A month must have passed. December crept up completely unnoticed—like a Combat Magic pop quiz: you know it's coming, but it still ruins your day.

  Every day, I looked different. Sometimes I wore my black street clothes with the hood up—the "stay away, I'm a philosopher" look. Sometimes I wore the white Academy uniform—the "yes, I'm a student, no, I'm not happy about it" look.

  My eyes... My eyes were still living a life of their own. One was normal. The other was black. Always. As if someone forgot to turn off the night on one side of my face.

  In a week, we had our Combat Magic test. A practical one.

  The instructors had evidently decided we were getting far too comfortable.

  The lake.

  They had cut a neat trough into the ice—just big enough to fully submerge a human body. The objective sounded simple:

  Simulate falling in without defensive wards. Fully submerge under the water. Get out by any means necessary. Warm up. Don't die of hypothermia.

  "Piece of cake," someone said. He died first. (Joke. Mostly.)

  Everyone dressed as if they were preparing for an expedition to the Northern Hells. Fur coats, enchanted boots, thermal amulets, scarves, hats, hats on top of hats.

  I showed up in my regular uniform.

  I had enough magic to keep myself warm. Well... usually.

  Today, Alphus asked me to spot him.

  "Just in case I drown," he said with utter seriousness. "Then you'll drown beautifully," I replied.

  We walked out onto the lake. Alphus, by the way, had genuinely grown—both in strength and in confidence. Granted, not in decisiveness.

  He stood at the edge of the hole.

  One step forward. One step back. Forward again. Back again.

  Ten seconds passed.

  Fifteen.

  "Alphus..." I started. "I'm thinking," he said. "You're annoying," I said, and hit him with a gust of wind.

  SPLASH.

  He went under the water with an expression that clearly screamed, "I am never trusting Greg again."

  I watched.

  Ten seconds. Twenty.

  He wasn't surfacing.

  "Well..." I thought. "A minute and a half, tops."

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  Forty seconds later, I saw his silhouette. The first gasps for air. He was frantically gulping oxygen, desperately trying to climb out.

  The ice was slick. He scrambled up—and slipped right back in.

  I lay down on the ice. It was comfortable. I looked up at the clouds.

  Pretty today.

  Meanwhile, Alphus was fighting for his life.

  And then, finally, it clicked for him. He used water magic—he propelled himself upward.

  He collapsed next to me. Shivering violently. Muttering:

  "Greg... save... saaaave me... I'm dying..."

  I looked at him.

  "If you want to live, warm yourself up."

  He stared at me like I was an absolute idiot. Then—foom—fire burst from his hands. Controlled. Warm.

  Color returned to his face. He stood up.

  "YOU!" he roared. "YOU, GREG! I ALMOST DIED!"

  He complained for a solid two minutes. And then, suddenly, he smirked.

  It was a very bad smirk.

  "Your turn, Greg."

  "Don't want to," I said lazily.

  And right then, he sliced the ice out from under me.

  SPLASH.

  I went under.

  I could have surfaced immediately. I could have surfaced a second later. I could have prevented the fall altogether.

  But I thought:

  Alright.

  And I sank to the bottom.

  It wasn't cold. It was quiet, yes.

  Just for kicks, I started freezing the water above me. The exit sealed shut.

  Through the ice, I could see Alphus's black blur darting around. He was running. Panicking. Then he disappeared.

  Fifty seconds passed.

  I was still lying there.

  And then—BOOM—a fireball smashed into the ice.

  Three people plunged into the water.

  They grabbed me. Dragged me up.

  Alphus. Alexia. Lianel.

  They hauled me out onto the ice.

  I warmed myself up instantly. Completely dry.

  Meanwhile, they were shivering like leaves in the wind.

  "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING, GREG?!" Alphus screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST COME UP?!"

  "I don't know," I answered honestly.

  Alexia was shaking, but her voice was as sharp as ever:

  "Are you insane?! You were just lying there!" "Yeah," I said. "The ice is comfortable."

  "I AM GOING TO KILL YOU," she said. "But later. When I warm up."

  Lianel looked at me quietly.

  "You terrified us," she said. "That is... not normal."

  I looked down at the ice.

  And suddenly, I realized there was one thing I didn't understand.

  Why... do I even want to live? I exist... but what for?

  I continued lying there.

  There was a crack in the ceiling. It looked like a map of some undiscovered country. I stared at it, thinking that if I looked at it long enough, it would start asking questions too.

  The door opened.

  Alphus walked in. No drama. No panic.

  He just sat down at his desk and started doing his homework.

  I stayed quiet. So did he.

  About two minutes passed.

  "Alphus," I said. "Hm?" he replied, not looking up from his notebook.

  "Why do you exist?"

  He froze. Slowly lifted his head.

  "Um... that's a bit sudden, Greg."

  "Sorry. Go on."

  He thought about it.

  "I don't know," he said honestly. "I guess... I'm just living."

  I turned my head to look at him.

  "Do you like your life?"

  He shrugged.

  "I suppose. Nothing really to complain about."

  "Then why do you do all of this?"

  "All of what?" Alphus frowned.

  "You know..." I waved my hand vaguely. "Studying. Training. Waking up in the morning. Trying so hard." "To live," he said simply.

  I fell silent.

  Am I really just living... purely out of animal instinct? Out of the fear of death?

  Alphus was saying something else—about assignments, about tests, about fencing.

  Then he suddenly looked at me more closely.

  "Greg... are you okay?"

  "I don't know," I replied.

  He stared at me for thirty seconds. An absolute eternity.

  Then he nodded.

  "If you need anything... just say it."

  And he buried his face back in his notebooks.

  For some reason, that was exactly what broke me.

  Tiny tears began to spill from my eyes. Quiet. Almost imperceptible.

  I quickly wiped them away.

  "What is this nonsense..." I muttered.

  Why?

  I lay there and thought.

  Everyone around me is living. Everyone has a why. And I... I just am.

  And there was no tragedy in it. There was no pain. There was no desire to die.

  There was only one thing:

  Emptiness.