Thanks for giving the story a chance. Fair warning: title.

  My other stories:

  Dude! Where's My Princess? (portal fantasy, comedy, adventure, romance)

  The Dungeon Master: It's a Magical World (dungeon builder, gremlin lead, comedy)

  Feel free to comment and share your thoughts.

  Journal, Day 1

  Fuck Truck-kun, and fuck the four wheels he rode in on!!!

  Journal, Day 2

  I was murdered by a gods-damned truck, reincarnated into another world, and I didn’t even get a t-shirt.

  Seriously. No underwear either. I’m fucking NAKED!

  One minute, I’m walking down the street on the way home from work. The next, I’m in an endless desert, with sand dunes, clear skies, and a sun that wants to murder me all over again. The only saving grace is that I’m at an oasis about the size of an Olympic swimming pool, with a small ring of greenery around it. Grass, palms, some bushes. Paradize right? There are bugs in the sand, nothing to eat, nobody around, it’s super hot during the day and super cold at night, and if I ever find out who did this to me, I’m gonna kick the deity right out of them!

  Journal, Day 3

  My third day here. Waiting. I thought this was some kind of isekai, but if it is, it sucks. No OP skills. No stats page. Just abandoned, naked, at an oasis in an empty desert with nothing but sun, sand, and tiny insects biting my balls whenever I sit down. BECAUSE I’M NAKED.

  Guess how sunburned I am. Go ahead. Boiled lobsters look less red than I do everywhere. It’s all I can do to try and find a shred of shade and follow it all day as the sun moves through the sky. I’m starving. But that doesn’t matter cuz I’m pretty sure the thirst is gonna kill me first.

  Oh, but I have the ability to record a digital journal in my head. That’s a big fuckin’ help. Thanks system or god or alien assholes who did this to me. Really helpful.

  Go fuck yourselves.

  Journal, Day 4

  I’m in a desert. It’s hot. The only water is in the oasis. It’s super clear, but everyone knows you don’t drink unfiltered, wild water because you can get sick. Animals and insects use it, leaving behind all kinds of bacteria and viruses. So I avoided it, hoping I might figure something else out.

  I didn’t. No help has come along. No travellers. No sexy goddess descending from the heavens with an apology and gifts of OP skills for screwing up. So I did it. It’s been four days, Water Anonymous, since my st drink, and if I didn’t drink something, anything, I was a dead man. So I drank the water this morning. I couldn’t help it. I was too thirsty.

  I guzzled about three litres before I noticed the corpse rotting under the water.

  Staring right up at me.

  Scared the stuffing out of myself. You never, ever want to look down into a pool of water and see anyone or anything staring back at you. It’s just wrong. Terrifying.

  Also, I have spent the st two hours shitting water. Cuz it was polluted. Because fuck my life, right? I deserve this.

  It started with cramps. Nothing too serious. Then it worked its way through me with dramatic speed. I barely got a hole dug in the sand outside the oasis in time before I had to squat over it, and I swear my entire insides must have been liquified because — it just kept coming. Every time I unclenched, it was like turning on a tap full bst, a power jet of brown water. I’d eventually think the ordeal was over, stand up, get about two steps, then dash back to the hole and fire off another high-powered burst of bad water.

  How can my body even have this much water inside??? Where’s it all coming from???

  I hate this pce. This sucks.

  Journal, Day 5

  I’m running on fumes. I’m starving so bad, I’m lightheaded. I’m so dehydrated. The dry air just yanks it from your body without asking. I know I shouldn’t drink the water because some dead thing is lying at the bottom of the pool. But I needed water, so I drank it again, even knowing what would happen.

  I spent the afternoon shitting more water. My ass feels like a garden hose.

  Fuck it. Maybe I’ll just curl up and die.

  Journal, Day 6

  Not dead yet. I guess. For now.

  Still shitting water. Getting weak without food too.

  I spend so much time out in the open desert, away from the shade while squatting over my little trine holes, that I dragged a few palm fronds out there to make an umbrel-type enclosure. I was sent to a new world, and the first thing I did was build a toilet. Behold, my grand empire. Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair.

  I wish I could boil the water, but there are only a couple of dozen palm trees and some bushes here. Without the shade, I’d fry to death in the bzing sun since there’s not a cloud in the sky, ever. Not that I have any idea how to make fire without matches or a lighter.

