“Your mom is the Prime Minister? And you’re only telling us this now?”

  Sugar says exactly what we are all thinking. We sit around the now mostly empty table with drinks and small, sweet desserts. It had been a long night of reciting stories from my brief, though admittedly eventful, career as an Expeditionary Captain. Had to tell the one about me killing an assassin naked about three times. Not sure why that was the Dyna’s favorite, I’d hardly call it flattering. Nightfall passed many hours ago. I got tired of talking about myself a long time ago. So now it’s everyone else's turn to show the class what they did over summer break.

  “Please don’t make a big deal about this. She’s just my mom.”

  “And the Prime Minister. Anyone else here got something to tell us about their bloodline? Any secret princesses?”

  Sagaci raises a tentacle.

  “Ci iiis seconnnd cousssins to the maaacrophooorm that invvvented the Hydrrrostabllleizeeed innnternal sanitizzzer.”

  “The what?”

  “I belieeeve the mooore commonnn name iiis the uniiiversssal enama.”

  I pray to Space God that works better than the universal toilet.

  “Alright, never mention that again. Inanna, you have to admit, being related to someone that important is a very big deal. I mean, how can I be expected to believe anything about your career now?”

  “Fine.” Inanna chugs an entire bottle of Nori Gin, then slams it down on the table. “If you must know I don’t like to tell people about this because the first thing they do is assume she is the reason I was promoted so much, and she’s not. I got here by myself every single step of the way. I was already Captain of a Light Cruiser before she even ran her first campaign. But noooooo, It has to be kickbacks and under the table favors that got me here.”

  Safe to say I touched a nerve.

  “Ok, ok. Then tell us the real story. From the start.”

  I grab another bottle from the heater and pour a tall mug of Nori Gin. Steam rising from the top right in front of my Phibian First Officer.

  “It really didn’t start all that excitedly. All Phibians are required to perform military service. I was just serving my time. Started at the bottom like everyone else. I was selected to lead my squad. Nine people. That’s all I had. That is all I expected to get for the next thirty years; then there was an accident. A rookie pilot made a bad maneuver and crashed their repulsor craft; died on impact. I didn’t know that at the time. I lead my unit down a cliff side to try and save them. We recovered the body, that was all. I got promoted for that.”

  Inanna takes another drink. A Dyna grabs her arms, offering some small comfort.

  “The years are a bit of a blur after that. I would get set up somewhere, leading more and more people with ever increasing responsibilities. Something would always happen. A disaster here, an incursion there, I once got promoted because I helped my superior officer secure tickets to a music concert. I’m not that proud of that last one. I thought I was just being nice. Up and up. Never really getting that used to where I was. Things went so fast I… I never stopped to think if this was where I wanted to be.”

  More Dyna crowd around Inanna. Hugging her. One pours another glass of Nori Gin while another grabs a tissue from some hidden pocket. They seem to know what they are doing.

  “So how did all of that lead you to almost getting my job?”

  “Oh that was easy. I was the first commander to beat the Rackter in our joint training operations.”

  “THAT WAS YOU!”

  If Raze’s shout was any loud it might have shattered all the glass bottles.

  “Oh come on Raze, it was bound to happen eventually.”

  “We had forty nine wins against your big blue butts! FORTY NINE! This was going to be an unprecedented record. And YOU ruined it for us!”

  “Your strategies were shoddy and overly aggressive. All I had to do was lead half the fleet into a kill zone; after that, our superior number carried the day.”

  “We had fifty fleets to your ten!”

  “Most of your fleets are half size, only around sixty ships a piece. All ours are full size with three hundred even. We actually have around the same number of ships, but ours are bigger.”

  “Our Corvettes have as much firepower as your Destroyers!”

  “And our Frigates can take as much punishment as one of your Cruisers.”

  This is why I don’t see Union simulations as a substitute for real combat. The Racker and Phibians are two of the most powerful military powers of all the Major races of the Union. Anyone under Tier 1 who picks a fight with either of them at full strength is nothing short of clinically insane, or pants-shittingly stupid. More likely both. Yet their strategies are polar opposites. Every Phibian ship has the defensive prowess to be classified as either a Bulwark or an Ironclad. While even Rackter support ships have more guns then some Lesser Race’s frontline warships. Put them together and even the Greater Races would struggle. Save the Seraph of course. Really makes a guy like me realize how far behind his home planet is. Sure we have thirty fleets but most of those are half size and some even less than that. The 27th was only forty-two ships. Our biggest, the 1st Home Fleet, is a hundred and fifteen. And compared to them we severely lack in durability and firepower, along with basically everything else. Sad to say we are actually on the upper end of the Lesser races when it comes to combat prowess. The Geckodians are slightly more advanced but have half as many ships. Really puts it all in perspective.

  “I think I speak for everyone when I say Inanna has more than earned her place at this table. What about you Raze? What did you do to end up on my ship? Especially after all I’ve read up on you.”

