Entry Five

  Session Zero

  A variety of weapons lay out before me. The table they sat on, creaked beneath their weight. I struggled to swallow, unable to remove my eyes from the vast array. Kray stood beside me, ready to answer any question I might have had. Morgan’s watchful gaze followed every breath I took in. I glanced over. A tug yanked in my chest. I felt a pull towards her despite her practically being a stranger. Then again, I hadn’t saved the other strangers from a group of witch hunters or tossed a lantern at a creature for them. They also haven’t seen me naked. Shadow weaved in and out of my legs. The pads of his feet crunched the sweating snow. He jumped, placing his paws on the wood. He sniffed everything with an edge of caution.

  I grazed my hands along a beautifully carved wooden bow. I squinted, noticing the intricate details. Vines whittled into the dark wood. It's spring glistened like the ice. I gripped it, rubbing my thumb along the smooth wood. Upon lifting it, I noticed the perfect amount of heft. I ran my finger down the string. I plucked it gently. The vibrations reminded me of the black guitar left to collect dust in my bedroom. I lost my last bow. The Prince gestured for me to pick up a second weapon. I raised a brow at him. I stared back down at the weapons. What in the world? Despite what many of you may think, I had little to no experience in the department of swords. Bows were the only thing I bothered with. I mean unless Skyrim or Baldur’s Gate 3 counted- No, they don’t. I didn’t want a dagger. That would get too close and personal. I felt too clumsy to grab anything long. I definitely couldn’t swing anything giant. I settled on a short sword. The steel had been so white it looked purple. Leather wrapped around the hilt giving it some comfort. My stomach churned as a pit began to form. A build-up of words clogged in my throat, mirroring the migraine in my temples.

  “Carter?” I locked eyes with my companion. His voice echoed throughout my mind. Our bond has expanded the use of physicality. At least we had some privacy. “Are you okay?”

  “I shouldn’t be holding these. They’re not meant for my hands. I’m too clumsy, it’s been forever.” A wry grin popped up. “Last time I killed a man, it was as a Monster. Ironic, right?”

  “Just think of it as protection and try not to stab yourself. In a battle, be sure to win, but never start the battle yourself. Remember that.”

  Kray gave a short nod of approval. The stranger had welcomed us with open arms the night before. He had been coated in Vincent’s dried blood which made a wonderful impression. Unlike his kidnappers, he seemed rather upbeat. He held out his hand. I less than gently laid the bow into his palm. He weighed the weapon. It seemed so delicate and light in his large hands. I’m tall but the dude’s half-giant, I swear to God. He’s not an Elf so he has to be. Living weapons adapted to their ruler, or so he explained. I didn’t fancy myself a ruler. Apparently, they’d mold themselves to match my personality and morals. Each deed I did would reflect upon the smithmanship. I stared in awe, both amazement and shame. I hope I’ll never use you… Wait- Do you wanna be used?

  The weapons glowed in my hands. The bow extended until it was as long as my torso. Three leaves broke through the wood. They wrapped around the base like vines, decorating it with life. The sword in my other hand stretched barely an inch. The thick steel thinned out and sharpened. A singular green jewel emerged at the center of the guard. Vines slipped from the leather and wrapped around it holding it in place. I sucked my breath in for a moment and reweighed the sword. It felt lighter. More agile.

  “They’re already getting to know you.” I gulped at his comment.

  “This feels slightly violating.” The Prince let out a deep laugh. It shook the wind. I felt it in my chest as he clasped my shoulder. I stumbled a little at the weight.

  “You Fringers sure know how to tell a joke.”

  “Kray!” Ashlyn shouted. Her arm looped in his. An angelic smile crossed her face. “I heard Morgan needs some help picking something out. Performance anxiety and all. I heard she needs medication.”

  “No, I do not!” She sneered at the blonde. “I perform excellently.”

  “That remains to be seen, Princess.”

  “Ears.” Her teeth grated.

  “She’s just embarrassed.” Ashlyn patted his arm. “I’ll keep Carter company while you do that.”

