Chapter 19: The Montage (part 4)

  A black hand, obsidian and onyx, reaches up from the pit and clutches at the white earth. Lord Foe emerges, not unscathed, but neither overcome. He grumbles an imprecation at which the pale stones tremble and the lengthening shadows of Hyperion shudder.

  Lord Foe perceives of a sudden that he is not alone here at the brink of the abyss. He takes a dark power around himself as a mantle, such a power as has been tattered by the shining teeth of Maugrim, yet still can work a great undoing. He casts his gaze about, and he speaks, saying unto the watcher that they would do best to reveal themselves.

  Lord Fool laughs—as much at his brother’s lack of perception as at his threat. For Lord Fool dances on the air—indeed, upon the very treetops and cloud-wisps! And even the shadows and spiderthreads are his tightrope, and yes, even strains of lingering music, and past mistakes, and bad ideas.

  And he puts forth a query unto his short-lost brother, who emerges now from a depth and a mystery which no Lord ought see. What has become of the Guardian? Has his brother the Foe any awareness that the Hero of Light is constructing a great home for the great wolf—of playdoh?!

  The laughter of Lord Fool wearies further the already much-worn patience of Lord Foe. Lord Foe strikes the sound of it down from the sky and splinters the laughter into a rain of needling silence. He has a question of his own—one worth the answer, unlike the questions of his obstreperous sibling. Has the Fool come to arrest him? If so, he will find danger yet remaining even within the ragged and wolf-bitten Foe.

  Lord Fool giggles and prances down from the air. Questions worth the answer? Are there any such questions, he wonders? Do they dwell high in the cold clouds? Can they be located in the darkest depths, and did Lord Foe find them there? Do they squirm unseen in the dirt, too small for notice, or do they crawl in the dark behind the stars?

  Questions? Lord Fool has a vast collection! Here, he will share some with Lord Foe, and perhaps among them Lord Foe can find his answer.

  Lord Foe has no time for the Fool’s games.

  But all of existence is naught but a game, brother, and has never been otherwise! Come, the King of Fools implores, and guess: what is in my hat? And he sweeps from atop his noggin that illustrious purple stovepipe, bespangled and beribboned.

  Lord Foe flinches back and grips his shroud of darkness, knowing well the dangerous power of that absurd headpiece.

  What is in my hat? Lord Fool repeats himself (perhaps he has forgotten; he is after all a fool). A riddle, in honor of the Riddling God! Come now, he says, he’ll even make it multiple choice!

  A) Anthrax and candlewax

  B) Knick-knacks and bric-a-bracs

  C) Lilacs and cheesy snacks

  Lord Foe, despite his foul temper, decides to humor Lord Fool. He has no desire for unnecessary conflict, particularly with this one. All of the above, he replies to the absurd query, and more.

  Lord Fool hoots and hollers. He observes with Uncanny Cunning that Lord Foe knows him and his hat very well. Yet he cannot help but observe that a yet superior answer to his question lingers, aswing in the air like ripe fruit unplucked:

  It does not matter.

  Lord Fool commences the battle! A contest of wits and might, Lord against Lord—and who can say whether destinies great and small might hang in the balance of this conflict? Certainly no fool. He reaches deep into his Marvelous Hat and scatters from therein a great multitude of banana peels, and they fall like a flock of floppy rotting birds dropping dead from the skies.

  Lord Foe summons a dark stone, glistening icy black and razor sharp, and its spinning seethes the air, and it flies at Lord Fool, tearing a hole through his-

  -cape, which Lord Fool was certainly wearing at the time, he can assure his brother Foe, while the Fool himself prances away on the unseen strings of the air, unscathed. He procures from the inimitable confines of his hat a wooden mallet, several times his own size, which he raises high overhead and delivers downward upon the Foe-

  -but Lord Foe swings up his fist, awash in his mantle of shadow, and breaks the absurd weapon asunder -

  -which is actually quite easy, as it was only a thin candy shell full of lemon custard. Lord Foe is thoroughly dolloped!

