entered the trees. Raihan's raised voice was easy to follow, but I didn't hear Erin at all. As I drew closer, crawling like Erin's Salandit, I finally began to make out words.

  "-Looker thinking?! What were you thinking? You are a minor, Erin! You are fourteen!"

  She was obstinate, though, and mad. She also sounded sad, however, and it was odd to hear from the Dragon Master, even after the park.

  "Now! Now I'm a minor, and whose fault is that? Not mine! I'm an adult, you don't get to tell me I'm that- that I'm a minor!" She stumbled her words out, and as I crept closer I couldn't help but notice the slurring. It was slurring!

  "Erin, Looker fucked with your age, yes! What does it matter if you're fourteen or eighteen? Drinking age is twenty one here!"

  Holy shit I knew it, she was drunk! Also, what the hell? Her age was screwed with? Why?

  "You know I'm not a kid… I'm the furthest thing from a kid, yet I get stuck at fourteen again when Looker could have made me eighteen. All so he can keep an eye on me for longer as my legal representative. I don't want to be fourteen again!" Whaaat?

  "Do you want to be twenty one and drink again, Erin?" His tone was scathing, and she mumbled her response.

  "Well, nooo…" I heard her sniffle. "I just don't wanna be a kid again, Raihan. It's… so embarrassing."

  She sounded sullen, and with one final, careful movement my body slowly slipped around a tree and I saw them.

  Erin was sprawled on the grass next to the tiny river we had set up camp near, Raihan glaring down at her as he stood. His voice was so disappointed as he spoke.

  "Your actions don't exactly scream adult right now, Erin. You were smart enough to talk to people and not run off, so good job! You did the bare minimum to be an adult, but then you just kept backtracking!"

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  He clapped his hands sarcastically, glaring down at her as he scowled.

  She growled as she rolled upright, snarling at him. It wasn't a good snarl. It was… loose?

  "I didn't think that roughly, oh, I don't know, three shots would get me blitzed! You know I had a huge tolerance! I'm not stupid, I know my body now, so don't give me that! Go get me three shots of vodka and I'll tell you what clean water tastes like!" She snarled at him then leaned back on her elbows, looking slightly queasy.

  "Jes-Arceus, why? I'm so glad I ate all those ribs- ugh."

  She gagged a bit before taking a huge breath, eyes closed, holding it for so long I began to think the girl might have literally killed herself out of sheer pride, refusing to vomit or something. Her eyes popped open, and with a slow exhale she began breathing normally again. She looked fine now. Not sober, not by any means, but not blitzed, as she put it.

  She looked like she knew what to do when way too drunk. At fourteen!

  How?!

  Shit, was my new mentor an alcoholic?

  Raihan looked sympathetic as he stared down at her. His anger had evaporated for now, but I now knew his anger was a close friend to him, and would come back any time he called. It wasn't allowed to stay, but it was welcome to visit. He had demonstrated that very clearly.

  His voice was slightly amused despite the disapproval radiating from him.

  "That was after years, and you were also much bigger, Erin, but I will give you that one. Looker knew this would happen, and he wanted to punish you. Probably for successfully guilting him into serving alcohol to a technical minor. And as a bonus, the lesson it will inevitably end up teaching you." He sighed briefly, holding the bridge of his nose between his fingers.

  "Wintown Shuckle Brandy is extremely potent, not to mention ruinously expensive. I've had it, it's amazingly delicious. A half cup is also the equivalent of two full glasses of normal liquor. It tastes like the best fruit juice in the world, but it's like a… very strong moonshine, it just doesn't hurt like that vile stuff."

  He shuddered, his entire face contracted, arms pulling in as he lightly shuddered like he had just tasted literal waste.

  What was moonshine? It sounded like a Pokemon Move, but you drank it?

  Erin chuckled darkly as she flopped backwards onto the grass, her arms splayed out.

  "Blame Looker, then, plus holy shit he matched me! Maybe he wanted an excuse to finally sleep, now that I think about it? Or blame Alakazam. Poor guy knew I needed it just from the eyes, but Looker poured it. I wanted a nice buzz, not this! Consider that before you judge my… shlosh-ed-ness." She giggled after that, and she seemed actually happy for a brief moment at the word.

  Okay, just what the fuck, an Alakazam, now? That was a hard species to evolve, and most commercial Teleportation services used Kadabra's, or preferably Porygon's when it was local, since they didn't mind mindless work like that. Alakazams hated working for non-psychics, too!

