Tiredly, I climbed out of the arena. My magical energy was almost at zero. I should really learn to control myself. I thought to myself, remembering Fuyu's angry face.

  "Iruko that was awesome!"

  I could only manage a slight smile.

  "You were cool too..." I hissed.

  "Huh? Are you okay?" Kenji looked at me worriedly.

  Those blue eyes of his could see through anything.

  "Yeah. Just my magical energy's a little low right now. I overdid it again." I chuckled.

  My legs did their duty at that particular moment and I slumped to the ground.

  "Iruka!"

  Kenji immediately leaned towards me, his tormented gaze now burning me.

  "Can you help me to my room?" I whispered quietly

  Kenji smiled and was already bouncing me on his back. We're staying here during rehearsals. This multi-purpose building, which is nicknamed the school, has rooms for students as well. I have to stay here with Kenji for the whole week until the exams are over. Really this school is amazing there is so much here that whenever I discover a new room I get disillusioned. I rest my head against Kenji's back and close my eyes for a moment. Our room is about three floors down from here and even though I was so exhausted my thoughts kept going back to Yamadashi Hiro. His words really hit me harder than I could admit. I've worn my hair long since I was a kid and have always been a laughing stock for it. I stayed small, and that only made it worse. My nickname became little girl. I'd almost forgotten it, but this fight reminded me of my dark past in the orphanage. I remembered the laughter of all the kids at the orphanage. The way they pushed me away and no one wanted to play with me. The way I was beaten and bullied when the governesses weren't looking. I was all alone. I was the black sheep of the orphanage, and just because I was a tiny, skinny kid who was an easy target. My only salvation after that was Momo. The thought of her made my heart sting. The pain of her death hasn't faded, even though the memories are fading. But despite the pain, I'll know she was always there for me.

  We reached the room and I opened my eyes with great displeasure.

  "Here we are." Kenji said, laying me down on the floor.

  "Thank you for bringing me here."

  "It's okay. You're light as a girl."

  This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

  Another stab to my heart. I clenched my hands into fists and tried not to direct my anger at him.

  "I'm going to bed. We have another rehearsal starting tomorrow and it's well past the hour." I hissed softly, grabbing the doorknob of my bedroom.

  "Oh yeah. It's going to be almost ten in the evening. We were one of the last ones. Haha. Well tomorrow we're supposed to be in class from two o'clock, so sleep tight."

  "Yeah, thanks. Night."

  "Good night, Iruka."

  I opened the door and crawled into my room. A cold wind blew over me. And I was greeted by my tiny room. The emptiness. The darkness. The cold. Like in my heart. I walked to the open window and closed it. I collapsed wearily on the bed. I just lay there, staring absently at the ceiling.

  It's fascinating how just a few words from one freak can get to you. I guess that was the final push into the abyss known as depression. Everything started to fall apart like a house of cards. Why is everyone calling me a girl? It's not my fault I'm little. Go away. Get out of my head. I don't want those voices. I don't want the thoughts.

  "Momo-saaan!" I screamed and burst into tears.

  The rivulets of salt water left my eyes so quickly, but the pain wouldn't wash away with it. I want someone here right now to hold me and tell me it's going to be okay. I want him to lie to me that beautiful lie that I will foolishly believe and smile. But no one will come. No one sees me. No one hears...

  I hid my face in my hands and continued to sob. Who's here? Somebody tell me who's here? My thoughts were unstoppable. I went from nine to five. Every thought caused me more and more pain. Until I came to the one that's locked deep in my heart.

  "Why did you leave me?" I whispered.

  The tears stopped after saying that question. I placed my hands beside me and stared dully at the wall. The pain became unbearable. I felt like running a knife through my heart to make it go away.

  "Why did you leave me?" I repeated without a hint of emotion.

  That question was the most painful memory for me. The memory of not being wanted. Not even my own parents loved me. I was thrown to Earth like a piece of rag. Wasn't I good enough for them? Did they want something more from me? But what?! What the hell did I do to them!

  "Tell me what I did?!" I raised my voice.

  Again, the answer was devastating silence. I don't remember what my parents look like. Do I look like them? Are my memories real or just a figment of my imagination to protect myself? Is there anyone in this world who will love me?

  Sadness mixed with anger. I got up and went to the bathroom. I'll end it. I'll put an end to my misery. If this is the only way I can be happy, I'll do it. I don't want any more of these stupid insults. I don't want the pain.

  I stood in front of the mirror and just stared at myself for a while. One last thought. One last hesitation. If I do this, will I be better? Is that what I want? I looked closely at my tearful, pain-ravaged face. Then I just frowned at myself.

  "Yes, it's what I want."

  I pulled a sharp metal object out of a drawer. It was cold as death. I took another look at myself. I want to see myself like this one last time.

  The room fell into a sepulchral silence. The only thing that disturbed it was my intermittent breathing. The moments before important decisions are the longest in life, but the actions that come out of them are unforgettable, and so they will be for me. I picked up a sharp object and............

  began to cut.

  Therefore, to become a good magician, I must forget the petty things I experienced in the orphanage. These stupid memories will be there to strengthen me and show everyone that the new me will never give up and never let myself be brought down like this again.

  "Goodbye old me." I whispered, cutting off another piece of my hair.