“You see, although magic is forbidden by the crown in public, most noble houses have a magi or a practitioner in their coinpurse. Hells, even the king has that advisor under his thumb. The church may forbid it, but how else would we enjoy these comforts if we do not take them into our employ. The way I see it, the only real magic is the magic of gold.”

  -Baroness Red

  Lodur

  Lodur took five whole minutes to open a door without touching it with his hands, lest he accidentally turns it into a dead moose. He’s starting to really like moose.

  He approached Rob who was kicking a tree stump.

  “Stupid witchy girl, using babies for ointment.” Rob mumbled as he vented off his anger.

  “Hey Rob, you feeling alright?”

  “Oh Lodur, yeah. It’s just that I really don’t get witches and magic and stuff, y’know. The curse thing with you was something I’ve never fully seen before, but then you almost died. It’s just that so many things happened all at once that I’m finding it difficult to keep my cool.”

  Rob slumped to the ground, leaning by a tree. “You almost died man. I saw you losing blood and I thought I’d lose a friend like that again. I don’t know... I feel like you’re someone I can call a friend....I mean if that’s okay with you...”

  “Aww ofcourse you could call me your friend. You’re probably the first friend I’ve ever had since I was dropped in the church, unless you count the wooden dolls. C’mere dude.” Lodur stretched his black hands out to Rob for a hug.

  “Hands! Hands! Lodur watch your hands!”

  “Oh right, sorry.” He took a step back. “Well maybe she could be your friend too. I mean we don’t know anything about witchcraft, maybe if she taught us more about it we wouldn’t be so scared anymore. I mean we did just do it with the curse and all, what’s witchcraft compared to it.”

  “Hmm, I guess you do have a point. I heard of people pay good coin for witch magic, so that’s potentially another avenue for income.”

  Lodur was busy holding a frog corpse he made out of a fallen leaf. “So you’ll make it up to her? I mean she did just save us from a raptor attack.”

  Rob stood up and patted his cloak. “Uhhh, fine I guess I’ll be the bigger man and apologize. But If she keeps making baby ointment, you better make sure the two of you do it far far away from me. C’mon let’s get back to the witch girl.”

  Lodur smiled and stood up from his position. He was going to follow behind Rob until a sudden pressure came from below him. He felt a dam about to burst open and flood the plains. He felt a downpour of rain approaching his nether regions. Lodur felt that his bladder was about to burst.

  “Umm Rob.”

  “Hmm, what is it?”

  “I need to pee.” He made little hops to ease his bladder.

  “Well go on then. There’s a bush right there.”

  “Rob, but my hands. I don’t want my little fellow to morph into a dead horse.” Lodur held it up. The two black hands were giving off an ominous aura.

  Rob frowned.

  “Please! You just have to point it a little. I can’t ask Beelza because she’s a girl, so you’re the only one I can turn to.”

  Rob pinched the bridge of his nose.

  “Fine, but don’t you dare get piss on me.”

  If you come across this story on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen from Royal Road. Please report it.

  What transpired was the most awkward thing that both of them have ever experienced before. The silence between them was so loud that it threatened to burst their eardrums. Rob’s mind was completely blank as he directed the piss stream away from him, while Lodur was repeating a mantra in his mind.

  “There I did it.” Rob said as he frowned at Lodur.

  Lodur however began to feel discomfort in his stomach. A rumbling sound could be heard between the two.

  “Umm Rob...”

  “No!”

  “But Rob-”

  “No means no!”

  Rob ended up wiping Lodur’s bum after he was finished. Granted Rob has spent some time cleaning after children before, so he actually did a decent job. Lodur felt refreshed as he no longerfelt his tummy ache, while Rob was just staring at the sky, lamenting his life choices.

  “Lodur we need to get you something for your hands.”

  Beelza

  Beelza was standing by a grave behind the cabin.

  “Grandma I miss you. I wish you were here to tell me what to do. Why can’t they understand that witches are actually smart and not be so fussy about things like baby corpses.”

  She sat down near the gravestone.

  “I wish you were here to tell them that I’m not insane. I wish they wouldn’t hate us witches as much” She pressed her head near it. “I wish I could hear your voice one last time.”

  As she pressed her head still by the gravestone, the door behind her opened. Two men stepped out, one with black hands and another one who seemed to be a rogue. Lodur waved at him, while Rob crossed his hands looking annoyed.

  She scowled at the cloaked dude in particular. “What do you want?”

  “Hey Beelza, Rob here-” Lodur nudged the rogue with his foot. “wanted to tell you something.”

  Rob looked back to Lodur, still irritated to be treated like a child forced to apologize, which was exactly what was happening. He stared at the two of them, pulling his cloak down in frustration.

  “Grrrr Sorry okay! I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said those words to you. I mean you did save us and you did a pretty god job of healing Lodur to...for a witch.”

  “Rob!” Lodur gave a ‘I’m not mad, just disappointed’ look.