  Getting pretty tired of passing water out of my anus. I mean, it’s so bad, I haven’t even peed in two days. It all comes out the other hole.

  An idea hit me. Figured I’d try to filter the water. There’s all this sand, right? I made a cylinder out of rocks and dead palm trunks, about a meter tall. Filled it with sand and poured the water through. Caught it with a fallen palm frond at the bottom. Of course, the water is brown and muddy, but…I think I’m shitting less water after drinking it? A little? Sand doesn’t taste so bad.

  Brown water going in; brown water going out.

  There’s some kinda coconut or breadfruit thing hanging from some of the palms, each about the size of a bowling ball. They’re purple and hairy, like a testicle being clenched by a dominatrix for too long because she really doesn’t like you. A few rotted ones are on the ground. Fruits, not testicles. They make durian smell like the world’s best perfume. It’s a bit like the worst smelly feet with an undercurrant of HOLY FUCK THIS IS STUPIDLY DISGUSTING!

  But one fell out of a tree today. I have been desperate for food. I spent probably an hour trying to crack the dumbass thing open on a rock. Finally did it. Really gorgeous pink and blue flesh inside with little bck seeds like in a dragonfruit. Ate some.

  Fming diarrhea. It burned. Yeah.

  Fuck my life.

  Journal, Day 7

  There are scorpions in the desert.

  They’re the size of chihuahuas.

  Their crab cws are as big as a child’s hands. Whenever they close, it sounds like a huge pair of scissors snipping shut. That’ll make your skin crawl.

  Oh, I can tell this is some bullshit fantasy or sci-fi world for sure now.

  The dog-sized scorpions fire little lightning bolts out of their huge stingers. And they really FUCKING HURT!!

  I did three ps around the oasis before this one gave up chasing me. Still naked, so I’m fpping in the wind the whole time. Ever try sprinting in sand with a sunburned penis? Awesome good time. Promise. If any gods are reading this, you should totally go try that right now.

  Eventually escaped the scorpion. Wouldn’t come into the water to get me, thank cheeses sliced. So here I am, starved, thirsty, and treading water.

  I can see the corpse under me. It’s still staring with sightless eyes.

  Good times.

  Journal, Day 8

  Hauled the decomposing body out of my only water source today. Prob should have done that earlier. Barely had the strength to do it. Took ages to dive down and pull it out. Wasn’t human. Some lizard person. Dressed in loose, dirty white robes like one of those desert people back home, bedwetters or bedwins or something. Made the dead guy heavy as fuck, all that wet cloth, so I had to strip him under water before I could even drag him up the bank before burying him out in the sand beyond the trees.

  Didn’t help that that little bitch of an electric scorpion kept popping out of the sand to chase me. Wish I had the strength to throw the corpse at it.

  Good news, though. I now have clothes. Who needs a game world when I can make my own skills? CLOTHING: Skin exposed to sun reduces from 100% to…15%?

  The clothes of a dead lizard person who’s been rotting under water for who knows how long.

  And that’s exactly what they smell like.

  Journal, Day 9

  Think I’m getting used to the stinky-feet fruit that smells worse than I do. Or eating only a handful means it harms me less. The water filter seems to be working a bit too. Only spent half the day shitting liquid today. Still starving, thirsty, and dizzy at the slightest movement. Whole body is in pain from the nasty sunburn, skin tight, and every movement is misery. I would be constantly crying tears if I hadn’t already been voiding all the water in my body via other means.

  Sand is about as pleasant a repcement for toilet paper as you’d expect. Bit raw down there now.

  But more good news!

  The palm trees are home to killer tarantu-style spiders the size of my hand. NOT including their legs. Cuz giant scorpions weren’t enough of a challenge. Why not include something that suddenly drops out of the palm tree you were sitting under, wraps its hairy legs around YOUR ENTIRE FUCKING HEAD and then proceeds to bite the back of your skull over and over until you manage to rip the damn thing off, which wasn’t easy because of course its legs have talons, and then you throw it on the ground as hard as you can, which does nothing and try to stomp the assassin bug to death only for it crawl up under your brand new clothes, which don’t include underwear, and take another bite out of YOUR BALLS!!

  Why does every living thing on this pnet try to eat my balls????

  Finally killed the piece of shit but now my balls are bleeding. Not to mention the wounds all over my head. Washed them in water that a guy died and rotted in. Super clean. Can’t wait to see what kind of horrible infection this leads to.

