This was bad. How could he have forgotten about this? He was supposed to be an expert in all things money yet he forgot that the money in his wallet is useless in this world? This wasn’t good. Not good at all. He would end up looking like a fool if he tried to pay with paper money, and they certainly wouldn’t take his credit card. (He was a platinum member, by the way!)

  [YOU SEEM DISTRESSED.]

  Norman stopped his anxious foot-tapping when Savant’s presence brought him out of his panicked state. If anyone knew what to do, it would have to be Savant, right?

  “Savant! Please help me out here. I am terribly embarrassed at this oversight.” He conveyed through his thoughts. Being able to communicate telepathically was very convenient in times like this.

  [THE EXCHANGE RATE FROM DOLLARS TO LAPIS IS 1 TO 3.]

  Exchange rate? That would be great if he had an interdimensional exchange office around the corner, but that wasn’t the case. Was Savant messing with him? Why would it give him this useless information…. OH! The realization hit him so comically that one could practically see the light bulb above his head. He had a skill called exchange, didn’t he?

  EXCHANGE (LVL 1)

  Exchange an item you are holding for an item of equal value. The item has to fit in the palm of your hand, as does the item you are exchanging it for.

  Cooldown: 10 Minutes — MP: 3

  Exchange. It cost him all of his newly generated mana, so he would have one shot at this. It didn’t say if he could specify what he wanted or if the exchange was random. What if he exchanged all of his earth money for something useless like a statue or decorative bowl of fruit? It was just a gamble he would have to take. He quickly fished around his inner suit pocket for his wallet. It was a fancy leather wallet with a red trim. It was a gift from his father when he got his first job, and he’s used it ever since.

  Norman hoped he had enough cash in his wallet for a worthwhile exchange. He found coins and bills cumbersome, especially with the convenience of tap-to-pay being brought to most stores. Thankfully he always kept emergency cash on him, just in case a magnetic wave hits the earth and disables all digitalized payment systems. He remembered Zack from marketing commenting on how stupid that was, but look who’s laughing now, Zack!

  The wallet contained $370. This would hopefully net him 1110 Lapis, a good amount to start with, in Norman’s opinion. He mentally went through what he had to do to activate his magic and the feeling of casting it. He concentrated on the money in his palm and emptied his mind. As he felt the mana gather around his palm he began inwardly chanting.

  “Exchange to Lapis. Exchange to Lapis. Exchange to Lapis.” He hoped that the mana would read his thoughts and do as he wished. If he got something random, well, then this skill was useless and he would have to sleep in the streets.

  [EXCHANGE]

  As the golden words filled his mind, the crumpled notes and coins in his hand dissipated into the air. Norman thought he had messed up the spell somehow and lost all his money before a much heavier leather pouch appeared where the bills once were. Success! Probably. It looked like a coin pouch, and it felt like a coin pouch, but was it a duck?

  Sure enough, the bag was filled with coins of different sizes. The large coins had a picture of a human queen on one side and a demon king on the other. The medium-sized coins featured a sword and a magic staff, and the smallest coins had a human hand and a claw, respectively. Norman rightfully assumed that these were Lapis coins. He would ask Savant for an in-depth explanation later.

  As if on cue, Patricia walked out from the back, holding 2 pairs of clothes. She laid them out on the counter for inspection as she chatted about the different materials and how to wash them properly. The material was rough, and Norman cringed slightly at the thought of having to feel the texture against his skin. He wasn’t very good at textures.

  A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

  “This is the best we’ve got! I promise it’s quality goods. Just take a look at this embroidery on the children’s clothes. My daughter did that herself! She’s a talented young lady, isn’t she?” Patricia droned on, her long nails circling various parts of the garments, making a show of the whole thing. Norman assumed she was excited to have new customers for the first time in a while, and he assumed correctly.

  Hardwood was a village that rarely got visitors as it was, quite literally, in the middle of nowhere. It was surrounded by other, slightly larger villages, like Lugg, but it would take weeks to get to an actual town. The only reason the village even had an inn was because adventurers sometimes came around to train in the woods.

  “It’s 10 Lapis for the adult clothes and 15 Lapis for the kid’s clothes. Normally the kid’s clothes would be cheaper but look at how lovely and detailed they are. They’re practically fit for a noble child!” Patricia gloated, trying to sell her daughter as a master embroiderer.

  [TWO MEDIUM COINS AND FIVE SMALL COINS.]

  Norman profusely thanked Savant in his mind for helping him avoid an awkward conversation about what coins were worth with the shopkeeper. He fished out two medium coins and five small coins out of his pouch and put them on the counter. Patricia inspected the coins before putting them in her own pouch and waving them off.

