Chapter Nineteen: The Gods Exist

  ‘This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, "Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right?" When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, "We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts...’ -Terry Pratchett

  “Why the hell do you want to talk to me?” Elijah asked, voice raised in annoyance as he stared at the red-faced chancellor, his hands balling into fists. Should’ve brought my sword. “I could have you arrested for this.”

  “True,” Chancellor Derien responded before his voice turned to a whisper. “But I only wish to talk to you about the Captain. We can’t trust him, your majesty. He’s trying to defame me.”

  “Just because he accused you of cheating on your wife,” the princess responded, cocking an eyebrow in skepticism. “And so you think he has malicious intent with this? Tell me, chancellor, are you, in fact, cheating on your wife, or did he just make up this fantastical story?”

  Chancellor Derien blushed and looked away for a second, confirming what Elijah said before turning back to him and sniffing softly.

  “That’s not the point. I just think we should be wary of people like him,” he says. “He wants his way and he’ll stop at nothing to get it. We must join together in an alliance, your majesty. I wish to be your friend.”

  “Oh good, I want to be your friend too,” Elijah smiled widely.

  “Really?”

  “God, no,” he laughed. “I think it’s weird you are trying to befriend a minor. If you have these issues, talk with the Queen. If not, I’ll be busy so I cannot attend to you.”

  “Busy? Doing what?”

  “Ignoring you, of course,” Elijah turned away. “It’s a full time job, and tiring too.” He raised his middle finger as he walked down the corridors and heard the chancellor suck in an offended breath, yet he simply laughed. “If you want a friend, talk to a rat. You look like you could be one anyways.”

  Are you sure you made the right decision, Amanda? His Guide asked when Chancellor Derien was out of sight. It may not be a good idea to make enemies with the council members.

  It’s alright, I’m a princess. They have to listen to me, Elijah responded.

  I just think you should be careful how you handle them. It should be a delicate procedure…

  Oh, please, delicate is not a word for me. I may be an experienced woman princess, but I am not dainty or delicate. I am manly…in a feminine way!

  You’re not a woman!

  You keep calling me one, even when I say otherwise, so why are you backtracking now? Am I a woman or am I not?

  Being a woman and being a woman are two completely different things, asshole.

  I don’t see the difference.

  That’s because you’re not a woman, you’re simply a female.

  No, I’m a full-blooded woman, watch this!

  Turning to a small, pig-face man in butler’s clothing who roamed around the hall with cleaning supplies filling his hands, Elijah raised his hand in greeting and smiled brightly at the man, who immediately bowed in recognition.

  “I’m a real woman, right?” He asked.

  “A woman, your majesty?” The man stuttered. “Y-y-yes, your highness, you are a w-woman, ma’am.”

  “See, Guide, Piggyface here says I’m a woman,” Elijah said. “Thank you, good sir, sometimes the voices in my head are just so damn annoying.”

  The man nodded, eyes wide as he slowly backed away from her.

  “Yes, your majesty, they are.” Scuttling away, the man dropped his supplies and squeaked, moving down to the floor to pick them up.

  Are you trying to convince the whole castle that you’re crazy? Guide Amanda asked.

  I can see the headlines now: Princess is a crazy bitch, and everyone loves her, Elijah said.

  Headlines? Also, I’m not sure that’s how it’ll go.

  Oh, come on, Guide, live a little.

  I don’t have a life anymore, she responded, and suddenly, her voice turned sad and somber.

  “Wait, are you alright, Guide? What’s wrong?” Elijah asked out loud, concern etching his voice as he felt the voice in his head begin to make sobbing noises.

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  I’m just a disembodied voice now, the Guide responded. I’m nobody anymore, useful only as a Guide to a man who wished he wasn’t who he was. I used to be someone, now I’m not, and I miss having a life. I don’t even know if I’m going to stay in your head for long, and I don't want to disappear. I’m not supposed to have emotions, but…I think there’s still a shred of humanity in me.

  Of course there is, how else would you be so damn annoying? Elijah smiled softly in reassurance, before awkwardly giving himself a hug, causing a passing maid to look at him, but he just winked at her, causing her to squeak and run away. They all squeaked, he knew, so they were secretly a breed of massive mice. But, hey, I appreciate you, you know. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, but I really need you. You fuck me up so much, but that’s part of your charm. I don’t want you to stop being my Guide, even if I ignore you. You’re a good person…voice…princess thingy.

  Thank you, Guide Amanda sniffled. Wish i could say the same about you!

  Hey, I thought we were having a moment!

  We were, and are, the Guide responded. I really do offer you my gratitude. I’m not mad it’s you that took over my body.

  I knew you liked me!

  Oh, I didn’t say that, she responded in her trademark chipper voice again. So, what are you going to do now?

  I thought you could read my mind.

  I’m avoiding it for the next two minutes, starting one minute ago, out of gratitude. So, tell me, what’s your plan for today?

  I was thinking of taking Einar up on his plan of telling me about the Gods, Elijah thought.

  Oh yes, your wonderful plan of making him tell you what you’re supposed to know but secretly don’t. Even in your head, this doesn’t make any sense.

  That’s exactly why I’m doing it.

  Elijah?

  Yes, Guide Amanda?

  Never change.

  I won’t. You’re stuck with me.

