The Hero is Too Busy Paying His Rent!Chapter 9: Oh Look, It’s My Will to Live—Oh Wait, It’s Dead.You ever wake up and immediately regret it?

  Yeah. That was me this morning.

  Not because something exploded. Not because I was being chased by debt collectors.

  No, today, I woke up to something far worse.

  A letter.

  On my nightstand.

  With my full name written in red ink.

  You know how in horror movies the main character finds something weird and immediately ignores every survival instinct to investigate?

  I am not one of those people.

  So I did the only rational thing.

  I picked it up, threw it in the trash, and went back to sleep.

  Unfortunately, The Universe Hates Me.The second I closed my eyes, my bedroom door smmed open.

  Kenji stood there, holding a second letter.

  "Yo, you got one too?" he asked.

  I sighed. "Kenji. Do you know what ‘personal space’ means?"

  He ignored me. "It’s from corporate."

  I groaned. "Oh great. Are they firing us?"

  Kenji squinted at the letter.

  "Nah. It just says: ‘Mandatory Employee Bonding Trip.’"

  …

  I sat up. "Excuse me, what?"

  Kenji grinned. "Yeah, man! We’re going on a trip! All expenses paid! No work for a whole weekend!"

  That sounded way too good to be true.

  So, of course, I read the fine print.

  And there it was.

  ‘Destination: The Haunted Death Forest?’

  …

  I hate this job.

  Welcome to The Worst Vacation Ever.The entire Burger Castle staff stood in front of a dense, foggy forest.

  A wooden sign read: “Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter.”

  Corporate really went all out on the aesthetic.

  Melodia stretched. "Ah, nothing like the scent of imminent death in the morning!"

  Kenji adjusted his backpack. "Yo, you think we’ll get cool monster powers if we get cursed?"

  I turned to my manager. "Sir, why are we here?"

  Tanaka, our completely dead-inside regional manager, adjusted his tie.

  "Corporate thought it would boost morale."

  I gestured at the literal murder forest.

  "This is boosting morale?"

  He shrugged. "That’s what the brochure said."

  I pinched the bridge of my nose.

  I’m going to die here.

  An Hour Later, We’re Already Lost.Kenji had the map.

  Which was mistake number one.

  "Alright," he said, turning it upside down, "so if we go left, we should—wait. Is this the right way?"

  I sighed. "Give me that."

  I grabbed the map.

  It was just a piece of paper with a skull drawn on it.

  "Kenji."

  "Yeah?"

  "This isn’t a map. It’s a death threat."

  Kenji blinked. "Oh. That expins the note on the back."

  I flipped it over.

  ‘YOU WILL NOT SURVIVE.’

  Fantastic.

  Survival Tip #1: Don’t Trust Melodia.A few minutes into our doomed expedition, we found a fork in the path.

  Melodia immediately pulled out a coin.

  "Let fate decide!" she decred, flipping it.

  I grabbed it mid-air.

  "No. That’s how people die in horror movies."

  She pouted. "Coward."

  Kenji shrugged. "Honestly, we’re probably gonna die anyway, so like… does it matter?"

  …

  I hate that he has a point.

  The Cabin in the Woods (Where We’re Definitely Going to Die)Eventually, we found an old abandoned cabin.

  Kenji kicked open the door.

  "Yo, free real estate!"

  I peered inside.

  Cobwebs. Broken furniture. A single rocking chair moving on its own.

  Yep. Totally safe.

  Tanaka walked in and sat down.

  "Alright," he said. "New corporate rule: Whoever dies first gets their shifts divided among the survivors."

  Melodia raised a hand. "What if we kill someone on purpose?"

  Tanaka checked the manual.

  "As long as it’s ‘an enriching team-building experience,’ it’s fine."

  Kenji nodded. "Yo, corporate really thought of everything."

  I stared at them.

  "You people terrify me."

  Night Falls. Sanity Does Too.By midnight, things got worse.

  The firepce started whispering my full name.Kenji found a mirror that showed him a different timeline.Melodia challenged a ghost to a knife fight.Meanwhile, Tanaka calmly read a book like this was just another Monday.

  I turned to him.

