Winter

  Chapter One

  Echoes of the Past

  Lavender. The scent of lavender enveloped me, filling my senses with happiness. I inhaled deeply, drawing her close against my chest so she could hear the rapid beat of my heart that only quickened by her presence. I grumbled at the light seeping in from our curtains. Sweet giggles escaped her mouth and replaced any discontentment with ease. Chaste lips coaxed my eyelids open. A mop of blonde hair encircled my face and forced my eyes to dilate as they dragged up to her soft face. Slumping back into the smooth sheets, I couldn’t help the pausing of my heart.

  “Hey sexy,” I whispered with a half formed grin. A bark of laughter erupted from me as Victoria smacked me with a pillow. “It-” I snickered- “was a compliment!”

  “You’re worse than a guy!”

  She flopped forward, resting back on my shoulder and dragging a delicate, long finger across my jaw. I gave it a quick, playful peck. Her big blue eyes stared up at me widely, leaving a hitch in my breath. Perfect. I couldn’t help applying a similar peck to her wrist, my lips pressing against three strings that I had tied together in an attempt to make a gift. The bracelet never left her wrist in some effort to make me feel good.

  The bracelet. I still remembered the night I made it for her. She was gone on some overnight math camp trip. I spent hours fumbling over strings, attempting to make it perfect. God, it was awful… Yet she wore it every day. Made me feel… Seen. God, it was such a clumsy gift and yet… Well, I suppose that damn thing doesn’t matter anymore.

  “Such a sap in the morning,” She murmured. Her melodic voice hovered a hair above the morning traffic outside. The early raspiness sent a shiver down my back, making me wake up ever so slightly.

  “Sappy indeed!” I grinned and smacked her ass. Of course, I got a death glare in return, and I smiled sheepishly. “Sorry… Too much?”

  “Not unless you’re ready to face the consequences,” She purred, sliding her hand down to cup my breast. A bright red tint covered my face, and I stared dreamily up at the Goddess. Ria let out a smile laugh. Planting a kiss on my nose, she squeezed both of my cheeks. “Baby, you’re so easy to tease… I could do this forever.”

  “Gladly.” I pulled her down for a kiss.

  How much time had we spent in this bed? How many mornings and nights had we spent wrapped up with each other? When I woke up alone, I could still remember her warmth. Her smell. Even with all the time that had passed, my sheets still smelled like lavender.

  Our lips molded together like a perfect puzzle. With each movement, my heart squeezed, leaving me panting and satisfied. I held her tight, vowing to never let go. I rolled over. My breath came out in pants as I couldn’t help but smile. I leaned in, sniffing her scent once again.

  “Whoa there, lumberjack, kinda acting like a dog there.”

  “Isn’t that a compliment?” I wiggled my brows.

  “Such a dork…” Ria breathed, holding me by the back of my head. My own long, dark brown hair cascaded down and surrounded her features.

  She called me a dork, and I was her dork. Where she was my everything. Where I was her… downfall.

  ~

  I sat up with an ache burrowed deep in my chest. The bed was too big, the silence too loud. A freeze had formed in the air, and with no one to hold close, it remained. I turned my head to the side, half expecting to see her. Disappointment, like every day since she left. The echoes of once were bounced around in my head like an incessant fly, reminding me of waking up to coffee, making her pancakes, and her. I gripped my shirt, releasing a sigh. A bird cawed outside. Fat flakes of snow clouded my window and hid the surrounding pine. Cold seeped into the right side of my bed. The floor’s chill bit into my feet as they hit the ground, spreading across the cracks. I glanced weakly at the suitcase. My stomach turned even after two years. The pain never null, only ever dulling my personality.

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  Yanking up a pair of black boxers, I let out a yawn. Worn jeans hung off my hips, and I slipped on a thick, rugged gray flannel. Stop. Just a moment.. I could feel her hands on my shoulders, stealing my shirt for her own with a perfectly impish giggle. After brushing my hair down to my shoulders, I managed to splash some water on my face. I looked down at my wrist. A simple leather band wrapped around it. My mouth almost twitched upward, but stopped. Another sigh escaped.

