"So," said Joshua. "Caleb's sire is who we're up against, and Caleb turned Angelina, and Pantessa. But I get the impression you're not one of Caleb's?"

  The small talk helped Joshua and Stelian pass the time they spent together, in a van, driven by a serial killer, which was the scene of multiple grisly homicides.

  "My sire was Damian Malik, and uh, my story's pretty much... stupid. He was the first... guy I was with," said Stelian.

  Joshua got the feeling that had Stelian been alive, there might have been a blush there.

  "You're gay?"

  "Bi. Only I don't repress it, the way Caleb does. Which is a shame, I think he'd be happier if he just admitted it to himself."

  "He's cute. I can see why you might have a crush on him," admitted Joshua.

  "On Caleb? Oh, hell no. He might be a looker but he's so... so up his own ass, and condescending and mean."

  "I know what you mean," said Joshua. "At least about the condescending part. I haven't gotten the full force of his meanness."

  "I'm too harsh on him maybe," said Stelian. "He's not like, mean like... sadistic mean. He's mean like, grumpy mean? If that makes any sense? Like an old man, who got way too old way too fast. This is a hard life. Well, it's not life it's..."

  "I get what you mean," said Joshua. "But tell me about Damian. What happened to him? I noticed you used the past tense."

  "We thought we were going to be together forever. Just staring into his eyes, caressing his perfect body. He was just so into me. It was like he cared for nothing in the world more than me. We were together for two years before. And I knew his secret. And then one night, one beautiful, romantic night, he turned me."

  "And then?"

  "And then six months ter we couldn't stand each other. There was just... nothing to him under all of that. He was pretty and built and utterly devoted to me, and just nothing else. I even tried to get him into video games, just so that we'd have a mutual interest to talk about. I don't know where he is now. All I know is that he loved me genuinely, used me completely, and then when we realized I wanted more than a hot boy toy to pal around with for eternity, he fucked off."

  "Sorry," said Joshua. "I didn't realize I was poking at a sore subject."

  "It's alright. I'm over it now. Despite the fact that I haven't aged since 2013, I like to think I've matured a bit since then. What about you?"

  "I don't think I should be dating anyone while I'm being compelled to kill people. You know? Like, that's tough to bring up on the first date. 'I'd like to see you again, how's Sunday, because my Saturday isn't free, I'm going to be doing a murder.'"

  "Not even before you started killing people?"

  "Well, that's the thing. I started killing people almost as soon as I moved to Las Vegas, not before. Before that I was living with my parents in Austin. Well, technically, Cedar Park, which is just north of Georgetown, which is just north of Austin. That makes a big difference." Joshua took a moment to figure out the best way to put what he was about to say into words.

  "Being openly gay in Austin isn't a big deal. Being openly gay in Cedar Park? Still kind of a big deal. And especially when you're living with your parents who do not approve of 'the gay lifestyle.' I came out to Vegas to be myself. To a city that allows you to be authentic, even if your authentic self is tacky."

  Stelian nodded at that.

  "I'm sorry I had to meet you, you know, after you murdered the woman I'm obviously crushing like hell on. I think we could have been friends, otherwise."

  "Yeah, after this is over, I... don't know what I'm going to do. Well, let's face it, chances are after this is over I'll be dead, but on the off chance I'm not dead, I have no idea what I'm going to do," admitted Joseph. "But you seem like a good guy, Stel."

  "Thanks."

  The two sat in silence for a little bit, then Stelian took his phone out of his pocket. "Actually, I think I should write that down."

  "Write what down?"

  "You didn't start killing until you moved to Las Vegas. I don't know, that kinda seems like the kind of thing that could be a clue."

  Meanwhile, Pants, following behind in Stelian's Mom's car, didn't have anyone to talk to, so she just listened to the radio, hummed along, and thought of increasingly gruesome ways to tear her murderer's body apart in the most painful way possible. Sure, as a coping mechanism that wasn't particurly healthy, (especially not for Joshua), but she was going through trauma, dammit, and the revenge fantasies were helping.

