My imaginary girlfriend is incredibly romantic.

  She wants us to look into each other's eyes while saying things we love about each other, to kiss each other good night and hold hands while I sleep, and even to go on dates. OUTSIDE!!! What makes her think I’m capable of doing any of those things? I can’t believe we have been dating for eighteen hours and we already came across a list of reasons why I’m not good enough for her.

  “It’s in the name. We are dating, so it should include dates.”

  I totally agree, but is there no chance of those dates being in my room? I’ll light one of the pillows on fire because I don’t have any candles and we can just watch a movie or something. It will be lovely and there wouldn’t be any risk of having to ignore her because someone is around, or having a nervous breakdown because someone tried to talk to me.

  “D-does it have t-to be outside?”

  “Yes, otherwise it’s just what we always do.”

  I resent that. Arson is not a part of my day to day life. Stupid jokes aside, it's impossible for me to go anywhere. I wish it wasn’t, I really want to do this for her, but I just can’t and if I say otherwise it will only end up being a lie. Right now, I don’t want to lie to her.

  “I… I-i can’t.”

  “Mai, I’m not saying we should go on dates right now. I don’t expect you to suddenly be able to go to the store or to karaoke or anything. I’m just saying it should be one of our relationship goals, something we should work towards being able to do eventually.”

  I don’t believe that we will ever reach that ‘eventually’ she is talking about.

  “I-i can’t make a-a-any promises.”

  “Just promise that you will try.”

  I intend to keep my promises to her, so I’m going to need to hear some details before I commit.

  “H-how would w-we d-do this?”

  “No idea. I was busy thinking of romantic things we can do as a couple, so I didn’t have time to think of a plan yet. We can come up with one together later.”

  This text was taken from Royal Road. Help the author by reading the original version there.

  I guess I can commit to coming up with a doomed plan later, as long as I get some input on how we are actually going to do it.

  “O-okay.”

  “Good, so those are the ways I think our relationship should change now that we are dating. Do you want to add something to that?”

  For the sake of staying alive, I kind of want to exclude naps from the whole good night kisses thing, but I’m afraid she will take it the wrong way so I won’t say it. I don’t think I’ll ever get to sleep again with her good night kiss plan, but I can’t say no to everything she asked of me, so I’ll have to make that sacrifice. This is the only romantic relationship I’ll ever get to experience, so I’d rather it at least lasts a full day before I do something stupid and she dumps me.

  “N-no.”

  “You don’t seem very excited about all this.”

  I’m very excited, I’m just too tired to show it. It’s been a lot harder to fall asleep since we started sharing the bed, and after everything that happened yesterday I couldn’t sleep at all. I’m so exhausted right now, so it’s hard to match her energy, and since sleep is already a thing of the past for me, we should just get used to this new me.

  “I-i didn’t sleep well.”

  “You want to lay your head on my lap like they do on TV?”

  How would that work? I’m too tired to even try to figure out what her plan is here.

  “H-how?”

  “Just keep your head elevated, it will be romantic.”

  It will be a workout, and I’m not in any shape to actually pull this off. If the goal is for me to rest I should just lay on the bed, but I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep anyway. We should just watch some TV because I don’t have the energy to do anything more than just sit there right now.

  “L-lets watch TV.”

  “That’s not romantic at all, Mai. If you don’t want me to give you a lap pillow then you give me one.”

  I’m starting to wonder if giving me a heart attack is one of those relationship goals she talked about. I don’t really get her obsession with being romantic, but I might actually manage to do this one if all I have to do is just sit there and maybe get a heart attack. Since there is no chance I can pull off anything else she asked for today, it’s probably worth giving her this.

  “F-f-fine.”

  “You’re the best Mai, just sit on the bed.”

  I’m not sure about that. My heart is beating so loudly that we basically have background music, and I feel like if I try to move I’ll end up running out of the room. I’m definitely doing this wrong somehow, am I supposed to say something or do something here?

  “Mai… This is kinda boring.”

  “S-s-sorry.”

  Talking while she was lying on me like that was just too much.

  “What are you apologizing for? I was the one who suggested it. Anyway, it’s not exactly a romantic way to spend our first day together, but let’s just watch TV for now.”

  I don’t think I can handle her idea of romance, but maybe we could start with something smaller. like holding hands while we watch TV..

  “H-h-h-hand.”

  “Great idea, Mai. You really are the best.”