  Lord Foe grinds his teeth in rage. He steps aside, flings away the mass of lemony dessert—and sets foot upon an old banana peel, slick with custard. His leg slides out from under him-

  -Nay! He is flung spinning into the air from the violence of his slip-up! And he lands-

  -on his feet, damn it, Fool!

  But what is this that the Fool now heaves from the depths of the stained and battered chapeau?! A bazooka, which he aims at his Brother Foe. And Foe thinks that, perhaps, the battle is at last a serious matter! But alas, what emerges from the barrel of the armament upon the click of the trigger is but a cherry-red boxing-glove on a spring! Nevertheless, its impact sends the Foe to his backside among the custard:

  SPROINGGG!

  Enough! cries Lord Foe. He slams his fists upon the pale earth-

  -like a child enraged, titters the Fool-

  -and the earth shatters and shakes, threatening to deliver him back unto the chasm from which he climbed. This is why Lord Foe had not wished to battle with Lord Fool—for such is never a battle at all, but merely a jest. And yet, for all this, it is not a contest in which Lord Foe now has the strength to compete. Lord Fool’s jokes and japes would outlast him. And yet, to admit such a defeat, humiliating. Desist, therefore, commands Lord Foe.

  …and his brother the Fool, though by no means beholden to obey such an imperative, pauses in the act of hoisting aloft the grand piano, suspended above Lord Foe by rope and pulley system somewhere far above. He urges Lord Foe to speak his peace (hee hee!). Lord Fool is at his service! He stoops for an Elaborate Obeisance, and in doing so releases the piano.

  Lord Foe dodges clumsily aside, for while no ordinary piano could by its falling harm him, no object of Lord Fool’s follows the rules. The piano plummets through the stone and creates a hole in its perfect outline. Lord Foe casts about for words to speak, for ways to deal with his most vexatious of fellow Lords.

  And Lord Fool procures a handful of tortilla chips from the profound depths of his Millinery Masterwork, soggy with cheese and speckled with small objects from confetti to thumbtacks. He endeavors to munch on these morsels as he observes the frustrations of Lord Foe, though he is much hindered by the mask covering his face.

  Fain would Lord Foe discourse upon his purpose and intent, and offer aplenty his thesis and supporting rhetoric. The reasons, and the purpose, behind his actions. Well might he declaim until the dark of night swells afresh upon Hyperion, were he not well aware that such would be more than lost upon the Fool before him.

  Lord Foe knows but one thing for certain of Lord Fool, and this he knows well: that the Fool will do the unexpected. Therefore he observes unto the Fool that he appears to have chosen a side—the side of the Heroes—and that all assume him to be the heroes’ ally, and rightly so, for this he is indeed.

  Lord Fool tilts his head at Lord Foe, first one way, then another. He tilts his head all the way back around to where it started, and his body trails behind. Is it truly so, he wonders? Can it be that none suspect the outcome of this current chapter, in which the Fool sides with the Foe? After all, a joke told one may be humorous, but seventeen times? Lord Fool announces to Lord Foe that the fool’s hat—and the rest of him—are at his service.

  Lord Foe smiles behind his scowling, custard-smeared mask.

  But first! Lord Fool proclaims, he intends to do his part! Look at this place! No color at all! Nary a whit of hue, nor a single speck of pigment! It could use a spot of sprucing up. He shall rectify this by means of his very own coloration project!

  So saying, the inimitable Lord Fool upends his hat, pouring forth a font of tomato ketchup, and begins to paint the cliffside.

  *

  JW: Hi

  JW: Um, D-Man?

  JW: Are you there?

  DX: i Am HEre

  DX: I alwayS HAve time fOr my FavoRite otHEr coLor Priest!

  DX: wHAt is it?

  JW: I remembered a dream I had.

  JW: You were in it. And I forgot the dream, but you put a trigger in me to remember when I talked to you. I guess it took a while.

  JW: My dreams have been busy lately.

  DX: I was iN your DreaM?

  JW: It was before I met you. Before I even came here.

  DX: inTriguinG! Go oN!

  JW: Well, you told me that we would meet. You said that you were, uh, ‘dead again,’ although you didn’t look very dead.

