It was amazing, the changes I’d gone through over the past year. I’d gone from being a shy awkward virgin, so deep in the closet I couldn’t tell which way was up, to something else entirely.

  When I was first cornered by a cool, confident senior in the girls locker room around the start of my junior year of high school, I was terrified I was about to be beaten or scolded. I’d been making a genuine effort to keep my eyes to myself but hormones, lots of attractive fit girls in various states of undress all around me it was hard not to see things while still having eyes. It wasn’t until much later I realized she was actually sizing me up for something. She told me if I could appear at a certain place, at a certain time, and if I could keep a secret, I could be a part of something very special.

  I don’t know how I worked up the nerve to actually show up by the flagpole after classes. I was half expecting to get jumped and was on a hair trigger to rabbit when she and another senior I didn’t know at the time came to pick me up. They led me through a side door into a small storage area poorly lit and, clearly not intended for student use.

  They prompted me to place my phone in a small basket which caused me some serious hesitation but I’d come way too far to back off now. The basket was placed on what seemed like a random nearly empty shelf and I was assured I could take it and leave at any time.

  One of them approached what looked at first to be an empty wall but turned out to be the door. The inside of it didn’t look like the school at all; it had a bit of an industrial look to it but was spacious and well lit.

  There was a very large bed against the back wall and it didn’t take very long to guess what it was for as the other girls promptly and shamelessly started undressing near it. They tossed their bookbags and other belongings down on a nearby dresser and climbed onto the bed both watching me intently.

  I can't express how close I was to making the mistake of retreating and forgetting this whole thing ever happened. Instead I dove into the unreality of the situation, nothing had seemed truly real since stepping through that doorway and I wouldn’t completely understand why for a very long time.

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  I ignored the girls watching me as I undressed. If I'd tried to process that in the moment I’d likely have died from a heart attack right there and then. RIP Nichole, cause of death: gay.

  I placed my clothes and bag on the dresser next to the others making it a point not to look their way, until I felt a soft warm hand pull me toward the bed. As we sat together waiting the other two were having some kind of animated discussion and hung off me in ways that made my brain fuzzy. We might have waited an eternity or merely seconds - I couldn’t tell you, but it ended as the closed door at the back of the room finally slid open.

  I’d known Ms.Voight from AP science from last year but it was at that introductory meeting of the homework club where I’d met Lauren, the seductress behind the glasses, the secret mistress of the school, and the woman who would make me the person I am today.

  To say it was a life changing experience almost feels dismissive, I became so enraptured by the experience the unreality flipped itself as club meetings came and went. It was also as if the rest of my life was on autopilot and my time in the club was the only thing that truly mattered. Everything else was routine, theater, a keeping up of appearances to allow me to continue to be in the only place I truly felt alive anymore, under Laurens sadistic gaze.

  She lit a fire in me, and her kind and gentle nature combined with her furious appetite were able to pull things out of me I could never have imagined I had. My heart became filled with a kind of passion and love I only wish I had the eloquence to describe. Lauren was truly an artist and we three were her muses.

  Until… It ended. The school year came to a close, the seniors graduated. Ready to move on to the next stage of their lives. I was left adrift, working food service to squirrel away money in the hopes of maybe escaping my horrible family when all was said and done. It was very fortunate Lauren and I had a chance encounter while I was working at the pizza counter one dull evening. Fortunately by then I’d learned what buttons to press to get her to take me back. So it was she came to find me after work a few times a week and we’d catch up in the back of her van. Which is where I’d made a solemn vow to do everything I could to make the club great this year.