89: We Are So Totally The Champions

  For Kim, it was a moment to take a deep, deep breath. Had this really worked? The Pit of Never Ending Sarcasm was shrinking down and down, and there was no sign of Blayre being able to force his way out. At any moment she expected a fireball to tear the pit apart. Instead, there was distant yelling as if someone had fallen off a cliff in a furious mood. After a few moments, the pit returned to being a marble, and silence followed.

  "Is he squished to death?" she asked.

  "No," King Fidds replied. He was looking a lot better because Lita had come along and placed her staff under his head, and the vines had grown down to form a neck and spine and were now reaching out to the floor to steady him. Since she had seen the Metal Queen release his body from the world, she wondered if this was all fresh growth. Kim felt like she was staring at one of those medical illustrations of a skeleton that only had veins and interior bits. "The Pit of Never Ending Sarcasm is a clever spell because it is endless on the inside. It's an old wizard trick. Blayre has been caught up in his own magic and will spend forever hearing sarcastic remarks. He has also been caught by your cleverness, Kim."

  She nearly blushed. The king had such green, green eyes and was a few hundred years older than her, but even without a body this man, well, he radiated Brad Pitt old-guy-but-still-hot-energy.

  "So he won't ever escape this trap." Fiora lifted the marble up to eye it. "He's gone forever."

  "Dubrow has had his ultimate revenge," the king said.

  Fiora was squeezing the marble tight. "But to be certain we could drop this marble in the lava pits of Love Bites Mountain. Or place him in a pewter chest and sink him to the bottom of the Deep Purple ocean." She rolled the marble around.

  "That would make us feel better," the king agreed. "But nothing will destroy such deep sarcasm."

  "Then could I wear him as a ring?" Fiora held the marble over a finger.

  "Don't go near anyone named Gollum." Damon looked around as if expecting a laugh.

  "That's a character in one of your stupid books, didn't it?" Fiora said.

  Damon nodded.

  "I got the reference, bud," Jam said. "I totally got it."

  At least Damon had someone who'd read the same books, Kim thought. And Jam seemed a little nicer and a lot less needy than when they'd first met him.

  "Ah," Fiora said. "I don't want to think of that man ever again." She flicked the marble to Lita, who caught it easily. "He is a wizard, so storing what remains of him is a wizard and witch and druid problem. You can put him in your jars full of eyes and newt legs and such."

  Lita, without even inspecting the marble, placed it in her belt pouch. "So we are the champions," she said. "What I don't understand is what happens now with the lost chord that created Metaloria. Why isn't our land falling apart? The guitar that played it is broken. Blayre is no longer one with the chord. And neither are you." She pointed at Dio.

  They all turned towards the small man, who was holding his broken guitar and biting his lip. "I am still dechorded. And though the wonderful instrument that helped to play that chord is smashed, the chord still rings. Just as it did before I found it. If you listen closely, you will hear it echoing around us with the faintest amount of reverb. The lost chord is one with Metaloria now. Perhaps that was the way it should always have been."

  "So our land won't fall apart," Fiora said. "Good! I have war pigs and vermin to kill. And ale to swill. That was one of my mom's poems, by the way; she was very proud of it."

  "Clearly she was a generational talent," Fidds said without even a whiff of sarcasm. Kim still felt it unseemly to stare at the king. She didn't want to look inside people. It was why she never became a doctor.

  "So, how do we get back to Earth?" Kim asked. "Because of this dechorded thing, are we stuck here forever?"

  "Do you want to go home?" Damon asked.

  "I don't know." She drew in a breath, aware of how much taller and more powerful she was than she'd been back at home. And here, she never needed to comb her hair. It was always, well, she couldn't think of a better word than rocking. "I still have things to do at home. I guess I wouldn't mind at least trying Earth for a while."

  "Is it possible?" King Fidds asked.

  Dio rubbed his chin, perhaps stalling until an answer arrived. "Like all things in life there is risk," he said. "I feel the magic floating in the air. So I do have an idea that we can try."

  90 Rainbow in the Dark

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  The Rainbow in the Dark arch was, as its name described, made of a rainbow. And the room was dark—that is how Dio wanted it. Both he and the mostly formed King Fidds stood next to the arch. She wondered at what point the king would put clothes on. He didn't have skin yet, and still was mostly bones and flesh and other interior pieces that kept growing as she looked at him. But at a certain point he would have skin and be naked, and that would be uncomfortable. Maybe it was a good thing she was about to leave.

  The rest of the group had gathered several feet from the arch, almost as if they didn't want to get too close to the magical device. The curious thing is that no one was talking. They all knew this was the arch that would send the earthlings home. But instead of saying long goodbyes, they stood there while the arch buzzed with a song that she was certain both her uncle and Damon would recognize. It was catchy and had a kind of keyboard sound. And that song was the magic that would send her back. Dio had felt quite confident she would reach her destination intact.

  Finally, Kim drew in a deep breath and broke away from the pack, taking a few steps towards the arch. Realizing she was alone, she turned back.

  "Are you coming, Uncle Gord?" she asked.

  He shook his head. "This is where I was meant to be, Kim." She'd rarely heard him this somber. "I know you'll do just fine without me. Say hello to your mother. And when you visit your father's grave, tell him goodbye." He opened his big arms and hugged her hard and for a long time. Then let go and stood beside Lita.

