“I mean, there’s got to be someone we can ask around here,” Seth muttered as we left his dorm room. “Surely someone has to… Oh, hey!”

  Anxiety flared within me as the guy in the corridor came to a stop and turned towards us. Confusion appeared on his face as he looked at Seth, and the urge to say something rose within me. I almost wanted to apologise for interrupting him, but uncertainty made the words die in my throat.

  “Hey,” the boy said slowly, his eyes flicking between Seth and me. “I’ve not met you before, have I?”

  “Nah, I’m new here. Only got out of the induction wing today,” Seth replied. “I’m Seth. First year, field op.”

  I glanced up at him, surprised by the way he introduced himself. He’d used the standard format that everyone else in the Academy seemed to default to. It was how Georgie had introduced herself to me so long ago, and I could recall countless other people doing it the same way since then.

  How did Seth know to use it? He’d only been in the main building of the Academy for a couple of hours, if that. It had taken me so much longer to get into the habit of saying it, and even longer still before I started to feel comfortable introducing myself that way.

  I still wasn’t entirely comfortable with it, actually. It always tripped me up. I didn’t quite know what to say for my specialism because I didn’t have one, so I tended to just omit that part. Luckily, I’d had to explain it to enough people that the word had spread. Most of the other trainees knew about my situation, so they didn’t tend to press me for more details, and I was grateful.

  “Oh, congrats on making it out!” the boy said. “I’m Isaac. Second year, field op. We’ve definitely met before, though, haven’t we?”

  My brain stuttered to a halt as he looked at me, and a flare of panic shot through me.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we have,” I replied with an easy laugh. “Grace, also a first year.”

  “No specialism,” Isaac recalled with a nod. “I remember you. So, did you need something?”

  “Oh, yeah,” Seth said quickly. “Do you know how to get onto the roof?”

  Isaac looked taken aback for a moment.

  “Of course!” he said before glancing at me. “Has no one shown you yet?”

  My cheeks started to burn as awkwardness rose within me. It felt like I’d done something wrong by not knowing how to get there, as if I should have asked before that point, but I was pretty sure it hadn’t even occurred to me. I was too preoccupied with loneliness.

  “Nope, not yet.”

  “Oh. Well, don’t worry. It’s super easy. Just go down the hall until you get to the end. The ladder’s in the supply closet on the left,” he explained before quickly correcting himself. “No, sorry. Right. Right is supplies, and left is the stash. Trust me. You don’t want to open that door.”

  Seth glanced at me out of the corner of his eyes, his expression concerned, and I knew I was pulling the exact same face.

  “Why not?” I asked, unsure whether I actually wanted to hear the answer.

  Isaac sighed heavily and shook his head.

  “The alarm is a fucking nightmare,” he said. “If you open it, you have three seconds to disable it, and that’s pretty hard to do if you’re unprepared. I have made that mistake… far too many times.”

  “Ah, that sounds…” Seth started before trailing off.

  Isaac laughed.

  “Oh yeah, it was. Last time, it was three in the morning, and I thought half the people here were going to murder me. I’m truly not surprised how I survived with my life,” he said. “Oh, there’s another ladder in the cupboard at the end of the girls’ corridor too. I assume you’ve not found that one either yet?”

  “No, I haven’t,” I replied.

  “Ah, fair. Well, I’m pretty sure that’s on the… left?” Isaac said with a shrug, his expression inspiring no confidence.

  I laughed, but confusion was pulling at me. How had I missed that? I was almost sure I’d been in the supply room he was talking about. If it was the one I was thinking of, that was where the spare toiletries were kept. I’d examine everything in there, searched every single shelf, but I’d not seen a ladder anywhere. Was it hidden?

  “Great. Thanks. I’ll ask one of the girls before I try either door,” I told him.

  “Yeah… that’s probably for the best,” Isaac agreed before starting to turn away. “Have fun up there, and try not to get too close to the edge.”

  “We won’t,” Seth promised. “Thanks for the help!”

  Isaac raised his hand in acknowledgement without turning around, and Seth glanced at me. His lips were pressed together, and amusement danced in his eyes.

  “So…” I said, dragging the word out. “I guess we just choose a door and hope for the best?”

  A laugh tumbled from Seth’s mouth, and I felt butterflies flutter in my stomach as I grinned. I was strangely proud of myself for making him laugh, and the urge to do it again immediately pulled at me.

  “I guess so,” Seth replied as we started heading towards the storerooms.

