Chapter 8: No Pain, No Gain

  ‘5 – 6 – 7 – 8,’ She counted out to herself.

  “Very good!”

  But not good enough. There was still a little more to give.

  ‘9 – 10 - 11…’ She mopped her brow with the back of her hand. Muscles strained with the effort.

  “Alright, great job, and now you must stop, Ja?”

  ’12 –‘ the weight was moving more slowly now, every inch a sweat-soaked, shuddering war of attrition.

  ‘13 –‘ she felt a little tingling feeling as her muscles and tendons began to warp and split apart. That was good, they’d knit together even stronger. She wouldn’t give up.

  ‘14…’

  “Harry, Enough!”

  Holly’s insides squirmed and her eyes shot around the around the gym. “I told you not to call me that,” she growled, though since her legs were now shaking quite badly, she was forced to accept Matt’s help in getting the massive metal pte back up to the top of the leg press machine. “Call me Holly – I mean, that’s what everyone else thinks my name is.”

  “Fine, whatever you like. Anyway, tell me this, erm, Holly. We agreed that you would do only eight reps. Why did you continue?”

  Holly sucked out a mouthful of water from her pstic bottle. “Because I could? That’s the idea of working out, isn’t it? No pain, no gain?”

  Matt shook his head in disgust. “No, if you believe that blodsinn, you will only injure yourself. To exercise correctly, you have to work out to the limit of your ability, but not further than that.”

  “Bullshit,” Holly muttered sullenly. “If 8 reps were my limit, how come I managed 14?”

  “Perhaps because you are driving yourself too hard… Look, I know you are under a lot of stress, but…”

  “I’m fine, Matt.” She replied firmly, leading her friend over to the rowing machines and setting herself up for two miles at the maximum difficulty. “Honestly, I can handle it.”

  She’d been coping alright over the st couple of days, she reflected as she lost herself in the rhythm of the exercise. Sunday had been spent in her sweats, working on her Politics assignment in between intermittent bouts of FIFA, and then she’d gone out for lunch on Monday with Kate. And, save for the dark looks that Kate seemed to be giving Paolo the friendly Italian barman, they’d had a nice enough afternoon together. She’d even allowed herself a little leeway on her outfit, allowing her eye to be drawn to a blue tunic sweater that, though stylish and comfy, hung a little past her belt, in a way that felt dangerously close to wearing a dress.

  It seemed a sensible enough compromise, though. If she wouldn’t suddenly pick out a cey frock and start acting like a princess, nor would she vex herself trying to avoid what was at the end of the day a perfectly ordinary sweater, and the nicest one in her wardrobe at that. It wasn’t perfect, and even these meagre adaptations caused little spasms of guilt to gnaw at the back of her mind. But, she told herself, there was really nothing she could do. Her mind was enchanted, the same as her body, and though she might drive herself to misery and madness denying that fact, such stubbornness wouldn’t be worth a pinch of salt when it came to meeting the terms id out by the Lord-and-Lady.

  No, the only real way out of this was to train hard and win at football, and luckily enough, that’s what she did best. And then – if she did that - then, she’d be normal again.

  That’s why it was so hard, on days like today when there wasn’t any football practice, not to feel as though she were wasting precious time. And so, she’d convinced Matt to come to the gym with her, though even here the nagging sense persisted that she wasn’t quite doing enough. Another rep, another set of weights and another sprint on the treadmill. Each of these could make the difference. She could almost imagine herself sprinting for a ball in the final match, arriving just an inch too te, and spending the rest of her life with the knowledge that she’d failed. That she’d had the chance to beat this thing, to get back everything she’d lost, but in the end, she hadn’t quite wanted it badly enough.

  “Are you alright girls?” a gym trainer – the handsome one - asked them, eying Holly with a look that made her acutely conscious of the puffy blotches of crimson on her face and puddles of damp on her t-shirt.