  Ashlyn tugged my arm in a familiar fashion. She led me into her tent. It was rather clean and organized, aside from a couple of Kray's shirts that had been tucked into a corner. I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my black shorts and wandered around aimlessly. A large bed sat in the center of the absurdly large tent. Multiply heavy furs covered it. A soft chair beside the bed was piled with romance novels, well dark romance or smut. Not that I was judging. I wouldn’t refuse a dominant evil Empress. All of the books, however, were from Barnes and Noble. I furrowed my brow. As I became more nosy, I found a black duffel bag. It was unzipped just enough for me to see the top layer. They were just like mine. Different in style but like mine. The texture and materials were the same. There were cropped shirts and sweaters. I turned confused as she fiddled with a container of press on nails. She had no care in the world.

  “My boyfriend can be a little overwhelming sometimes.” She chuckled. “He’s a sweetheart, though. He has high hopes, I know. But I believe in him, I have to.”

  “Did you fall through?”

  “On accident?” She shook her head and laughed. Another adventurer, a Jumper maybe, if they even exist. Watches were a rare commodity and a stolen one in my case. “No. My dumbass followed a boy here and he turned out to be a Prince. I was gonna be a nurse.” She plopped down on her bed. “I was gonna move to New York and be rich, I still want to.”

  “Do it!” I blurted out. Red hit me. Shouldn’t have said that .

  “Yeah, but after this situation is dealt with. Definitely after that.”

  “So, where’d you go to college?” I asked with a shrug trying to be a normal human.

  “Some place in Marquette, it’s a decent sized college in the middle of butt fuck nowhere.”

  “No shit!” I let out a laugh. A half smile propped up. “Me too!”

  The two of us couldn’t help but erupt into a fit of laughter. We talked about everything from Earth to Fringe towns. I didn't know how much I missed it. When I used to travel back and forth, I always had other Fringers with me like my adoptive mother and her boyfriend. Ashlyn started to nerd out over Star Wars, particularly Kylo Ren. I couldn’t hide my grin when we got onto the wonderful topic of Pitch fucking Perfect. We both started screaming the songs. I am proud to admit that I sounded like a screaming bird. Ashlyn yanked out an iPhone, a couple of generations old I noticed. A couple of clicks later and we were singing along with the riff off. I forgot about the nightmare and the monsters. It didn’t last very long, unfortunately.

  I hitched my breath when he entered. My hair stood on end. A painful ache set in my lungs. I tried to gulp my saliva down. Kray smiled at us both. Ashlyn jumped onto his back causing a wide smile. I awkwardly turned to my hands. I started to pick at my fingernails. I had been so happy with Kray at first. I guess a part of me hoped that he would be able to fix me, send me back to my original self, but the moment his eyes met mine I knew I was stuck like this and here. For some reason, I couldn’t name it, but my heart jolted and flipped when he confirmed it with words. My eyes were fixated on the Princess at that moment. I could find a cure with her. An adventure.

  “I say we go to the village, Carter.”

  “There is a fucking village!” Morgan entered the tent in a frenzy. She didn’t even have to open the tent, a gust of wind caused by her shock blew the flaps up. Morgan stopped beside me with her hands thrown onto her waist. A prominent frown was present. “I have been sleeping in a cold tent, in a cold carriage, and shivering nearly every night when there is potentially a fucking inn! I demand we go there at once!”

  “You literally wrap your cold ass body around me every night, Princess.”

  A village seemed the appropriate name. Several large cabins, some connected by thin wooden halls, all surrounded a particularly giant well. Blue vines wrapped around as if they were carved from ice. They exploded from the cracked stone attempting to swallow them whole. The light shined on them just so that with each step, it looked like they were tightening themselves around the rock. Over the roof of the well, a statue, taller than me stood proud. Frostbane, son of Icerion and second of the Frozen Sons, stood proud. Permanent ice formed him. His signature bow fit perfectly in his hands. The Kalpea God aimed up at the sky. People shoveled snow from the well and created small paths to and from the buildings. I noticed a woman pump a giant fan and fill a stone pit with air. Orange sparks erupted up from it. Smoothly, she wiped a line of sweat from her forehead. Another person flipped over a sign, allowing customers into their store. A single plump man waddled over to a tiny stall right beside the well.