  The clothes were wrapped in rough fabric to protect them. Norman couldn’t stand the unpleasant rough texture, so he handed the bundle to Pail with the explicit instruction not to drop it. Pail held it close to his chest, beaming at the thought of getting new clothes for the first time in his life. Really pretty ones too!

  Pretty opened one of their eyes as Norman and Pail approached. They had been sleeping outside the shop under the curious gazes of the village children. They had made a game out of approaching the spirit fox and poking it before running away. Pretty wanted to bite their hands to teach them a lesson, but if they did that, then they wouldn’t be able to play with the little friend anymore.

  The village’s inn was small and deserted. The only people inside were the half-asleep elderly man at the counter and his teenage daughter. They bought this inn a few years ago for cheap but have seen little success since. They were kept afloat by the few adventurers that visited now and then, but they rarely stuck around for long.

  The man at the counter was startled awake as people entered for the first time in a long time. He’d first thought it was one of his drinking friends coming to pester him but quickly sat straight up when he didn’t recognize the group entering. They were a filthy lot. A man covered in mud, a hybrid child with tangled hair, and a spirit fox. The inn owner didn’t mind; a filthy customer was better than no customer.

  “Excuse me. We would like a two bed room, as well as a bath, please.” Norman told the man at the desk. By the fancy way he was talking, the inn owner assumed he was a former noble who fell on hard times.

  “No need to speak so fancy! My name’s Will, and my daughter in the back is Macy. A room will be 2 Lapis a night; baths and food are an extra Lapis each.” Will explained, his voice had a thick drawl from somewhere Norman didn’t recognize.

  Four small coins were exchanged, and Norman was given a room key and directions to a room with a bath on the lower floor. Norman found it a bit inconvenient that the room with the bath and the room for sleeping were on opposite ends of the inn, but he wouldn’t complain now when he could finally get clean.

  The bathing room in question only contained an empty wooden tub, a stool, a rag for scrubbing, and fat-smelling soap. Ah… this wasn’t the hot bubble bath Norman had been waiting for. This had to be some sort of mistake! The tub didn’t even have water! Just when he was about to go complain, the innkeeper’s daughter, Macy, popped her head in.

  “I got ya water from the well! Some extra service for ya just ‘cause the dog’s cute! Usually, you gotta collect it yourself!” Macy grinned. She was carrying a large bucket full of cold water and tipped it in the wooden tub. Norman had to commend her strength.

  Well. Now they had water. Cold cold water. He should’ve figured that a village in the middle of nowhere wouldn’t have warm water. At least there was soap, even if it smelled strange. He would just have to bite his tongue and deal with it; that was what he did best, after all.

  After waving the monstrously strong girl off, he helped Pail get undressed. Pail was a magnitude more filthy than himself, so the boy took priority. Pail barely fit in the tub due to the size of his wings, but he didn’t seem to mind. He was just happy to take a bath like a normal child instead of being hosed down by water magic.

  After about an hour of scrubbing years of dirt off, Pail was sufficiently clean. His complexion turned from an ashy brown-gray to a warm chestnut shade; he almost looked like a new person entirely. Norman gave him his emergency comb from his briefcase to busy himself with while Norman cleaned both himself and Pretty up.

  Norman had to sheepishly ask for another bucket of water, as the bath water was a murky brown after Pail’s bath. With the new, clear, water, he thoroughly washed all the beast slobber out of his black hair. It had dried into a flaky coating that made him gag as he washed it out. The rest of his body got an equally thorough washing to make up for not having his daily showers.

  Pretty was simply doused in the rest of the water. Their fur clung to their body like a wet rat, making Pail giggle uncontrollably. Pretty looked almost betrayed when they looked at Norman. “How could the big human do such a thing? I knew this was a water ritual, but why me too?”

  When everyone was sufficiently clean, Norman put on his new clothes before helping Pail put on his. Norman’s clothes were very basic: a dark blue tunic, black long pants, and sandals. He felt like crawling out of his skin while he wore them, and he hoped he would get used to them soon. The clothes made him look a lot younger. Maybe it was because of how baggy they were, or maybe he was just used to how his suit aged him.

  Pail happily twirled around in his new clothes. He was over the moon at wearing something clean and unused for the first time. He didn’t seem to mind, or know, that he was wearing clothes meant for a girl. His wings were dripping all over the floor as he twirled, something he didn’t seem to notice.

  Now, clothed and housed, Norman had to figure out what he was meant to do in this world.