  ***

  In the Buick LeSabre, Caleb and Ange were heading back to South Point to retrieve Caleb's car. If it wasn't, you know, stolen. Or re-stolen, since Caleb stole it the first time. Or un-stolen by the LVPD. Caleb mentioned to Angelina that he thought about abandoning it. He imagined a scenario where security noticed the broken ignition, reported it to Metro PD, who, instead of just towing it away, would put a tracking device on it, follow him to his "lovely" industrial park and serve a no-knock raid in the middle of the day.

  "That," said Angelina. "is a worst case scenario. They'd just tow it. Las Vegas PD has bigger problems, and you're not exactly the head of a major car theft operation. Remember what you told me? Back in the early days?"

  "I said a lot of things when I first turned you, Angelina."

  "There's healthy paranoia, and unhealthy paranoia," she quoted. "Healthy paranoia helps you survive. Unhealthy paranoia prevents you from living your life."

  "I said that?"

  "You used to be wiser, Cal."

  "What happened to me?"

  "Was that a rhetorical question, or do you seriously want an answer?"

  Silence.

  "Caleb?" Angelina prodded.

  "I don't know," said Caleb. "I'm thinking. You know, what, go ahead. Hit me. I'm already pretty much emotionally a wreck tonight from my phone call with dad, it can't get much worse."

  "I think it's some sort of inferiority complex, Cal. And you're not inferior. You're not. You're clever, you're smart. You can be quite charming on your own merits when you want to be. And most important, when you are not actively taking steps to make yourself more of an asshole, you are kind," said Angelina. "Your nature is to be kind. You try to deny it, try to push it down, because you think that monsters can't be kind. Or maybe you fear disappointing people who put their faith in you so much, that you beat them to the punch and act like someone you shouldn't put faith in. Newsfsh, Cal, you are never going to be perfect. You will fuck up. You will hurt people. That's the human-- the existential condition. But somehow you've got it in your head that if you can't be perfect, you shouldn't even bother to be good."

  Caleb was silent for a good while after that, digesting it.

  "Am I right, Caleb?" Angelina finally prompted.

  "You're probably right, yeah."

  "Good. You can start being better to Pantessa. Apologize to her for how you've been treating her and mean it. And be a real sire to her, Cal. I took her out hunting, showed her some of the ropes, but she's your childe. And I can already tell, she's going to make an excellent vampire. She's going to be good at it. If she has someone she can actually rely on to guide her through it. You might have been 'preserving witness testimony' or whatever, but the point is, you made a vampire, Caleb, and I am not picking up the sck for a deadbeat sire."

  The vampires finally arrived at South Point, and Caleb's car was still there, and the only sign that someone had tampered with it was a flyer for escort services stuck under the windshield wipers.

  "Look, someone left a takeout menu," said Caleb.

  Angelina snorted. "See, Caleb. You're funny, when you're not up your own butt. I need to get back to the Orleans. And find a pce to park this beast of a car."

  "You're keeping it?"

  "Why not? It was commandeered from Mad Tom fair and square." Angelina shrugged. "Plus, I think he likes the Santa Vanna more, now. Oh, and you need to get a cellphone. Ask Pantessa to help you set one up with Signal."

  "I don't trust cellphones."

  "Nobody should, but it's either that or we keep relying on you or a vampire a few bits short of a piece of eight to spread the news when something big happens. Oh, that was Pantessa's idea by the way. End-to-end encrypted communications. I tell you, she's a smart cookie."

  "You really took her hunting? And helped her pick out a deadname?" asked Caleb.

  "Shoulda been you," admonished Angelina.

  "You know, Angelina, you're... you're amazing, and I wish... I wish I..."

  "You wish you deserved me," said Angelina raising an eyebrow. "Ya don't. And you're gonna have to keep working at it if you ever want to."

  "Do... do you still have feelings for me?" asked Caleb.

  "Caleb, of course I do. As you do for me." Caleb started to object, but Angelina cut him off. "Don't deny it. Poker pyer. But you have to do better, Caleb. Because we can make each other stronger, or we can make each other weaker, and I am not getting dragged into co-dependency for eternity."

  "Then I guess I'm just going to have to work on myself," said Caleb. "Because I think you're worth being better for."

  "See what I mean? Charm--" Ange started, but Caleb abruptly cut Angelina off, looking terrified.

  "Did you feel that?"

  "Feel what?"

  "Oh shit."

  "What?"

  Caleb hopped into the Camry and started the engine.