  A black glossed acoustic guitar sat protected on a stand made of pinewood. Smoke escaped my mouth as I blew it across my sturdy boots. I laced them up tight. Taking another deep hit, my floor creaked, and I approached the instrument. My hand reached for it. I almost pulled away, but decided… Maybe I could- maybe it’s worth it today. It was light in my hands. Cold metal, colder than usual and stiff from lack of love, pressed against my fingertips, forming the chord, and I strummed. A small smile lit up my face. A quick few blinks and three songs already passed by. Then, her sweet voice whispered in my ear. Play it… Come on! Please! My fingers, itching to go back in time, landed on G minor then D and- and…

  Fuck.

  The guitar was left on its stand to collect dust for another six months, leaving behind the distant dreams. I walked quickly to my truck, barely speed walking to make it on time. Starting up the engine, I pulled out. I rolled down the window. Crisp air filled the cab, and I puffed on my pen. Fresh flowers wafted around in the smoke. Fucking hate flowers. Dreary, gray skies crossed above while a guitar picked on the radio.

  Chop logs. Split them. Load them. Mark trees. Paperwork. Repeat. I marched through the woods and sprayed some trees, marking the ones that were overgrown and suffocating the rest of the pine. I shivered in the cold air. Trees love each other… They’ll even grow together but if one gets to be too much, then the other dies. I pressed a hand against the bark. The cold felt almost hot against my skin, like I could feel her skin once more. But, she had to leave or else she wouldn’t grow any more. I took another hit of my pen.

  ~

  The Lost Cave could have been cooled. It could have been cool if, instead of tacky wallpaper, the owner used the building’s actual wooden walls. It could have been more noticeable if half the bar wasn’t covered in a weird stain-coated green carpet that squished beneath boots, soaking in the constant winter slush. I would have enjoyed it more if they let me smoke pot since other people could smoke cigarettes. Stale beer mixed with the nicotine, sticking to every surface and invading the thick air. But like every other Friday for the past two years, I sat down on the second stool to the right of the broken pinball machine. Its neon sign flashed too bright. The music overhead only seemed to gray my nerves. A monotonous routine, never swaying from it.

  While sipping on a Longdrink, I tapped my foot. Shouts and whoops erupted from a distant yet close table full of men in yellow and green gear. My eyes glanced up at the screen. I even let out a swear as the blue and gold center slapped the puck in. The empty can crinkled in my fist, a futile attempt to release pent-up frustration. Ordering a water before my next beer, a wave of calm flushed over my features.

  Familiar faces entered. A few nods here and there and maybe some ‘hellos’ were all we exchanged. I leaned back and started to nurse my third beer. Some guy, we were in high school band together, was leaning back in a chair, talking to his brother. The hockey game had become boring, so I found myself eavesdropping. Or unintentionally so, as I ran my hand along the rim of my can.

  “Remember Vic?”

  I sat up. Victor? Victor Jameson? I shook my head, taking a deep swig from my drink. Sweat clammed up my hands and ran down my back. It became a slight struggle to breathe. I rubbed my chest, pressing my fingers against the skin. A stutter formed on the left side of my chest, matching the closing of my throat while I struggled to swallow.

  “Victoria, yeah,” The brother replied nonchalantly, oblivious to the storm brewing inside me. Could be a different Victoria; there are plenty of those. It’s- it’s a common name. My brow furrowed as my ears tuned into the conversation. A slight strain pricked at my heart, its speed picking up.

  “She’s back in town. Saw her at the coffee shop.”

  A tightness formed in my chest. The globe stopped spinning. A pang of happiness formed- No- She doesn’t want you. My hand gripped the can. What if- No. I crushed it. I sat up and threw some cash down.

  Running out of the bar, I slid across the ice. I tried to breathe. The dry air only burned a hole in my chest. I grabbed onto my truck with a pant of breath. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wheezed quietly. She’s back! I smiled, frowned, and cried. The sharp cold worked its way into my heart, jolting me to my core. Victoria…

  Holding my heart, I stared across the road. We built a snowman there- She stole my hat and tugged it over the top, then we used… we used my broken windshield wiper as the nose. We had laughed. She had the most beautiful laugh. Ria’s giggles rang around the air. I had tackled her into the snow. Her fists playfully tapped my chest until we were both out of breath. Smiling, I felt her arms around my neck as she tugged my head up to kiss my cheek. Tears, hot and burning, ran down my face, melting the ice beneath me. She’s gone, but maybe- no… No. no. I dropped to my knees, holding my hand against the burning ice. She was gone.