Chapter 1 – We Need to Talk About Brandon
“That nigga is not okay,” said Demarcus, shaking his head with his arms crossed.
They had crammed into a diner booth at a small mom and pop spot in their city. The place looked like it was lifted right out of the eighties. Checker tile, chrome trim, menus with faded photos and a plastic shine. Rain tapped the dark windows and turned the street into a smear of light. People passed in a slow blur.
Violet watched the glass. Her arms folded tight, elbows on the table. Black hair with deep purple highlights spilled over her black top. She rolled her eyes. “I think you’re worrying too much,” she said.
“I think you just listen to Brandon too much,” said Demarcus.
Niko sat across from them. Thick round spectacles. The lenses were so heavy he caught his own reflection when his eyes darted between them. “Yeah, I agree, V. If he says he’s fine, he’s fine. Why did we need to go all the way to a diner for this?”
Demarcus rolled his eyes. “I wanted dinner after my shift. Been a minute since we got the gang all together.” He pointed at Violet. “She just graduated a month ago from doctor school. Didn’t tell nobody.”
Violet unfurled her arms and propped her chin on her hand. “I should have stayed in tonight.” She looked at Demarcus and sighed. “Sorry. My loan interest is kicking my ass. All those years dorming in med school and undergrad.”
Demarcus grinned and thumbed his chest. “And that is why I am glad I picked this line of work.”
“Digging through people’s shit,” said Niko, dejected behind the thick frames.
Violet nudged him. “I was only kidding,” said Niko, flustered, which made Demarcus snort.
“It’s not for the weak,” Demarcus said, “but I’m making a whole lot of bread. And Danielle is really liking this nine to five blue collar type life.” He smiled. “She packs me sandwiches with notes. With notes.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “That’s so sixties.”
“Okay,” said Demarcus, leaning closer like that settled it.
“How about you pack her lunches with notes,” Violet said.
“She’s my stay at home girlfriend,” said Demarcus, lifting his hands.
Violet made a face, but Niko perked up. “There’s something called a stay at home girlfriend?” He blinked. “Like, is she pregnant or something?”
“I make so much bread I told her if she stays at home and cleans and cooks, I don’t mind if she quits her job,” Demarcus said, casual like he was ordering coffee.
Violet sighed. “At least everyone’s happy in this.” She raised a hand. “Still seems a little patriarchal to me.”
Niko burst out laughing. “Shut up. We know you’d be making sandwiches and leaving notes for Brandon. Cutting them in triangles and—”
Demarcus had started laughing so hard Niko lost the thread. Violet swatted Niko again, harder.
“Why,” Niko groaned.
“Because you say a lot of dumb things,” Violet said, folding her arms again. She shook her head. “Like he said, he’s fine.” She shot Demarcus a look. “I don’t get why we’re talking behind his back.”
“Is him just passing college and getting a nice job all that matters?” Demarcus said, flat.
Violet huffed. “Yes. Lowkey, yes.” She lifted her hand, palm up. “After what happened to his parents, he fell into that deep depression. We were lucky we convinced him to finish. That nice job at the end of the road kept him moving. You know his family would have wanted him to push through.”
Demarcus stared out at the city and let out a slow breath. It was late and the glass was black with rain. He could still make out groups of friends showing each other their phones, families moving with that warm holiday pace. Some windows already wore Christmas lights though it was only late November. Headlights slid along the wet asphalt and turned the street into a ribbon of silver.
“Yeah. But looking back at it, maybe we should have given him that time.” He raised his hand. “And right after with Anna?”
Niko swallowed. Violet kept her eyes on the window and narrowed her gaze. “Just bad luck,” she said.
“Both his parents die in a car accident,” Demarcus said, and his mouth curled. “Then less than a year later his girl gets mugged and killed at her part time job.” He turned to face them and they turned to him. “Brandon has been through a lot of shit. He has pushed through more than most. There is a limit to what a man can carry.”
“Why now?” Niko asked. He tipped his frames at Demarcus. “Why talk about this now? I hear you, I play games with Brandon once a week, but I think he’s—”
“That nigga is not okay,” Demarcus said.
“And what makes you think so?” Violet asked.
“Two things. I went to his apartment. He still has a bunch of photos of Anna up and those are the only things that are tidy. The whole place reeks of weed. It just smells.”