  JW: You sounded kind of sad. You said you made a mistake and came back too far. Then you told me that everything was going to be okay.

  DX: me From the Future, eH?

  DX: tHAt sounds familiaR!

  DX: yoU know, Acarnus thinKs time is a CloseD lOop

  DX: I’m not So Sure

  JW: You said that, too.

  JW: And you told me to say something to you when I met you

  JW: Which is now, I guess

  DX: wHAt is iT?

  DX: oH, this is Exciting!

  JW: You told me to tell you that you’re in love with Fiora.

  JW: Is that true?

  JW: She’s the green one, right?

  JW: Hello?

  DX: oH, I’m juSt laughing, giVe me a MinuTe

  DX: tHAt’s a sEcRET, Jimothy

  DX: and if tHAt’s how I said It

  DX: It meanS tHAt wHAt I alreaDy knOw is not going to Happen

  DX: is realLy not Going to HAppen

  JW: So she doesn’t know?

  DX: coRRect

  DX: anD it’s BEst if we kEep it That Way

  JW: Why?

  JW: Have you talked to her about it?

  JW: She seems nice!

  DX: JimoThy Whyte

  DX: lIsten closely

  DX: part of Our ResponsIbility is kNowing wHEn to leT Go oF thIngs we want

  DX: it’S alL a meSs now

  DX: i nEed to be CareFul

  DX: tHIngs could go to heLl HEre at any moment

  JW: What do you mean?

  DX: leT’s just say Sometimes i wish Lady SpiritS was Here

  DX: Heh HEh

  JW: Lady Spirits?

  DX: she sEemed fun. I reaLly shOuld HAve conspIRed with HEr against you OutSide of the Citadel

  DX: ArcAdelT chopPed HEr into a miLLion liTtle sHArds just like tHAt

  DX: (I jusT snapPed my Fingers)

  DX: it’s ToO bad

  DX: I waNteD to seE wHAt she was goinG to do with All those boTtles

  JW: What does this have to do with Fiora?

  DX: I wasN’t lyIng to You, JimOthy

  DX: everyThing Is Going to be oKay

  DX: buT that doeSn’t meaN thINgs wilL worK out hoW you wanT them tO

  DX: I am glAd tHAt you told me abOut your dreaM

  DX: I HAve no neEd of reminders of mY mortality

  DX: but it’s niCe to know tHAt i wilL stiLl be me

  DX: at the end

  *

  FI: see? I told you it would be good to take a break! I did!

  HS: I don’t take advice from gods.

  HS: I’m doing this because it was Elizabeth’s idea.

  FI: But I gave her the idea!

  FI: So just relax!

  FI: Do not worry about your moon for a while!

  HS: Maybe I can do that if you can keep the damn Burning God off my back.

  FI: That Akkama!

  FI: I will talk to her

  FI: She does not listen to me though

  FI: She does not listen to anyone! Except maybe Zayana

  FI: Anyway! I will leave you to it

  HS: Thanks.

  Heidi had no intention of believing a single word from any of the false gods, but Elizabeth she trusted. And when Elizabeth had suggested that they meet up, because after all they had never met face-to-face, Heidi had been quick to agree. What Fiora had said was true. She could use a break. She had been thinking only the other day how she missed beaches and waves. And here they were.

  Elizabeth had brought Heidi to a secluded beach down the coast from Skywater City, where the sand was pinkish-grey and the palm trees were so thin and flexible that the faint warm breeze bent them parallel to the ground like overgrown flowers. The existence of five moons, one of them gravitationally unstable, made the tides on Ardia a little strange. It also stretched the waves upward, making them tall and steep with deep troughs between. Schools of cerulean flying fish hopped out of the water and ran along its surface into the sandbar-sheltered inlets down the shore, and birds like green albatrosses with two sets of wings circled lazily far overhead, occasionally crying out with an obnoxious honk. The light came not from a warm sun but from shifting clouds overhead, so that shadows and brightness were in continual flux. But even for all this, and the cloud-shy monstrosities Heidi had brought with her, it felt a lot like home.

