“We need to go back. I can't leave her alone. I can't. I can't tell the difference.”

  When she hugs you is when you should bite her. Stop, please. She let you have her blood before she won't mind. Why? Cause you want this. The tears fell. You know you want to say it. I don't. You enjoyed making Derrick a mummified corpse. I did, oh system, I did. Say the word, give in to your wants. Acc—

  “SARA.”

  I look at mother. She has pulled me into a hug, not knowing the danger she is in. The only thing that sinks into her are my tears.

  “Sorry, I … I thought I was hearing sister's voice as we traveled here.”

  Admit to it.

  “I thought the bloodlust was hers, that she was just broken. But I'm broken, the desires are all mine. Take me back, switch me with her. She has to be more sane than I am. There will be blood in the streets.”

  You wouldn't be so wasteful. She watches countless deaths and didn't eat a single soul. You on the other hand just can't wait. Mother pushes me back looking into my eyes.

  “I'm hoping the distance between the two of you might allow you both to heal. She has Qorth, Sara.”

  “Who do I have?”

  Me.

  “Your family.”

  I said it first.

  -----

  It was great grandfather estate. The original Maxwell. It was near time for me to be an attendant. They would be insane to send me out alone. You should head out tonight.

  I entered the estate as myself. I would not hide myself, no illusions, no body morphic magic. Me. Us. We entered the dinning room. Maxwell was at the head of the table. A new pair of attendants with mental magic were behind him.

  “You have greatly changed, Sara.”

  “It is as you say, great grandfather.”

  “Still wish to sneak into the academy as that?”

  “I will assume a Pimar form when I join a family.”

  “Well, let's see it.”

  “No.”

  He grows annoyed at that. Good.

  “I can't very well trust what you say without seeing it myself.”

  “Make me then.”

  His eyes narrow. His blood is boiling.

  “Sara Maxwell Magdeline, you will submit.”

  Negated, and lame. Only five percent of my mental core.

  “Thought you wanted to see my form. But if you are into eleven year old girls, I might have to bleed you dry.”

  Do it anyway.

  “Sara Maxwell Magdeline, you will desist with your arrogance.”

  “Is it arrogant to succeed? I was never sure of that. Be humble of your success less those who envy you be spurred to seeing you fail.”

  “SARA MAXWELL MAGDELINE, BE QUIET.”

  I reflect that one.

  “Down to eighty percent there, great grandfather. Of my mental core. You still have to get through that, my arcane core and my reserves. O and that's if I don't bother using my fire and life cores.”

  He doesn't answer, it's only been a minute since he quieted himself. He is there for the taking. He wouldn't last long in my embrace. True. Still it would be sweet…

  Before the ten minutes pass, I speak up once more.

  “Do I pass as a Maxwell Attendant?”

  The compel wears off and he sighs.

  [Junior Attendant] Title became [Maxwell Attendant]

  Maxwell Attendant - you are uncompellable by the Maxwell patriarch, and know how to be an Attendant. Your thirst is just a bonus. You gain an additional 2 agility, 2 Presence, and 2 Mental Fortitude on level up

  Think the system is cracked, it's not even trying to be consistent anymore. I laugh at that. Maxwell looks at me strangely.

  “Sorry, I got caught up in my thoughts. I will be more respectful, great grandfather. Can I see my grandmothers?"

  “That would not be wise. I'm still wary about hiring you out, I do want to see your form.”

  If you stumble upon this tale on Amazon, it's taken without the author's consent. Report it.

  “I can attest that she can assume a form similar to an infused Pimar and maintain it indefinitely.”

  Ah mother here, right. Mom had left to return the carriage to mother's estate. I nod to her. Decorum. We have a modest dinner and I am led to a room. I dismiss the attendants and form a nest to sleep in, just one day silk. It's comforting. I go to sleep early.

  -----

  This is a daily reminder: You have 8 unallocated stat points

  I walk up to the sleeping form. She is tier two now. Her black hair hanging out for once. I lift her up and slowly spin my webs around her. She doesn't wake. Secured I prod her. She wakes and struggles, unsure what's going on. My soul eyes and mental eyes flare on. I form an illusion of my hair being blue and black. She thrashes more, I see the part of her soul that lights up and I remove it with soul etching. Just a shallow gouge. Just geas. The illusion shifts again.

  “Marie, it's me Sara.”

  Another part of her soul lights up as she struggles. Another part was removed. She is breathing heavily now. Worn from the soul burn and struggling in her cocoon.

  “Mother.”

  Another part lights up, so many geas. It's gone now too.

  “Grandmother.”

  Another lights up. Another gone.

  “Marie, who am I?”

  The woman catches her breath, “Sara.”

  Nothing lights up. I pull her out of the silk cocoon and hug her. She hugs me back. “You've changed so much, little miss.”

  I cry into her. She scritches me behind my ears.

  “Why did you place me inside that silk cocoon?”

  “Thought you'd be into it.”

  She finger flicks me and immediately regrets it. I heal her broken finger. Sticking my tongue at her. She takes a better glance at my body.

  “You look to have the parts of monsters.”

  “[Soul Eater] isn't very picky.”

  “A spider?”

  I give her a brave smile. I take a good look at her. The slope of the neck. I remember her unique smell.

  “I need to go see grandma Bianca.”

  “She will compel you.”

