Nothing pairs better with cool sea air than the hot smoke from a cigarette. I’ve seen the stars a thousand times from space. Somehow they seem bigger from here. The twin moons, crazy to think something so beautiful, helped me save a whole world in the most violent way possible. Princess and Priestess. Legend says that the Sun Prince demanded the Princess marry him so that he may be the King of all the stars. But the Princess loved the Priestess and convinced the Prince to give them one last dance. That dance has been going on for a million years. So basically the moons cucked the sun. I’d pour one out in solidarity but frankly the guy sounded like a dick.

  Besides, unlike Mister Sun Prince, I actually got laid; four at once. Never thought I’d live out that particular fantasy. Even less so with a bunch of fat assed space frogs with a human fetish. I could get used to that kind of Captainly treatment... Is what I would say if that wasn’t the most disappointing five minutes of my life.

  Almost every race in the known galaxy is “Compatible” but that doesn’t mean it will be good. Don’t get me wrong, things were great at first. Lots of soft places to touch, no obvious roadblocks, enthusiasm a plenty. Then things got started and, well, let’s say that if any of those rumors about humans are true it’s stamina. I don’t think of myself as some kind of bucking stallion that can rock a bedpost morning to night. I can, however, last more than thirty seconds. The Dyna could not. Of all the lectures about Phibian cultural crap, Inanna failed to mention their entire race are apparently quick shots. That tall bug number back in the Protectorate was awkward to figure out but once I got there it was a good night. And Geckodians are fast as well but not that fast and they can go a few times before they have to tap out. Never thought I’d get blue balled by a blue harem.

  I am now out here alone in the cold for three reasons. To vent my frustrations with a smoke or five since they don’t allow smoking indoors. Because those four are passed out on my bed and now there is no room. And because I’m hoping the cold air will act similarly to a cold shower as this resort has no showers, just baths and they are all hot. I do wonder what the exchange rate between a human and Phibian is. Four clearly wasn’t enough. Ten maybe?

  Ah, forget it. Think I’ll go find a snack. Assuming Joan and Inanna left anything on the whole island. Those two can tuck away a whole trawler's load. Should at least be some fried shrimp left. Inanna doesn’t care for fried foods and Joan is convinced eating crustaceans might count as cannibalism. I'm going to have to get good at finding my own entertainment around here. A day here lasts Thirty-four Earth hours. And it looks like I’m not the only one. Of all the people I expected to find stargazing, Deed was last. Guess even he has a softer side.

  “Enjoying the view Deed?”

  “Negative: I have already mapped the positions of stars in the quadrant. The view is of no concern to me.”

  Or not.

  “Then what are you doing out here?”

  “Explanation: I am mapping the locations of nearby artificial floating city structures.”

  Floating cities dot the entire ocean. They act more as mobile manufacturing facilities and launching bays both military and commercial. Most people still live under the water with bubble structures to sleep in. Guests stick to the stations much like most of The Moby’s crew right now.

  “You can see them from here? Though they kept them pretty far from here.”

  “Negative: Due to distance and the curvature of the planet, it is impossible to directly see the cities themselves. However, the light which emanates from their structures allows me to triangulate their current positions.”

  “Interesting. Though I don’t see why you are doing that. They move. This won’t be any good for, say, an invasion.”

  “Correction: The information I am currently gathering is not for an invasion be it actual or hypothetical.”

  “Then what is it for?”

  “Explanation: To give myself some semblance of purpose.”

  “So you are giving yourself pointless busy work while on vacation? Deed, buddy, you really need a hobby.”

  “Acceptance: Will acquire a hobby. Inquiry: How does one acquire a hobby? What are your hobbies?”

  “Drinking.”

  You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

  “Inquiry: Is that all?”

  “Now that you mention it, yeah. Basically.”

  “Observation: That matches the description of the emotion known as sad.”

  I’m being judged by an emotionless genocide bot. This is a new low, even for me.

  “I get you guys are all about efficiency and stuff but what exactly do you guys do when there is nothing else to do?”

  “Acknowledgement: During periods where our individual physical systems are not required, our internal systems are unified with The Greater Consciousness to increase processing power for greater tasks.”