  Elizabeth had taken to surfing naturally, aided by her strange new abilities. They had enjoyed themselves out on the waves. Now, afterward, Heidi and Elizabeth reclined on the sand beneath a magic paper umbrella, drying off and enjoying the sights. The sky was largely free of clouds this afternoon, and the guards Heidi had brought appreciated the dimmer ambience.

  “Heidi,” said Elizabeth during a long, comfortable silence. “Do you dance?”

  The question caught Heidi off-guard. “Dance?”

  “Dance. I just thought, since you have shared your surfing with me…”

  “Oh. No, I…I don’t dance.”

  Elizabeth turned to look at Heidi, raised an eyebrow over the rim of her sunglasses. God, she was pretty. Heidi had seen pictures, but Elizabeth in person was something else. And she looked great in a yellow bikini, modest though it was, while Heidi had never dared to go beyond the familiar blue one-piece she was wearing now.

  Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

  And it wasn’t just Elizabeth’s feminine beauty that impressed Heidi, but her easy confidence. Heidi didn’t think she would ever have the courage to wear something that exposed a horrible scar, but there was Elizabeth, unconcerned about the strange purple words in an unknown language that had been burned onto her stomach and leg. Heidi had thought at first that they were bizarre tattoos.

  “Does it hurt?”

  “A little,” said Elizabeth. “Yours?”

  It took Heidi a second to realize that Elizabeth was referring to the old jellyfish scar on her calf. It was in almost the exact same place as Elizabeth’s. “No,” said Heidi. “Not anymore. It did, though. When I got it.” It had hurt like hell.

  Elizabeth didn’t ask again about dancing, which both relieved and disappointed Heidi. Because she did want to dance, kind of. At least, she wished she could be graceful like Elizabeth. She wondered what it would be like to be pretty and feminine. She’d never had the chance out on the island, just her and Alan. Alan had not approved of ‘girly’ things, so neither had Heidi. But she wondered now, meeting Elizabeth, if she had been missing out.

  Heidi was working up the courage to say something about this, keeping firmly in mind that Elizabeth would not make fun of her for voicing any such thoughts, when Winnow spoke.

  “Being watched,” she said from nearby. Winnow had stood so still and silent under her own paper umbrella that Heidi had forgotten about her, which was normal with Winnow. Her ropes had drawn spiraling patterns in the sand all around her.

  “Why wouldn’t we be watched?” asked Elizabeth. She had brought no one besides Callie, who was off somewhere playing with Bahamut. The two seemed to get along. “We’re Heroes. This is a public beach. And your guards are…unusual.”

  Unusual. Her guards wouldn’t allow her to go to Ardia without protection. She’d asked for volunteers. Many of the guards were hesitant, bound to Orpheus by the mysterious ties that led them there. But her most recent crew had all volunteered: Winnow, Luki, and Splitter. She’d left Ruth behind to take care of things in her absence, and had instead brought someone she knew little about: the quiet and mysterious .37—pronounced “point thirty-seven,”—who may have been a robot, though it was impossible to tell since it never removed its full suit of high-tech armor and spoke with a computerized voice.

  Heidi had tried to prepare Elizabeth for Splitter, but she could tell that her friend had struggled not to scream at the first meeting. Somehow, bright light made Splitter even more horrible than darkness. But when Elizabeth and Splitter had met, they had each recognized at once the purple writing on each other’s bodies. Both had been afflicted with the Chirographic, and that seemed enough to forge a kind of bond between them. They shared a mutual enemy.

  “He suspicious,” said Winnow.

  “Describe him,” said Heidi.

  Winnow rustled. Her pale, black-eyed face peered out from the tangle of ropes. “Fat. Yellow coat. Cigar.”

  “Well, keep an eye on him,” said Heidi, not bothering to look. Her guards had been hyperalert since landing, though Ardia by any measure was probably a lot less dangerous than Orpheus. For Heidi a sunlit beach, however strange, called her back to the comfort of home. But for the guards of Orpheus, it was an outlandish new world of potential dangers.