  “Fine, I guess witches are okay. Happy?” He turned to the girl.

  “A horrible apology, but I guess I should take it.”

  “Also, we would like to learn about witchcraft too. You see, we’re kinda apprehensive with all the whole magic thing, so if we learned a bit more about it, maybe we wouldn’t be so scared of it anymore.” Lodur smiled at Beelza.

  “You guys want to learn magic too?” *sniff* Beelza shed a tear, she’s never had anyone to talk to that liked magic. Normally people chase her and her grandma out of a village by throwing beans at them, painful painful beans. She never really had friends her age.

  “Aww come here. I finally have best friends who would stay by my side forever.” She moved closer to the two.

  Rob scowled. “Well, friends is a bit-”

  “FRIENDS!” She ran to them like a charging boar and hugged them.

  “Beelza my hands! Your touching them.”

  Lodur touched her clothes. Slowly her garb morphed into a dead boar, one that had her jutting out of it’s body. She was now wearing a dead boar, her head sticking out of the mouth, like it was some kind of shaman mask and her feet penetrated the anus, like a sphincter skirt.

  Blood draped her and covered her in fat.

  All three of them screamed in horror.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  After a few hours of pulling Beelza out of a dead boar, of which Rob did all the work on account of Lodur’s hands, Rob and Beelza had formed a sort of camaraderie that nothing could break. You never truly know a person, until you drag them out of a bloody carcass.

  All of them finished washing by a river. Rob had to work as a nanny for Lodur on account of the hands.

  They were now inside the cabin where Beelza was pounding the baby corpse into healing paste. A very fine red paste too. The cabin filled with sounds of squelching and squishing, which made Rob vomit outside.

  “I thought witches melted in saltwater, how come you didn’t dissolve in the river?” Lodur asked, chewing on dried fish.

  “No Lodur, witches don’t melt in saltwater.” Beelza said in a monotone voice. “Also the river is freshwater not saltwater, it’s basic science really.”

  “Oh, can you teach me that science stuff?”

  “Sure.”

  Rob slammed the door open, wiping his mouth of vomit.

  “I think I just puked my guts out. I think I saw a worm wiggle out of my mouth.”

  Beelza frowned at that.

  “I think you both should see a physician soon. From the look of things you and Rob are riddled with diseases and parasites. I saw them flow out of the water earlier. I can temporarily relieve them, but it’s better to cure them permanently.” She said as she poured the contents in several jars, then took out a spooky looking root from another jar.

  “A friend of my grandma works in Burgees port, and since you guys are going there, I might as well give you guys something.” She gave them the healing ointments she made in several jars.

  Rob grabbed it and sniffed it. The two boys were oggling at it with ‘ooh’s’ and ‘aah’s’.

  She looked back to the ceilings and shelves she grew up staring with her grandmother. It’s still filled with fond memories, but maybe she doesn’t have a reason to stay here anymore. The world is a big place, maybe it’s time she moved out.

  She stood up and started grabbing a satchel and stuffed it with everything she could, powders, creams, rods, and chalks. Everything a witch could need. Other stuff she couldn’t carry she put it in the giant mortar and pestle.

  “What are you doing Beelza?” Lodur asked.

  “Actually, I changed my mind. I’m going with you?”

  “Whoah whoah whoah, who said you could come. Also what did you give us?” Rob crossed his hands and tapped his leg.

  “It’s healing ointment. It’s pretty expensive and costs a fortune for mercenaries and lords. They usually heal blind people, heal severe burns, regrow fingers, and could temporarily make you fly. Grandma told me the last part, but I don’t think that’s real.” She said while stuffing a particularly huge package in her robes.

  “Expensive? Also did you say regrow fingers?” Rob raised his eyebrow.

  “Yeah, the healing ointment can grow limbs and usually fetches a few gold piece in the markets.” Beelza said, stuffing jars and bags in her satchel.

  “Did you say gold?” Rob’s ear twitched in her direction.

  “Yep, granny always sold a jar filled with the ointment to nobles and she’d always come back with chests full of gold.

  Rob took her hands with a gentlemanly smile, not forgetting to put on the ‘innocent cherub’ eyes. “Beelza, I might have misjudged you and your witchcraft. If your ointment truly does heal people, who am I to impede you.”

  Rob fluttered his eyelashes. “I think we could be the bestest of friends.”

  Lodur stopped sniffing the ointment on the floor and smiled at Beelza. “Yeah, we could be best friends Beelza. Just think, we might be the first people in the north to be friends with a witch. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

  “....friends?...You mean it?” Beelza was giddy at the thought of finally having friends.

  “Yes, the best friends forever.” Rob said as his heart was blinded by the shimmer of imaginary gold.

  Beelza pumped her hands above her head and hugged the two boys. “Best Friends!”

  Lodur smiled at the joyful girl as the three of them set out for Burgees port.