  This world sucks.

  Journal, Day 10

  Wounds are very itchy.

  Sunburns hurt like hell on fire. Buried myself under some wet sand to get away from the sun. Much cooler.

  No spiders today. But I’m considering burning down all the trees just in case there are more, even if it means losing all my shade and food source. Because fuck spiders with a leg span like an umbrel.

  Saw the scorpion watching me from across the oasis. Just eyeballing the fuck out of me with it’s, like, dozen eyes glinting in the sun with promises of murder. Cuz that’s not creepy as shit.

  Barely get any sleep at night cuz of that little prick. Keep waking up, afraid it’s stalking me. Moving around the oasis, hoping to avoid it. And any friends.

  So tired.

  Journal, Day 11

  Muahahahaaaa!

  Journal, Day 12

  Yesterday was a day of glory and death!

  Not my death, though.

  Suck it, isekai world!

  Wondered if the dead guy had anything else on him, so I took a dive in the oasis. Rooted around in the mud at the bottom and came up with a spear. A freakin’ spear, baby!

  Guess who showed that lightning-throwing scorpion from hell who’s the boss? Hint: it wasn’t Tony Danza. Guess who danced all around the oasis like a lunatic, making all kinds of noise, taunting it until it came up out of the sand in an explosion of rage and lightning, expecting to kill my sorry ass only to get a face full of sharp bronze? Guess who stabbed it in the face until it had no face? Stupid, faceless, lightning bitch who kept shooting lighting bolts in my ass. Yeah, that’s who’s dead. BECAUSE FUCK YOU!!!

  But wait. It gets better.

  We’ve all seen pics of people eating weird stuff. We’ve all ughed at the idea of eating a scorpion. Well — I did it.

  There’s a big, ft bck rock on the edge of the oasis that sits in the sun all day long. Gets super hot. You spsh some water on it, and it hisses and pops like a frying pan.

  I cut the stinger off. I don’t think it’s poisonous, but why chance it? I mean, if that thing had both lightning and poison, I’d be pissed. What kind of insect gets OP powers, while I get sunburns, bug bites, and dysentery? So unfair.

  Anyway, I tried to clean it. Took some guts out. I have no idea what’s edible. But I’m so hungry, I’d eat just about anything. Fried the scorpion on the rock for a good long while. Till that thing was turning bck. I’d rather eat charcoal than get yet another bacterial infection. Not like I’ve had enough of those, right?

  It tasted like half-burnt seafood chicken. Yep, really disgusting.

  I miss my wife’s cooking.

  Journal, Day 13

  Woke up with severe cramps in the middle of the night.

  Explosive conclusion to the scorpion saga.

  Journal, Day 14

  The patch of desert I’ve been ass-watering is really starting to smell.

  I hope that doesn’t attract nasty monsters or something.

  Doom fg. Because I hate myself.

  Journal, Day 15

  Holy shit.

  It happened.

  Journal, Day 16

  I took a whole day to process this. It’s just too stupid for words.

  This world actually has a video game system. No joke.

  I levelled up. How idiotic is that?

  Where would this even come from? Why would a world have a video game system governing people? Like, who came up with that? It’s nonsense! Life doesn’t work this way! What dopamine-addicted, game-obsessed loser forced the whole world to have levels and skills and crap?

  This just raises a whole ton of problems. Like disparity. Unfair levels, abilities, and powers. As if capitalism wasn’t screwing the whole world over badly enough back home, now we compound that with levels, stats, and skills? Imagine dictators with super high levels and asshole billionaires with OP skills.

  I’ll bet tyrants run wild in this world. Murder-hobos everywhere. You can’t tell me that if you gave people super strength and speed and crazy magic skills, that they wouldn’t abuse the hell out of it all the time for personal gain.

  It’s probably pure chaos out there. You know, assuming there are other people out there. It’s entirely possible that I was sent to a barren pnet with nothing but electric scorpions and assassin spiders.

  Oh yeah, the lizard guy. I guess there are people here. Can’t wait to get my ass handed to me by some pissant narcissist with a temper and higher levels. Yay.

  Anyway. I levelled. Level 1. Stats appeared in some kind of menu that I assume only I can see in the air in front of my face.

  Written in blood. That bodes well.