  “Bah. Reports written by limp wristed wimps, you mean. I honed my skills on the frontlines of the Mercenary Brigades. Fighting tooth and claw everywhere from the tight corridors of pirate craft to the trenches of hostile worlds. Some of you here know that more than others.”

  Fairy and Sugar both raise a glass.

  “Ah, I miss those days on the Titan Eater. Cracking heads all day and eating meat all night. Between missions we’d drink and wrestle till someone lost a tooth. It was the life of a real man.”

  Sounds like those old folks who call me a pansy for not dying of tetanus. Watch me poke this bear.

  “So why did you leave if it was all so great?”

  Based on that death glare he knows I just screwed him like a two credit escort.

  “Well, I was… see I had this brother and he… he…”

  As much as I love watching him squirm I think Raze needs an out. I slid another bottle towards him and he chugs the whole thing down, trying to avoid the topic entirely.

  “I’m here now, that’s what matters. And let me tell you, those Union Captains are nothing short of cowards. The first ship I was on he wanted to negotiate with terrorists. Can you believe that?”

  The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

  “What’d they do?”

  “Kidnap a bunch of kids from a small orbital colony. Wanted us to hand over a Tier 3 Mass Driver in exchange for their release. And this ass was going to do it! Not on my watch. I smacked that fuck wit in his glass jaw and personally lead a squad to take them down. Got out with zero child casualties and zero terrorists alive. And what do I get for all that? A reprimand and a relocation. Other times were even more retarded. Now I’m here because they wanted the worst possible guy for a worse possible job. Jokes on them, am I right?”

  Room doesn’t know how to feel about that. On one hand, Raze is nobody's friend. On the other hand, most of us would have done the same even if we don’t want to admit it. Maybe we are just as much the problem. Fairy raises her hand.

  “This isn’t kindergarten, you can just talk, green fluff."

  “What was that about a brother?”

  “I… have to piss.”

  Raze will charge head first into battle with a Harvester Knight and a Diegiton but won't talk about his dead brother. I get it. That said, we have all been chugging this Nori Gin for hours. When was the last time I took a leak?

  “Well then.” Fairy plops back into Sugar's lap. “I guess if we are all talking about this we should have a go.”

  “Want me to tell them?”

  “No, no. I can do it. It’s a lot less noble for us. I was trying to get away from someone. My father. He is a traditionalist. He thinks all this fancy new technology stuff is making the peoples of Crossing weak and decadent. How quickly he forgets those long, dark nights hiding from monsters twenty times our size. The freezing winters huddled together for a tiny piece of warmth as we starved. Even the medication that kept me from… that kept me here. None of that mattered. Just his stupid heritage. There are others who agree with him. Few, but vocal. I just didn’t want to hear it anymore. Ran off to the first Union job they offered. I never dreamed I’d be in a position like this, but I’m glad I am.”

  Sugar wraps her arms tightly around Fairy.

  “And I go where she goes.”

  Dahhh. So sweet I think I just got diabetes. No I’m not jealous, what gives you that impression?

  “Whose next in line now? Vivvian, you want to have a go?”

  “To dance is to express the experience of the body. To write is to express the experience of the mind. To sing is to express the experience of the soul. To be great at any of these, one must experience all that you can. One cannot express what they do not know. The stars are full with nothing but the most wonderful, terrifying and truly wild of experiences.”

  “Vivvian, are you trying to tell us that you only joined the military so you’d be a good musical stage performer?"

  She nods like that made the most sense of anything she has said. Meanwhile my brain is itching.

  “Moving on.”

  “Oooies, can I says?”

  “Joan? You got a story?”

  “Yee. Me told do by Queen.”

  “..... Is that it?”

  “Is not nough?”

  “No, that’s fine. Was just expecting, I don’t know, more insight into you personally.”

  “No in side. Me do as told. Is what hatch for. Good of colony. Self mean less. Only must follow.”

  “Then why don’t you ever listen to me?”

  “Tom no Queen. Tom is Tom.”

  “I’ll pretend that makes sense.”

  “It make tense.”

  No it doesn’t Joan. No it doesn’t.

  “Deed, please tell me your story is more exciting.”

  “Disappointment: I am unable to fulfill this request. I too was ordered to take this mission. No more explanation is required.”

  Alcea places her flora hand on his metallic finger.

  “Maybe that is why you started here. But there has to be a reason you stayed. Right?”

  “FOODS!”

  Joan interrupts while sucking down her third dozenth oyster.

  “I no tells colony of good foods. All for Joan.”

  “Observation: How predictably selfish of a Harvester.”

  “If sisters wants good foods they can gets it on theys own!”

  “Reiteration: Selfish. Wasteful. Inefficient. How biologicals became the dominant form of life in the known galaxy is perplexing.”

  We love you too, Deed.

  “You know, you are free to leave any time you want. I’m sure another Diegiton with fresh photoreceptors would have more to learn.”