Violet made a face. Niko did too. “Yeah. I know he’s been smoking a lot and—”
“To get high he needs to smoke like a fucking rapper,” Demarcus said without missing a beat. “He just got back from Europe, sure, but Jesus Christ. It looks like a serial killer’s nest in there.” Violet glanced past him. A cluster of teenage girls in the next booth had gone quiet and were staring. Demarcus kept going. “Did he forget how to do the dishes?” He shrugged. “The laundry bins are stacked up and I was shocked to find he even had laundry bins. You know he uses inflatable camping furniture.”
Violet and Niko traded a look.
“His console and TV are on the floor,” Demarcus said. “He told me to take it easy on his couch because it deflates. He has a foldable chair for his desk at work. I would not be surprised if he does not even have a bed frame.”
“Okay,” Violet said. “I hear you. What do you want to do?”
“I have a couple ideas,” Demarcus said. “But I wanted your opinion.” He rubbed a hand over his shaved head. “We have not really talked since college. Violet with med school. Niko with his computer stuff. Brandon took off for Europe. We did not have time. Now he is back and we are young and standing at the edge of our lives. I do not want to lose Brandon.”
“Lose Brandon?” Niko said. “You are making it sound like—”
Demarcus looked away and shook his head. “Promise me you will not tell Brandon this. No one. Ever.”
Violet nodded.
Niko nodded too. “You think I talk to anyone but you or Brandon.”
“I think he is having a rough time at work,” Demarcus said. “I think there was a girl there.”
Violet’s eyes thinned. “Huh?” She looked between them. “Really. What happened.”
“See. She gets jealous so easy,” Niko said, and looked surprised when she did not smack him.
Demarcus sighed and waved it off. “I think they were close. No. They were.” He shook his head. “She was his peer at work. They kept getting stuck on the same projects. He said things were going great. He was sure she liked him. They talked every day. They texted outside of work. She even sent him videos and photos.”
Violet’s eyes went wide. Niko jumped in. “What kind of photos?”
Demarcus cracked a grin. “You know the kind.”
“Well I hope that was an early Christmas present,” Violet said, rolling her eyes. “Where did it go bad.”
“I guess she said something and he took it as the go ahead,” Demarcus said. He breathed into his fist. “He asked her to chill. I think they might have kissed or—”
“What,” Violet snapped.
Heads turned. The room tightened. She had lurched up and slapped both hands on the table.
“Easy,” Demarcus said, palms up. Niko shrank under the stare of a nearby booth. “Maybe no kiss. But it was not just nudes. Something happened between them that made Brandon feel one hundred ten percent sure she liked him.”
Violet dropped back into the booth. She crossed her arms and tapped her shoulder. “And.”
“She rejected him,” Demarcus said. “Hard.”
Niko looked from her to him. “How bad.”
“Like, you are a great guy and everything, but I have a boyfriend,” Demarcus said.
“What,” Violet erupted.
“Insane, right.” Demarcus shook his head and folded his arms tight. “The way she acted with him. And she had a boyfriend. Nah mate. Nah nigga. Would not be me. No sir. Not me.”
“So it is just bad luck for Brandon,” Niko said. He dragged a hand through his hair.
“Get him a cat. No. A dog,” Violet said. “He always felt like a dog person.”
“He is allergic to dogs,” Demarcus said.
“Since when,” Violet said.
“Since we have known him,” Niko said.
Violet rolled her eyes, harder now. “Then get him a cat. Or put him in therapy if he is this depressed.”
“Every time I try to talk to him about it he shits on therapy,” Demarcus said. He raised a finger. “Says his father raised him not to be weak. He is not weak. Not at all. But this is a lot.” His voice thinned. “He told me he wanted to die.”
Violet and Niko stalled. They shared a look that did not have an answer in it.
Demarcus kept going. “You say bad luck. I do not buy that. Life is hard. It rises and it falls. Brandon has taken more falls than most since he became an adult. But look at him. He has that quiet author thing going on. Messy brown hair. Sharp eyes behind the glasses even though he should wear contacts. He is over six feet. That puts him in the top two percent. There are girls who would lose their minds over him.” He let his shoulders sag. “I do not get it. A man that strong. Pushing through all of it. Crumbling now.”
Silence spread across the table. Demarcus stared at the grain of the Formica like it might give him an answer. It did not.