  Einar wasn’t far from the castle. He seemed to be on break from patrolling it as he wandered the dragoncrest-shaped gardens, and he was humming a little tune as he gently carried his sword through the shrubs, not enough to cut them but enough to ruffle them.

  “Wolf-boy,” Elijah screamed, and the Ulfúr turned with a growl at the insult, before a radiant smile crossed his smile as he saw the princess and recognized the tease. He bowed before Elijah formally before wrapping him in a hug.

  “Good to see you,” he pronounced.

  “We saw each other not that long ago,” the princess pointed out.

  “Yes, but I miss you all the time, and I’m always glad to see you. Not to mention I saved your ass twice in the last twenty-four hours, so you should be happy to see me too,” he teased.

  “I am. So, why are you wandering the gardens?”

  “Um,” he responded, ears twitching back in nervousness as he quickly glanced behind him and to the sides before leaning in. “Don’t tell the Queen, but I had to take a break. Queen Evangeline is pissed because two intruders have entered the castle recently, and now we’re overworked trying to patrol the grounds, searching for intruders. I’m supposed to be there until tomorrow morning.”

  “She won’t mind it if you’re with me protecting me,” Elijah laughed. “It’s a safe city anyway, no harm will come to us.”

  “Well, what are you doing here, Amanda?”

  “Is the offer still up for me to learn about the Gods,” Elijah said, before whispering the next phrase. “Which I already know about. I’m just testing you, of course.”

  “Of course,” Einar winked. “Well, what part of the lore do you wish to know?” Ambling forwards, he motioned for the princess to follow, and he did, rushing after him through the path, marveling at the array of colorful flowers, recognizing none of them.

  “I want you to tell me about all the Gods in the pantheon. Who they are, and where they are now. The origins.”

  “That’s a lot of story,” Einar replied. “I’ll have to condense a lot of it.”

  “As long as you tell the truth, it’ll be fine,” Elijah frowned playfully. “But as soon as you make a mistake, I’m here to fact check and punish you severely with a good verbal insult.”

  “Shit, now I’m nervous,” the Ulfúr laughed.

  You won’t fact-check, will you? The guide asked.

  Nope.

  “Well, as you know,” Einar begun, “Once there was the mother goddess and the father god, also known as the sun and moon Gods, Sol and Tungl. According to legend, they were responsible for creating the world. Eventually, they grew tired and bored and so joined together to create divinity of their own, and thus the second wave of Gods was born, five of them. There was the wolf, Fellnir, who was responsible for creating the Ulfúrs like me, Henya the Warrior without a face, Guth the all-knowing, Manna the creator of man, and the defiler Noth, the…I forgot his title.”

  Bane of night.

  “The bane of night,” Elijah interjected. “You can’t forget this stuff, Einar. I’m disappointed in you.”

  “My apologies,” He smiled. “Each of the second wave has their own legends, like the creation of the Karthans by Nott in anger, and eventually, the second wave, known as the Kollvarpa, grew more powerful than the original two, and thus they overtook the first two, which made Sol and Tungl known as the Dethroned. The Pantheon of Gods was born.

  “But not everything stays peaceful for long. Nott was a trickster, a Warrior more skilled than even Henya, and with his wiles, he turned the Gods against each other, and thus began the war. The Stríe, which lasted for years, with each God creating their own species to fight for them, and some even creating Gods. Continents, peoples, and worlds were born from this Stríe, and the role was thrust into a chaos unbearable. When the war ended, not all the gods were alive. No one knows which ones were dead and which lived, but the third wave of Gods, known as the Defilers, had taken their own hold over the pantheon which was now split three ways.

  “The rest is a mystery. Thousands of years of history and all we have to show for it now is emptiness. Whatever happened to the Gods, no one has seen them in centuries. Maybe they still control everything. Or maybe they all died in the Stríe. But the most popular theory is that they are scared of the world. Scared of what they have created. Scared that we will one day overtake them, and they are planning to one day wipe us out. To return and kill us all. But it’s just a theory, right? The Pantheon of Gods, more than fifty of them, are gone, and there is nothing we can do about it.”

  When Einar finished, Elijah paused and looked forward wistfully, a question on his lips and a dozen thoughts running through his brain. “Tell me, Einar, do you believe in the Gods?” He waited for his new friend’s response, imagining what it would be like to see the massive wolf, the bane of night, the sun god, and all the other Gods in the Pantheon. What would the bane have looked like? Was he as badass as he sounded? “Do you think they truly exist?”

  “Why not?” The Ulfúr replied. “They don’t come here anymore if they do exist, so it doesn’t make a difference if we believe in them or not. So I do, because I think it’s a cool idea, and I can’t help but think it’s awesome that there would be higher powers with impossibly high levels and powers. I think it’s just fun to see the Stríe in my mind as see breathtaking battles between being much more powerful than us. Do I believe they created the first Karthans and a lot of this world? I doubt it, but I’ll believe it when I see it. But what does it matter? There’s no consequence either way. ”

  “Maybe not,” Elijah replied, frowning up at the sky as a shooting star passed, right in the middle of the afternoon, almost as if it was a sign. “But maybe one day they will return.”

  “Oh, then we’d be fucked for sure. But tha

  t’ll never happen. They should be dead anyway, right?”

  “Right, they’re dead!”