I woke up in my nest. My body was bigger. My lower half is completely a spider now. Chitnous. Its carapace is black. My thirst is satisfied. He was a dessicated corpse at the bottom of the river. I doubt there are enough rapists to keep me satisfied for long. I don't dwell on my new now, the misery only hurries the need. Mother brought a monster out of the dungeon.
I became the Attendant again. My clothing appeared on me. I set my hair into a bun. My emotions muted again. I went to breakfast.
“Sara, are you alright?” Magdeline asks.
“I am as well as I can be.”
“Sara, before your emotions were muted. I can't even feel them anymore.”
“I am as an Attendant from the Maxwell house should be.”
Emotions cause thirst. The more I don't feel them the longer I can wait. He certainly produced enough blood for me to physically wait. Both Bianca and Marie invited me to tea parties. I declined them both.
Cecelia came later, hugging me, crying into my shoulder. I hugged her back. My thirst sparked again. I released her quickly after. Back to no emotions. I went three nights without partaking. The fourth night I grew larger still. I didn't even dream his memories this time. I was already an Attendant again by the time I got to the Maxwell estate. Even better. He wasn't as good as the first, younger though, more blood, just not as sweet.
-----
Magdeline has me in my room. It has been three days since the last. I think I can last another two days.
“Sara, I received a letter from Qorth.”
I stare at her. She hands me the letter.
“Read it.”
I look down.
Countess
Sara has devoured a soul. The Sara with me tells me she dreamt the memories of Sara laying a trap for a rapist, and devouring him. She fears that Sara in Yetna can't come to terms with herself and is changing herself further. She knows that should she eat someone undeserving of death she won't care who she consumes anymore.
Qorth
I hand the letter back to Magdeline.
“Show me.”
My clothing disappears and my body forms the black spider. My thirst grows. My head touches the ceiling. I loom over mother.
“How many?”
“Two.”
“Are you sure? You don't look like you ate just two?”
She eyes my form incredulously that only two souls granted me this girth. I looked at myself, truly looked at myself. My emotions start to swell, I need blood to stop this feeling. My body is immense. But I only remembered two. I had left the house every night, but I hadn't been found more than twice? Right… I check my soul. Did my math of what was out there. I had …. Noooo. It's true, two souls wouldn't put me within ten of tier four. Every night. I found more, how many more. I don't know…
The tears fall and my thirst grows begging me to drown them. I'm ravenous. I don't even remember them. How could I? How could I not? Some nights had to be multiple. They all came to me and I must have drank them all. I didn't even feel sad anymore when I did. They all were frightened in the end, a garish most delectable. I remember their fear. How many? My thirst grows. They called me a monster, and I agreed with them. I truly am.
“Sara?”
“I can't remember throwing more than two into the river.”
The second time I was interrupted. I felt such disappointment chucking the dead body into the river. It was already drained by that point, just meat at that point. Why was I disappointed? My head hurts more. My hunger roars inside me.
Mother closes her eyes, pained, then opens them, green quarter moons eyes scanning.
“Your reproductive organs are gone.”
My heart squeezes at that. Nooooo I was meant to bring them back. My emotions flare, my hunger surges further. My escape from loathing. She hugs me even as I struggle with it all. It's too much. My mouth opens, the fangs touch her throat. They are thicker than my tiger fangs used to be. My gloriousness is so much greater. How much bigger will I be when I consume her.
“Is this what you truly want to be, Sara?”
I rear back from her, her neck nicked. Its bleeding causes my thirst to go into a frenzy. Her soul is so great. I huddle myself in the corner. I smell the blood.
“Mother, I don't know how to be anything else.” A croaked whisper.
“You can start by remembering that you aren't your thirst.”
But all I can think about is her blood. A familiar iron band falls to the ground. My eyes fell on it. She walks up to it and touches it with her fingers.
“I will not drink or absorb any blood beyond what my body physically needs. I will not assume a more monstrous form than I truly am. I will not drink blood to chase a feeling or to hide from my own. I will not mute my own feelings to hide from my thirst. I will not think on or discuss these prohibitions, endeavoring to make them an intrinsic part of myself.”
Her hand leaves the manacle of obedience. She steps back.
“That right there is a crutch, Sara. Crutches are used to support a body so the person does not injure themselves as they heal. Usually a person needs to just not move but if they have to then they should use a crutch. You need this support to heal your soul, Sara. You still need to move so there is your crutch. If you place that manacle on yourself, you won't be able to remove it until you trust yourself.”