  “So why don’t you do that?”

  “Explanation: No computer system on The Moby is compatible with my processing systems. They are too antiquated.”

  “Then what have you been doing in your free time on the Moby?”

  “Explanation: I have been covering shifts in various departments. In particular Engineering, Science, Maintenance and Weaponry. I have also been engaged in numerous personal activities with Lead Engineer Alcea. However, lately those activities have ceased."

  “Oh no. Missing your girlfriend?”

  “Negative: My interactions with Lead Engineer Alcea have been a large waste of my personal time.”

  “Then why did you spend so much time with her?”

  “Explanation: You ordered me to.”

  “I… what?”

  “Remembrance: During our initial re-introduction after you defeated I, Security Officer Raze and now Communications Officer Joan during the negotiations, you ordered I do everything asked of me by Lead Engineer Alcea under the promise all of these social actions would make sense given a sufficient amount of time. Thus far, it has not yet made sense of any kind to me.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me? She’s been pouring her little botanical heart out to you every day for months and the only reason you have given her the time of day was because I ordered you to once?”

  “Acknowledgment: Correct.”

  I’m gonna kill him. I’m gonna rip off his head a piss on his mechanical brain.

  “Look, Deed, buddy, pal, friendarino, darling, love of my life, Brother from another motherboard.”

  “Rebuttal: We are none of those things.”

  “I KNOW! I know. Just… just shut the fuck up, please. Let me finish.”

  Deep breath Tom. Need to say this.

  “How do you expect me, or anyone else, to ever want to form any kind of alliance with you if you can’t even attempt to meet us half way on forming even a semblance of mutual care? You have trouble with emotions. I get that. I understand that. But you need to understand that we do and that hurting them, intentionally or not, is a very big deal for us biologicals. So if you want things to go your way, you need to at least try. Does that logic enough for you?”

  “Remembrance: It was agreed upon that we will not discuss the terms of the negotiations for the duration of the vacation.”

  “I…Uh...why… just go somewhere else. I need some space.”

  “Acknowledgement: Terms accepted. Space given.”

  And there he goes. With zero comprehension of what we just discussed. I am not looking forward to having to kill him and his entire race. Problems for another day. Right now I have a more pressing issue. Namely the eavesdropper around the corner.

  “You okay, Alcea? How much did you hear?”

  She doesn’t talk. Based on all those tears I’m going to say she heard enough.

  “I’m sorry. I know you wanted this to work out.”

  She grabs my arm. I feel the hot sap from her eyes against my chest.

  “I, I should have.. I did know, that this, this could never work. So why? Why does it hurt so much?”

  “He may not have feelings but you still do. You did nothing wrong. Most would do terrible things for someone like you. He will never understand how badly he screwed uuUUUp.”

  Fuck that smarts. That sap dried quickly. Maybe Philot has a point, too much hair has its downsides.

  “Was Alcaa cry bout?”

  Joan appears from nowhere again, carrying what looks like half the pantry.

  “Hey Joan. Just some interpersonal stuff. Would be hard to explain.”

  “Feels burning?”

  “I suppose that is one way to put it.”

  Joan fishes through the giant pile of food and produces several sausages. I remember we had some of those at dinner. Made of some kind of fish meal.

  “Alcaa like best these, rights? Want eats?”

  “I-I’m not very hungry.”

  “Rights. Then other thing.”

  A big pile of food is dropped into my arms. Joan takes Alcea’s hand and pulls her up. Before Alcea can fully react, Joan has grabbed her hand and waist and started stepping in time to the music of crashing waves.

  “W-what are we doing?”

  “Dance. When happy, dance. When sad, dance. Dance till no burning feels. Only the need of dance.”

  Joan isn’t as graceful a dancer as Vivvian. Her enthusiasm and love for the craft more than make up for that. Alcea strikes me as a wall flower. Pun intended. Still, even she can’t seem to resist Joan’s infectious joy. Doing her best to keep up with steps without direction. Predicting moves made up on the spot. Tears still fall, forming new stars as they shake and leap. The two of them twirling in unison below the dancing Moons.

  And I’m here holding the food. Crap, I'm the Sun, aren't I?