  A comfortable silence settled over us, and I found myself glancing at Seth from the corner of my eye. My mind floated back to the way he’d introduced himself to Isaac, and I bit my lip as I debated whether or not to ask him about it. It was tempting, but at the same time, something was holding me back, and I wasn’t sure what it was. I think I was just being a coward, but I didn’t need to be, I told myself.

  “How did you know to do that?” I asked, my curiosity overpowering my anxiety.

  Seth looked at me, his eyebrows pulling together.

  “Do what?”

  He sounded completely confused by my question, and that made sense. I realised I hadn’t given him any context, so I could have been talking about anything.

  “Introduce yourself like that,” I explained. “You know, saying that you’re Seth, first year, field op…”

  “Oh! That’s how someone introduced themselves to me earlier when I was with Rodgers, so I kind of just assumed it was the norm,” Seth said with a sheepish laugh, hesitating before adding, “Why? Did I do something wrong?”

  He sounded so unsure of himself and nervous, and that made me feel awful. I didn’t mean to make him feel bad or worry about how he’d acted. I was just curious, and his answer had impressed me. He was so quick to figure it out, and that made me realise whoever had championed Seth’s recruitment had chosen well. He’d make a great field agent.

  “No, no, not at all!” I hurried to reassure him. “That’s how everyone does it. I was just surprised that you knew.”

  “Oh,” Seth replied, looking down.

  I couldn’t work out whether I’d made him feel better or not. A slight smile seemed to be pulling at his lips, but I was still worried. My mind raced as I tried to think of something to add that would help.

  “I mean, I didn’t figure that out for, like, the first few days. It took me ages to get used to it.”

  Seth laughed again, but that time, it sounded less self-conscious. Relief washed over me as he met my gaze, and I realised he didn’t seem annoyed with me. I wasn’t really sure why he would be, but the worry had been pulling at the back of my mind.

  “I’m not surprised,” he said. “It felt weird to say, you know? Like, it was so formal.”

  I chuckled.

  “Yeah.”

  We slowed as we neared the end of the hallway. A huge window looked out over the grounds, and I glanced out quickly before my attention was stolen by the doors on either side of the corridor. They were identical. Both had a nameplate on the door, which simply read ‘Supplies’, and a keypad built into the wall near the handle, but that was it. There was nothing to indicate which door we should open and which we should avoid.

  “So…” Seth started before trailing off. “How good are you at disabling alarms?”

  I couldn’t help the wince that flitted across my face at Seth’s question. It had caused a memory to flash behind my eyes, filling me with anxiety. I’d been in the GSOC after dinner the night before. One of the analysts had invited me to sit beside them and observe, and it had been quiet to start with, but that quickly changed.

  Stolen novel; please report.

  Their field op was trying to get in somewhere. There was a heavily guarded facility in the middle of the city that held something the Academy needed more information on, so they’d had to hide on the roof of a building whilst the analyst worked on deactivating the alarms, and it had been amazing to see. Terrifying but amazing.

  A string of seemingly random numbers and letters had flown across the screen. I’d barely been able to breathe as the analyst bounced between programming, checking schematics, running data scans, and about a million other things before finally letting out a sigh and leaning back in her chair. She’d been successful, and I had no idea how she knew. Nothing on any of the monitors seemed to indicate that, but she was right. The field operative was able to get the door open without any alarms sounding.

  She’d tried to explain it to me later. Once things had died down slightly and the field op wasn’t in as much danger, she’d tried to show me how she’d done it, but it had gone over my head. She tried to simplify it and didn’t even use any complex words, but I still had no idea what she’d done. I’d just ended up nodding and pretending I’d got it.

  “Uhhh… it depends?” I said with a grimace.

  I mean, I wasn’t terrible. That security system might have completely baffled me, but I’d managed to disable a few more simple ones in class the other day. It had been kind of terrifying, despite the fact nothing bad would happen if I was unsuccessful, but I’d managed to do it. I could still remember the relief and adrenaline that had washed over me once the red light stopped blinking, and part of me was eager to do it again.

  I doubted the security system on the storeroom in front of us would be that easy, though. The boy had said it was a nightmare, and one of the caches of emergency weapons, intended to be used to protect the Academy in case of attacks, was in there. I doubted the tutors would make it too easy to silence, just in case.

  “Well, I bet you’re better than me,” Seth said. “I almost electrocuted myself on one last week. I tasted metal for a good few days. It was so gross.”

  My eyes found Seth as concern slammed into me.

  “Are you okay?” I asked.