  Strength 12Speed 14Health 15Mana 8Intelligence 13Penis SizeYeah. Penis size. I shit you not.

  Not recording that st number unless it gets bigger.

  Oh. I also got a skill.

  [Lesser Resistance: Disease]

  I…guess that’s pretty cool, actually.

  Journal, Day 17

  Does it list penis size because I’m a guy and I have a penis?

  Do women have a stat sheet that lists boob size?

  Or does everyone on the pnet have a penis?

  Journal, Day 18

  Wounds hurt. A bunch are leaking dark yellow pus. From my head, face, neck, and yeah, my ball sack. Definitely infected. Runny nose, aching muscles, so I probably have a fever.

  It’s fine though. I’ll just pop over to the hospital and then the pharmacy. Some antibiotics will clear this right up.

  Oh wait. I can’t.

  BECAUSE I’VE BEEN FUCKING ISEKAI’D. IF THAT’S EVEN A WORD.

  I just…

  I’m so sick of this. This isn’t fair. Why is life always so fucking unfair?

  Journal, Day 19

  Fever’s worse. Could barely do anything all day.

  …

  Seriously, does everyone on the pnet have a penis?

  Journal, Day 20

  Cerise and I argued today. I don’t even know why. Stupid stuff. And…hell, I know it’s my fault. I just couldn’t stop myself. She’s so beautiful and wonderful, the light of my world, and I hate looking bad in her eyes. So I tried to defend myself, argue out of it, even bmed her at one point for something not even true.

  I’m so ashamed of myself. I love her so much. Why can’t I just be honest with myself? With her? Admit when I screw up? I’m so scared to apologize, even though I know I should, that it’s the right thing to do.

  I don’t deserve her love. Never have. But seeing the look on her face and the pain I’ve caused, I’ve never felt so worthless. I need to be better. For her. Or my love is a lie.

  Journal, Day 21

  Another scorpion found me. Barely had the strength to kill it. Fresh electric burn on top of the sunburns. Awesome.

  Maybe because the system kicked in from levelling, I now see phantom numbers when I fight something. You know, just like in videogames nowadays, because it wasn’t enough to see someone getting hit or maybe some blood and gore, they have to fsh endless numbers on top of the action too. Because…gamers are all math nerds? I don’t get it.

  So mine were super impressive. Like:

  1111122111211

  Please tell me that there’s a way to turn that off because it’s very distracting.

  Just gonna stay in this hole I dug, buried in sand, palm frond over my head. Too weak to eat or drink anything.

  I’m definitely dying.

  Journal, Day 22

  Heh. I’m already buried. If I die, I’ll have dug my own grave. Literally.

  Journal, Day 23

  There were potatoes on the barbecue. I asked because Sasquatch said so.

  Do you feel like Marly isn’t always bright red?

  I hate Mondays. No, seriously, potatoes.

  I was falling! Holy crap, that was scary.

  We need to seriously consider better security, or all the Batmans are gonna steal the potatoes.

  All the Batmans.

  Journal, Day 24

  He told me to lick the pus.

  I licked the pus.

  The pus was gross.

  Journal, Day 25

  Did someone shit themselves?

  Oh, that would be me.

  heeheeheehee

  Journal, Day 26

  Cerise, I love you so much. I’m sorry I’m not good with words. I wish I was, like, a poet or something. I wish I could share just…how big this feeling is. It’s like my chest is going to explode and swallow me whole. Ok, that’s stupid, but I made you ugh, so that’s a win, right?

  You’re the most beautiful woman in the world. You’re fun and kind. So patient. Wise. I’ve never respected anyone so much.

  I never knew happiness, real happiness, until I met you. Every day feels more fun now. Even when you’re not by my side, I’m thinking about you. All the time. The world literally feels more colourful. You make me more positive. More hopeful about the future. Thank you for that. You’ll never know how grateful I am.

  I don’t know why you’re marrying a lump like me, but I swear, I will always love you and honor you, and do everything I can to make your dreams come true.

  I may be having fever hallucinations. Just woke up in the middle of the day, and realized I’d already written something today. My wedding vows. Wow. We kissed and I cried, I remember that, and for once I didn’t care if anyone saw me because she was grinning and crying too, and I was so stupidly happy.

  The honeymoon sex was like starlight cocaine on steroids.