  "Erin, still, you can't just… Aagh!" He broke off, running a hand through his hair. He pulled that ridiculous orange hat-thing off and threw it at her face.

  She groaned for a second before falling quiet.

  "Raihan, what do I doo?" He shook his head. He looked sad as he answered her.

  "You do the same thing you were planning when you got to Oak's lab. Go on a journey. Win badges, have fun, and dominate the next Conference with disturbing ease, even without your mom's help."

  Her voice was shaky as she responded.

  "And when I know there's terrible things happening to Pokemon and humans right now? When I know who's behind it? In that city right there! Just because the authorities can't do anything? When I can't do anything about it unless I abandon that poor girl?" Her voice broke into something resembling a scream as she said that, panic in her voice.

  Terrified panic.

  My heart froze. There was no doubt in my mind she was talking about me. The poor girl.

  My fault.

  "Raihan, you've seen me. I know what it's like to be abandoned. I could never do that. Leaf is a scared child who needs help right now. I couldn't abandon her, especially not now that I've met her, and beat her dragons ass! I could never abandon her the second I gave her anything resembling hope, and I know that!"

  She was angry as she spoke, the slur almost fading, the venom in her voice palpable.

  "Why couldn't I just be an asshole? Leave her with you for a week and hope for the best? Why do I have to be a good person? Because I'm tired of it, if this is the choice I have to make, and it hasn't even been a week! Death or agony? Do I rush to an early grave like Looker offered, dragging my family along for the ride? Do I act like the main character? Or do I turn a blind eye to the atrocities I know are still! Fucking! Happening!? I have to! This was supposed to be a fun life! A gift! Not- Not this!" She looked up, eyes blazing dark purple.

  "If I find a Team Rocket base, it's gone, Raihan. My mother will eat them all alive, every single one that doesn't surrender. I don't care if they're in Team Rocket to support their old, frail, sickly parents who are shining examples of humanity's best traits. I do not care. There is no parallel that is exact, but it is the sickest combination of slavery, trafficking, and abuse that I can think of! Pokemon are sapient!"

  "I tried not to think about it, as in, I tried not to during the thing, but you might have caught a word that I don't even want to say. They are far from being the same thing. However, feel the hate that I hold for that word. That everyone where I'm from held."

  "When people made video games and needed human enemies with guns that you were supposed to feel good about killing, they were the first solution, because it is good to eliminate evil. It was moral to put them down. They were synonymous with evil."

  "Team Rocket aren't those people, but they evoke the same feeling of disgust, of hate in me. They deserve the same amount of sympathy shown, which is none. I won't feel bad about what I know I will do, not to those who perpetrate and perform those acts knowingly on innocent beings."

  "They are Team Rocket, and I will not take a single step out of my way to find them, but when they encounter me they are food!"

  She was snarling so hard that I saw drool fall off her teeth as she seethed!

  What the fuck Erin?!

  Also, what the fuck? For so many things. Where was Erin from? Who were those people she kept referring to, and let's not forget something!

  She's going to feed live people to her mother!? W-What?! What! Even Team Rocket! That had to be a war crime! Right? Even if their terrorists? They're still humans, right?

  Right?

  She was grinning as she spoke. It was a sad grin. A desperate grin, like she didn't want to have the thought but couldn't stop herself. Her eyes shone like my little monster's in the dim moonlight.

  "We had these things called the Geneva Conventions, but there was never a need to add 'death by nom nom'!"

  She giggled, just once, and the sound made my stomach churn. She shook her head and looked down. She spoke exceedingly slowly, making each word count as Raihan quietly watched, worry in his eyes as he frowned at her.

  "It will be quick, which they don't deserve, but their ends will not be easy, Raihan. Fuck Team Rocket. Fuck slavers, abusers, and those that support them knowingly. She won't eat anyone that surrenders, but if they fight back I'm not going to stop my mother from taking offense like I could. I will not order it, but I won't flinch away from it."

  "I will give them every chance to live, but I will put them down if they don't take those chances."

  She sighed heavily before continuing, voice somewhat lighter.

  "I was required to purchase a Rotom phone to record evidence before my mother eats the evidence, though. Which I had to pay for, before Looker even let me out of his spooky-nice hidden spy room." She grumbled a bit before continuing.

  "So now I'm almost broke, by the way. I've got, like, ten thousand left. Those phones are expensive, and I had to get the top of the line, obviously. That's without the Rotom they're obviously supplying me. Obviously." Her voice was scathing as she sneered.