Violet’s lips felt rough when she parted them. “I think you should hang out with him more,” she said.
Demarcus’s eyes lifted. Niko nodded. “Yeah. He likes playing games with me, but you two were tight in college. You were the voice that pushed him to finish.”
Demarcus waved it off. “He would have been fine without me. Brandon is a good man and”
Violet cut in. “I remember how you two were. Practically brothers. Always in each other’s dorm. Parties. Games. Smoke.”
“That was the old me,” Demarcus said. “I thought a degree would fix everything. Look how that went.” He raised his hand. “Good grades. Good attendance. Then the loan office would not clear me. Too much or too little. Who knows. College was a waste for me. Not for Brandon.” His voice thinned. “He should not be calling a plumber his best friend when he is on track to be a CEO.”
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“You think so little of yourself,” Violet said. “He asks you to hang out. He asks to see you. He asks to do things with you.”
“Like I said, I am busy,” Demarcus said.
“Every day,” Niko said.
“Yeah. I work most days. When I am not at work I am with Danielle,” Demarcus said. “I am thinking of marrying her.”
“So that excuses you from your friend’s problems,” Violet said.
Demarcus’s eyes narrowed. “If I was ignoring him I would not have called you both here. Would I.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “You dragged us out so we could hear it all at once when the answer is simple. Get involved. Take him out. Ask him to hang out. Do things with him. Stop hiding behind what your partner would not like.” She let the words hang there with a little curl.
“I could say the same to both of you,” Demarcus said. “How much have you seen him. Miss Doctor.”
Violet bit her lip, ready to fire back, but Niko spoke first. “That is unfair,” he said, pushing his frames up. “I set time to play with him once or twice a week. We talk for hours. I am not in the night scene. I work nights. I sleep in the day. I am grinding at an entry data job. The world is not kind to graduates.”
“You heard the nocturnal animal,” Violet said with a tilt toward Niko. “I just finished my degree in medical school. I work nights. Sometimes I am gone for days because of the hospital. Any way you look at it, you are the one closest to Brandon in schedule and career. You should be more present.”
Demarcus sighed. “Why can you two not meet him in the middle.” He tipped his chin at Niko. “Go easier on those night hours. Living in the dark is not good for you.”
Niko gave a small grin. “Fewer people. I have never been good with people.” He nodded at Demarcus. “That was always you and Brandon’s forte.”
Demarcus groaned and turned to Violet. This was not the plan. “What about you, V.”
Violet’s cheeks warmed. “I am a girl.” She pushed a lock of purple hair from her face. “If I keep asking him to hang out he will get the wrong idea.”
“You do like him. Do you not,” Demarcus said, teasing.
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you telling me to take advantage of Brandon when he is not well.”
Demarcus and Niko both went wide eyed. “No. Not that,” Demarcus said, rubbing the back of his head as he took in Violet’s red face and sharp look. “I am saying if there was ever a time to try, it is now. I bet you think you could make him happy.”
Violet scratched her cheek. “Yeah. But.” She shook her head. “I do not know.” She set her teeth. “I hear you, but that takes time. Brandon has always seen me as one of the guys. I doubt he will love it if I start showing up at his place and telling him to clean and cook real meals.” Demarcus nodded along. Violet tilted her head. “You telling me he does not cook.”
Demarcus lifted a shoulder. “He was never a crazy cook. With all this going on, I doubt he is in there plating it up like Ramsey.”
Violet groaned. “It would be a mistake to make a move.” She cupped her hands to her face like a cone. “He is depressed. He has never looked at me like a woman. If I confess and he shoots me down I will not take it well. It would be college all over again.” She pressed her palms to her eyes and leaned back.
“Ah. So you do have feelings for him,” Demarcus said.
Violet’s temper blew. She slammed both fists on the table. Plates and silver jumped. Demarcus and Niko caught the edges before anything skidded to the floor.
“I told you already. I do not have feelings for that knucklehead,” she snapped.
That was when the waitress slid up to the booth. She looked nervous, already sweating, blue eyes flicking between their faces.
“Hey now. Do not have too much fun,” the waitress said, voice hitching.
“Sorry,” Violet said fast.