  “You look tired,” said Elizabeth. It was a simple observation, but she didn’t bother hiding the concern in her voice. “How are things?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” said Heidi. “And the Burning God’s been keeping me awake.”

  “The Burning God?” Elizabeth asked.

  “She can’t do much,” said Heidi, “but she can light things on fire if she tries hard enough.”

  Concern morphed into anger on Elizabeth’s face. “That bitch,” she muttered.

  Heidi shrugged.

  “I’ll ask Zayana about that,” said Elizabeth.

  “I don’t want their help.”

  “He do something,” whispered Winnow, her voice urgent.

  Heidi groaned inwardly. Of course she couldn’t just spend a nice afternoon with her friends. Or at least, the one that had come. Of course something was going to go wrong. “What’s he doing?” she asked.

  “He change cigars.” Winnow sounded so dead-serious about it that for a long moment Heidi wondered if she was missing some obvious significance behind this act. Then she felt Elizabeth shaking with silent laughter on her other side.

  “Is…why would that matter, Winnow?”

  Winnow thought for a few seconds. Then, in a tone of deep suspicion, “Wasn’t finished with first one.”

  Elizabeth burst into a fit of giggles. Heidi grinned and relaxed back onto the soft sand. “Good eye,” she said, which was true since Winnow couldn’t see very well in this light. “Let us know if he makes any other sinister moves.” Winnow, who didn’t understand sarcasm, nodded.

  Yeah, they were all paranoid. Luki was putting his diving suit to use out there beneath the waves offshore, checking for subaquatic threats. Splitter was somewhere among the inland trees, keeping watch. She didn’t even know where .37 was. Heidi didn’t think any of this necessary, not here on this sleepy, out-of-the-way shore with another Hero and both their angels. But still. It felt good to be protected. It was like being back home, on a different-yet-not-so-different beach, knowing that no matter what, Alan would look out for her. Well, that had turned out to be wrong. In the weirdest way, wrong. Alan couldn’t help her now.

  “Someone else,” said Winnow, again stirring Heidi from her rest in the sand. Elizabeth was on her side, pale back turned to Heidi, writing something in a book. “Talk to cigar man.”

  “Who is it this time?”

  “Short,” said Winnow. “Young. Cape. Weapon. Earphones.”

  Heidi turned to glance at Elizabeth and found her looking back at her over her shoulder. Together they craned their necks to look up the beach. It took Heidi a moment to find them, but sure enough, it was Eric. He was talking to the fat yellow-coated cigar man, and by god, that man did look suspicious as hell; no wonder Winnow had been keeping an eye on him. Who wore a huge heavy coat like that to a beach on a warm day like this? He seemed to know Eric, because he laughed and clapped Eric on the shoulder. They both looked straight at Heidi and Elizabeth. The fat man waved cheerfully, but Eric just stepped forward, slid down the sandy slope, and ambled toward them across the sparkling pink-swirled sand.

  “Yo,” he said as he came up to them.

  “Put them away, Winnow,” said Heidi. “This is Eric. Eric, Winnow.” Winnow bowed; Eric gave her a thumbs-up.

  “So this is the party,” he said. He scanned the beach. “Just you two, huh? And Winnow here, looking like one of those mop dogs.” He caught sight of something upshore that made him step back in alarm. “Holy shit. You guys chill; I got this.” He unsheathed his weapon, which did not readily fit into any category in Heidi’s mind, as Heidi followed his gaze up the sand.

  It was Splitter, of course. Rolling along the beach on his pale spidery limbs, even Heidi could not pretend that the sight of his approach was not skin-crawling.

  “You put it away too, Eric,” she said, and she raised her voice because he’d pulled on the headphones. “He’s a friend.”

  “You’re shitting me,” he said. “I bet Isaac knows the fucking stats for that thing.”

  Splitter was fast enough that he was upon them by the time Eric had finished speaking. Eric resisted an obvious urge to step between Splitter and his friends. That in itself made Heidi feel warm inside. But he didn’t put away the weird energy weapon he had now, nor deactivate the flickering red energy surrounding it, until Splitter spoke.

