We burst into the lobby, confronting a receptionist. His name tag identified him as ‘H’. He took one glance at our swords and copper rings, said something about a bathroom break, and left.

  We continued to the elevator, the only obvious way upstairs. “Wait”, Phoebe said. “This could be a trap, you know. Maybe there’s another way up?”.

  “Phoebe”, I gently corrected her. “Our enemy is an evil scientist, so there are two possibilities. One is that he diligently chose a death trap with some glaring design flaw. The other is that he was too lazy or boringly practical to put dangerous stuff inside of a commonly used elevator”.

  The two sisters nodded sagely at my boundless wisdom. Unfortunately, the only thing that assailed us on the way up was bland music. I sighed, too disappointed for words. Going from third-rate ghosts to third-rate evil scientists was barely a promotion at all.

  The elevator dinged as we hit the top floor, revealing a spacious office. A large desk took up much of the available room. Behind it was a comically oversized chair, its back turned to us.

  The chair slowly turned around, as if to dramatically reveal its occupant. Frankly, he needn’t have bothered. The two giant glass wings poking out from the sides gave us a pretty good hint.

  I sighed again. “Please tell me you’re actually ‘Hex Jr.’, or something stupid”.

  “Adventurers! Behold my return and weep”, he said. “It is I, Hex the First!”.

  “Phoebe? Could you hold your hands up… no, not like that… yes, that’s it”, I put my face into her palms, the only gesture capable of conveying the disdain I felt.

  I lifted my head. “Ok, there’s a lot here. First of all, we killed you last Tuesday. You should be licking your wounds and obsessing over revenge, not… running some coffee company!!”.

  “I have things to do”, he replied defensively. “You expect me to drop everything whenever some random person kills me?”.

  “You swore revenge on us! And as an evil scientist, petty motives and score-settling are the most basic of basics!”, I soon had to calm myself down. My indignation had to be rationed out carefully against this hopeless hack.

  “Speaking of”, I continued on, “what is this? Where’s the more qualified evil scientist you booted out in the takeover of this company?”.

  “I invented coffee”, Hex claimed. “Thousands of years ago, I delved deep into forbidden magic and mind control. Sadly, only a few overworked scientists were desperate enough to stomach my concoction’s wretched taste. But, behold! Now an entire city is under my spell!”.

  “Wait, did you say mind control?!”, Lucina suddenly cut in. Hex gave an evil laugh in response, the first thing he had done correctly this whole encounter.

  “Please tell me you have some sort of goal, at least. Why keep a failed scheme on life support for so long? If you’re after war, there are surely far easier ways to achieve it”.

  “War? No”, he replied proudly. Of what, I had no idea. “No. As we speak, my slaves are building rockets”, he pointed his wing skyward. “Rockets to fly to the Moon”.

  “Wait, wait, wait”, I said. “So you’re telling me it took you thousands of years… to plan out a vacation to some barren space rock with nothing to see or do?”.

  “It is a blank slate”, he insisted. “Upon which we can build our own world. A new empire free of human interference… for now, anyways. A place in the heavens to smite the foes beneath us”.

  “We have a world down here, you know”, I retorted. “Shame you don’t want to be a part of it”.

  A genuine flash of anger swept across Hex’s face. “Ah yes, says the undead who befriends ghosthunters. I wonder how many of our kind they’ve killed. Neither of them even trust you, they’re just using you because you’re an idiot”.

  “That’s not true!”, Phoebe replied with deep emotion, as Lucina shrugged nonchalantly. “I admit that I didn’t trust Count Boogula at first. But I do now! He’s taught me so much! He showed me the value of patience and what it means to help people in Pollentown! He helped me defeat you in the first place! He’s silly, but also courageous and kindhearted! And… and…”.

  She paused to take a breath. “…And he saw through your stupid plot like it was nothing!”.

  Hex blinked in surprise, before his eye slowly narrowed. “…So what? In a mere few centuries, you won’t matter. A good human or two means nothing to me. No, you must all be wiped out. For even if I touch the Moon, you rats will surpass me eventually. But no matter your technology, you are all just monkeys in the end”.

  “My congratulations, Hex. Third-rate ghosts, ghosthunters, and evil scientists abound. But never before has anyone thought to combine all three. That, plus the worst plan I have ever heard? Truly, you are a global leader in mediocrity”, I praised. “Sadly, you must pass into the next life for the benefit of us all. I suspect that for someone as long-lived as you, letting go would be a gift”.

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  Hex snorted. “Then let me tell you this, adventurers. I have been beaten many times, I admit. But no one has ever bested me twice”.

  His wings wrapped around his body, and all of us prepared to dive for cover. But then…

  “[Nxblxhv Wybbsb]”, he said, as the glass shards covered him, forming a prism. We saw our shocked expressions reflected back at us. So he did have other moves, after all!

  “[Holy Beam]!”. To no one’s surprise, Lucina’s beam of light bounced right off the mirror.

  CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!

  Phoebe leapt high into the air, bringing her sword down upon the shield. Each strike formed dozens more cracks, adding to the ones already present. But the barrier’s shape did not budge.

  The Darkbane sisters backed away from Hex warily. “Ok”, I butted in. “Time for Plan B”.

  They looked at me with puzzlement. “What Plan B?”.