The waitress waved it off. “It is fine, kids.” She wore a yellow uniform that could have come straight from the nineties. Pale skin. Brown hair so red it brushed up against ginger. Lips painted a deep crimson. “Okay. I have one cheeseburger and fries with the works. One Salisbury steak with potatoes and greens. Three chili cheese dogs with fries.”
“I have the burger,” Demarcus said with a grin. He could already smell the cheese and the salt of the fries. The patty sat in front of him like a small sun. He rubbed his hands. “I cannot wait. Danielle is a nag about eating out.”
“I thought you said you control the funds and she chills,” Niko said. He lifted a finger. “I have the hot dogs.”
“Here you go,” the waitress said, setting the tray in front of him. Niko dug in at once.
“Three extra long chili dogs,” Violet said. “Gluttonous.”
Niko shot her a look. “I am five five and a little over a hundred pounds. Sue me. I like my glizzys.”
That pulled a deep chuckle from Demarcus. Violet turned away, shook her head, and faced the waitress. “I had the steak. Thank you.”
As the plate slid in front of Violet, Demarcus worked the ketchup like a man nursing an old pump. He slapped the bottle. It sputtered and coughed a red thread onto his fries. He lifted the top bun, painted the center with another hit, and set the bread back with a neat tap.
The waitress drifted off and the three of them dug in. Grease, salt, steam. The talk kept moving.
“Feels like we are at a bit of a” Demarcus snapped his fingers, cheeks full of fries. His other hand held a fry with a shine of ketchup on the tip.
“Rubicon,” Niko said. He finished a hot dog. Chili clung to his lip and a spot on his chin.
“Not the word I wanted and I do not know what that means, but sure,” Demarcus said.
Violet lifted a shoulder. “I do not think Rubicon fits.” She cut a strip of steak, pulled some potatoes onto the same fork, and took a bite. “We all have reasons we cannot give Brandon much time.” Her eyes slid toward Demarcus. “Some more than others.”
Demarcus rolled his eyes and took a bite of burger. “It is a real conundrum. I do not know what to do.” His eyes brightened. A small smirk crept in as a line of grease ran down his lip. He looked at Niko. “How is the app coming.”
Niko blinked. Violet beat him to it. “What app.”
Demarcus gave them both a cheeky grin. “You did not tell V yet.”
Color rose in Niko’s face. He pushed his glasses up his nose. “It is an app and a computer game I am building.”
Violet nodded with a small smile. “That is cool. Putting that coding to work.”
Niko looked away, still pink. “I have to put it somewhere. I touch it once or twice a week. I plan to release it. It is in alpha right now and I am still coding and smoothing the bumps.”
“Alpha,” Violet said. “You will have to say that in words we understand.”
“It is far enough that I can put it out and get beta testers,” Niko said. He looked at Demarcus. “What are you thinking.”
“Make Brandon a tester,” Demarcus said through a bite. “Is it not that portable girlfriend thing you are working on.”
Violet’s eyes went wide. “Portable girlfriend.”
Niko lifted both hands. “Listen. It is not what you think.”
“Gooner bait,” Violet said, and she grinned.
Niko flushed and shook his head. “God, I hate you two sometimes.” He drew a breath. “When the internet blew up it changed contact. Dating too. You got a flood of apps that promise a match, but plenty of people want something simple. A voice at night. A body that is close enough to feel safe. A lot of men cannot get that. Some women too. I am trying to build a stopgap. A thing that talks back and learns you. Not just a doll on a screen.”
“Oh I love this talk,” Violet said, and took another forkful.
“What,” Niko said.
Violet rolled her eyes. “Why just men.”
“I am not making this for men only, but right now I do not have time to build the male side of it. Most early users will be men,” Niko said.
“So you are just going to help a bunch of incels,” Violet said.
Niko’s eyes widened. “Violet, I do not appreciate that. I work my ass off on this. It is not what you think.” He let out a breath. “I am not saying women are not lonely. Look at Brandon. Good looking. Still struggling day to day.” He lifted a hand. “He gets more matches in a week than I see in six months. Maybe a year. A lot of girls treat that like a game for affirmation.”
“Here we go,” Demarcus whispered, taking another bite of his burger.
“Please,” Violet said, rolling her eyes. “I have not seen Brandon once and we live in the same city. The creeps I have matched with could fill a bus. I met a chill one in person and found out he was taking pictures of me to show his friends when he got back to his place.”