  "We have to go back to Henderson. Pantessa just sent off a bat-signal."

  "WHAT?"

  ***

  "C'mon in," said Joshua, when they got back to his house. "And yes, Pantessa, that means you. Actually, if you see anything that you could use, just go ahead and take it. I'm just here to get my documents and a change of clothes, I have a feeling this pce isn't going to be safe for much longer."

  Pantessa frowned. She did not like being treated with hospitality by her murderer. She looked around the pce. "Angelina wasn't kidding, you really do like Italian food."

  "Honestly, I got into it because... well, it was something manly that wasn't sterotypically manly? But yeah, I just kept getting better at it, decided to go to culinary school. I mean, there's good food all over the world, but you can't go wrong with Italian for a night out with friends, for a date, for family night. Food's life, you know?"

  "Or vice versa," said Stelian. "In our case." He looked around. "Nice pce. Not at all what I pictured."

  "Why, what were you picturing?" asked Joshua.

  "Honestly, like, Dead by Daylight, meathooks everywhere, shadows, that sort of thing."

  Jacob retrieved his passport and important document folder from his nightstand, opened up his gun safe to retrieve a second shotgun, this one a second Remington, along with two boxes of shells. "Do either of you know how to use a shotgun?" he asked.

  "How hard can it be?" said Stelian. "Looks really simple in the video games."

  "Ah, yeah, no. On second thought, Pantessa, you better take the second shotgun."

  "Gee, thanks Josh. You sure are swell, and this almost makes up for the time you terrified me, kidnapped me, then stabbed me to death multiple times," said Pantessa, having gone beyond 'dripping with sarcasm' to 'holding sarcasm under the water in the bathtub until sarcasm drowns.'

  "On third thought, Stelian, this is the safety, pumping it ejects the spent shell and loads a new one, and keep it pointed down and away from anyone else."

  "Cooooool," said Stelian, while Joshua contempted a fourth thought. "That everything?"

  "Just need to pack a few changes of clothes and my work apron." Josh grabbed a duffel bag from the closet, stuffed in some pants, t-shirts, and the apron and zipped it up. "Looks like we're all done here," he said.

  "What should we do about your dog?" asked Stelian, looking out the back door.

  "What dog?" asked Joshua.

  "The big bck one outside. That's not your dog?"

  Joshua and Pantessa looked where Stelian was pointing. There was nothing there.

  "Hunh. I swear he was right there. Must have been--"

  "Don't say it," said Pantessa. "You saw a big bck dog. Dog is not there. This is a horror movie situation. Ergo, big bck dog is still here and may not be a big bck dog." She rooted through the kitchen to find a suitable weapon. There were many, many knives she could have chosen. She decided to go with the meat tenderizer. She was more in the mood for bludgeoning than stabbing.

  "What's the pn?" Stelian asked Joshua.

  "I don't know. What's the pn?" Joshua asked Pantessa.

  Pantessa rolled her eyes and cursed them both under her breath. "Fucking boys..."

  She sighed, dropped the meat tenderizer, took the bag from Joshua, and exchanged the bag for the shotgun with Stelian. She chambered a shell and flipped off the safety.

  "We abandon the van and go straight to your mother's car, Stelian. You drive, I'll hop in the back, and Joshua literally rides shotgun. Stelian goes first, I watch the six, and Joshua, you stay close to me."

  As far as pns go, it was actually a decent one. Stelian headed out first, heading to his mother's car at a brisk but careful walk, followed by Joshua, and Pantessa slowly backed towards the car, holding the shotgun to her shoulder.

  Of course, that all went to hell the moment that something that moved faster than any of them could see grabbed Joshua by the back of the shirt colr, and pulled him straight upwards.

  "YEEEEEAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa...." screamed Joshua, illustrating perfectly the scientific principle known as the Doppler effect.

  "Oh, that's not good," said Stelian, freezing in pce.

  "Stelian. Start the car," said Pantessa. "Start the car. Start the car! START THE CAR!"

  Stelian eventually took the hint and ran to his mother's car.