  "Sir. How are you so calm right now?"

  He took a sip of his coffee.

  "I’ve worked in corporate for ten years. This is nothing."

  …

  Honestly? That expins a lot.

  The Final Straw: The ‘Friendly’ Forest SpiritAt 3 AM, we met her.

  A beautiful, ethereal woman emerged from the fog.

  "Welcome, travelers," she whispered. "I am the guardian of these woods. If you wish to leave, you must complete a simple task."

  Kenji grinned. "Oh, sick! A side quest!"

  She smiled. "All you must do… is sacrifice one of your own."

  …

  The group turned to me.

  I narrowed my eyes. "Do NOT look at me like that."

  Melodia sighed. "Well, you are the least useful person here—"

  "I LITERALLY RUN THE CASH REGISTER!"

  Kenji shrugged. "Yeah, but like… you don’t even do tricks."

  Unbelievable.

  The Escape Pn (Which Was Just Running Away Screaming)Instead of debating who to murder, I did the only thing that made sense.

  I threw my shoe at the spirit and bolted.

  Kenji: "Yo, that’s a solid strategy."

  Melodia: "RUN, YOU FOOLS!"

  Tanaka: "I don’t get paid enough for this."

  The spirit screamed in rage as we sprinted into the woods.

  Branches sshed our faces.The fog grew thicker.And then—

  We saw it.

  A glowing exit sign.

  …

  Corporate really is the real horror here.

  The Aftermath: No One Learns AnythingSomehow, we survived.

  We made it back to civilization.

  No one died.

  Tanaka checked his watch.

  "Alright, that concludes our mandatory bonding session. See you all at work tomorrow."

  I colpsed.

  Kenji patted my back. "Yo, good hustle out there, dude."

  Melodia grinned. "Let’s do this again sometime!"

  I weakly lifted my head.

  "I will haunt you in the afterlife."

  Melodia smirked. "Bold of you to assume you’re getting into the afterlife."

  …

  I have never felt more exhausted in my life.

  To Be Continued…

  Bonus Scene: The Demon King’s Very Productive WeekendWhile we were running for our lives in a haunted forest, the Demon King had a completely different experience.

  Saturday Morning – The Throne of Ultimate Power (And a Nice Cup of Coffee)The Demon King sat in his luxurious apartment—a penthouse gifted to him by corporate as a "Welcome to the Human World" package.

  He took a slow sip of his imported hellfire roast coffee and sighed in satisfaction.

  "Ah," he muttered. "Truly, a peaceful weekend."

  He stretched, completely unaware that his employees were being hunted by a vengeful spirit.

  Saturday Afternoon – Casual World Domination PnsWith nothing else to do, the Demon King reviewed his five-year conquest pn.

  Step 1: Gain financial control over the human world.Step 2: Buy out all fast-food chains to corner the burger industry.Step 3: Raise burger prices to weaken the popution.Step 4: Conquer the weakened, burger-deprived masses.He smirked. "Foolproof."

  He took another sip of coffee.

  Truly, an efficient day.

  Saturday Night – Completely Oblivious to Our SufferingMeanwhile, while we were fighting ghosts and running for our lives, the Demon King was…

  Sitting on his couch.Watching TV.Eating a perfectly cooked steak.

  He scrolled through his phone and saw a corporate email.

  "MANDATORY EMPLOYEE BONDING TRIP – ATTENDANCE REQUIRED."

  He raised an eyebrow.

  "Ah. A team-building exercise? How foolish."

  He deleted the email and continued eating.

  And that’s how he completely avoided the nightmare trip.

  Sunday Morning – Back to Work Like Nothing HappenedWhen we crawled into work the next day—exhausted, traumatized, and still partially haunted—we found the Demon King already at the counter, drinking coffee.

  He blinked. "Ah. You all look… unwell."

  I gred. "We almost died."

  Kenji colpsed onto the counter. "We were hunted by a ghost."

  Melodia grinned. "It was fun!"

  The Demon King nodded slowly. "Hm. Perhaps I should have attended."

  I groaned. "WHY DIDN’T YOU COME?!"

  He took a sip of coffee.

  "Ah. I was busy."

  …

  I hate this job.