  “Oh, yes of course. I mean, it has been a very good workout, Ja, I think so.” Matt answered, turning a little pink and gncing shyly at the floor in a way that might have made Holly ugh, if she hadn’t suddenly realised with a slightly sick feeling that she herself had just identified the trainer as ‘the handsome one’.

  “Ok, just be careful not to overdo it, alright. To be honest, you seemed to be struggling a bit – you can turn down the difficulty you know?” He smiled helpfully and gestured towards the little difficulty dial on the side of the machine.

  “I – we’re fine, thanks.” Holly snapped at the guy. “It’s just we have a big football game coming up.”

  The worst part was that she felt embarrassed. She shouldn’t have done – Harry certainly wouldn’t have given a wet fart if this fitness bloke thought he looked like a sweaty tomato. But Holly felt a sort of self-conscious warmth in her cheeks that was, frankly, the st thing she needed at the moment.

  “Come on,” she spat, hauling herself to her feet and taking a shaky, tottery step over towards the treadmills, “Let’s do another twenty minutes at 75% pace, and then…”

  “No,” Matt gripped her firmly by the wrist. “You have to listen to me now, as your friend and a doctor. You are not capable of doing this activity. You are likely to injure yourself.”

  “What part of this don’t you understand, Matt? If we don’t win this cup, then I’m trapped like this forever. How about you, then, do you feel like skipping out on any of your volunteering days at the hospital?”

  Matt looked down with disgust at his girlish figure for a moment before returning Holly’s gre. “I understand, really, I do! But do you truly think this will help you? Let us suppose then that you train yourself too hard, and you injure yourself – from the way you are limping now it might be your hamstring or your Achilles tendon of your right leg. Do you want to spend the next six weeks unable to py? Perhaps you can fetch water for the team, that might be enough to satisfy Georgina’s evil goddess, do you think?”

  Holly gred at her friend, and then over at the hunky fitness guy who, though he was mercifully out of earshot by the time Matt got to the ancient gods bit, was still looking over at them with concern.

  “Fine,” she relented at st. “Let’s call it a day then.”

  Matt nodded. “I agree. Come on, I’ll buy you a smoothie before we head back?”

  *

  So, Matt had a point, Holly had admitted to herself by the time they were both washed and sat in the café enjoying a post-workout drink, she had gotten slightly carried away. She had always been a bit prone to overdo things in the gym, once her blood was singing and little fantastical montages of scoring goals for Arsenal began pying themselves out in her head, she’d stick that extra bit of weight on the bar, or mash the little arrow on the treadmill up until she was half sprinting. Even then she knew it was stupid, that such efforts only made her joints stiff and sore instead of making her stronger.

  Now though, with so much more at stake, she’d need to be extra careful. She’d work hard of course, but she’d also have to know her limits, to make sure that she was the best she could be in ten days’ time for the game with Bownd.

  “We – er – the girls wanted me to ask you about pying football on Saturday?” Holly asked,

  “I will be volunteering on Saturday as I told you.” Matt shook his head, “So it’s impossible.”

  Holly bit back a little surge of annoyance. It was easy to forget, with his muscles aching and his mind racing with thoughts of the cup, that none of this was Matt’s problem. “Look, fair enough mate, but any time you could spare we’d all appreciate it. You’re one of the stars of the team, apparently; that’s what all the girls are saying anyway. Did you know that?”

  “Ha, I am the star pyer of the women’s team?”

  “Well, one of the better pyers at least,” Holly shrugged irritably.

  Even as he shook his head, Matt gave a sad smile at the thought. “It’s crazy, nein, how completely the world has forgotten who we once were? Only st week I had booked a table for Georgina and I at Octavia’s Bistro – a Valentine’s day treat, do you understand? And now they tell me that there is no record of a reservation under my name. Everything is changed, even the beautiful girl at the Union shop has never heard of Matthias Schmidt.”