  “Hero of Time,” Splitter said, as always jarring in its normalcy, and extra jarring for its faintly German accent. “I saw you in the fight against Lady Chains.”

  “Pretty sure I didn’t see you,” Eric said. The red light died from his strange weapon. It collapsed back into a surprisingly small size, and he stowed it at his side.

  “My name is Splitter.”

  “Mine’s Eric.” He turned and sat heavily on the sand just above Heidi and Elizabeth. “I’ll just assume from now on that any horrible monsters around you are on your side. No offense, dude. Hey, Liz.” Liz had turned back to her book already, but she gave him a thumbs-up over her shoulder. Another moment, and she snapped the book shut. She sat up on the sand and turned to face Eric, making a triangle of the three of them.

  “Who is he?” Elizabeth asked. She nodded up the beach as she swept her long golden hair back over one shoulder.

  “Works for the Lockbreaker. Name’s Oivos. Weird guy. But they all are.”

  “The Lockbreaker?” asked Heidi.

  “He runs the mafia, basically,” said Eric. “Mostly on our side, I think.” He twisted to throw a glance at the fat man. The man, Oivos, looked up from his electronic device and raised a cigar in acknowledgment of them. He was definitely watching them and must have been doing so for some time.

  “Anything new on the Hollow Moon?” asked Elizabeth.

  Eric shrugged. “Heidi’s guards are crazy. Good guards, though.” Winnow and Splitter both seemed pleased at this remark. “Got a bike. My Guardian’s a bitch. So’s my moon. These gods are fuckin obnoxious. The usual.” He pulled the red-trimmed headphones back down around his neck. But not the shades. Never the shades. “Hey, you guys look nice. I’m overdressed. This beach is chill. We should get Jim up in here.”

  And just like that, Heidi became uncomfortably aware of her bathing suit. It was plain and blue. Of course, when he’d said ‘you guys,’ he’d meant ‘Elizabeth.’ Because Elizabeth did look nice. More than nice. Except for those burn scars. Eric must have already known about those, or else he was being unusually thoughtful, because he made no smartass remarks about them to Elizabeth.

  “Care to surf, Eric?” Elizabeth gestured out at the waves. “Heidi’s a great teacher.” Heidi doubted that. Elizabeth was simply a natural.

  Eric thought about it for a minute. “Nah. And what’s with this umbrella? Is it made of paper?”

  “What would you like to do, then?” said Elizabeth.

  Eric scratched his chin, where several dozen specks of facial hair had not been shaved. “First, we sit here and chill for a while. Just talk and shit. Then we get some strategy going on.”

  “Strategy?” Heidi asked.

  “Like, how we’re gonna do it. Win. Get that key, you know. And then we go into town. This guy causes a fuckin riot,” he jerked a thumb over his shoulder at Splitter, “and we get some stupid weird food that’ll probably fuck us up for a couple days.”

  And this is what they did.

  But as they were leaving the beach, while the clouds above brought darkness by their absence as they scurried for the horizons at the distant song of Lady Wings, Fiora again messaged Heidi.

  FI: SEE?

  FI: I am so smart

  FI: I am always right

  FI: (not really!)

  HS: You all just text us because you don’t have anything better to do, don’t you?

  FI: Weeeeeeeelllll

  FI: pretty much yeah

  FI: I got Eric to come though!

  HS: You did?

  FI: yeah!

  FI: it was me :)

  HS: Why?

  FI: I wanted to see what would happen!

  FI: I am so curious about romance for humans

  HS: Oh god.

  FI: hee hee!

  FI: I do not understand you very much

  FI: I can say this though: it will not work out between you and Eric :(

  HS: Who said anything about that?

  FI: it is going to be him and Kaitlyn Carter, I can already see it

  FI: it is SO obvious

  HS: How did I get here, talking to some fake god about teenage romance?

  FI: teenage?

  FI: is that significant?

  FI: do you have different mating rituals depending on age?!

  HS: Goodbye.

  FI: no wait!

  FI: aargh!