  Raihan whistled at that, looking at her in surprise.

  "Damn girl, you had like two mil from the Preserve, right?" she nodded.

  Two million dollars, excuse me, say that again? My baby's ticket was a million and it took me years!

  "Yeah, Cole royally fucked me over and now the only benefit I got out of that was just negated entirely. Don't get me wrong, Rotom phones are cool, and it'll probably have like, every gadget they can in one phone, but still! My money! Once again, that wasn't my choice!"

  She shook her head, hair flying. Her Sneasel feathers bobbed as she did, swaying but stiff, so unlike their appearance would suggest.

  "Either way, what I'm saying is if I'm going to go by the Savage Trainer, I might as well show the evil teams what that means when it's not a game, one on one or two on two, one at a time. Taking turns. Not attacking the trainer. Let's make them experience a cheater! I'll grind for experience with them and then turn them into dinosaur food when they expect a ten year old with happy, nice Pokemon and the power of friendship and kindness!"

  She was snarling almost as wide as she had smiled watching me marinate in her mothers mouth. It was an angry, hungry snarl.

  "Raihan, I'm going to annihilate any threat in our path, and my biggest issue is how to do that without Leaf knowing." She sighed heavily.

  "Looker understands that, too."

  Her voice was downtrodden as she continued, her shoulders falling.

  "How many will I stumble upon, though? Why not go after their boss? Why not piss off that psychopath? It would work for sure! I know that! You know that! Looker knows that! Why not use my own worthless life as bait for Giovanni?!"

  I barely had time to think about those revelations before Raihan had charged Erin with an angry, exasperated groan.

  He knocked her flailing arms and legs out of the way as he snatched her up, lifting her over his head as he turned towards the small river.

  "Raihan, don't you dare-!" The huge splash in the dark, sparkling in the moonlight, was glorious.

  When she sputtered to the surface he reached in to pull her out. She grabbed his hand with both arms and pulled, but Raihan didn't budge. He looked sad but unyielding as he looked down at her.

  "Not going to happen, Erin. You're too weak." She looked like he had slapped her, and she let herself be pulled out. He then practically smacked her as he grabbed her face with both hands, forcing her eyes to meet his.

  "Your life isn't worthless, Erin. Your life is unexpected, for sure, but you have worth. You just won't find that worth in playing the hero." Her eyes were downcast as she replied, sullen. Sulking.

  "I'll leave that to Ash Ketchum, Hero of this universe, Arceus' Chosen, and a shitty destroyer of evil teams, I guess. Maybe that's not his job, anyways. I'm just Erin." Her voice was like acid.

  WHAT!?

  Excuse me, GO BACK!?

  "That poor kid didn't choose that either, now did he? He didn't sign a form, just like you never signed a form. We know that for certain, I've seen your memories, Erin. You never agreed to anything when you came here."

  Memory stuff is cool but GO! BACK! WHAT?!

  He released her, letting her fall to the ground bonelessly in a heap as he dropped next to her, leaning back on his arms as he looked at the sky.

  "Looker was right, Erin. You aren't some world savior sent from the great beyond. You aren't Arceus' chosen, because he has one. You aren't a hero, and you're not the protagonist of a game. This isn't a kids cartoon where young children take Flamethrowers to the face and live either, Erin." He was pointedly staring at her left hand.

  That's disturbing but go back, go BACK! BACK! Repeat that!

  Ash!?

  "You may have played the games, but you weren't the hero of any of those stories. Red was. Ethan was, Brendan, Lucas, May, Dawn, all the others were. Not. You."

  Wait, Red?! He was what?!

  My poor brain, what the FUCK was all this!

  Am I having a stroke?

  "You brought Looker information, Erin. You were a messenger with life-saving information who was given the gift of life in repayment, yet you act like you're special. You were special, for sure, but nobodies that special forever unless your name is Ketchum."

  Seriously, what the fuck was up with Ash? With Erin? With… this?

  "Raihan, I close my eyes and I see their eyes. Right now, at this very moment in time, somewhere, a Team Rocket grunt is beating his newly-stolen Rattata with a whip."

  Her voice was so soft, so deliberately calm that it hurt to hear. My horror only grew as she continued. She was certain.