“Sounds like it is not easy for either side,” Demarcus said around a mouthful.
“Oh that is a lie,” Violet and Niko snapped together.
Niko’s lip curled. “You called my app gooner bait and you do not know the first thing about it.”
“I do not need to know,” Violet said. “How is jerking off to anime.”
“Pretty nice,” Niko said, then sighed. “Listen. It is for lonely men who cannot make contact work. Some are on the spectrum and miss cues. Some are stuck in a place where talking to people costs more than they have. Some just cannot get there. The virtual girlfriend is not for sex. It is a bandage. It nudges guys to improve their lives.”
“Says the man who does not see the sun,” Violet said.
“I do not need to be a pilot to look at a plane in a tree and say that it does not belong there,” Niko shot back.
Demarcus barked a laugh and wiped grease from his mouth. “What is the name again.” He glanced at Violet. “You are going to love this.”
Niko glared. “God, I hate you two.” He groaned. “Digital Dream Girl Site.”
Violet cracked up. “What a name.” She swiped a tear from her eye, then winced and squinted. “Pepper. I think I got a bit.”
“Serves you right for clowning my project,” Niko said, chuckling.
Violet faced Demarcus. “Why are you trying to put Brandon on this.”
“Like he said, it is a bandage,” Demarcus told her. He tipped his head at Niko. “Tell her how it works. It is better than it sounds.”
“I have seen those digital girl sites,” Violet said. “Now with AI they are just a bit more advanced.”
“A bit more,” Niko said, laughing hard. “Simpleton.”
A vein jumped in Violet’s forehead.
“Show her the app,” Demarcus said.
Niko fished his phone from his pocket with one hand and kept eating with the other. He chewed through a hot dog while his thumb worked the screen. A magical girl screensaver flashed past. He tapped an icon with an anime girl for the picture and let it boot.
Violet watched the load screen spin like any unfinished app. Bars. A pause. Then a girl filled the glass. Full body. Bright eyes.
“Hey there, Niko,” the voice chimed. “I missed you today.”
Niko looked around the table. “Hear that. She missed me.”
Violet rolled her eyes. “The only girl that would miss a perv like you.” She leaned closer and her face changed. “Who. She looks like me.”
“What,” Niko blurted. Color hit his ears.
“She kind of does,” Violet said.
Niko stammered. “You think you are the only one who does goth.”
“I only dye my hair,” Violet said.
The girl on the screen stood tall the way Violet did. Pale skin. A dusting of freckles. Jet black hair with a blue edge instead of purple. Violet stared because she had sent them photos two months ago when her hair was blue. She took a slow breath like it hurt.
“Show me why it is special,” she said. Her arms crossed. Her foot tapped against the base of the booth. “I am waiting.”
Niko sighed. “Hey. Did I do my chores today.”
The girl’s mouth pressed thin. She pulled an oversized textbook out of a pocket that could not hold it. “No. You have been a bad boy.”
“A bad boy,” Demarcus chuckled.
“See. I knew you were a perv,” Violet said, then blinked. “You just spoke to it.”
“Nikooo,” the phone sang his name. “Who are you with. Are these your only friends.” Her smile bloomed like a firework. “I am so glad you listened to me and went out.”
“Thank you, Nisa,” Niko said. He looked up. “She hears me. I built a voice module and some extra senses. She reads the room. Not just the phone. If she does not feel like a girlfriend then what is the point.”
Demarcus grinned at Violet’s face. She looked dazed. “I do not get the objective of this thing,” Violet said.
“Here is where it stops being gooner anime junk,” Niko said, and handed the phone to Demarcus.
“Hey, Demarcus,” Nisa chirped. “Been a minute since I saw you.”
“Likewise, Nisa,” Demarcus said as he finished his fries. “How are you.”
“Same old,” Nisa said. She tapped her foot on nothing. Code passing for tile. “How is your girl. How is plumbing.”
“Same shit, different day,” Demarcus said. He laughed with her like they had history.
“Jesus Christ,” Violet said. Her eyes were wide. “It remembers.”
“We built a real memory bank,” Niko said. “We cracked how to make it stick.”
“The code,” Violet said.
“The old apps had holes,” Niko said. “They forgot things. This one does not. She remembers you. She remembers other people. That is the difference.”