  In the meantime, Joshua, (who by now absolutely needed that change of underwear he came back to his home to retrieve), was staring into a face he had not seen before. Clearly a vampire. You know. Of course, the fact that they were now, what, fifty or a hundred feet in the air was a dead giveaway. He stared into the strong -- very strong, actually -- face. It was aquiline, with a high bridge and a thin nose, peculiarly arched nostrils and a lofty domed forehead. His hair was long and ghost-white, with bushy eyebrows that were rge enough to curl in on itself. His chin was broad and strong, and his cheeks were firm though thin. There was a darkness to his eyes, as if he not only could stare into your soul, but past it, because what care would such a monster have for souls?

  He wore all bck, including a spiked leather vest, to complete the intimidating effect. But the most distinctive feature was the sharp white teeth that protruded over the lips as he sneered.

  "Vat," he said, in a strong Romanian accent, "did you do vith ze Solicitor-Clerk Calvin Trent?!"

  "What?" Joshua shrieked in fear and disbelief.

  "Yes, I know ze vord 'vat' is pronounced zat vay!" the powerful vampire yelled. "Vorget ze accent! Answer my qvestion! Zat vas your von varning!"

  "Nothing! I mean, I knocked him out, kidnapped him, threatened to bury him alive, but honestly, we're good now! We even shared a hotel room! Honest!"

  The intimidating vampire narrowed his eyes, and sniffed the air, looking disgusted.

  "I believe you. I can smell your fear… und your..."

  The sound of a shotgun rang out in the general direction of "up". Both of them looked down to see Pantessa holding a smoking shotgun, and, with a chk-chk, chambered another shell.

  "Vait here," said the terrifying figure, and roughly set Joshua on the roof of his own house. He then swooped, again, faster than the eye can see, towards Pantessa, approaching her intimidatingly. And Pantessa... realized that she had bit off more than she could chew.

  "Stay back! I'll shoot!" said Pantessa. "I mean it!"

  And she did. She would have. It's just that the figure was faster than her trigger finger and before she could even think, had wrested the shotgun from her own vampirically strong hands, and broke the metal barrel over his knee, then grabbed Pantessa by her hair, forcing her to look into the dark eyes of the clearly superior vampire.

  That was when Pantessa knew she was going to die.

  "Und who… ze VUCK are you?"

  "Get your hands off my unrequited crush!" said Stelian, jumping onto the shoulders of the intimidating vampire. This was a mistake for two reasons. First, the metal studs of the vampire's leather jacket may have been decorative, but it was still quite painful when you are jumping with your full body weight on the back of the wearer.

  Second, Stelian was very much the dog that caught the car and didn't know what to do with it.

  "Und vat did you zink zat vould accomplish?"

  "Nothing. But this might buy her some time," said Stelian, then muttered "Up, down, down right, right, attack!" under his breath.

  An unholy light emanated from the heavens, swallowing Stelian and the vampire.

  "Stelian!" cried Pantessa.

  A second ter, an unholy light appeared about twenty feet from them, and Stelian and the irritated vampire reappeared there.

  The dark vampire reached behind him and grabbed Stelian, tossing him over his shoulder down to the ground. Stelian started to scramble to his feet, but a withering gre and a pointed finger made it clear that it was a bad idea.

  "Zat... was impressive. But stay down, leettle boy. Or I vill take a sharp stick und ram it up your anus so far it vill come out of your t'roat. I am speaking from experience."

  "Don't hurt them!" called Joshua from the roof. "It's me you want!"

  "Let me make one zing particurly clear. I do not vant any of you. I have known you for all of tirty seconds, und I have already had enough of you. Now… Vere! Is! Solicitor-Clerk Calvin Trent?!"

  "I won't let you hurt him!" said Pantessa, and instantly regretted it. "Oh, shit, that was a dumb thing to say. I'm sorry. I don't even like him all that much."

  The ivory-haired vampire swiftly moved back to Pantessa, who was frozen with fear. He sniffed the air around her.

  "You are his childe," said the vampire. "I know ze scent very vell."

  "C...Caleb's scent?"

  "My own, leettle Dr?ni?a." The vampire took a step back. "I apologize for frightening you. I did not know if you vere friend or foe, but you are family. I only knew my kin vas in danger… und zat ze danger vas here."

  He took a deep bow with a flourish. "I am Vdimir ze T'ird, Voivode of Valchia… t'ough I am often referred to as 'Count Dracu.'"

