Chapter Twenty-Nine: Look Intelligent

  Today was yet another ball day, except this time it was being held at the castle. The Queen Evangeline herself would be attending, and though she most likely would not dance, she would be presiding over the festivities. This time, no intruder would enter, the Guards kept assuring her every time she passed them.

  Keep your eyes out anyway, Guide Amanda warned. Never trust that which you do not control.

  “Words to live by,” Elijah commented.

  Thank you.

  “If you’re an antisocial serial killer.”

  Fuck you.

  “Get a body, then we’ll talk,” the princess replied.

  You’re disgusting, you know that? You, Elijah, are a disgusting, vile, pathetic excuse for a man-princess.

  “Your insults are getting more creative,” he noted. “Does that mean you like me more?”

  Believe what you wish. The truth is often that which can be twisted in the mouth of a good liar.

  “Full of life lessons today, are you?”

  Just preparing you for your tough life as a woman, your majesty.

  Snorting, Elijah fit the next bracelet on, and as soon as it tightened around his upper arm, he threw the window open and stepped onto the balcony, still his favorite viewpoint in the castle. Many of the Lords were already walking into the castle, but three guards stood outside, ready to pat down every man, woman, and teen who thought to gain entry.

  In Advantia, there would be no more chances taken. Not until it was pronounced safe, and Elijah hoped that wouldn’t be anytime soon. He liked the extra protection, even though everything he’d heard as a kid told him he shouldn’t.

  You still are, his Guide commented. A kid, I mean. Sixteen is not enough to be an adult, you know.

  “I think I’m allowed to call myself grown after almost being assassinated,” Elijah replied, gazing forwards at the setting sun.

  Your first assassination attempt was when you were two months old.

  “Really? Spill the beans on my own story, please, as strangely I have no recollection of when I was a baby,” he said. “Must’ve been too young.”

  Mhmm, because I’m sure it has nothing to do with switching bodies, Guide Amanda chuckled. But there’s not much to say. A man became jealous of your father so he tried to kill you.

  “My father? What happened to him?”

  Guide Amanda’s voice became sad and soft, as if bringing bad news, although Elijah was already expecting it. He died when you were very young. I do not remember his face, or any of his mannerisms. Queen Evangeline was not in mourning for long, as I’ve heard, but she was devastated.

  “Must’ve been hard for her,” Elijah grinned. “Losing the competent person in her life.”

  Your sexism is very appreciated.

  “So is your sarcasm,” Elijah said. “Now, should we go down? I want to do the beautiful woman walking down the stairs thing.”

  Huh?

  “Where I come from, for some reason, every time a…story is told about a man and a woman in love, especially during their late teens, the girl always has to walk down the stairs in a gorgeous dress for the boy to see and,” his voice turned to a whisper. “I’ve always wanted to try it out.”

  That sounds weird.

  “Oh, it very much is, but I’ve been dying to do it, and this is my chance,” Elijah told her, rushing through the hallways. “Everyone in the room will be staring at me.”

  They tend to do that if the princess is in their company already, the stairs won’t change much, except to make you trip and fall. But maybe that’s what you want, because then you’ll make sure everyone is staring at you.

  “You can shut up now,” Elijah said.

  I can, you’re right. A pause. But I was wondering, what will you do about Lord Thomas and his father now?

  “I’ve been thinking about that a lot, and I’m not sure,” the princess replied. “I can’t keep forcing the issue, he got really pissed, but we can’t let go of this. As much as he thinks the mine will save him, it will only…”

  Delay the inevitable.

  “You’re right. Wow, it’s like we finish each others…”

  Sandwiches.

  “Wow, how’d you know I was going to say that?” Elijah breathed, crossing the last hallway before the stairs that led the doors of the ballroom which were already open.

  I’m in your head, dumbass.

  “Right,” he blushes, stopping at the top of the stairs and smoothing his dress. “Watch, the entire room will be staring at me.”

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  Taking a breath in and flashing a dazzling smile, he descended the stairs, one at a time, waiting for the applause, the whoops, the gasps at his choice of wardrobe. Strangely, though, there was silence as each Lord simply kept at what they were doing.

  The least you could do is look intelligent. Oh Gods, I feel embarrassed being inside you.

  “Don’t say it like that,” Elijah hissed.

  Finally someone notices. Lord Thomas, turning towards him, smiled and bowed. The other Lords turned to face him, and soon, just like he had expected, every member of the court in the room was watching her with wide eyes as his new blood red dress swished, his feet delicately taking each step in heels.

  “Welcome to the ball, your highness,” his boyfriend said, still bowing, then, taking his hand, he kissed it.

  “I recall this being my home, not yours, Lord Thomas Penrose,” he replied, a false smile across his face yet a glint of humour in his eyes, “It is me who should be welcoming all of you.”

  “Well, you certainly know how to make an entrance,” another Lord—Lord Vinn—said, kissing the princess’ hand. “You have dazzled us all.”

  “I thank you for the compliment,” he said. “You were in conversation with the Lord-heir Penrose?”

  “I was, your highness,” he said, smile fading slightly. “We were just talking about some…family matters.”

  “He is unsure whether to stop supporting my family,” Lord Thomas filled in helpfully. “He feels my family has been inconsistent of late.”

  “I agree,” Elijah said. “But I would advise you to wait. There is much you may not know about the Penroses and they just may surprise you. If they do, you’ll be in for one rough ride.”