Violet stared at the phone as Demarcus passed it back. Niko wore a proud grin while he powered it down before the battery went.
“Niko, do not forget to brush your” the voice said, and the screen died.
“Back to your question about the goal,” Niko said. “It acts like a loving girlfriend. A real one puts you in line.”
“I do not get it,” Violet said.
“If you were Brandon’s girlfriend right now, what would you do,” Niko asked.
Color touched Violet’s cheeks. She folded her arms. “He would cut the smoking. He would clean his place. He lives alone in a nice apartment. No excuse for a pigsty. Then therapy. Cooking classes. Real furniture.”
“True that,” Demarcus said, lifting his soda.
Niko worked through his last hot dog and tossed fries into his mouth between words. “Each AI is built for the person who uses it. They are set up to form real attachment. If a given personality skews sharp, she will be rougher, but she will still care.”
“So they are all different,” Violet said.
“Yeah,” Niko said with a small laugh. “It is called Digital Dream Girl. It would be wack if it was only my dream girl. Cute idea though.”
“It is wild,” Demarcus said, nodding at him. “The AI is advanced. To make your dream girl you can”
“Everything,” Niko cut in. “You pick everything. Then the system adds some randomness.”
“Why random if you are picking the partner you want,” Violet said. “Does that not fight the idea of making the best match.”
“What is the fun in a perfect person,” Niko said. Violet’s eyes widened a little. “She will still be drawn to you. She will still have affection. Say you set her in Japan.”
“You are not beating the allegations, buddy,” Demarcus said, grinning.
“Stop interrupting,” Niko groaned, then pushed on. “You set nationality. You set race. If I chose a Japanese girl the generator would still build her features. She would be a cute girl, but think about actual dreams. Faces blur. You catch the outline of hair or shape, not the eyes. She stays blank until the final pass. Then the system gives her a face, a body, clothes. All at once.”
“Background generator,” Violet said.
“A full stack of details,” Niko said. “Siblings or not. Where she lives inside the world. What she has seen. What hurt her. Where she sits in class. We load in enough to make her feel like a person.”
“Trauma. Status. Class,” Violet said softly.
“It is still in beta,” Niko said. “Everything is tuned to keep things steady between her and the player. The testers say the talks feel real. At first they felt weird about all the settings. Then they built their girl and the weird feeling fell away. She cared. She kept track. Like the teeth reminder.”
Violet nodded.
“It is coded to check on me. To remind me of things. Clean the apartment. Keep me on task. She even wakes me up on time. And other little things too. Small but they add up.”
“What do you mean,” Demarcus said. He cleared his plate and slid it aside. They were all close to done.
He waved the waitress over. Niko kept talking. “Nothing too crazy. My bot found a YouTube video for chicken and rice. Rice cooker recipe. All in Japanese. She translated it for me. It came out pretty good.”
“That means the AI was on the internet,” Violet said. Her eyes widened.
“Maybe,” Niko said with a shrug. “She said she found it. It was a dumb cooking video. Harmless. But think about that. If Brandon could build his girl she might pull him out of the rut.”
“I was thinking the same,” Demarcus said, and he looked at Violet. “What do you think, V.”
“To get Brandon hooked on a virtual girlfriend,” Violet said. “I do not know. It feels like a bandage on a gunshot.”
“Do you have a better idea,” Demarcus asked. “He is pulling into himself. He will not see a therapist. There might come a time he stops listening to us at all. Then he will find his own way and it might not be good.”
Violet stared at her empty plate. The grease left a brown ring like a tide mark. She was busy. They were all busy. He needed something and he never saw her anymore. If she just She closed her eyes.
She let out a breath. “If this helps him in the long run, do it. If he starts slipping because of it, we pull the plug. Fast.” She squared her shoulders. “I never liked this virtual AI stuff.”
“Why not,” Niko snapped. “It is the future of contact.”
“Fake contact,” she said. She tipped her chin at Demarcus. “You watch him. You watch him close. I am greenlighting this because I think it might help. That is it.”
Demarcus traced a finger across his chest. “I promise.” He turned to Niko. “How long will it take.”
“I will send him the files tonight,” Niko said. “It is late and this is when he usually goes to bed.”
“This time,” Violet said. “It is not even ten.”
Niko looked at her. “Time does not mean much when you do not have anyone to waste it with.”