  “Go rest, grandmother. I must see her freed.”

  -----

  She heard me coming. Maybe I should have started with her first.

  “Sara Maxwell, Stop breathing.”

  Shit she almost true named me. Fuck how she vocalize a strike through. She jumps at me, knife in hand. I catch her wrist as she kicks me, her foot breaks. I wish I had my feet hands to restrain her better.

  “Sara Maxwell, Stop breathing.”

  She brought me down to forty percent of my mental. She is trying to push compels into my hands. I continue to negate them as I get her legs wrapped in silk. It's a quick process that still brings my mental down to a tenth. I look at her with my soul eyes seeing the geas that is lighting up. I removed it. I go through the process I did with Marie. We are both exhausted in the end. She cups my face.

  “You've grown.”

  I hug her. Bite her. No, just a hug. I remove the silk from her.

  “Ate a spider, dear?”

  “No one ever asks about the ears.”

  “Well you did put me into a silk cocoon.”

  “Necessary precaution for a stabby [Lady].”

  She looks sad at that, “Sorry, he had placed so many geas on me, forced me to place geas on Marie.”

  I shudder, I wanted to murder the one who placed the geas on Marie. You still can.

  “Your emotions are all over the place dear.”

  “I've been through some changes. Let's go have tea with Marie.”

  -----

  It was way too early but I filled four cups of tea, each perfectly, it calmed my mind. I place them in front of each guest. A ‘your tea, my lady’ given to Bianca for old time sake. Apparently, Magdeline was watching me the whole time. I then take a snack and pass the plate around.

  “How do you do the first part perfectly then profane the snack part?”

  The cookie in my mouth, “I'm not on duty. Neither are you.”

  I swallow. It's not blood.

  “You're disappointed, dear.”

  I don't want to tell them.

  “Sara etched a skill into herself that made her enjoy drinking blood, resisted it and made it so only blood could sustain her. The cookie she ate means nothing more than a brief taste in her mouth.”

  I look annoyed at Mother.

  Grandma Bianca embraces me, “Sorry dear, we were to keep you from violence and it looks as if you went straight into it.”

  I cry into her.

  -----

  They all went back to sleep. Marie was with Bianca now. I smile. I can give in now. I tip my blood skin to my lips and drink. And drink. And drink. I don't stop. Can't. The bliss consumes me, not enough to let go. It just keeps filling and I just keep drinking. I deserve this. Grandmothers are free. I want this. I keep drinking. My euphoria is great. It's not as great as when it was Derrick.

  I finally dropped the skin at that thought. Blood drips to the ground and I quickly am to the floor licking it up, my tongue feels longer, I don't care, chasing the bliss. I grow disgusted at myself. There are still more to drink. I give in and keep drinking. Crying. Drinking. Empty. Crying. The blood skin empty. I thrash about nooooo.

  Someone hugs me. I want to bite the fool. Nooooo. I begin to quiet to her soothing words.

  “I'm sorry mother. I drank it all. No my sister denies me again. She wants it for herself. I drank it all. It must be sister's fault.”

  I push mother away, grabbing my empty skin, I tip it to myself. Still empty. Damn you sister. My soul tears again, our recent mending comes undone. I scream as I feel myself come closer to being two. We will die if we do this. Our system undivisible. My hatred continues splintering ourselves more. My mother grabs me in a hug and holds me tighter. I cry into her. My soul is almost in two.

  -----

  “Ah so that is your Pimar form, we should get your measurements and dress before your interview.”

  I had denied myself my true body. Of her. Of my thirst. Of my shame.

  “As you wish, my Lord.”

  I've gone back to a tried and true method of maintaining my sanity… I will be Marie. Maxwell is pleased. I am led to my room. The attendants say nothing of the silk nest in the back corner. They are proper Maxwell attendants. I remind myself to maintain poise.

  I wanted to help in the kitchen. The other attendants don't say anything to me. They give me space. I simply watched. A work dress is present on my bed. A new corset is as well. I put them on, not paying attention. I will my false soul to show my proper title. I ate lunch at the table. I was a guest of the house, not yet employed. It will be another house that will take me. I answered questions but did not pose any of my own. Bianca and Marie were not there. Marcene wanted to go over their change in demeanor. Magdeline took me to my room.

  “Sara, you've muted your emotions.”

  “It is as you say.”

  They have been like this since I tore myself. My tears last night drained me of feeling. When I stopped crying my body was the cat girl form. Marie form. Yes, my new reality. My soul heals a bit. My thirst starts…

  “I don't think this is healthy, Sara”

  I nod, “You are correct.”

  “If you know this, then why are you doing it?”

  She's angry, I feel her emotion. I know I can not lie to her. Nor can I say that I deserve it. I don't feel enough to say I deserve it. I just stare at her.

  She hugs me again, “We will get you through this, daughter.”

  Her tears touch my shoulder. I keep staring ahead.

  -----

  Dinner was a jubilant affair for most. I ate quietly. Bianca and Marie were there. Francis and Genop as well, their almost one year old son as well. I return their greetings. They didn't understand why I wasn't more excited. I apologized many times. They all tried to pull me into a conversation. The party growing more distressed as time went on. I excused myself and went to my room, surmising my demeanor was the issue. I slept in my bed. I was an Attendant and did not deserve the silks. Three hours later I left the estate.