  “Oh, yeah. Completely fine now,” he laughed. “It was entirely my fault. I thought I’d disconnected the power supply, but I’d mixed up the diagrams, so I’d actually disconnected the speaker. I mean… it worked out for the best when I triggered it like two seconds later, but…”

  Seth shrugged at me, a grin on his face, and I laughed uncertainly. The desire to ask more questions pulled at me, but I didn’t want him to think I was prying too much. He seemed okay, though. The doctors at the Academy were good, and if the shock had done any lasting damage, I knew they would have caught it, but I was still worried about him.

  “Okay,” I said, unconvinced. “So… do we trust Isaac and go for this door?”

  I gestured towards the door on the right side of the corridor, and Seth looked at it. His eyes flicked back and forth as he examined it before nodding.

  “I think so. What do you think?”

  Biting my lip, I glanced between the two doors again, trying to spot any differences between them, but I couldn’t. There was nothing.

  “Yeah. I mean, he probably didn’t get it wrong… again, right?”

  Seth laughed, the noise somewhat unexpected, and I felt pride flare in my heart again.

  “Yeah, probably not,” he replied, still chuckling. “Do you reckon we need a code to get in?”

  “I don’t think so,” I said. “I mean, I’ve been to the supply room in the girls’ dorm a couple of times, and the door’s always been unlocked.”

  Confusion appeared on Seth’s face.

  “Oh… I thought you said you didn’t know where the ladder was?”

  His question made me feel strangely ashamed. I already felt like I’d failed something by not noticing the ladder when I’d been in there before, but somehow, having to admit that out loud made me feel even worse.

  “Uhh, yeah. I didn’t actually… see it in there,” I said, not quite able to meet Seth’s eye. “I’m not sure if it was hidden or I just didn’t notice it, but…”

  My voice failed me, and I trailed off, unsure how to finish the sentence. I didn’t really have an excuse for why I hadn’t seen it, and I could feel that Seth was still looking at me, which made anxiety and embarrassment burn within me. Dizziness crept closer in the back of my mind, tempting me to return to reality so I didn’t need to deal with the uncomfortable emotions swirling within me.

  I wasn’t really sure what happened when I left that world. Did my body keep going on autopilot, like it did when I left reality or did something else happen? Did another version of me take over? It could have been either, but I knew that would have been fine. The other version of me, or the empty shell I became, could deal with it. After all, they’d coped with the loneliness I’d been feeling for the last couple of weeks, so I knew they’d be able to manage it.

  The corridor spun lazily as I pulled away ever so slightly, still trying to figure out what I wanted to do. My vision started to shift. The other world, my reality, was appearing. I could see a hazy outline of the dashboard of Mom’s car forming as the corridor faded away.

  “Fair enough,” Seth said. “So… ready?”

  Instantly, the world snapped back into focus. I was being silly. I was overthinking everything. Seth didn’t seem to judge me at all for not noticing the ladder, and I shouldn’t have even been worried about it. It was so unnecessary.

  “Ready,” I replied with a grin.

  Seth returned my smile and reached out towards the door handle. I sucked in a deep breath as my body tensed in preparation for the alarm, and my face twisted into a grimace. I watched as Seth hesitated, his hand resting on the brushed gold handle for a few seconds before he pulled.

  My heart stopped. I felt like it didn’t beat for a few seconds as I waited for the alarm to begin blaring, but the corridor remained quiet. The only sound came from the voices drifting out of the rooms around us.

  “He was right!” Seth announced, a hint of shock in his voice as he pulled the door open.

  I was just as surprised as he was, and my excitement started to build again as I hurried after Seth into the closet. We’d done it. We’d found the right supply closet, and the ladder had to be somewhere inside. We just needed to locate it, and then we’d be able to get out onto the roof. It would be so nice and peaceful up there, and I couldn’t wait.

  Without warning, Seth stopped. I hadn’t even been looking at him. My eyes had been roaming the shelves inside the storeroom, and I didn’t realise in time. I walked straight into him before leaping back as renewed embarrassment soared within me.

  “Sorry!” he cried, reaching back to steady me as I stumbled. “Someone’s coming down.”

  My eyes flicked towards the ceiling, where a pair of feet had appeared on the ladder tucked into the gap between some of the shelving units. I chewed my lip as they descended a few more steps before pausing. The girl craned her head to peer at us, her eyes widening.

  “Sorry, sorry, sorry!” the girl called as she started to climb down again.

  “Oh, no, it’s alright,” Seth hurried to say.