  Journal, Day 27

  Woke up this evening sweating like a pig and stewing in filth. It was hard to think straight. Everything hurt. My stomach felt like it was gnawing away at me from the inside. I was so thirsty, so dizzy and light-headed. Pretty sure I’ve been out of it; I don’t know for how long.

  I crawled out of my hole and drank from the edge of the pool. Just lying on my stomach, face in the water, making a bit of effort not to drown but also not entirely caring if I did. Knew I had to drink slowly or I’d probably vomit it back up. Not that it would matter because I’d just have water shits ter. Again.

  My whole body was in pain. I was exhausted. On an intellectual level, I know this is when we’re at our worst and we think our worst thoughts. But I thought about just letting myself fall into the pool. Killing myself. Maybe that’s what happened to lizard dude.

  But then I thought about what Cerise would think of that. Of me giving up like that. She’d be so disappointed in me. What kind of way is that to repay her love and faith in me? I hated myself for even thinking of suicide.

  I dug a fresh hole on the edge of the water. It took forever because I’m so weak right now. Crawled inside with my spear and pulled the palm frond over my head again. At least if the infection and fever kill me, it won’t be my fault.

  Journal, Day 28

  A scorpion woke me in the middle of the night. I must have heard it feeding on another one nearby. Don’t know how the dead one got there. Maybe I killed it and don’t remember.

  The new one heard me or saw me move. Lightning bolt to my face. I stabbed once, missed. Lightning bolt to the shoulder. Could barely see anything, even with the bnket of stars overhead. No moon st night. Just kept stabbing with the spear, feeling weak. Eventually, I got it.

  Must have colpsed and gone back to sleep for a while. Woke up with the sun up. The older dead scorpion was looking iffy but I took the new one over to the cooking rock and baked it or fried it or whatever. Ate it. Head was so foggy; couldn’t really think straight. Cooked some of the stinky fruit too. Pretty sure it had gone bad, but I was too weak to care.

  Food gave me enough energy to filter some water. Did that a couple of times before I was just too tired to move anymore. Crawled back into the dirty hole I’d been in.

  This sucks.

  Journal, Day 29

  Jingle Bells,

  Batman smells,

  Robin id a potato.

  Catwoman hissed

  Ivy and Harley kissed

  And Joker needs more ammo

  Potato!

  Journal, Day 30

  Woke up te today. I felt absolutely spent and weak as a half-dead kitten. But the ache in my muscles was gone. Head felt clearer. The fever had passed.

  [Lesser Resistance: Disease] probably saved my life. Maybe having system skills isn’t so bad.

  When I crawled out of my hole, I realized I’d levelled up. I’m level 2 now. My health stat went up. I don’t know if it’s because I survived a fever or if levelling up caused the fever to stop. But I feel better. Retively.

  My full-body sunburn is peeling. The electric burns sting. Sores were still leaking pus and stank, so I forced myself to open them up and cleaned them out with sand and water. Cooked wet sand on the hot rock to hopefully disinfect it first. I thought passing out from pain only happened in the movies. Turns out it’s a real thing. Hooray for new experiences. Wow, whoever put me in this position, if you’re listening, I’m so grateful. You should come on down so I can thank you.

  Permanently. With my spear up your ass.

  I went hunting. Managed to bag another scorpion and cooked it before the sun went down. Tomorrow, I’ll try to get another stinky fruit down from a palm. Without getting a face full of assassin tarantu. Or more fming diarrhea. Hopefully.

  I haven’t given up. No matter how much it hurts, I haven’t given up.

  I’ll be someone Cerise would have been proud of.

  It’s been a while. But I’m finally doing it.

  I’m holding onto that promise.

  Journal, Day 31

  It’s hard to believe I’ve been here for a month. How. Why?

  Why does life keep throwing these wicked curveballs? Why do they always have to hurt? If they were gonna murder me and send me to another world, why couldn’t it have been filled with unlimited free hookers and blowjobs? Rum and co on tap at my house and free pizza for life?

  How does this even happen? Evolution wouldn’t produce a game system. There’s got to be some entity behind it.

  Grateful that I still have my own body and mind and stuff. I mean, thank fucking spice I didn’t reincarnate as a baby in this oasis. I’d have been spider food on day one.

  This all has to be someone’s idea of a sick joke, right?

  Journal, Day 32

  I took stock of the oasis today. Trying to be more proactive about surviving instead of just wallowing and reacting to things.