  “Does this pertain to the head of the family who just so happens to have missed another ball?” Lord Vinn’s smile tightened. “We were friends, me and him, closer than you and the heir here.” Try not to think about that. “Friends like that do not simply lose contact with each other.There must be more happening for him to abandon his family, friends, and Queen.”

  “That is enough!” Elijah barked. “Everyone in this court wishes to know what happened to the Lord. But it is not your place to question him. If he wishes to be kept private, he shall be kept private. Only the Queen has the right to demand answers.”

  “Then why doesn’t she?”

  “That’s enough from you, Lord Vinn,” he replied, narrowing his eyes. “Leave this matter or we will have an issue. You doubtlessly have much to speak on with the other Lords. Enjoy the ball, but speak no more of the Lord Penrose.”

  “Yes, your highness,” the annoyed Lord grumbled, but walked away, his feet hitting the floor sharply.

  “Thank you,” Lord Thimas whispered in her ear, “For letting me keep the matter private.”

  “It took me too long to make the decision, but make it I have,” Elijah said. “Now how about we just enjoy the ball, and lose ourselves in the company we have here.”

  Before the Lord-heir could respond, gasps and murmurs spread through the court as another figure began to walk regally down the stairs.

  “Of course my new mother has an effortless grand entrance,” he whispered.

  She was wearing a pink and gold dress, formed seamlessly as if to become one color. It spread through her body starting at her neck before ending at the bottom of her shoes hidden underneath. A crown sat atop her head, and a smile was fixed firmly on her head as her gaze spun through the court, which was now entirely silent. As she stepped onto the floor and walked to the middle, she motioned to Elijah, who joined her in the center circle.

  “Join me, my daughter, as we welcome all to our ball,” she said, hooking her arm in the princess’, and as she stepped into the center, she spread her arms, wrapping one around Elijah, the other hanging forwards. “Thank you all for arriving at today's festivities. I am gladdened to see you here. The day of Amanda’s coronation inches closer every day, and so it is my pleasure to dedicate this ball to her.” A maid who Elijah recognized as a woman named Georgie passed, and Queen Evangeline took two glasses of champagne, offering her thanks before giving one to him and holding the other high. “To Princess Amanda Gold, my beautiful daughter and princess of the Kingdom of Advantia.”

  As one, every member of the court drank their drink and Elijah did the same, downing the drink in one gulp, and fighting the urge to burp.

  “And to my mother,” he told the court, turning towards the Queen with a smile. “The woman who raised me and led this Kingdom to its current prosperity, we wish you the best years of your life.”

  “Hear, hear,” the Lords and Ladies all repeated in unison.

  “Thank you, my daughter,” the Queen replied, wrapping her arms and Elijah and squeezing hard. For the first time, Elijah truly felt like a part of the family, the princess of the Kingdom, and he realized that he was truly adapting to his new life. When the Queen released him and the Lords dispersed, he found himself walking aimlessly through the room.

  “That was weird,” he said as he spun away, mind already dizzy from the champagne he’d drunk.

  Welcome to court life, your highness.

  Dances were not in motion yet, but they soon would be, as the Lords were almost done digesting the snacks set on tables around the room. The hour had been spent in endless gossip, talks that Elijah couldn’t care less about yet cheered him up.

  Hearing all the Lords over dramatize such trivial, unimportant details of their lives let him forget about his worries, instead focusing on small disputes over a breakup or a friendship. Even Lords in their twenties could be as petty as any teen his age, and it warmed his heart.

  Everyone was an asshole, somehow. And together, it made a race of assholes who still cared for each other.

  And money. They care about money more.

  There were perhaps two dozen guards spread throughout the room, and Elijh was sure there would be more watching the entrance to the room. No one would enter unless they were permitted to.

  Unless the next assassin is a Guard. If so, they’ve already walked in.

  The Lords Melnior were also at the ball, and they immediately gave him a headache.

  “I don’t get it, princess,” one of them said. “She was calling me stupid.”

  “She said stupid?” Elijah asked. “Figures.”

  “Wait, what does that mean?” The second Lord asked.

  “You don’t know what—” Shaking his head, he sighed. “It means that makes sense given what I know about you.”

  “Ooh, that’s a nice phrase, I’m gonna steal it.”

  “Yeah, it’s not really stealing if it’s a common word,” he said, desperate to end the conversation. “I have to talk to my boyfriend.”

  “The princess is too busy for us, I guess,” the Lord Melnior said.

  “She said stupid.”

  “That’s not the phrase,” Elijah said, unable to stop the grin from entering his face. “You can stop the fa?ade, you know. Not one person believes you’re this stupid.”

  “Neither do we, but here we are,” they said in unison.

  Finally able to move away from them, the princess moved over to stand next to Thomas, who grinned at her.

  “Slow dances are starting soon, so I was looking for you,” he said.

  “I know,” Elijah replied. “You’re always looking for me. You’re just so lost and sad and pathetic without me.”

  “I simply love you, Amanda.”

  “That’s gross—I mean, I love you too, Thomas, I love you too. I said it twice so you don’t doubt it.”

  The Lord-heir laughed, and offered his hand.

  “I never do. Now, shall we take this dance so I can show you how much I adore you, your highness?”

  Elijah took his hand, cursing his relationships, his country, and the godsdamned cursed laughing her metaphorical ass off in his head.