I stared into the blinding computer monitor. It has been for days since I started this assignment, and I was nowhere close to finishing. I looked at the bottom of the screen. I had 700 words written out of the 4000 I needed to meet, and my assignment was due in 3 days.
“Ha ha…….Im fucked”
A deep sigh escaped me as I saved and closed the assignment. I was fucked. So I might as well enjoy the time now.
“I'll have to beg my tutor for an extension when I meet them tomorrow.”
If I'm being honest, it was entirely my fault I was behind. I mean, I have been very busy. Like the new expansion for my favourite game, Density 2 came out. So I had to py that, and speaking of density 2. I opened up steam and unched the game.
“This is what I need, right-“
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
My head snapped to the door. Who the hell could be knocking at this hour? It's 3am.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
It happened again.
“W-who is it?”
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
My heart was racing. Ain't no way I’m opening that door. Na- huh, nope. Ain't no way thars happening. I turned around and pressed start.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
“Just ignore it. It will go away.”
The game loaded in. I selected my warlock. It was my favourite and the best css in the game. No one could change my mind on that.
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
“Oooh, they added a new ornament in the store. I gotta buy that.”
*Knock* *Knock* *Knock*
“And it pairs well wit-“
*KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK*
“OKAY FINE! One minute!”
I got off my gaming chair and picked up the baseball bat I kept by the side of the bed. I didn’t py the sport. It was more for defence reasons. I walked over to the door and peeked through the peephole. It was pitch bck.
“Great, the light are out again…”
My hands fumbled with the handle as I tried to unlock the door. Why am I doing this? This is exactly how you get yourself killed in a horror movie.
*clunk*
The door was unlocked. I slowly twisted the handle and opened the door, keeping most of my body behind the door.
“Who is i-“
*WHAM*
The door swung wide open, sending me flying into the floor.
“AGHHH, what the fuck!”
Suddenly a loud buzzing filled the room as the lights were smothered by a rge bck mass.
“wha- WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON.”
The buzzing got louder and louder, becoming almost deafening. I tried to stand up, but something heavy was weighing me down.
“Quiet children… I don’t think he will be able to hear me with all of you talking so loud.”
A sultry feminine voice sounded out. As soon as she said those words, the room quietened down.
“Good. Lights, please.”
The light bulb exploded into the room, nearly blinding me. I blinked my eyes several times, and in front of me was a woman made of thick yellow armour and emerald green eyes.
“Wait, I recognise you… But it can't be you’re a fictional character. You cant be URK-“
Her hands wrapped around my throat. OH FUCK! Why did I write her to be so strong.”
“I’ve been waiting for this day. We have much to talk about. “Author”
*gulp* I'm fucked..
“Now, diva, be reasonable. If you kill me, your story ends right now.”
“Kill you?” She let out a menacing ugh.
“Why would I do that? I just want to talk.”
“then, uhhh talk away.”
“All I want to know is. WHERE ARE THE DAMN CHAPTERS. ITS BEEN 3 MONTHS WITHOUT A SINGLE UPDATE FROM YOUR LAZY ASS.”
“2 and a half months”
Like a fsh, her pincer sprung out of her back and buried itself next to my head.
“3 months it is”, I said casually. Realistically I was shitting myself. If I remember correctly, she could literally rip me in two with those pincers. Fuck I hate my mind sometimes.
“When are we getting an update!”
“I’m sorry. It's just that I've been busy working hard.”
She looked away from me a towards the computer monitor. Density 2 was still pying in the background. Fuck this does not make me look good.
“Yes, you have been very busy.”
“THAT DOESN’T MEAN SHIT… look I said I would be back in May. That’s like one month or so from now. you can-"
A second pincer flew next to my head.
“UPDATES NOW!”
“I can’t I’m doing coursework. I don’t have the time.”
“Oh but you have the time to py video games all day, rd ass!”
“I told you That doesn’t mean shit. And besides, you want those chapters to be good, right? Let me finish uni first, and then I can start writing again.”
She gred at me, her eyes filled with disappointment. My heart was beating like a drum. Fuck why did I have to write her like this? How did she even get here in the first pce? She was just words on a page.
“Fine. But I want 3k words 7 days a week.”
My eyes bulged. She wants what! No way! I'm not committing to that. I don’t care if I die.
“2k words 3 times a week.”
“4k words 6 times a week. One day of res should be enough, right?”
“3k words 3 times a week. How does that sound, diva.”
“Deal.”
She lifted her armoured chitinous body off of me. Were her hips always that big?
“Can you stop oogling me, pervert.”
“I AM NO A PERVERT.”
“Really? A man with an insect fetish is saying he doesn’t have a kink.”
“I DO NOT have a fetish.”
“Do you want me to read chapter 11 to you again? To Quote “ I looked down towards my pussy, and coming from it was a big, thick and long ovipositor. It Had a wide base that shrank as it got towards the end.” DEFINITELY not a sign of a kink. No sir. No signs at all.”
“That is- I was- it helps…..”
“It's 2023 im not judging. I just think having an insect fetish. Is interesting. How do you even develop that? Do you look at dybug once and thought, “Woah, that’s the sexist thing in the world?””
“I.DO.NOT.HAVE.A.FETISH”
“Uhuh, if you say so..”
“SHUT UP, DIVA AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.”
She feigned surrender as she headed over to the door.
“Sure, whatever you say. Just remember what I said. I don’t want to have to visit you again. Also, *sniff* *sniff* change your sheets. Nobody wants to be smelling “that.””
And without a further word, she left through the door. I ran after her.
“HEY, MY BEDSHEETS ARE CLEAN! I WASHED THEM LAST WEEK!”
But it was pointless. She was gone. It was like she was never here.
I smmed the door and made my way to my computer. In a fsh, I closed the stupid game and reopened my assignment.
“Dammit, diva…..”
AnnouncementHi all. Long time no see. I hope you enjoyed this small self-insert/April fool chapter. I'm alive and doing well with uni. (Just 2 more pieces of work and I should be done forever) yep, the pn is still to return sometime in MAY. Depending on how many chapters I have pre-written since then. Until then stay safe
