Dee was kissing a real woman. A real, sexy woman. It was a dream come true. Well apart from their imminent destruction by an enraged monster frog. That was a problem.

  Yuri pulled away suddenly, her dark eyes wide with surprise.

  “What did you do?” Yuri asked. Galaxies could collide in those pitch-black eyes of hers.

  “You kissed me!” Dee protested. Is this going to HR?

  She took his chin and pulled his mouth open, peering inside. “Did you have a mana potion in there. I’ve got my mana back! You cheeky little human, you’re full of surprises.”

  She did look renewed. That frazzled, manacles look had gone from her face and pose.

  Yuri stood up with renewed confidence and pulled her staff to her.

  “Now then, time for a little—” She stuck one foot forward and posed with her staff. The crystal was alive with energy. Her robe flapped in the air.

  Fried frog? Revenge? Dee thought.

  “Powerful attack!” Yuri cried.

  She tries to quip, she really tries.

  “By the earth that bleeds fiery blood, by the spirits that haunt the swamps.”

  This was new to Dee. Two crests formed in front of her at the same time. A green wailing shape and chaotic red brand hovered, their edges vibrating like magnets desperate to fly together. The air around him turned hot and humid, he could hardly breathe.

  “Mad Marsh, and Inferno Conundrum. By my will, combine!” She brought her hands together slowly, and the two crests began to merge.

  The two streams of mana entwined. Thick green clouds of swampy gas were wreathed in licking flames. Howling faces appeared, their eyes burning with red dots of light. They screamed like a boiler about to explode; it was painful to his ears.

  Yuri waved her arms as she forced the two crests to combine, her two legs akimbo. It was terrifyingly beautiful, how she could summon primal elemental powers and pose like an underwear model at the same time.

  This is amazing. Dee thought. I’m glad I’m on this side of it.

  “Mad Inferno,” Yuri cried.

  The combo crest flew out, sinking into the quarry floor. Muddy ground around the bullfrog turned traitor against it. Howling spirits rose, assaulting its face. It staggered backwards, trying to shield itself. Heat shimmered in the faces, their eyes shining like judgey laser beams. They wrapped around its arms, through its legs, eyes lancing it with fire from all angles.

  Dee saw its crest appear briefly as it tried to channel its own mana, but it was not enough. Before the crest could form, Yuri’s full-powered combo attack brought it to its knees. It gave one last roar of defiance. Then it fell. The faces whorled in a tornado like frenzy, still howling and battering at it. There was no getting up from this assault.

  Yuri twirled her staff and if there had been victory music in this world, it would have played. Her combo attack faded, rising up into the air and dissipating. The quarry was quiet again.

  Arjelica helped Tianna up and the two of them limped over.

  “Looks like the Mist Witch saves the day again! You can thank me later.” Yuri leant on her staff and pouted smugly.

  “What did you do?” Arjelica said. She was looking at Yuri in confusion, as was Tianna.

  Emizra had her unreadable look on her face, her amber eyes darted between Dee and Yuri.

  “A little Crest Combo of course, o-hohoho!”

  “How? You used all your mana,” Arjelica said.

  “Were you hiding a mana potion?” Tianna glared at her. “We have an agreement of full disclosure of provisions and treasures.”

  “No, I’ll let my little human explain.” Yuri stuck out a leg and leant on her staff.

  “I kissed her.”

  “You kissed her?” Arjelica’s said with cool disbelief.

  “Technically, she kissed me.”

  “You kissed him?” Tianna said. She crossed her eyes and stuck her tongue out. “Blech.”

  “I have magic kisses,” Dee said. That sounds a lot stupider than I thought it would.

  “You have magic kisses?” Tianna stared at his lips carefully, looking for signs of magic. Dee pursed his lips and she lifted her mace up and took a step back. “You stay back, even if its magic I don’t want to kiss your gigantic, soft human lips!”

  “Yes, it seems my little human is not just full of surprises! He is also—” she stroked Dee’s face with a graceful motion. “—quite a good kisser. O-hohoho!” Yuri threw back her head and put her hand over her mouth as she laughed.

  “He is also full of mana, Yuri. That’s how you finish that sentence. You set it up and then you let it go.” Emizra shook her head. Dee could tell she had tried to help Yuri with her quips, on point of principle.

  Emi suddenly leaned in and kissed him. If Yuri’s kiss had been like a soft embrace, Emi’s kiss was like a firm hug in the middle of a wrestling match. Surprisingly forceful, but much nicer than being put in a headlock. She drew back and looked at him, very unimpressed.

