It was the third day.

  I did not understand this world. We live in a reality stuffed to the brim with magic, yet we drag ourselves along in a wooden box pulled by ordinary horses. Why not griffons? Why not pegasi? The world had become terrifyingly boring and grounded. People spend centuries studying spells, only to end up just... riding through the mud.

  I kept falling into bouts of sleep. It was the only way not to lose my mind from the monotony. I don't know how Lianel and Alexia were still holding up, but it seemed they had found better entertainment than books.

  Alexia had unceremoniously placed my head in her lap. Her fingers wandered through my hair for hours, sorting through the strands, massaging the back of my neck. It was magnificent. So much so that I sometimes seriously considered: maybe I should just drop everything and stay in this moment forever?

  Lianel watched us with poorly concealed irritation. "Well, at least you have a pet to play with, Alexia," she hissed, not looking up from her dummy (which, it seemed, had already started making margin notes in her textbook).

  Alexia didn't answer. She didn't even look at her sister. She just kept petting me, staring out the window with an absent gaze. In moments like this, I was basically a stress-relief pillow for her.

  The fourth day arrived. The coachman announced that we would finally reach the border by noon tomorrow.

  Yeah. So many horse changes, so many waystations... It's terrifying to imagine how much a single trip like this costs the Crown. But I couldn't care less about the kingdom's budget. I felt the warmth of her hands and didn't want this "trance" to end.

  Alexia suddenly leaned down lower, her voice sounding very quiet: "You're funny, Greg. Every time I look at you, I can't understand it—why does this feel so good to you? It seems like I'm just stroking your hair, nothing special... But you look like you fly off to another world."

  I cracked one eye open and looked up at her. "I don't know," I answered sleepily.

  On the fourth day, we finally crawled to the border.

  I leaned out the window and whistled. This was nothing like our sterile human outposts. This place was a veritable tossed salad: elves, dwarves, humans, some demonoid-looking guys, and massive beastmen-pigs. The contrast hit you right in the eyes—you could instantly see where order ended and freedom began.

  We were already rolling through the gates when my eyes met the gaze of an elven patrol guard. The carriage instantly stopped dead in its tracks.

  The coachman knocked on the door. "Excuse me..." he looked bewildered. "But they are requesting that the young man step out."

  Lianel nodded, and I, stretching and popping my joints, climbed out.

  The elf stepped right up to me. His gaze literally dug into my face, scanning every millimeter. "Hello. What is your name?" "Greg." "Alright, Greg. Come with me."

  I was led into a small checkpoint building. Inside sat a few more border guards. The second I crossed the threshold, absolute madness erupted in the room.

  "Oh, Greg!" the elf instantly fished a painted portrait out from inside his jacket. "You know, I have a daughter! She is not yet married. Smart, beautiful, a heart of gold! You simply must marry her! Our family, believe me, is far from poor!"

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  "WHAT THE..." I didn't even get to finish before a stocky dwarf unceremoniously shoved the elf aside with his shoulder. "Don't listen to that knife-ear!" the dwarf unrolled a scroll of his own. "Here is my niece! Look at those curves! Look at that beard... I mean, those braids! She is single! Marry her!"

  I backed up against the wall, feeling my brain start to melt. "Umm... You know... I... I..." I frantically searched for an excuse to escape. "I'm a eunuch! Yes, exactly! A professional eunuch!"

  A heavy, bristle-covered paw of a pig-beastman slapped me on the shoulder. "Don't lie to us, kid! One look at you is enough: you're no eunuch."

  "What do you people want from me?!" I howled.

  A human stood up from a dark corner. He stepped closer, peering into my eyes—one black, one gray. "Interesting..." he muttered. "You know, I have a sister. Of unprecedented beauty. If she sees you—she'll drag you down the aisle that very second."

  The pig-beastman by the wall burst out laughing so hard the windows rattled. "Bwahahaha! You don't get it, kid! People here love everything unusual. Your eyes—they are a sign. It's believed that people like you produce incredibly strong children. Great mages. To us, it's not just a rarity, it is the highest form of beauty."

  I froze. "What? Beauty? Are you serious?"

  "Alright, kid, head back to your carriage," the pig-beastman waved his hand dismissively. "We're letting you through." "HEY! PIG!" the others yelled. "When are we ever going to get another chance to marry off our relatives to a specimen like this?!"

  I flew out of the building like a bullet and practically dove into the carriage.

  The world had officially gone mad. In that country, I was considered a freak, a demonic spawn, and a walking nightmare. But here... here I had suddenly become an eligible bachelor and an "exotic beauty."

  "Yeah," I muttered, collapsing onto the seat. "Completely different creatures. Some want to burn me, others want to marry me. I don't even know which is worse."

  The carriage finally started moving, but before we left, the border guards managed to bury the cabin in notes with addresses and portraits of their numerous female relatives. I stared at this pile of wastepaper and sighed quietly.

  "What were you whispering about for so long out there?" Alexia asked, squinting suspiciously.

  I adopted my most tragic expression. "Oh, you know... They were asking if you were holding me prisoner here as a living toy. They offered to organize a daring escape under the cover of night, but I heroically refused. Loyalty is my middle name."

  I opened the carriage door while we were moving and, with one sweep of my arm, tossed that entire paper "Tinder" out onto the road. Let the locals pick them up if they want.

  We were heading toward our first stop—the border city. I glued myself to the window and couldn't tear my eyes away.

  Flying houses. Actual griffons in the sky. And, damn it all, entire floating islands drifting above the forest.

  "Yeah," I muttered without turning around. "Compared to this, your kingdom is just a boring sandbox."

  SMACK. Lianel delivered a slap to the back of my head with such speed I didn't even have time to teleport.

  "Greg! How can you betray your homeland so quickly?" "What?" I rubbed the back of my head. "What homeland? That's YOUR kingdom. I was just passing through. For a lifetime."

  However, I saw their faces. They were sitting there just as stunned. After the gray stone walls of their castle, this world looked like the hallucination of a mad artist.

  Suddenly, someone knocked on the carriage window. Right while we were galloping. I opened the shutter. Riding a horse effortlessly beside us was a kid.

  "Hello! My name is Zevlud. I've been assigned to you as an escort." I looked him up and down. "Aren't you a little short for a guard, Zevlud?" He laughed brightly. "I'm already twelve! Everything is under control, uncle!"

  At that moment, an older elf rode up to us, looking far more respectable. "Forgive my son for his insolence," he nodded to us. "My name is Zuld. I am your official guide and curator."

  Zuld let his gaze linger on my face for a second, and his eyes gleamed suspiciously. "Listen, young man..." he lowered his voice. "You aren't married, are you?" "No..." I answered cautiously.

  The elf broke into a wide smile and giggled rather strangely. "Good, good... Regardless, listen to my advice: we will be passing through a village soon. While we are passing through—under no circumstances stick your face out the window. Better yet, just pretend to be a sack of flour."

  Before I could ask why, a massive beastman galloped up to the carriage from the other side. "Zuld! What are you stuck back here for?" he barked, and immediately locked eyes with me.

  His massive paw shoved through the window and grabbed my shoulder. "You! Kid! You have to meet my sister! She is looking for someone exactly... like this!" "Alren! Stop that right now!" Zuld barked.

  The beastman reluctantly removed his hands, guffawed happily, and waved goodbye to me, dropping back along with the elf.

  I closed the window and slowly turned to face the princesses.