  “That’s the way it works for me too,” Holly nodded sympathetically. Matt seemed to be taking to the change no better than Holly, worse in fact, judging by the way he’d taken to tiptoeing around campus with his shoulders slumped, miserably batting away any attempt at conversation. “Listen, me and Kate are going to stay in on Saturday, maybe just get a pizza and watch a movie. You could pop in for a bit if you’re feeling at a bit of a loose end? I know it can’t be easy with; you know…”

  “No, thank you but I will not intrude,” Matt mented, tugging on a lock of curly hair. “You are lucky that you have Kate to support you. As you know, things are, erm, very difficult with Georgina and I at the moment.”

  “Mate, I don’t think there is a Georgina and you, not anymore.” Holly offered delicately.

  “Don’t be an asshole,” Matt furrowed his brow. “I am trying to speak to you as my friend. Look, it is true that she and I have been going through a difficult period, and I admit that I have made mistakes – we both have! But I have always believed that if we could just open up, communicate our feelings-”

  He gave an exhausted sigh, gesturing to himself to indicate the effects of Georgie’s curse, “But this? I mean… maybe you are right. Honestly, I don’t know if I can forgive her for this.”

  “But you can’t seriously… I mean you fucked half the girls on campus?”

  “Jesus, keep your voice down!” Matt shushed. Holly’s st comment had caught the ear of a passing weightlifting jock, who regarded the tiny German girl with bewilderment for a second before offering her a little nod of respect.

  “You must remember, Harry,” he continued, huddling closer, “As far as the world is concerned, we are like this now – two small girls. Try not to say anything so out of pce, Ja?”

  “And there’s nothing out of pce about you calling me ‘Harry’ every five minutes?” Holly replied. She kept trying to tell herself it didn’t really matter, that she should even be gd of the link to her old identity, but it was becoming harder not to bristle at the name as though it were a personal insult.

  “That is different, I am speaking too quietly for anyone else to hear us.”

  “Look, it’s not even just about everyone else,” Holly grimaced, “I don’t know how to expin it, but its just easier, alright, it feels better. Like I’m not being twisted up in two directions at the same time. I mean, why don’t you try going by Maddy for a bit, see how it feels?”

  “But that is already how they all see me,” Matt swept his hand about the rest of the customers, “I was in my lectures today and students I rarely have spoken to before, they waved and called out ‘Hey Maddy!’ Even Beth Simpson was kind to me, can you believe she wanted to work together on our new css assignment?”

  “Beth – the one who spped you a few weeks ago?”

  Matt batted his hand irritably, “That isn’t the point. Believe me, I understand already how it feels to be thought of as a woman, and yet I have not stopped fighting to remember who I really am. And perhaps you should try harder to do that as well.”

  “What do you mean by that?” Holly gnced down a little self-consciously. Her blue tracksuit top and grey leggings weren’t particurly girlish, and while it didn’t seem immediately apparent what peril a juice bar might pose that might forever alienate her from her lost manhood, after a moment’s reflection she uncrossed her legs to be on the safe side.

  “It’s just the way you are acting; the way you sit on your chair and hold your drink. Even, you ask me to call you by a woman’s name.” Matt looked across the table, and his voice dropped to a hushed whisper. “I mean, for God’s sake, look at your hair!”

  “My hair?” Holly blushed, suddenly conscious of the twin pited ponytails brushing each of her shoulder bdes. She hadn’t really meant to do something so eborate, in truth, it was just that as she set about tying her hair back for the gym, she’d gradually become aware that a tight pit would be a good way to keep it secure, and since she apparently knew how to do that now, she’d just allowed her hands to follow their natural rhythm.

  “It’s only to keep it out of the way,” she insisted. In any case, it was surely better than Matt’s own effort, an unkempt ponytail secured with a simple rubber band. “Matt, can I ask you something? After you changed, have you not found that you know how to do a lot of this stuff yourself?”