  "Right now, that Ratatta is frantically hoping to be saved. Every minute feels like an hour because his heart is beating so fast, he's so panicked at all times, and everything is processing too well. He's desperately praying to go back to his original trainer, the small human boy who loved him and held him close and played with him and gave him his favorite peanut butter crackers. He's hoping that eventually he can eat anything, and he knows the only way he will is if he does what he's told." Her voice threatened to break, but she cleared her throat quickly.

  "Every time he sees the remote in the man's hand, the shiny red button that will hurt him when he disobeys, he flinches, but he eventually obeys or dies. Most beings want to live, Raihan. It's unfortunate, sometimes." Her eyes were so sad, so lost.

  "He's praying desperately that it's a dream, as his monster of a trainer orders him to attack the small, familiar boy who was desperately searching for his best friend. The boy who is impossibly where he shouldn't be."

  "The boy smiles at his lost friend, so relieved that the nightmare is over, that his best friend isn't gone, that he somehow managed to find him against all odds… The collar crackles." She let the words hang in the air for a moment.

  "What does he do, Raihan?" He was silent.

  "Tell me something like that hasn't happened before, Raihan. Tell me that, theatrics with the boy aside, that isn't reality right now for some poor Pokemon. Then tell me I should feel bad for not wanting to look away."

  "That could be my family. Never my mother, they would have to kill her, but my baby girl? My happy little guy? My kelp buddy, my depressed gecko, or my traumatized little miracle? If it were them, would I ever forgive someone if they could have saved them, but hesitated out of fear?"

  "Can I forgive myself if I don't try to do something? I can't, absolutely not. Never. Can I forgive myself if I drag Leaf into danger? Absolutely not, never. Could I abandon her in favor of running off to play hero?" She was very quiet for a moment before she slowly answered her own question.

  "No, Raihan. I couldn't. I could no more do that than cut my other pinky off. So just like that fucking monster said, my only choices are death or agony, even if it wasn't me she was talking about at the moment, just her victims. It's just not my death on the scales that I care about, because apparently the agony was never an option in the first place. It's inevitable no matter what I choose."

  Monster?…Victims?

  "She would die, Raihan. This isn't Pokemon Red or Blue. You don't 'white out', and grinding would be abuse and ecosystem disruption rolled into one. There's no limits on what you can do in battle here, or at least it feels that way to me. It's so harsh here, and it feels so much like back home sometimes that it scares me. Because it's so real." She sounded like she was about to cry.

  Many things about that one, but where was home for her?

  "I'm not sure I want to live if I'm going to become a monster, either. Looker didn't seem to care if I did at all, but feeding people to my mom? I might actually do that, Raihan. I really don't know if I will or not, and that scares me. If I'm seeing red and abused Pokemon and they won't surrender? Nom nom."

  This Looker person should probably care!

  Raihan was silent for a moment as he thought. When he spoke, his voice was soft, but slightly teasing.

  "I'm going to tell your mom you don't care about your life or dying."

  She snorted lightly, pulling her knees up as she hugged herself tightly.

  "You think she doesn't know? She was in the mind reading, dumbass. She saw me, you're not going to surprise her."

  "I'll tell your Pokemon." She shoved him and he let the force twist him around.

  "No you won't, because they won't understand, and you're not cruel."

  He smiled, sadly I thought, then abruptly reached out and shoved Erin back to the ground. She just lay there in silence.

  "If I hear about you drinking again I'll send Flygon all the way over here to kick your ass." She giggled a little.

  "Yeah, like he'll ever have the guts to mess with me. More than he does with his pranks, I guess."

  "I'll send him with Torkoal, then. He's not scared of you at all. Let's see you fight an inferno that bites your ankles, Erin."

  I was pushing it, so I began to slowly back away. Too many thoughts were rushing through my head right now to be attentive enough, and the argument seemed over. I needed to go, now! Erin wouldn't actually kill me, but I was terrified of another timeout.

  The snap of the branch under my hand left me horrified, and I looked up, expecting to see glowing purple eyes as Erin rushed me, Raihan holding her back.

  Instead they both just gave me a sad look as I peered up from the forest floor.

  They didn't look mad. They looked exhausted, if for different reasons. Raihan was obviously tired from dealing with Erin, and Erin…

  Erin looked broken, and like she didn't care that she was.

  She looked at Raihan with a sad smile. Her voice was soft as she spoke. I had never, ever heard her talk like that, and I instantly hoped I never would again. She sounded so lost.

  It was far too familiar.

  "What do I do, Raihan?"