  FI: it must be a sensitive topic

  *

  AK: Well if it isn’t the stuttering butterfly girl

  KC: ?

  KC: why are you saying that like we suddenly just met?

  KC: YOU messaged ME

  KC: I’m eating lunch!

  AK: It’s so boring here

  AK: I never liked libraries

  AK: Nothing to fight

  KC: nothing except IGNORANCE! >:)

  AK: nerd

  KC: so I’m your last resort?

  AK: You’re LESS boring

  AK: At least it’s funny to watch you make a fool of yourself

  KC: hey!

  AK: You’re always trying to impress people

  AK: Trying to look like you’re not afraid

  AK: Doesn’t work on me!

  AK: I can smell fear

  AK: And you reek

  AK: What is it, afraid of dying?

  AK: I was flipping back through your book and saw you already died once

  AK: And you’re out of second chances

  AK: Next one’s for real

  KC: Leave me alone, Akkama!

  AK: Hey, you remembered my name!

  AK: Awesome

  AK: We’re friends now ;)

  KC: We are not friends!

  KC: You’re being mean to Heidi!

  AK: Worried about her?

  AK: She’s tough

  AK: You want to know what she thinks about you?

  AK: I can tell that you’re worried about what those “friends” of yours think about you

  KC: I am not!

  AK: Yeah you are

  AK: Don’t need to be Derxis to see through that lie ;)

  AK: I mean it’s all written down right here

  AK: And why shouldn’t you be worried?

  AK: You’re not like them

  AK: They’ll never understand you

  AK: Plus you’ll probably get someone killed one of these days

  AK: You are reckless

  AK: Acarnus thinks you’re smart and I’m sure he’s right about that, but I know there’s a huge difference between intelligence and competence

  KC: none of that is true!

  AK: Aww, are you sure?

  AK: You’ve never wondered if you really belong with the rest of them?

  AK: Maybe they just tolerate you

  AK: Maybe you amuse them

  AK: What do you think, butterfly girl?

  KC: I think you’re totally wrong!

  KC: I’m not really a butterfly

  AK: Wow, really?

  AK: ^sarcasm^

  AK: Well I’m not really a snake

  KC: you ARE a snake!

  KC: not that I dislike snakes!

  KC: but I DO dislike you!

  KC: (it’s just that on Earth snakes are a metaphor for untrustworthy people)

  AK: Bahaha!

  KC: have you been saying these kinds of things to Heidi?

  KC: >:(

  AK: Hey, make all the angry faces you want

  AK: And yeah, I have

  AK: And she listens to me

  AK: Because I’m right

  AK: What are you gonna do about it?

  KC: you’re NOT right!

  KC: we are all friends! and we love each other!

  AK: pfft!

  AK: WHAT

  AK: ahahaha I hate Jeronimy’s fucking guts but I should show him this

  AK: Maybe he’d die laughing

  KC: it’s true!

  AK: True?

  AK: Hey, let me fill you in on something that’s true

  AK: Free of charge

  AK: You are going to die

  AK: And everyone you know and ‘love’ is going to die

  AK: Sooner or later

  AK: Probably sooner

  AK: And there’s nothing you can do about it

  KC: I know that!

  KC: It’s OBVIOUS you weirdo!

  KC: We all know we’re going to die

  AK: Shush! I’m not finished!

  KC: I don’t care!

  KC: I’m not interested in hearing the rest of your stupid speech!

  AK: Well too bad!

  AK: What are you gonna do about it?

  KC: maybe I’ll just block you!

  AK: You could

  AK: I’d still be able to see you though

  AK: I’d be watching you

  AK: All the time

  AK: Or maybe I’d get bored and move back over to the lonely girl

  AK: She doesn’t talk back, but she reads everything I say

  KC: you’re horrible!

  KC: you know what I think? I think that because your race doesn’t biologically reproduce you lack the psychological mechanisms for empathy, and I mean YOU PERSONALLY, Akkama!

  KC: OR you are just being mean!

  AK: I told you, I’m bored

  KC: you’re just being a bully! so leave us all alone unless you have anything nice to say

  AK: Nah