  Matt tugged on his ponytail self-consciously. “Could I make a woman’s hairstyle as you have done? I think so, yes; the demon has done its work well.” He leaned closer and lowered his voice to a whisper, “But it is simply that I choose not to. Listen to me - we cannot lose ourselves to this curse, Harry, we must try to remember that we are really men, whatever strange ideas come into our heads!”

  Holly gred at him, frankly, feeling a bit pissed off. The root of it was, if she were being really honest, that she’d liked the twin ponytails. She’d only done it as a practical measure of course, but the gym was covered in mirrors, and she couldn’t deny that she found a little germ of approval as she watched herself work out. Holly was a girl, obviously, but that hadn’t meant she had fallen into ce and ribbons, and though the image she saw was still decidedly feminine, she had found herself feeling like a sort of badass action chick, or pocket-sized Lara Croft. She’d had this sort of back-and-forth with herself a hundred times over the weekend of course, but this time it had been hard to find a reason not to approve – after all, what was the girl in the mirror doing if not training, going all out to regain her lost manhood? And what could anybody reasonably tell her was wrong with that? In any case, it was one thing for Holly herself to decide on what boundaries were reasonable, quite another for Matt to instruct her that she wasn’t trying hard enough.

  “Are you really telling me that I’m not fighting back, now?” she hissed, “Not half an hour ago you were telling me to rex, remember?”

  “Of course. You were going to hurt yourself.”

  “Yeah, I get it, alright, I’ll be more careful with my training. The point is, I don’t know why this curse thing is affecting me worse than it’s affecting you, but for some reason it is. And if I let the magic have its way a bit, it’s because I’d rather put my energy into winning my cure, not banging my head about every little thing it does to me.”

  “Of course, one should not put so much effort into dealing with symptoms that they neglect to treat the disease,” Matt shrugged casually, “You should do anything you like then, if it helps you feel comfortable. I only mentioned it because I’m trying to help you.”

  Holly let out a little sigh of exasperation.

  “How about you then, How are you getting on with your penance thing?”

  “It is terrible,” Matt said, shaking his head gravely. “As you know, medicine is the most demanding of all subjects. And now, even on weekends I cannot escape, perhaps rex and have a quiet drink. Instead, I was at the ward all day Saturday, and Sunday as well, surrounded by sickness and misery. It is, erm, quite distressing.”

  “But you’re training to be a doctor,” Holly looked at him curiously, “Isn’t that sort of what you signed up for?”

  He shook his head, “I will be a physician, a professional - not an emergency nurse. It will be my responsibility to treat private clients, to work on the cutting edge. I mean, honestly, you should see this pce, Harry. It is a grimy NHS ward with more than twenty patients in a single enormous room. How they can expect to get proper treatment is completely beyond me.”

  “I guess that’s why they need volunteers,” Holly mused, finishing the st of her drink with a slurp. “But you’ve got to do your best, right? I mean, the Lord-and-Lady isn’t going to be too pleased if you just sit in the corner being miserable for six weeks. You’re meant to be learning humility and kindness and all that.”

  “The wicked creature will find no cause for compint. My own performance has been beyond reproach, I have been so industrious and diligent that the staff nurse told me that they would be lost without me. Moreover, I have been kind and charming as well. The smaller children already begin to look forward to my appearance… They call me Auntie Maddy.” Matt finished with mild disgust.

  “That’s good then,” Holly said, trying to stifle a smile. “So, you sound like you’ve got everything well in hand, and I’m going all out to win this bloody cup. Six weeks today, mate, we’ll be sat in the pub looking back on this and ughing.”

  “Ja, I think you are right,” Matt said, and for the first time in days he smiled. “Soon all of this will feel like a bad dream.”

  Holly nodded as she followed her friend out into the evening. For all that Matt could be a bit of a prick at times, she couldn’t help but feel encouraged in her own right. And it was right, surely, that with a bit of focus and determination, they would each of them succeed at their tasks and in no time at all everything would be back to normal. And what was it to Matt, then, if Holly chose to tie up her hair into a cool little pit? Soon enough, no-one would even remember it anyway.