  The table became filled with a wide assortment of sweets and pastries. My stomach growled. Immediately, I followed the scent of warm cinnamon rolls. The ache for something substantial only grew. Cookies as big as my head were presented to me. A seal of magic kept them warm and fresh. They looked like they would practically melt in my mouth. The chocolate chips melted into the golden cookie. Cakes freshly covered in a thick layer of whipped frosting made my eyes widen. Cream puffs, perfect cream puffs, waited for me to consume them. They were the size of Kray’s fist. The plump Kalpea cut one open, revealing a fluffy, white center.

  Another stand opened. It made my savory side howl in excitement. I licked my lips as the woman shouted about her pasties and rye bread. She had a plate of squeaky cheese as well as bags of salty licorice. The smells overwhelmed my senses. I felt my leg start to twitch. Saliva filled my mouth uncontrollably. My last real meal had been- I don’t know when my last real meal was. All I remember was eating a pack of snowballs a day ago but that was it.

  “I want- No, I need an extra large pepperoni pizza from Papa John’s and an unhealthy amount of garlic sauce.”

  “We’ll eat after we pick out your armor and clothes,” Kray responded with a stupid grin. My stomach growled at him.

  “I also wanna muck,” Ashlyn chimed in. “I have not eaten all day. If I don’t eat something soon, one of y’all is gonna die.”

  “Actually, I would prefer a drink, or something more,” Morgan nudged my side. I smirked over at her. Kalpea villages were known for religious weeds as people called them.

  “A pastie sounds actually sounds nice, right about now. Renmit never serves them,” Vincent talked to the Prince. Shadow howled in agreement though I noticed Vin cast a glare down at him.

  “We should get the armor first. It won’t take very long.” A verbal groan escaped all of our mouths. I had to physically hold Ashlyn back from swinging her fist.

  The forge sent waves upon waves of heat onto us. Already running hot, I practically turned into a puddle along with the nearby snow. Smoke and steam filled the air. It choked me to the point of a coughing fit. I pushed the heavy door open and held it for the Princess. She flashed me a quick smile. Of course, it made my stomach flip three times. I strolled into the shop catching up with Morgan’s short strides in one quick motion.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  The air was just as thick as beside the forge. I could taste the wood on my tongue. It was sweet like sipping from a wooden ladle. The warm smell wafted in my face, reminding me of a sauna. My eyes stung until tears flowed freely from the corners. Armor hung up on the wall by rusted nails. Leather pieces hung beside a few steel plates with no clear system of organization. Some of the armor was made out of thick white fur. It all seemed to weigh a ton and would take me down faster than I could put it on. Vincent picked up a steel plate like it was nothing. I gulped. I was taller than him but he was at least two if not three of me. I saw the muscles in his arms bulge against his shirt. His thick jaw tightened as he thought. Reddish scruff crowded across it with a tiny bald mark on his chin from a scar.

  Morgan wandered around with a slack jaw. Her eyes barely hung open. A yawn slipped out of her mouth. Boredom covered every trace on her face. She crossed her arms disinterested in any actual protection. A sparkle stuck in her eye. It changed her demeanor ever so slightly. She scooped up a thick blue cloak she could wear over her clothes, or mine depending on her mood. I offered to hold it for her while she browsed for shoes. That was my first mistake. Never offer to hold a woman’s clothes while they shop, or do if you want them to like you. There are pros and cons to each. She picked out a pair of black fur-lined leather boots. They were the slimmest and lightest of every other pair. They seemed more for fashion than anything else. They were also the last pair, somehow conveniently in her size. They ended up in my arms because of course they did.