  Since the water in the oasis never goes down despite evaporation, I’m guessing it’s a spring, coming up from underground. So I’ve got unlimited water. Even if it gives me the shits. I’ve got a very limited supply of partially poisonous fruit which gives me the fming shits. And scorpions which give me explosive shits.

  It’s a really shitty oasis.

  This food won’t st forever. Assuming the shits, the heat, the deadly monsters, or depression don’t kill me, I’m gonna have to find a more permanent food source. I haven’t looked beyond the immediate surroundings, haven’t gone more than ten paces past the trees and greenery of the oasis. It looks like the endless Sahara out there, just golden sand as far as I can see. But I need to explore. Maybe there’s a road nearby. Maybe the desert isn’t as empty as it looks. Maybe, just over the horizon, is a fabulous city of gold filled with generous genies with huge boobs and Vegas-style buffets.

  Journal, Day 33

  I’m the buffet.

  Went exploring. Those scorpions are everywhere. They must be active during the night because during the day, they’re lying in wait under the sand, tail poised to strike, shing out with lightning at any tremor. Then they burst out from under the sand, cws snipping and snapping, trying to cut your fucking toes off.

  After that happened three times, I started sweeping the ground around me with the spear whenever I moved. I covered about a quarter of a circle going around the oasis, staying fairly close. By the end of the day, I’d killed seven of the critters.

  Makes you wonder.

  If there are that many chihuahua-sized scorpions around — what are they all eating?

  I know what I’m eating.

  Fried scorpion. And lots of it.

  Journal, Day 34

  The stars here are gorgeous. There isn’t even the faintest hint of artificial light in any direction, which makes me think there are no urban centers anywhere close. Which means I’m probably in the middle of nowhere, which tracks for my situation so far. Because I need all the challenges I can get. Life’s been a motherfucking paradise so far. I don’t feel at all like my years back on Earth were about me constantly getting punched in the face, spit on, and kicked while I was down.

  Why wouldn’t it be more of the same in a different world? If I had a Luck stat, it would be -5.

  I tried to take a few hours, just staring up at the sparkles in the sky, trying to appreciate it and let go of some of the anger that seems to be my only emotion these days. Actually, I’ve been angry for a while now, since far before coming to this world.

  It’s easy to look up to that endless expanse and feel tiny, even insignificant, the gaxy a sight that was so normal for millions of years but has become so rare. Maybe this world hasn’t suffered capitalist-industrial selfishness to the same degree. Yet, anyway.

  Being up te let me see how the desert comes alive after dark. Like a…metaphor of some kind.

  All kinds of insects appeared. Where they were hiding during the day, I have no idea. I saw rodents skittering and jumping. The meter-wide tarantus descended from the trees to hunt. Looks like they hide under palm fronds during the day and murder at night. They seem to be arch enemies of the scorpions. The two appear to engage in some never-ending blood feud once the sun goes down, eating each other. And their own kind. It’s an all-out war.

  I hunkered down in the oasis pool, water up to my shoulders, a good three paces away from the shore, avoiding the fuck out of that horrifying nonsense.

  Journal, Day 35

  Movement in the sky caught my attention today. Looked up and saw a very rge vulture circling right above me. A vulture. Scavengers. They eat the dying and dead.

  I’m trying not to take it personally.

  But it probably knows better than I do, and I’m probably fucked.

  Journal, Day 36

  The vulture must have had enough of circling overhead.

  It decided to nd. On the other side of the oasis. It just sat there on a dusty boulder, staring at me the same way that evil scorpion did earlier. I’d go over and show it who’s boss, but the bird is about as tall as I am. Its cws left scratches on the stone. That great, hooked beak could probably tear my throat out.

  So, the vulture, that’s who’s boss.

  Got me lickin’ my lips and thinking of fried chicken though.

  I tried to kick that idea out of my head. I’m way too weak right now to fight a bird as big as I am. One that’s a little wary but obviously not scared of me from the way its eyes just bored into me all day. The second I get injured or sick again, that thing is going to bury its face in my guts and eat them while I’m still breathing.

  Spent the day circling the oasis again, palm fronds for a parasol, breadfruit husks for shoes because the sand is so hot, and my spear leading the way. The scorpions I uncovered slowed things down, but were also a steady food supply. And I don’t hate the idea of there being fewer deadly creatures around. I’ve been lucky as fuck that nothing has killed me while I slept.