  Kim wiped a tear.

  "And you?" she said, without quite looking at Damon.

  "Me?" Jam put his hand to his chest in shock. "Yeah, sure, babe, I'll come with you. Do you want me to hold your hand?"

  "I was talking to Damon," she said. "Sorry."

  "So you don't want me to go?" Jam sighed. "Ah, this always happens. Then I'll stay. A dude like me could do okay here in this Metaloria place. I really rocked that stadium, as I'm sure you'll all remember."

  "There are many things we remember about your actions," Fiora said.

  "I'll monitor him," Gord said. He put a hand on Damon's shoulder. "He'll need it."

  "Thanks, Gord Dude," Jam replied.

  Kim offered her hand to Damon, but he shook his head. "I'm not ready to go home yet," he said. "I don't know how to put this exactly. But this world is more of who I am than Earth is."

  Upon hearing these words, she was tempted to back away from the arch. She hadn't ever felt more alive than the time she'd spent on Metaloria. But she thought of her mother. Of the life she had planned. "I need to go. Maybe it's because I am not as much of a rocker as all of you."

  "I think you proved you are," Damon said. "I know we will meet again." There was a moment when she thought she should hug him after all they had been through, but Fiora stepped up and put a hand on Kim's shoulder.

  "I'll look after him," Fiora said. "Bye now." She gave Kim a push, but it wasn't hard enough to send her through the arch.

  "I love you, too, Fiora," Kim said. This made the dragonspawn's eyes widen. Kim let out a little chuckle and then stepped through the Rainbow in the Dark arch and was gone.

  91 Holy Diver

  "Well," Fiora said. "Good riddance to bad rubbish."

  The rainbow arch was dull now, and Damon found he missed seeing that bright collection of colors, even though it glowed in his pupils. Torches flashed on along the walls, shining through all the missing bits of King Fidds. Damon looked away from him, in time to see Dio patting the arch as if he were thanking an old friend.

  "Kim saved us all," Damon said. He was still processing the fact that she was gone. He expected her to pop right back into this world and say she had changed her mind and then call him One Dimple again. But the arch reflected no more colors or magic. And, like a seltzer sinking to the bottom of a glass, the realization was sinking in — he may never see her again. That was a truth as hard as steel.

  "We were all our own saviours," Lita said. "This was very much a fellowship of brave-hearted friends."

  "The druidess is right," Fiora replied. She pointed a thumb claw towards Jam, which made him step back. "Even the man who is named after squished berries did his part." Then Fiora sighed. "But you are correct, Damon: Kim was a rock 'n' roll machine that we leaned on in the toughest times. I will be forever thankful that she rid the world of Blayre, even though I didn't get to stab out his eyes or carve out his heart or tear out his lungs or spleen or liver. I wasn't even able to make a vest from his intestines. But I will no longer see his face before I sleep and that is a blessing. Anyway, she was very metal in the end. And I have a horrible feeling we will see her again. She's like a nightmare unicorn. They always come back to gore you when you're sleeping."

  Damon liked that idea. Not the goring part, but the hope that Kim might return. Maybe she'd even bring new metal songs with her. He imagined Kim with a handful of albums, her eyes full of new metal knowledge. In this image, she was in an Iron Maiden shirt, and her hair was blowing in the wind. Why was he stuck thinking about her hair? But it was nice hair and—

  "If she decides to come back, nothing will stop her," Gord said. Damon wondered if her uncle had somehow read his mind. "My niece is one of the strongest, brightest people I know. I have no worries about her facing life head-on."

  Damon nodded. This Gord guy would be an excellent addition to their party. Clearly, there were so many places to go and things to do here in Metaloria. Having Gord as part meant he'd still have a connection to Kim. Damon glanced over at Jam.

  Metal Health: 29

  Kind: Human, Male

  Type: Class Four Rock Rogue, Nightstalker

  Metal Skill: Class Four Shredder, Riff Master

  Metal Mana: 3512

  Proclivity: Shadow Walker

  Special Ability: Rainbow Vision

  They had all gone up quite a bit in their Metal Health and skills, and Jam's numbers were proof. That battle with Blayre was like defeating the ultimate boss. But he found it particularly interesting that Jam was now a Shadow Walker. He was no longer an evil Norwegian. Damon, of course, reminded himself that Norwegians were some of the kindest people on Earth. But here, people could change their proclivities, and that was an interesting thing.

  What would they do next? He let out his breath, about to ask that question when he was pre-empted.

  "Where do we go now?" Jam asked.

  "Is there a pub on your floating island?" Gord asked Dio. "A pub with people and food and maybe music?"

  "Yes," Dio said. "It's called Holy Diver pub. You'll love it. Anyone who has won the Battle of the Bards has free entrance."

  "It's legendary," Lita replied. "This will be a great honor."

  "I have had the pleasure of tasting the most divine wines there," King Fidds said. "Including the Life Is A Wheel blend. I can't wait until my palate forms completely."

  Judging from what Damon could see of things forming inside the king, his palate was mostly there.

  "Then let's go quench our thirsts," Fiora said. "I, for one, deserve it. I am parched to the absolute maximum."

  And without another word, they followed Dio out of the rainbow arch room. Damon glanced at the last place Kim had stood, just to be sure she hadn't popped back in to say hi. Then he followed his fellowship of friends.