I bark a hollow laugh. Forever.
My hands tremble as they pick up the band. I turn it so it will be ready to snap around my neck. My hand trembles as I stare at Magdeline's neck. Even now as I am about to bind myself I am still looking at her blood. I close my eyes. I thrust my hands to my neck. The band closes around it. I breathe.
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My black chitin dissolves, my scales return to my legs. The ultra violet is gone from many. Those are black. I look behind myself, my abdomen is without hair, black chitin. I lament it, it will never shrink down again. My hunger is forever hidden from other eyes, my sin always on display. My body was just as large as before. I dare not look if my reproductive organs are back.
Mother comes up to me looking at my body.
“I'm glad you were assuming a form and not truly so far gone. You bear scars from it though. Thinking it was you.”
“Am I still infertile.” Only a whisper.
She hugs me, “It's back, it was last to return but it did come back. Daughter, please let yourself heal. You need time. I feel if you mend your soul you can hear your sister again. You want to hear her again, right?”
I nod, crying. I felt my thirst but my body was swollen from the lives I took. I had no physical need for blood at the moment. I heal the nick on mother's neck. Leaving the blood.
“Thank you, daughter.”
-----
I leave my room as an Attendant. Embarrassingly when taking up a quarter of the room I couldn't blame my abdomen for being unable to leave through the door. I come down to breakfast. My grandmothers are there. I am sullen but they are happy to see me.
“I apologize for my previous behavior.”
“Your behavior was impeccable Sara. A perfect Attendant.”
My grandmothers look annoyed at great grandfather.
“She is not under your employ and does not need to be one of your dolls, father.”
A forceful rebuke from grandma Bianca. Mother laughs as the man grouses. He regains his composure.
“I have set up an interview with the house of Xavious, I am certain you will be accepted. Their daughter is eleven and is in need of an attendant.”
So soon. I breathe. I look to mother.
“Their lands contain the Bandit’s Suicide. I will travel there as well. To assist Qorth.”
My sister needed attention too. My thirst roiled within me but I made no effort to drink. Couldn't. I need a resist bliss skill. I wait a moment. Nothing. I haven't gotten any skill levels since leaving my dungeon. My soul grew, I gained titles. But no skills. I turned to mother.
“I haven't gained any skills levels since I left the dungeon.”
She is shocked at that, “How damaged is your soul, Sara.”
I didn't want to say it.
“Sara, please.”
I sigh, “It is almost cloven in two.”
She is over to me, hugging me, “I wish you told me sooner. You truly need to heal. You know you won't survive if you break in half, right?” I nod, she continues. “Your system is a reflection of your soul. Mend it and it should start seeing skill ups again. Leveling might fill the space, can you even do that?”
I try but it doesn't engage. I shake my head.
“Take your time, Sara. Let others fill it for you.”
“Four more years will not solve such an injury, the college will not accept such an applicant.”
“She will be fine, Maxwell. I was told my daughter's ambition outstrips my own, she will be whole come her admission to the college.”
-----
A modest carriage shows up. My grandmothers wave me off. I gave them both hugs. I did not hide myself when I did it, my true self on display, they had to pan their necks up. I return to my attendant form to enter the carriage. Mother joins me. It's a silent affair as mom pulls the carriage.
-----
“You can't be serious.”
“I only wish to help heal your soul, Sara.”
When we came to a stop. Mom has asked for a drop of my blood. To bind herself to me. Another [Supplicant]. I look to mother, hoping for a sane voice in all this.
“I too, would request this of you.”
I look aghast at her. She laughs.
“I finally found the end of a major boon stat, Sara. My levels, no my soul demands I try to get the soul boons. You know what that would mean.”
She would become a dungeon. Her body would die and she would be a place for others to grow. Unless I split her mind. I squeeze my eyes shut, she has done so much for me.
I became my true self. Both my hands raise up, my life magic slicing my pointer fingers. They each took a drop. My soul eyes open, etching them both.
You have bestowed the [Supplicant] title on Cecelia Maxwell
You have bestowed the [Supplicant] title on Magdeline
I look at both Cecelia and Magdeline. No longer my mothers. I grow sad at that. They both hugged me. My hair fell out. I felt my reserves empty as new raven hair grew out, the two lone strands of dirty blonde sticking out more. Blacknell hair. I look at the strands and gather them. Twining them to be a charm to keep. My fingers are well used to the effort. My ears matched my hair now.