  I stared, squinting aimlessly at the options. My mouth hung open. I scratched the back of my neck, trying to understand what I was supposed to do. Morgan’s hand fell onto my shoulder. Her nails gripped down, breaking through the cloth of my flannel. It has to be a dream right? I shook my head and scrunched my eyes. What dumbass loses their glasses? The armor remained prominently displayed. I had no fucking clue what I was doing, even if I was a Kalpea and these pieces were supposed to be my expertise. I played more video games than most people. I played fantasy RPG games more often than not. In those games, I always played an archer or a ranger. In those games, they had stats that told me how helpful they would be for my character. When I used to adventure, I imagined I clicked something in my brain. I would just scratch the side of my face and like a monitor, the armor became highlighted. It was like I had Aloy’s Focus. I got the jist of their armor points, whether it was heavy or light.

  “What do you think, Princess?”

  “I think you’ll die.”

  “Well, fuck you too.”

  “I think you would look good from the back- in the back- In black, Ears.” She tugged on the strap of my sports bra. Blood rushed to my face. I twitched. “Red is also your color.” She gestured towards a cloak that matched my flannel.

  I grabbed it off the hook. The top side was black but the stitching was dark red. It was thinner than the one Morgan had grabbed. Even with the different colored stitching, it was a lot plainer than Morgan’s. Her’s had white stitches of snowflakes across it and fur lining the edges. I tossed it over my shoulder. A thin cream shirt lay haplessly on a stand. The fabric felt rough and thick in between my fingers. It was much more Old World appropriate than the current outfit I was sporting. Morgan picked out a couple more that seemed to resemble my style. She managed to find a cotton button shirt that matched the style of my flannels. She tossed it onto the pile without a second thought.

  “Considering you’re the one with bigger muscles, or so you tend to remind me of, shouldn’t you carry something, Princess?”

  “I think you’re doing rather well, Ears.” Her hand landed on my lower back. Her fingers pressed down. “What color pants do you like?”

  “Umm… The dark ones.”

  “Carter- That’s most of the fucking colors.” I shot a look at her. “Hmm… You could use some improvement but I admit these clothes do not help much. Northerners are rather plain. I will take you shopping down south. I am sure you will enjoy it a lot more.”

  “I would love that.” Our gaze caught for a moment. “I mean- I’m glad I’m not the only one thinking that. I mean- Kalpea clothing is amazing! It’s my favorite but I want to do you- your things too. Umm yeah.”

  She picked up a pair of black pants. To end our shopping trip, I grabbed a pair of boots. I think they fit my aesthetic rather well. Dark gray leather made them up. Little stitches of green pine tree sprouted from the brown soles.

  Thank Icerion, or whatever you choose to believe in, Kray finally let us eat after we of course made one more stop. He forced me to change into a pair of clothes that wouldn’t exactly call as much attention as my early 2000s grunge style. Morgan made an actually nice comment towards me. It made my heart soar in a way I didn’t want to accept. She’s probably just being nice. Morgan’s got her own life. Plus she’s a dick. She doesn’t want some feverish, broken Shifter. I finished lacing up the pants and joined the group.

  Eventually- finally- Way too long, we made it into an inn or a tavern or I guess both. All that mattered was that it had food. I awkwardly stared at the large menu plastered along a rotting piece of wood that was placed up against the back wall behind the bar. I picked at my nails. I rocked quietly in the wooden chair while people chatted loudly. A bard sang rather obnoxiously and off-key. I sang really badly but he purposely dramatized everything. Granted I did the same thing but I knew it was shit. He strummed an out of tune guitar along with some made up chords. They sounded absolutely awful. Shadow tucked himself under my chair attempting to hide from the sound. My hand dropped down and ruffled his hair. I felt a fit of anxiety pop up when the waitress walked over. Everyone ordered their drinks except for me.

  “Ahh, yes,” I stuttered. “I would like water.” I pursed my lips. My gaze dropped down to the sticky table. “Ashlyn, what do I order?”

  “Well, what do you want?”

  “I don’t know,” I whispered to her. “I have the taste buds of a five year old.”

  “Girl, I can't help you,” She whispered back. “Ask your girlfriend to order for you.”