  “No mana.” Emi did not look filled with mana. She still had the same frazzled look as Tianna.

  “Maybe he needs to recharge. That’s what happens to men, they have to recharge.” Yuri stroked his head. “O-hohoho, I have my own little mana battery.”

  “If he can do it again. We move now, before any more chase after us.” Arjelica winced and pushed her mud-caked hair away from her face.

  “I don’t have any mana for healing! I’m so sorry. And I’m not kissing that huge, menacing human.” Tianna pointed up at him accusingly. “Even if you do have the power of mana kisses, that doesn’t give you the right to just go around kissing anybody just because they expended all their mana.” She crossed her arms and humphed.

  Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

  “She kissed me!” Dee protested.

  Arjelica urged them to the exit ramp. It was easy to ascend, built for heavy mine-carts, it was shallow and wound around the quarry several times. When they finally reached the top of the quarry all they could see was a wild forest of huge trees and waxy green bushes. The smell was refreshing and soothing.

  Finally, some real fresh air. Dee thought. He breathed the air in, his lungs were only aching slightly now. There was also relief flooding through his body. He had survived his first dungeon, and now he could relax.

  Yuri put her fingers to her lips and whistled a couple of times. There was a faint squawking sound in reply. After a few minutes steeds arrived. Four giant birds, with thick scaly legs and bright red plumage burst through the undergrowth. They were larger than an ostrich, but with short feathered necks and reddish crests, a cross between a rooster and a dinosaur.

  “This is your ride?”

  “Canyon runners.” Yuri grabbed the reins of her steed and stroked its neck. It turned its head to look at her with an eye the size of an orange tennis ball.

  “My monastery raises these from eggs. You should see how fast they can run on open land.” Tianna looked happy and relaxed for the first time as she called over her steed. She made a clucking sound and it crouched down to the ground, allowing her to clamber onto it. She screamed as it stood back up, even though she looked secure in the saddle.

  “Can you ride?” Yuri asked.

  Dee looked at the orangey eye of the giant chicken standing before him. It stared right back through him. If there was a brain lurking behind that piercing eye, it was clearly thinking only about one thing: running really fast. Its head bobbed back and forth, and its sharp talons scratched at the floor. “I don’t think I can ride that thing.”

  “Get in front.” Yuri patted her saddle.

  Dee climbed up and Yuri slid into the saddle behind him. Her long arms either side of him, her breasts against his back. And a giant chicken almost exploding with impatience underneath him. What more could a man want?

  As soon as Yuri gave the signal, the canyon runner burst into a breakneck sprint, straight into the forest. It hurled itself through the foliage, and branches whipped against Dee’s arms and legs. He closed his eyes and clung to the saddle.

  “Where are we going?” Dee managed to say after a while.

  “Goldmeadow.”

  “Okay.”

  “Have you ever been there?”

  “No.”

  “Should be a day or two. Maybe less if we make it out of the forest sooner.”

  He couldn’t manage any further conversation.

  Despite the jolting to his spine, it was a quick trip through the forest; the canyon runners knew how to leap over fallen trees and weave through dense foliage without slowing down.

  But the lurching of their steeds made Dee travel-sick, and when they stopped to rest, he gratefully slunk down from the saddle. He sat against a tree, and breathed deeply to calm his spinning head. The feel of the solid trunk behind him was helpful, it soothed his sense of balance and he felt his stomach settling down.

  He hadn’t really been outside his room for a week or two, and now he was in a forest, riding giant chickens. It’s a good thing my diary was so free, I guess.

  Dee took his book out and tried to find out more about it. It still had the same notes on the frog god in it. That had been very useful. It had saved all their lives. Could it only work when he was in danger? Did it work by itself or did he need to activate it?

  He held the book in his hands and closed his eyes. He imagined knowledge pouring into it from his brain. Magic book, activate! He took a peek, but nothing had changed on the pages. He sighed and let it rest in his lap. Maybe there is some secret info about Canyon Runners it could reveal?

  The canyon runners were resting, splashing in the nearby stream and bending their necks to drink from it. Water dripped from their beaks as their heads bobbed, on the lookout for predators. They were fierce looking, with their red crest all down the back of their necks and their taloned dinosaur-like feet, but really they were just giant chickens. They clucked at each other as they stood in the stream.

  The girls were talking about resting properly. Although Yuri had her mana back, Tianna and Emizra were still exhausted. They were wary of running into more trouble before they could rest and recharge. And to recharge, apparently, they needed a shrine or temple. He listened to the words, half falling asleep. It was soothing, to hear the group talking quietly, planning their next step. They had made it out from the dungeon, and he had been part of their escape.