  “Rebuttal: Illogical. Of all Diegiton I personally have the largest amount of direct experience with any biological beings. Most importantly you, Tom. As your opinion will be a swaying factor in the Union’s decision in the support of the Diegiton’s and Harvester’s long standing conflict, my continued presence is the only logical option. Even if, at this point in time, the mutualistic value of this relationship has become one sided.”

  “You saying we aren’t pulling our weight?”

  “Clarification: While all individuals of the bridge have been, as you say, pulling their weight, there is no question that in terms of total value my contributions and sacrifices have been the most significant. While my Harvester counterpart Joan has contributed comparatively little. Secretary Fairy has contributed the least.”

  “Well fuck you too, Deed.”

  “Rejection: As explained to Alcea, such actions are unnecessary. Inquiry: Have you neared making a decision on the treaty, Captain Tom?”

  No, I really haven’t. To be honest I’ve been trying to avoid the subject like the plague. As arrogant as Deed is being right now, he’s right. He has been invaluable for many of our previous missions. A few scrapes we might not have made it out of without Deed. There is no denying that the Diegiton would be the more logical choice. What Deed still doesn’t understand is that pure logic isn’t the only thing that matters. He and the rest of his race have been harsh and dismissive of us mere biologicals. My opinion of Joan and the Harvesters wasn’t much better at first. Now though, it’s a lot softer. Joan is brutish and selfish and lazy and a massive food hog. As a crew member she’s downright ineffectual. As a person, she’s comfortably flawed. I look at that big stupid grin filled with fangs and I don’t see the monsters I used to. I see the girl who keeps cuddling me while I sleep. Maybe I’m just an idiot, scratch that I definitely am, but that’s more important to me.

  “Let’s not talk business on vacation. I’m far from making any kind of decision.”

  “Confirmation: I shall not inquire about the progress of the treaty for the duration of this vacation.”

  Alcea grabs hold of his full arm, trying to get back his attention.

  “That’s not the only reason you are here, right? Just the mission? You haven’t, uhmmm, found any other reason you might want to stay?”

  “Rejection: My purpose is the mission. Diegiton solely exist for purpose. Without purpose, Diegiton do not exist.”

  Yeah, not gaining any points for that one, lug nut head. Got to make a save before Alcea breaks down.

  “Alcea, how did you end up here? I’d think someone with your skills would be on a much better ship than my dingy.”

  “Oh, well. I asked to be assigned here. That is, when the Moby was going to be a museum ship. It's strange to say, I know, but, well, I never liked nature. My planet is covered with it. Dirty, itchy, disease-filled, wild nature. Technology just makes more sense to me. I studied starship engineering all across the galaxy. And when the opportunity came to work in a retired vessel this prestigious, I took it. I wasn’t told the ship wasn’t actually going to be retired until I had already signed all the paperwork and laid down my stuff. I suppose I could have left after that first mission. But, well, I had… other priorities at the time.”

  Sounds like we might be getting a new Lead Engineer soon. Shame. Alcea did things so well.

  “Well then, Sagaci, I think it’s your turn.”

  “Nooot on youuur lives.”

  “Sagaci, that is an order.”

  Sa’s eyes roll hard as they sigh. With all of us and the Dyna at every corner the pressure is on.

  “We, aaas all Enkephalopods, deeedicattted our liiives to sciennnce. In ourrr case, thhhis leaaad to an inteeerest in biooologicaaal sciences. Ouuur bodiiies are very strrrangeee and unnniquuue compared to the majooorityyy of the gaaalaxy. In waysss that seemmm obvvvious and many that dooo not. Prevvvious generrrationnns of biologggical scccientisssts have perfffected our formmms to their absssolute limiiit. Our gennnome lonnng since broooken and fiiixed on the atooomic scale. Our goaaal is to brinnng that perfffectiooon to othersss. We are suuure Raze woullld unddderstannnd what we are attemmmptinnng to accooomplisssh, if no one elllse. Unfortuuunatelyyy the reaaaction to our resssearch has been raaatheeer dishhhearteniiing.”

  “Most races tried what you did. And most were met with failure. Nobody minds eliminating disease and curing cancer. It’s what comes after that, when pushed too far, that people worry about.”

  “Haaas suuuch an issueee plagued yyyour worllld before?”;

  “Let’s just say the Great Exodus wasn’t only religious rejects and glorified scam artists.”

  I get up. It’s late enough for me and no matter how much I drink this Nori gin is only getting me a slight buzz.

  “I’m going to turn in. See you all… why are you all staring at me like that?”

  Inanna grabs one side of me and Joan the other. Both gently, but firmly, force me back into my seat.

  “Is the Tom turn.”

  “Yes Captain. We would all like to hear your adventures that lead to here. And I do mean all of us.”

  The Dyna giggle in chorus. Got to make an exit fast.

  “I uhhh…. Got to piss.”

  I try to turn away, only to see Razer back and blocking the door.

  ‘I’m not getting out of this, am I?”