Chapter 1: Divine Intervention, Questionable Upgrades

  The world didn't fade to bck. It pulsed into an aggressive, artificial grape purple, the exact shade of the jumbo gummy bear Kenji Tanaka had tragically inhaled instead of chewing during a particurly uninspired bout of te-night channel surfing. One moment, he was contempting the existential void reflected in a documentary about competitive cheese rolling; the next, he was choking on solidified high-fructose corn syrup, his lungs screaming betrayal, the world dissolving into a sticky, violet haze. It wasn't exactly the heroic or even vaguely interesting demise he might have occasionally daydreamed about. It was just… pathetic.

  Then, the purple abruptly vanished, repced by an almost blindingly bright, pearlescent white light. It wasn't the sterile white of a hospital, nor the warm white of sunlight. It felt… expensive. Like the inside of a celestial limousine or a VVIP lounge designed by angels with impeccable taste and zero budget constraints. Soft, ambient music hummed, something jazzy and ethereal. He was standing, which was surprising given his recent asphyxiation. He also felt… different. Taller? Definitely taller. Broader? Yeah, that too. A weird lightness, a coiled energy he'd certainly never possessed while debating the merits of pizza versus instant ramen, thrummed beneath his skin.

  "Well, hello there, Sparky."

  The voice was smooth as velvet, ced with amusement and the kind of effortless confidence that suggested she owned the very concept of confidence. Kenji blinked, his eyes adjusting. Lounging on a chaise lounge that seemed sculpted from solidified moonlight was a woman. Correction: the Woman. She radiated 'smug gmour' like a personal force field. Ptinum blonde hair cascaded in impossible waves, framing a face with cheekbones sharp enough to cut gss and eyes the colour of molten gold that seemed to see right through his soul and find it mildly entertaining. She wore a gown that shimmered like a captured nebu, somehow both revealing and regal, and tapped a perfectly manicured finger against her chin.

  "Kenji Tanaka, right? Cause of death: Acute Gummy Bear Obstruction. Oh, honey, that's just… sad." She sighed dramatically, though her eyes danced with mirth. "Honestly, the paperwork on these kinds of departures is so tedious. 'Accidental Sugary Suicide' doesn't exactly scream cosmic significance, you know?"

  Kenji finally found his voice, though it sounded deeper, richer than he remembered. "Uh… where am I? Who are you? And… did you call me Sparky?" He instinctively reached up to touch his face, his fingers tracing unfamiliar, perfectly sculpted pnes. His skin felt… fwless. He gnced down. His clothes were gone, repced by simple, well-fitting tunic and trousers made of some soft, white material. And his body… holy crap. He looked like he'd been sculpted by Renaissance masters who'd decided Michengelo was aiming too low. Six-pack? Check. Broad shoulders? Check. Everything felt… optimized. Illegally so.

  The woman waved a dismissive, elegant hand. "Details, details! Call me Seraphina. Goddess of… let's say, 'Interesting Afterlife Transitions and Karmic Rebancing.' Mostly, I handle the ones who punch their ticket in ways that make the celestial accountants weep." She gave him a dazzling smile that didn't quite reach her knowing eyes. "You, my dear Kenji, died mely. Exceptionally so. That earns you… well, not a punishment, exactly. More like an opportunity. An aggressively interesting one."

  She stood, gliding towards him with a grace that defied physics. She circled him slowly, her golden eyes cataloguing his new form with open appreciation. "See? Lameness has its perks! I figured, if you're going to be thrown into the deep end, you might as well look good doing it. Think of it as compensation for the whole gummy bear fiasco. You're welcome."

  "Thrown into the deep end? What deep end?" Kenji asked, feeling a familiar wave of anxiety csh violently with the unfamiliar confidence radiating from his new physique. "And this body… it doesn't feel like mine."