  But now they needed a proper rest. A proper rest, that would be nice. He yawned and let the tree behind him take more of his weight. Just a short nap… His body jerked, an ancient monkey reflex to avoid falling out of a tree. But in that shadowy edge of sleep, he noticed something new in his book. A new entry had appeared.

  Colkapet Farm

  Dwarven Settlement

  An ice-rose farm, with about 50 dwarven farmers.

  Lvl 0 Shrine to Melentine the Farmer.

  “Hey!” He waved his book in the air. The motion made him feel sick. “I found something new. There is a shrine nearby.”

  They crowded round him. He showed them the book, and read out the new contents.

  “More sneaky spy stuff!” Tianna said. She eyed him suspiciously.

  Dee just shrugged. He couldn’t muster any energy to defend himself. If there was a place to rest then he would be glad to stay off the canyon runner for a bit longer.

  “Where is this place?” Arjelica asked. She tapped her finger on the page.

  “It doesn’t say.”

  “You know how to track don’t you? I’m sure you can find it,” Yuri said to Arjelica.

  “It says it’s an ice-rose farm? They don’t grow in places like this,” Tianna sniffed. She put her nose in the air. “They only grow on mountains and glaciers. This place must be miles away.”

  “I don’t write it. I just read what it says.” Dee shrugged. It was intimidating to have these four women adventurers crowding round him, but also nice to have the attention. Hopefully he could trust this information.

  “It was accurate last time,” Emizra said. She stroked Dee’s hair. It felt good and made him feel even more nauseous at the same time.

  “Let’s go. A shrine will do, at least we can recharge our mana.” Arjelica stared down at him. Still judging him, trying to size him up.

  He reluctantly stood up and Yuri helped him onto the canyon runner. More running. Clods of earth flew into the air as huge talons of the canyon runners slammed down again and again. They loved running fast. Useful for travel but very uncomfortable on the spine.

  A short while later, Arjelica gestured for them to slow down. Yuri pulled on the reins and the canyon runner slowed, though it did cluck angrily at the insult of having to trot. The damn thing quivered with pent up energy as all four steeds cantered along through the forest. They shortly came upon a cleared forest path.

  “I can smell cold air. Too cold.” Arjelica pointed south. “An ice-rose farm?”

  “That’s not possible,” Tianna said. Her canyon runner clucked as if in agreement. “Little Cluckins agrees.”

  “Whatever is not possible, is rather quite interesting. O-hohoho!”

  “We trusted Yuri’s human before, let’s see if we can trust him again.” She threw a look over her shoulder at Dee. He had no doubt that if she found him lacking, he would be in trouble. Arjelica wheeled her steed south and it pelted off along the path.

  “We need to stick together when we have no mana!” Tianna wailed. She urged her canyon runner off after Arjelica.

  Yuri patted Dee’s head and they trotted after the other two, Emizra following on her steed.

  As they followed the path south, the air became colder and colder. What started as a pleasant chill in the air turned into a more biting cold. Their breath began to mist in the air.

  “What’s this?” Yuri whispered to herself. “Another water node?”

  Thick mist coated the forest floor around them. Nothing like the manic and crackling mist of potentia, more like the normal mist of a cold autumn morning. Dee’s toes felt like ice and cold air wafted up his legs. His modesty toga was not keeping him warm. Through the ice he saw frost clinging to the low foliage. He shivered and tried to pull his legs up a little higher.

  And there, in the distance sitting in the mist was a settlement. A farm, just as it had said in his campaign book. Longhouses were dotted around the snowy forest floor, amongst rows of cultivated rose bushes. White-blue roses glinted on the bushes like frozen lens flares.

  But it was getting so cold as they approached, they were both shivering. He felt like Yuri’s body heat was the only thing keeping him alive. That, and the canyon runner which felt like an overclocked engine burning beneath them.

  The canyon runner clucked angrily. Snow crunched underfoot. It didn’t like this cold any more than he did. It lurched to a halt Dee groaned. I’m gonna be sick. The constant stop-starting had really done it to him. He had to get off this thing.

  He dropped out of the saddle. His stomach churned. He stumbled away from the canyon runner. I don’t wanna be sick in front of people. He felt snow crunching beneath his feet. His head spun. It was colder here than he had realised. His feet were numb. He pitched forward into the snowy ground. He could hardly move.

  Something turned him over. He saw a dark leathery face, enormous shiny eyes. It shouted something at him. He couldn’t see, he couldn’t hear. Everything went black.