  Everyone was just too stunned after that to do or say anything, until Joshua called down from the roof. "Mr. Count Dracu, sir, if you're... not going to kill me... can... can you help me down? And... I think I need a shower."

  "Ah," said Dracu, rolling his eyes, then floated up to the roof, once again grabbing Joshua by the scruff of his shirt and pcing him down on the ground.

  "Bathe yourself. Change your garments. Und return here vith all haste," he said, setting Joshua down on the ground. Josh then immediately headed into his house, and straight to the bathroom.

  Dracu then turned back to Pantessa and Stelian, who by now was on his feet, standing in front of Pantessa, being protective. The count settled into a wide grin, and even giggled.

  "Did you see how I made him shit himself? Ya boy Dracu still has ze touch!"

  ***

  Caleb screeched the Camry into Joshua's driveway, practically jumped out of the car, tire iron in hand, ready to barrel into whatever danger was awaiting him.

  Instead, he found Pantessa, waiting outside the house. For him, apparently.

  "Sorry, Caleb," said Pantessa. "False arm!"

  "Was it Randolph? Cousin or no, I'll kill him if he id a finger on you!"

  "It wasn't Joshua. Caleb, I think we have to rework the 'your sire is the bad guy' theory."

  There was a sound of ughter from the back porch, as Angelina caught up in the LeSabre, and also ran to Pantessa, who nodded back to her.

  "Hey Angelina. False arm. Sorry. Did I ping you?"

  "No, you pinged Caleb, but he was with me at the time. Guess the bat-signal only works sire-to-childe, not childe-to-childe."

  "I've been shit to you," said Caleb, unprompted.

  "Yeah, you have," said Pantessa.

  "I want to make it up to you." said Caleb. "I... don't quite know how yet, but I'm... I'm done with..."

  "Shut up, Caleb. Come through the house and to the back porch, we're waiting for you," said Pantessa. "There's someone you need to talk to."

  ---

  Dracu leaned into the firepit for emphasis. "Ah, let me tell you a funny story... there was zis one time—I was staying in my lovely castle, you know, very atmospheric, dramatic lighting, all that—and zese British guests show up uninvited. Well, one of them, Mr. Jonathan Harker, decides to snoop around. Now, I had given him one rule—do not go into the forbidden wing. And what does he do? Exactly zat!"

  "So, of course, my lovely brides find him, and zey are all excited, like ‘Ooooh, a snack!’ And I have to run in like a disappointed father—‘No, no, no! We do not eat ze guests!’ You should have seen zere faces! Like three children caught with their hands in ze cookie jar. I toss zem a baby as a distraction—look, don’t judge me, it was a different time—and send poor Jonathan back to bed."

  "But does he take ze hint? No! Next zing I know, he’s climbing out of my castle like a particurly incompetent spider, instead of using the front door like a normal person. I mean, I would have let him go if he’d just asked. But no, dramatic rooftop escape! Like, Jonathan, darling, you are a solicitor, not a stuntman."

  "And zen—oh, zis is ze best part—he finally makes it back to Engnd, and instead of warning his friends like a responsible adult, he just decides not to talk about it. Like, ‘Oh, zat was probably nothing. Just some mild attempted murder and a bit of light kidnapping.’”

  Dracu sighed and shakes his head. "I tell you, zat man had ze survival instincts of a lemming."

  Joshua and Stelian were cracking up. Who knew that Dracu could be so funny?

  Caleb and Angelina arrived with Pantessa as Dracu was wrapping up the amusing anecdote. Immediately, even though he had never seen that face before, even though there was no way that he could have known... every dark instinct in his blood told him that he was looking at his sire.

  And Dracu looked up at him, and slowly headed from the fire towards him, concern on his face.

  "Zey tell me you changed your name to Caleb. It suits you."

  "Who... who are you?"

  "I am Dracu, Caleb. And I am your zire."

  "That's... no, this can't be. That can't be real. Dracu's not real. You're fiction."

  Dracu took a step forward, smiling as warmly as he could, which, considering that he was Dracu, was not very warm at all, and put a kind hand on Caleb's shoulder. And with the other hand, he reached over to Caleb's face.

  "Honk!" Dracu said, tweaking Caleb's nose. "Did zat not seem real to you?"