  I stepped back, putting more space between us. Blood rushed into my cheeks, and I glanced around the room, searching for something to distract me from the awkwardness I was feeling as I waited awkwardly for the girl to get to the bottom of the ladder. The storeroom looked pretty similar to the one in the girls’ corridor. There were rows of toiletries, sanitary products and cleaning supplies on almost every shelf, and a collection of hoovers and mops were neatly lined up along the back wall, just like in our supply room.

  That kind of surprised me. I thought there would be a more obvious difference, but the only one that stood out to me was the toiletries. The ones targeted towards guys seemed to be more boring. They were less colourful, whereas our shelves looked like a rainbow.

  “Thanks!” the girl said, smiling at us as she ducked out of the room.

  Seth and I edged closer to the ladder, eyeing it nervously. Neither of us spoke for a few seconds before Seth glanced at me.

  “Do you… want to go first, or shall I?” he asked.

  I opened my mouth before shutting it again. Immediately, I wanted to ask him to go first. I was too scared. I didn’t know what to expect when we got out onto the roof; I’d only seen it from the ground, and that made me nervous, but the feeling was eclipsed by another worry.

  If I went first, Seth would see up my skirt. It would be impossible for him to avoid it, and I was wearing shorts and tights underneath. There was no way he’d be able to see my underwear or anything, but the thought of him seeing up my skirt still embarrassed me. I couldn’t bring myself to say that, though. I wanted Seth to think I was brave. If I asked him to go first, he’d know I was a coward.

  “I don’t mind,” I lied.

  Seth’s lips twitched slightly, and I couldn’t tell if he’d the hesitation in my voice.

  “I’ll go first then,” he said, taking a step towards the ladder before looking back at me. “If that’s okay?”

  “Yeah. No, that’s fine,” I replied, trying not to let the relief coursing through me seep into my voice.

  Anxiety turned in my stomach as I watched him start to climb, the muscles in his arms tensing as he gripped the metal rungs, and I had to tear my eyes away. I couldn’t stop myself from shuffling restlessly as I alternated between looking at Seth and glancing around the room awkwardly. The ceilings were high, which meant the ladder was surprisingly long, and I wasn’t sure whether I should wait until he’d reached the hatch before starting to make my way up the ladder too.

  Was it weird to wait? Would Seth know I’d been watching him if I didn’t start climbing before he got out onto the roof? Maybe, I told myself. That would be embarrassing. I didn’t want him to know that I’d been looking at him; what if he realised I’d been staring at his arms?

  I stepped towards the ladder quickly before another thought occurred to me, and I froze. Could it support the weight of both of us? If I started climbing too, would that be too much for the ladder to handle? The rungs seemed to be bolted directly to the wall, but I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to risk somehow tearing it straight out of the wall.

  The embarrassment that would cause me might be enough to keep me from ever setting foot in the Academy again. Everyone would find out. They’d all know what I’d done, and there was no chance I’d ever be able to face them or Seth again, and I didn’t want that. I didn’t want that world to become yet another place I avoided.

  But it didn’t matter. Seth had already reached the top of the ladder, and I squinted up into the sunlight streaming through as I reached out, resting my hand on the metal rung before me. It was surprisingly cold, I noticed as I tightened my grip around it and began to climb.

  It was harder than I expected, and the sharp edges cut into my palms. I thought it would be easy to get up the ladder, but the rungs were positioned too far apart. I had to stretch to reach each one, and that made it more difficult. Or maybe they were spaced normally. I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d climbed a ladder. Maybe it was in the world with Mitch?

  My hand froze for a moment as a wave of homesickness slammed into me. It was so intense and unexpected that it took my breath away, and my heart ached. I missed that world. It wasn’t my home. I shouldn’t have felt its absence so strongly, but I did.

  And I missed Mitch. He was the first adult, other than my dad, to actually treat me like a person. Like I was someone who mattered. He had no responsibility for me. He wasn’t required to look after me, but he did. He cared for me, and I’d run away from him. I was hiding in other worlds because I was too weak and cowardly to go back.

  Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to escape as the burning in my heart became more painful. Things were so easy back then. It was more simple. I’d only found a couple of scary worlds, but even those weren’t too bad, and I was more in control. I barely got sucked into places without meaning to go there, and I wished I could go back. I wanted everything to be easy again.

  Movement came from above me, and I blinked quickly, trying to hide my tears as Seth’s face appeared through the hatch. Stop getting distracted, I told myself as he peered down at me. I just had to keep climbing.