  Journal, Day 37

  Came across a rocky outcropping poking out of the sand, just out of sight of the oasis. It wasn’t rge, maybe the size of a car. The yellowish rock looked crumbly and fragile. I approached, slowly feeling my way with the spear. Scorpions were jumping out of the sand in numbers the closer I got to the outcrop. Weirdly, as my spear poked through the desert sand, it kept turning over detached cws, scorpion legs, and other body parts.

  I kept going, curious about the outcropping. I figured it was probably nothing, but it was the only feature I’d come across so far, so I wanted to see it up close.

  With the angle of the sun that morning, the craggy rock jutting out of the sand cast a shadow in my direction. I looked forward to some respite from the bzing sun. It was brutal. Would have been nice to do the exploring in the dark of night, but after seeing how the desert came alive under the stars, the sun might have been the lesser evil. At least I had clothes now. They were nasty against my sunburned skin, but would prevent further burns. And cancer. Just my luck, I’d get super skin cancer out here.

  Would [Lesser Resistance: Disease] help with that? Dude, I sure hope so.

  Feet sliding through the superhot sand, clumsily protected by the breadfruit husks, I probed the edge of the shadows.

  Sand exploded in all directions, not once, but twice, as the first buried scorpion triggered another right next to it.

  I dropped the parasol so I could get both hands on the spear. Sunlight fshed off the bronze spearhead as I stabbed at both creatures. Luckily, they were as distracted by each other as they were by me. No loyalty for their own species, they snapped one cw at their brethren while they skittered forward to attack me at the same time. I hastily backstepped as I fought them off. I should have looked where I was going.

  A burst of sand sprayed me from behind. Another scorpion appeared at my heels. So close that I stumbled overtop of it before I could stop myself.

  A little lightning bolt hit me in the balls.

  IN THE FUCKING BALLS!!

  Screaming in pain, I rage-stomped the scorpion several times, cutting my feet, then jabbed the spear into the nearest attacking scorpion, nailing it right through the back.

  The third critter curled its tail. Light fshed.

  It hit me right between the eyes. Fucking little piece of shit.

  Screaming, I clutched my face with one hand, blinded and stumbling about. With my free arm, I sshed in all directions, feeling the spear tip hit the scorpion and knock it about, but knowing I probably hadn’t hurt it much.

  Without realizing it, I wandered closer and closer to the rocks. I stepped into the shadow.

  My foot sank calf-deep into the sand, causing me to lurch. I felt the sand rapidly slipping away, slipping down into the ground, draining. Had I stepped in quicksand or something? Furiously blinking my teary eyes, I tried to see what was going on while also pulling myself out of there.

  But it was no use. The ground was sinking faster than I could escape.

  Then a hole opened up underneath me. I sank into a pit deeper than I was tall. It was completely in shadow. Must have been some kind of hollow space under the sand for some reason, like a bubble, and I’d popped it.

  Panting, I stood there as the sand around me slowed to a trickle. I stood in a pile of it. Of sand and a dozen half-buried lightning scorpions that had been buried under the surface of the sand in the shadow of the rock until I’d disturbed them all. My stomach turned ice-cold. I swallowed and tightened my grip on the spear.,

  Then I blinked and wiped away a few more muddy tears from my burning eyes.

  There was a cave before me in the newly exposed rock that had been hidden until now. The outcrop above had been nothing but the tip of the iceberg.

  From inside the cave, a metric fuck ton of shiny little eyes stared back at me.

  “So, I guess this is where all you little bastards are coming from, huh? Fuck me.”

  The scorpions in the sand and cave came at me en masse.

  That means all at once for those of you who don’t speak Japanese.

  Adrenaline hit me. Lots of panic too. I wildly sshed and jabbed every which way. Scorpions big and small, from the size of mice to the size of cats, scampered over the sand, cws snapping and tearing chunks out of my legs. They climbed up my white robe and tried to swarm me. Lightning hit me from all angles, so much that it didn’t just sting something fierce, it left me paralyzed for seconds at a time, flopping around like a dying fish.

  It would have been over in a minute or two, but the sudden swarm turned on itself as well as me, becoming a frenzy of all-out destruction. Because scorpions are highly individual assholes always ready to destroy their own. Like corporate executives.