  “She’s not my girlfriend. She just owes me her life. Simple. Easy.”

  “What are you two whispering?” Vincent shot.

  “You are so fucking nosy,” Morgan spoke as she wiped down her section of the table.

  “I am simply curious. The wolf looks as pale as the snow.”

  “I don’t know what to eat. Now everyone knows I’m an indecisive pussy.” I pouted with my arms crossed. “I hate ordering. Someone make all my decisions for me… Unless I want to make them myself. Only lead me when I want to be led.” Much too quickly, the waitress returned with our drinks. She was ready to accept the orders. She ran through everyone and finally stopped at Morgan and I.

  “I will have the frost fish with raspberry glaze. My Kalpea will have a Karelian pasty and a cream puff.”

  “You know me so well!” I spoke rather dramatically. I gripped my chest and spread my other arm as the waitress left. I even got Morgan to laugh. Cooly, she leaned back in her chair. “I have eaten more cream puffs in my life than most. I have no shame.”

  “Is that an euphemism?” Ashlyn joked.

  “Obviously!” I laughed.

  “I thought you only had one,” Morgan added, devilishly.

  The moon soared up into the sky. I snuck away from camp. A pond just a little jog away called to me. The dark water screamed my name. Flat like glass, the moon reflected off of it. I looked at myself. Dark fish swam from my shadow. Sweat ran down my back. I stripped off all my clothes, gratefully accepting the cold wind that rolled over my body. I dove into the freezing waters. It felt absolutely amazing against my skin. As I broke the surface, steam filled the air. I took in a deep cold breath. It ached in my lungs like a puff of smoke. My boiling blood cooled against the ripples. All day, I fought a crazed animal. It was every fucking day. It ached the scars along my body. I could feel my insides moving, fighting with one another. My brain held those memories. I fought against them. I fought against it all.

  I moved to the shore. Bumps crossed me. Exciting shivers caused me to jolt. I cracked my neck and continued deep slow breaths helping control the creature inside. I feel like some werewolf fanfiction. My hands snatched at my stomach while my hair stiffened from the cold. Water shook off of me. I dropped to the ground and cracked my back. I quickly dried off. Then, I yanked my boxers up and pulled my sports bra. Quickly, I threw my flannel on and started back to the tents.

  Shadow sat at the edge of the camp. His ear twitched. His eyes searched the air around me. I stopped in front of him expecting a conversation. He made no sound. We walked side by side towards our shared tent. He stepped in front of the flap blocking it.

  “I promise the heat will get better. Your body thinks there is an intruder. Soon it will recognize it as a friend and then you will be able to wear your sweatshirts again.”

  “Thanks… It’s been years but I trust you. That makes me feel a little better.” I cracked my knuckles. “It has only happened after I killed. Is it- Is it gonna be every time? I’m not gonna kill again but what if- What if I need to?”

  “To Shift or to kill?”

  “Both. We live in a fucked up world.”

  “You will Shift again for certain. Killing is not a guaranteed trigger but when your emotions are high you will shift. Each time it gets easier until it becomes second nature to you. I suggest you force a Shift and gain control over it. Everything will be so much easier then.”

  I slipped into the tent. It was much larger than the one I had brought with me. It fit a queen size bed in the corner. Dark furs covered along with my red sleeping bag. A pile of energy drinks were stacked on top of each other beside the mattress. My clothes, the few I had brought with me and the few Kray had purchased, had been laid out in stacks along the floor. My toes scrunched on the white carpet. Shadow had a bed made up of furs on the other side of the tent but most nights he slept at my feet or on the ground beside me.

  “I need to go for a run. Rest, Little One.” I nodded as he disappeared outside.

  I climbed beneath the blanket. The cool still lingered calming down my hot skin. I rested my head on the top of my pillow. I had brought it with me for camping. I could never sleep without it. It smelled like home. My fingers ran across the pillow case. I think I had gotten it from an aunt but I don’t exactly remember. Little Star Wars cartoon figures, like comic books, were printed across it. I stared at the triangular ceiling. A small candle burned beside me. Tiny flames licked the air. I reached over and dimmed the light. An orange glow tinted everything. I made a tiny shadow puppet on the ceiling.