“I lost both of your hair.”
“You still have us, Sara.”
Forever.
A supplicant has tied themselves further to you
Remaining Soul 78
My soul mends a bit, drawing my halfs closer. Cecelia is already doing her part.
A supplicant has tied themselves further to you
Remaining Soul 831
Minor 700 soul boon acquire
Race will tier up when you level again
“You have an intimidating amount of soul to subsume, Mags.”
Already at the cusp of tier four. My gluttony had driven me. Apparently there was no fifth major soul boon. Or was it a skill and I can't gain it till I am whole.
She laughs at that, “Aw, but I was so looking forward to eight legs. You will need to out level me dear. Funny my title said I should gain five additional soul but I only gained five of your own. How bizarre of a title.”
I look at her.
? ? Human Adventurer, Countess, Supplicant
“Your head priestess title turned off.”
“So it has…can't put it back. A hierarchy conflict I assume. I can't be both above and below you, Sara.”
“But you're still a [Countess].”
“Clearly a [Matriarch] is above such.”
I laugh. I had a thought.
“You know Mags, any children you have are tied to all of us. Death is only a temporary condition.”
Her eyes widened at that. She smiles at that with tears in her eyes. She knows Tibyder ovaries are elf ones.
“A parting gift from a daughter who will be my mother. Thank you, Sara.”
I look at Cecelia, “How are you doing, Cecelia?”
I can feel her sadness, “Adjusting, I am sad that I took away the Maxwell hair from you.”
I smile at her, “Do not worry, Cecelia. When I am fully grown, my prodigious chest will declare to all that I am your daughter.”
She looks at me mortified, closes her eyes and comes to a decision. She takes her breastplate off and her void top, showing her gloriousness.
“I must endeavor to present myself properly so that all understand that it is my chest you bear then.”
I hug her, burying myself into her gloriousness. Glad that she will be true to herself. My soul mends a tiny bit more.
“O and what will you display of mine then, Sara?”
I turn my head looking annoyed at Magdeline for interrupting my moment with Cecelia. I point at my dirty blonde hair strands which only make her scowl. I smile at that. Just a tiny bit more soul fixes itself.
-----
As they slept, I drank some from my bloodskin. Sister must have gotten more adventurers. I wonder if the estate is close to the dungeon. My hand pulls away before my thirst is satisfied. My physical needs are met. I wasn't able to pull away before that point, still can't trust myself. The bliss tickles me without shifting my emotions. I needed a crutch to escape my blood crutch. The manacle sits snugly on my neck. I lay down to dream again.
-----
I had finished the woman off. No longer bothering to wither them away. I dragged the body to the river. I paused. I'm a monster. I was so impatient the woman didn't even grow old. I look at the corpse. The meat. A monster wouldn't just throw away meat. No I shouldn't. I can't. My mind roils at the revulsion of the thought. I raise her hand to me. Just a hand. A finger. A taste really. Just to know. To confirm to myself that I really am what I think.
A cover trinket is back out of me, concealing me again. I had bound it to myself. In my little world I bite a finger off. There is still blood in it. Delightful. Nooo no, I shouldn't. Another finger is bitten off. The bones snap under my jaws. I cackle at the sound. I imagine it's the sound of sanity snapping. Oh the bliss grows as I swallow another. They are dead and I can still revel in it. My mouth is large enough to devour the arm in ten bites. Muscle bones clothing. It didn't matter. The more horrified by my actions the greater the thrill.
I look at the one armed cut throat. An eye squishes between my teeth, I squirm in unpleasantness, the other eye follows and I squirm at the delight of it. My own emotions of revulsion only drive me further to this. As I accept more loathing, I eat more to my delight. My instincts demand more. My legs gouge parts and place every morsel of awful things into my mouth. The four front legs work rapidly at this. I crunch the skull, bone and brains fill my mouth. Tears fall as I continue. I pull offal, it is greedily consumed. The sounds my mouth makes further my descent. My body does not need any of this but I just keep eating, I will take nothing from this. By eating, I am devouring my own humanity. None remains. I cackle and cry. I do that till none remain as well.
-----
I wake up screaming.