  I screamed until I no longer had breath to do so, all my energy devoted to killing the fucking monsters while trying to back away. One died. Then another. Scorpion guts began flying. Almost as much as I was shedding blood. I speared two more, lungs rasping.

  You wouldn’t believe the numbers just flying all over the pce:

  111221121212121111111221131131112211112

  Did you see the threes? Must have crit those motherfuckers.

  My excitement was very short-lived. With so little water and food over the past weeks, and the way it had been coming right back out of me, I was frail. I wouldn’t st long.

  Then I levelled up. Level 3.

  A burst of energy flowed through me. My stats fshed before my eyes, still in blood-red type. Not only did the max health stat go up, but I felt myself heal, my energy instantly restored. The many cuts on my arms and legs partially closed up. I wasn’t restored to full health, but it was still a boon.

  I also felt more strength in my arms. My strength and speed stats had both gone up by one.

  Trapped in a pit with dozens of scorpions and on the verge of death, I suddenly didn’t give a shit about anything but this feeling. I cackled with glee. “Haha! Fuckin’ die!” I wailed all around me with the spear, smashing and cutting, insect parts flying, leaving dead things in my wake. I stomped and punched, heedless of the damage I was doing to myself just to stay alive, crushing anything in reach. I descended into a madness of pain and fear and desperation under a thin veneer of murderous abandon.

  11111211222112121213312113211241212311

  I levelled up again to 4.

  Gained [Passive: Second Wind] in the middle of battle. A minute ter, a fresh burst of energy infused me. Apparently, the new skill kicked in automatically.

  More scorpions died.

  Eventually, my body reached its limits and I slowed. But the number of scorpions dwindled as well. At some point, I speared the st of them and then fell back against the side of the pit, covered in gore, blood, and sweat. Tears too, but let’s not mention that part. Least I hadn’t wet myself.

  I couldn’t think. Couldn’t move except to heave in great lungfuls of air. Muscles trembled on their own from ck of oxygen. I had sand in my eyes, my mouth, and in every bloody wound. I might have given up and stayed there for a good long while, but that ominous bck opening, that dark portal to hell where those scorpions had all been hiding, it scared the daylights out of me.

  Achingly, I rolled over, belly against the side of the pit. Using the spear like a dagger, I dragged myself up the side, half-swimming through the sand until I was back on the surface. I saw the oasis trees and crawled forward. I left a trail of blood and scorpion goo in my wake.

  I’m sure that won’t come back to bite me in the ass.

  Journal, Day 38

  It took all day to recover the necessary strength yesterday, but after I returned and rested for a while, I dug a bath next to the oasis pool and scooped water into it. The water slowly drained away, but it was enough to wash the filth away and clean my many new wounds. I scrubbed them with hot sand and water from the stove. I’d probably experience a bunch of new infections, but what the hell. Washing might help.

  That night, I didn’t have to worry about any spiders or scorpions attacking me in my sleep. I woke up once and heard a scary-as-fuck war zone goin’ on in the distance, in the same direction as the pit I’d barely crawled out of. All that death must have drawn everything with an appetite in the region, and they were fighting over it.

  I figured I was probably safe so far from the action. I went back to sleep, hiding under the sand near the water, palm frond over my head and spear in hand, as always.

  I woke again the next morning, barely able to move. But I crawled out of the sand and warily looked around.

  The vulture was still there. Sitting on his rock. Looking at me. With those bloodshot eyes.

  I gred back.

  I was really hungry for some grilled chicken.

  Something to the side caught the huge, ugly bird’s attention. Its head swivelled in that direction. Eyes widened. It raised its wings in panic and tried to take flight.

  A proper fucking lightning bolt hit it square in the chest. Bck and white feathers flew in all directions. Horrid squawk of pain. It tumbled backward off the rock, scrambled up, and tried to fly, but it must have been in too much pain. It hopped away, screeching, trying to put palms and bushes between it and whatever attacked it.

  Breathing fast, I turned to look in the same direction the now dead bird had looked.

  From out of the bushes at the edge of the oasis came a true monster: a lightning scorpion the size of a German shepherd. With a body at least two paces long, each cw looked rge enough to cut one of my arms clean off. The tail curled up as high as my chest, a glittering, clear crystal where the stinger would be on a typical scorpion.

  I despaired. “There’s a momma lightning scorpion? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

  The scorpion turned on all six legs to face me. The tail twitched, and the tip glowed.

  To Be Continued…