  I entertained myself until the tent's warm air got to me. Against my wants, I pulled the weight off of me. A nice slight chill blanketed over my stomach. A smile weighted against my cheeks. I always loved camping. Most of my summers, I would spend in a horribly pitched tent in the backyard or on some random trail in the woods. I loved to force my friends to go with me in the fall. We would have to wear layers upon layers. It was still a fucking blast. My parents had a camper that they would pull out to the most beautiful campsite. During October, all the leaves would be red and orange. It was absolutely gorgeous. I loved the freedom summer gave me but fall was my favorite and then winter. Here it seemed like a permanent occupant, even though I knew it was Midnight’s early summer. The snow was constant all year round. You couldn’t even imagine what it was like in pure winter. Pure beauty.

  “I am cold!” Morgan shot from her and Vincent’s tent.

  “Where are you going?” Vincent shouted back.

  “To someone who does not smell like death!”

  I heard her tent flap open. Moments later mine did the same. The Princess climbed in beside me without question. Without saying a word, she pulled the blanket up to her tiny chin and laid her head next to mine. Her cold skin pressed against mine. I sucked in and shivered. I slid closer.

  “He really does not smell. If anything you smell worse, like a dog.” She laughed. “You are just a lot warmer, Ears.” Her arms snaked around my waist. Her eyes turned two shades darker. They scanned me up and down. Suddenly, I felt exposed in my boxers. “I have always wanted to fuck a Kalpea. You are all so rough outside but I bet you fold in the sheets.” My limbs turned rigid. She quickly pulled away. Her eyes lighted, full of- regret? “Wait, shit, are you okay? I did not mean- Carter, I thought you were- I will not touch you.”

  “Yeah, sorry it’s just-” I choked the words back. A deep embarrassment rose. A shame that buried itself in my bones. I needed to curl up into a ball.

  “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable. I would never want that. I am truly sorry. I am so sorry.”

  “It’s not you.” I sat up on my elbows. “I have- Well, my past…” My scars burned. “I’m a Shifter. Most aren’t born this way, eh?” Hot completely covered my body. My fists clenched. A wave of anger hit me. A low growl. A whine escaped my mouth. You’re so pathetic. Morgan’s eyes narrowed slightly. Not at me but something else.

  “I am so sorry. I can not- I am sorry- I should have- I am ignorant-”

  “No- It’s not your fault. I should have- I should’ve done something about it. Instead, I just let it get worse and worse. It’s just- I haven’t been- Not romantically- My entire body has been ripped apart. It’s taken so much time to put it back together. I need a minute.”

  “Fuck. It is not your fault.” She wrapped the blanket around me. The weight made my cells calm down and my eyes grew heavy. “None of that was your fault. Thank you for telling me. I know that was not easy.” Her hands remained in her lap within my eyesight. “You have as many minutes as you need. I would never put you in a position like that, Carter. I just want you to be comfortable. I am a witch but I have never- I will never do that. I would kill anyone who did.”

  “Thank you.” I smiled a little. “You can still stay here, Princess. We can- We can lie here… I just don’t want to do anything like that- Not yet. My skin’s still so hot from the other day.”

  “Don’t thank me, Ears. I will only do what you are comfortable with.”

  She was the rain that dulled the flames. My heartbeat relaxed and slowed. I cooled off to the point of craving another blanket. The two of us lay side by side in a silent comfort. I slipped my hand beneath the covers. My fingers found Morgan’s and wrapped around them. She squeezed back. That night, I had no nightmares. Sweet dreams danced in my head.

  The next morning, I took a long sip from the cup. Warm coffee brought heat down into my bones. Morgan’s hand still remained in mine. She sipped her own cup. A pair of black sunglasses covered her dark eyes. She found them snooping around in my bag. I couldn’t help but laugh at her. I pushed them up onto her head so I could look at her. I shot her a finger gun earning a stupid grin from the Princess.