The Hero is Too Busy Paying His Rent!Chapter 7: Oh Great, Another Day of My Life Being a Dumpster FireGood morning, dear reader.

  I assume you’re here to witness another thrilling chapter of my painful existence.

  Great. Fantastic. Wonderful.

  You know what’s even better?

  Today, nothing will go wrong.

  Yes, you heard me. I have mastered the art of existing without catastrophe. I will go to work, do my job, and return home in one piece.

  No explosions. No demon invasions. No supernatural horrors ordering fries.

  Just a normal, boring, peaceful day.

  …Right?

  The Universe Immediately DisagreesI stepped out of my apartment, took a deep breath, and smiled.

  Then the roof colpsed.

  I didn’t even flinch.

  Because, honestly? Not surprising.

  Kenji peeked out from the rubble. "Oh, hey dude. I think I broke your ceiling."

  I sighed. "Of course you did."

  Kenji dusted himself off. "You mad?"

  "Oh no, not at all," I said, voice completely monotone. "In fact, I’m thrilled. What’s more fun than waking up to structural colpse?"

  He nodded. "Yeah, I figured you'd be cool with it."

  I was not.

  But I had accepted my fate.

  "Why were you even on my roof?" I asked.

  Kenji stretched. "Oh, you know. Climbing practice. Heard it’s good for cardio."

  "Right. And now you’ve made my apartment look like a crime scene."

  He gave me a thumbs up. "Nice."

  I walked away before my brain melted from stress.

  Burger Castle: Now with 50% More ChaosI arrived at work, fully prepared for yet another ridiculous day.

  But as soon as I walked in, I noticed something different.

  It was… quiet.

  Too quiet.

  Kenji, appearing beside me, whispered, "This is unnatural."

  I nodded. "Where’s Melodia?"

  Usually, by this time, she’d be screaming at someone or threatening a customer with a medieval weapon.

  But today? Silence.

  This was suspicious.

  Melodia’s ‘Brilliant’ PnI found her in the kitchen, staring intensely at a pile of ingredients.

  "Melodia," I said slowly, "why do you look like you’re about to commit war crimes?"

  She didn’t even look up.

  "Rento, do you know what today is?"

  I blinked. "Uh. Wednesday?"

  She scowled. "NO, YOU FOOL. It’s the day I prove my culinary genius!"

  Kenji leaned over. "What’s with the weird meat?"

  Melodia grinned. "Oh, this? Just a special ingredient."

  Kenji and I exchanged looks.

  Kenji whispered, "She’s gonna poison someone, right?"

  I sighed. "Most likely."

  The Cooking Disaster of the CenturyFive minutes ter, Burger Castle had descended into madness.

  Melodia stood proudly behind a massive pot, stirring it with what I’m 90% sure was a sword.

  "Prepare yourselves!" she decred. "For I have created the ultimate dish!"

  The Demon King, watching from the sidelines, looked intrigued. "Ah, a battle of culinary prowess. How delightful."

  I pinched the bridge of my nose. "No. This is a health code viotion."

  Melodia scooped up a spoonful of her creation.

  It was… green.

  And moving.

  Kenji tilted his head. "Yo, is it supposed to be alive?"

  Melodia gasped. "Of course! That’s how you know it’s fresh!"

  That is not how food works.

  Before I could protest, she force-fed a spoonful to a nearby customer.

  The poor man froze.

  Then ascended into another pne of existence.

  Kenji nodded. "Yo, that dude just unlocked the secrets of the universe."

  The Demon King cpped. "A most impressive dish!"

  Melodia grinned. "See, Rento? I told you it was good!"

  I turned to my manager.

  "Are you seeing this?" I asked.

  He shrugged. "As long as it doesn’t break the cash register, I don’t care."

  Fantastic.

  The Customer Compints (And the Lawsuit That Followed)Surprisingly, only two customers died.

  Which, for Burger Castle standards, is a win.

  But then, Corporate showed up.

  Mr. Tanaka, the regional manager, walked in with his usual dead-inside expression.

  He looked around at the wreckage.

  Then at me.

  "Rento," he said. "Why?"

  I pointed at Melodia. "Her fault."

  Melodia gasped. "Betrayal!"

  Tanaka sighed. "You realize we’re getting sued, right?"

  I nodded. "Yeah, but, like… is this really the worst thing that’s happened here?"

  Tanaka thought about it.

  Then sighed again.

  "Fair point."

  The Inevitable ConclusionBy the end of my shift, I had:

  Witnessed a customer become a deity.Survived an eldritch cooking experiment.Escaped a wsuit through sheer apathy.And yet, somehow, this was still not the worst day I’ve had.

  As I left work, I turned to the sky.

  "Hey, author."

  Silence.

  "I know you’re listening."

  Still nothing.

  I narrowed my eyes.

  "Can I please have a normal day next time?"

  The sky crackled.

  A single fortune cookie fell from the heavens.

  I picked it up and opened it.

  "NO."

  I threw it into the trash.

  To Be Continued…