  I gave a look of exasperation. “Surely you have a plan! Even roadside bandits realize the value of armor! Or do you mean to tell me that none of your ghostly opponents ever thought to protect themselves from a second death?”.

  The two sisters put their hands to their chins in thought. “Now that you mention it… that is kind of strange, isn’t it?”.

  I sunk closer to the ground. Just what kind of third-rate enemies were they fighting?

  “Ok, well, what can you do?”, Lucina confronted me. “Can’t you make our swords phase through that barrier or something?”.

  I scoffed. “If we could just make silver swords intangible, they wouldn’t pose much threat to us, now would they? Alright, we’ll have to go with Plan C. Hex may have some sort of perfect defense form, but he’s using up all of his glass and energy to maintain it. I suggest we make a strategic retreat”.

  On cue, he pulled two machine guns out of his desk, having them float beside him. Keeping with Mechadream’s theme, I see.

  “[Pyjcvwzbx Bxzfw]”, he said, as the world around him turned into an endless void. This time though the Darkbane sisters were somehow still standing on thin air.

  “He’s copying my spell again!”, I said. “Lucina, do the thing!”.

  “Don’t call it ‘the thing’!”, she protested as her sword filled with light. Yes, this was how she had broken my pocket dimension earlier. “My sword separates truth from lies! [Sunrise Break-”.

  “Stop”, Hex said. Lucina’s teeth clacked as her mouth suddenly snapped shut. The light in her sword died. Ugh, I had forgotten about the mind control coffee. There goes Plan C, at least.

  Even though the barrier blocked Hex’s face, it did nothing to stop the unbearable smugness radiating from him. “Count Boogula, why don’t you join me? There’s no reason a fellow ghost needs to die. Let’s build a new world, together”.

  “Sure thing”, I replied, before whispering Plan D into Phoebe’s ear. Her face paled. “No, anything but that”, she pleaded.

  “What?”, Hex replied with shock. “You know this is just taunting, right? As if I’d trust an ‘ally’ made at gunpoint…”.

  “Plan D it is! Secret attack!”, I yelled. “NO!!”, Phoebe screamed as I lobbed her priceless pot of honey into the air- our quest reward from Pollentown.

  Hex fired his guns in panic. The silver bullets shattered the pot, but did nothing to stop the torrent of honey. It glommed onto his shield, completely blinding him.

  “…Even still, you can’t hurt me! If I just attack randomly…”.

  “Then you’ll run out of stamina long before you beat us”, Lucina finished for him. “It’s a miracle you’ve managed to use this spell and keep up a perfect barrier at the same time. But that won’t last forever”.

  “Transparent and easily foiled, huh?” I wondered aloud. “A fitting metaphor for your schemes”.

  Phoebe was too busy mourning the loss of her toast spread to join in the mockery, unfortunately. She needn’t have worried. At the rate this clown was going, he’d be reusing the same evil plots before long.

  Hex was silent for a moment as he contemplated his options. “…Screw this. Slaves!”.

  Phoebe and Lucina snapped to attention, their expressions twisting into blank stares. I was really regretting the decision to confront Coffee Corp right after consuming all their products like we were hunting for fraudulent refunds.

  “As I recall, you have no means of killing the undead, Count Boogula”, Hex observed, as his shield dissolved back into two wings. He was now going full offense.

  I desperately bobbed and weaved around the bullets, swords, knives, glass, and tickle beams all converging on my location. It was likely the coolest action scene I’d ever be in, but I was too busy trying to survive. Ectoplasm poured from my many cuts as I whipsawed about like a kite in a hurricane, long since torn away from the hands of a naive kid.

  Hex’s mad laughter rang out across the battlefield. “Hold still, Boogula! It’ll be quicker that way!”.

  I finally completed my winding arc, ending out on the opposite side of Hex from the two Darkbane sisters. “Hey Hex!”, I panted. “Say cheese for Plan E!”.

  “[Holy Beam]!”, Lucina shot her laser again, catching Hex right in the crossfire. “No… stop! NOOO!!”, he panicked, desperately piecing together a small shield to block the light. He made it just in time, sighing in relief as the beam bounced off.

  Perhaps that was a bit premature. The mirror had bounced the light straight back to Lucina, who was now blinking in confusion. She turned her sword on her sister. “[Holy Beam]!”.

  “Oh, no…”, Hex finally realized what he had done. “[Nxblxhv Wybbsb-!”, the glass started reforming around him into his perfect barrier again.

  “[Holy Beam]!”, Lucina spammed the move yet again. The light seeped in through the cracks of the barrier just in time, right before it sealed.

  “OW! OHH! ACH! OUCH! AGGGGHHHHHH!!!”, Hex screamed as her attack bounced around inside his own mirror prism, resulting in a fatality that was plain excessive by any standard. Nobody should have to endure tickle beams coming from all sides.

  At last the pocket dimension and the mirror collapsed, leaving behind nothing but smoke and a pile of ash. “I’m impressed”, a voice croaked out. “Thousands of years of work… even I don’t take that lightly. Count Boogula… I’ll remember that name. Sc lsbjsvvxp jsk, Sc fspxfi jsk, MCXBX YO CXZTXP?! [XVXBPZF KBXZW]!”… Even the ash disappeared.