  "Oh, it's yours now! Top-of-the-line Adonis model, custom-tuned," Seraphina chirped. "As for the 'deep end,' allow me to introduce you to Aethelgard!" She snapped her fingers, and shimmering images materialized in the air around them: Sleek, art deco skyscrapers piercing clouds, chrome-pted vehicles zipping through sky-nes, women in sharp power suits striding confidently, elegant figures with subtle animalistic features (were those… cat ears? Fox tails?) mingling seamlessly. "Think Great Gatsby meets Themyscira, with a dash of roaring twenties retro-futurism and a generous helping of demi-humans. It's fabulous! Also," she added casually, "predominantly female. Like, a five-to-one ratio. Women run basically everything – government, corporations, the best speakeasies. Men mostly… well, they try their best. Bless their hearts."

  Kenji's jaw dropped. "Five-to-one? Ruled by women? Demi-humans?"

  "Keep up, Sparky!" Seraphina gave his newly chiselled bicep a pyful pat, sending a jolt through him. "It's a vibrant world! Full of opportunity! Especially for someone who looks like you now. You'll be practically exotic." She winked. "And to help you navigate this thrilling new existence, because I'm so benevolent," – her tone dripped sarcasm – "I'm giving you a little welcome gift."

  Another snap of her fingers. A bright, almost intrusive interface fshed into existence before Kenji's eyes, visible only to him.

  [SYSTEM BOOTING: 'HEARTHEALER PRO' - EXPRESS EDITION!]

  [Welcome, User Kenji Tanaka (Designate: Adonis)!]

  [Primary Goal: Diagnose & Instantly Rectify Emotional Malfunctions ('Broken Hearts') in High-Value Females within the Aethelgard Socio-Political Sphere!]

  [Methodology: Utilize Enhanced Empathic Scan to Pinpoint Core Emotional Fw -> Deliver Targeted 'Emotional Reset' via System-Augmented Interaction -> Reap System Points (SP) & Unlock Perks/Skills!]

  [CRITICAL WARNING: Express Edition prioritizes SPEED and IMMEDIATE RESULTS over subtlety and emotional nuance. Side effects may include, but are not limited to: intense fixation, sudden personality shifts, obsessive behaviour, and yandere-spectrum tendencies in treated targets.]

  [Granted Perks: Adonis Body (Maximum Attractiveness Preset), Turbo-Charm (Passive Aura, Active Boost Capability), Basic Lingua Franca (Aethelgard Standard Dialect). ]

  Kenji stared at the fshing warning, a cold dread washing over him despite the ambient warmth of the celestial waiting room. "'Intense fixation'? 'Yandere-spectrum tendencies'?! What the hell kind of therapy is this?"

  Seraphina waved her hand again, the system dispy momentarily flickering. "Semantics! Think of it as… accelerated bonding! These are powerful, ambitious women, Kenji. They've got baggage! Trauma, paranoia, megalomania cleverly disguised as Tuesday morning board meetings, crippling insecurity masked by diamond-hard exteriors. You know, the usual." She leaned in conspiratorially. "They don't have time for years of therapy. They need breakthroughs! Instant gratification! You find the crack in their armour, give it a little psychic nudge courtesy of the system, and bam!" She cpped her hands together sharply. "Fixed! Happy! And potentially… very grateful."

  Her smile widened, predatory and amused. "You're not just a pretty face anymore, Kenji. You're a walking, talking emotional reset button that looks like sin dipped in charm. They've got problems, you've got the instant cure. What could possibly go wrong?"

  Kenji opened his mouth to list several dozen things that could, in fact, possibly go wrong, starting with the word 'yandere' and ending with the sheer absurdity of it all, but Seraphina was already turning away, gesturing towards a shimmering distortion in the pearly white wall that looked suspiciously like an exit portal.

  "Right then! Orientation's over. Time to drop you off. Downtown Aethelgard should be bustling this time of day. Try not to get immediately trampled by admirers," she said brightly. "Or, you know," she added with a final, devastatingly smug wink, "lovingly suffocated. Details! Have fun, Sparky! Send a postcard… or don't, I probably won't read it. Bye!"

  Before Kenji could utter another protest, he felt an irresistible pull towards the shimmering portal. The st thing he saw was Seraphina lounging back on her moonlight chaise, inspecting her perfect nails with divine indifference. The st thing he heard was her faint, musical ughter echoing as the expensive white light dissolved, repced by the overwhelming sensory input of a world utterly unlike anything he'd ever known. He hadn't even had time to properly appreciate his abs.