With a shout of surprise, I started to fall. Even as my brain clawed back out of happy food land, I cast Tether Slide on pure instinct as I fell into the dark hole. With Wolf Sight, I could see it extended more than 20 feet, but I didn’t want to see what I’d run into down there.

  The golden chain of my spell latched onto the roof. I still fell about 10 feet before it caught me and yanked me back up.

  Just in time. Something huge and black exploded out of the earthen wall to my right, led by a mass of long, grasping tentacles. They snatched the air right where I would have been if I hadn’t reacted so fast.

  When I hit the ceiling, I pushed off with my arms, sending myself tumbling to the side. Kicking off the wall of the tunnel, I back-flipped to solid ground just as the earth on the other side of the hole exploded upward and the monster emerged.

  Other than the soft thump of falling earth, it made no sound. No growl, no panting breath. It took a second for me to process what I was seeing, but I didn’t believe it until Identify triggered.

  “Rotclaw Octo-Mole. Level 40. Rare. Take a star-nosed mole, pump it full of toxic waste until it swells to the size of a lion, and staple an octopus onto its face and you might get something like this bizarre denizen of the deep places. Always on the hunt for new delicacies, this connoisseur of all types of prey loves two things above all else: Tasty Cake mushrooms and fresh meat.”

  The thing was even weirder than that squid bear that almost ate me way back on day one. What was it with dungeons and totally whacked-out blended monsters? The black-furred giant mole swung to face me, all 8 long tentacles flexing and extending through the air, as if questing for my scent.

  I’d seen photos of star-nosed moles back on Earth, and they were freakshow creatures for sure, but more cute than disgusting because they were basically the size of small rats. This thing was as big as a lion and despite its ample belly, its haunches bulged with muscle.

  In addition to its weird octopus snout, each of its 4 limbs ended in oversized paws with 6 heavy claws, perfect for tunneling through earth and stone. They also dripped with a green, glowing sludge. So the mention of toxic waste hadn’t just been a joke. My bone ring might grant me immunity to poison, but I still didn’t want to get raked by those claws.

  “Dude, I get it. They’re great mushrooms, but you had to ambush me right then? I was having a moment!”

  The monster didn’t respond to the taunt other than to orient on my voice. Still moving with eerie silence, it leaped across the open pit straight at me, tentacles leading the way and huge, claws forelimbs reaching out to rip me to pieces.

  If only I had my blades, I would have enjoyed pitting myself against the monster. Instead, I decided to try an experiment. So I side-stepped, pulled a pole-ax out of my inventory, and slashed the tentacles that got close enough to latch onto me. Cut through one entirely and scored 2 more.

  The monster soared past and landed on the ground nearby. It spun with far more agility than I expected, but I moved faster. Tossing the pole-ax back into my inventory, I extracted the Poniard of Random Were and plunged it between the monster’s ribs.

  Up close, the monster carried a weird scent of clean earth and vile rot. It shuddered when my dagger punched into its side and I danced back out of the way of one swiping claw and a couple more grasping tentacles.

  I expected the monster to turn into some random were creature, hoping for a funny result like that adorable goowie doodle. Instead, the Rotclaw only shuddered again, then charged.

  That meant it would have been hit with the 50% drop in health. That worked. The huge monster filled half the tunnel, making dodging hard, so I took 2 fast steps and jumped at the wall. Kicking off, I backflipped, my bare feet nearly scraping the ceiling as I tumbled over the back of the charging monster.

  Almost fast enough. One tentacle caught me and wrapped around my leg, suckers clamping on tight and it yanked me off course. My momentum still slammed me onto the monster’s back. Before it could drag me forward and bite me or rip me with those claws, I pulled out a random emoji sticker and slapped it onto the thing’s back.

  “Emoji trap sticker. Floating bubble. Wrap the target into a zero-gravity bubble for 60 seconds.”

  You might be reading a stolen copy. Visit Royal Road for the authentic version.

  “Not the one I was hoping for.”

  The bubble formed around us, a thin silver sphere with rainbow lights rippling down its surface. The monster floated off the ground, but I was still tethered to it by that stupid tentacle. The Rotclaw’s twisting motion to drag me toward its maw caused it to spin, its deadly claws scrabbling uselessly against the air.

  The movement pulled me the other way, right in front of its huge mouth and sharp teeth. In that moment of distraction, it forgot to bite or claw me right away. I extracted my Hot-hand fire spear and plunged it into the Rotclaw’s chest.

  It made a sound that time, a grunting, high-pitched wail and raked those nasty claws at my sides. If I’d cut the tentacle first, the hit with my spear would have pushed me out of range, but I’d needed that leverage to make the hit work.

  So I caught the raking claws. With an effective Strength of about 20 tier-1 points, I could probably bench-press a car, and I managed to wrestle the claws away. The monster was very strong, its limbs conditioned by digging through solid earth. If it stood on the ground and could leverage its full strength, it probably could have overwhelmed me, but in that zero gravity bubble, our struggles just sent us tumbling over and around each other.

  More of its tentacles swept in, wrapping my legs, torso, and arms, trying to immobilize me. It was super gross, and an image flashed into my mind of a video I’d seen of someone trying to eat a live baby octopus in Japan during that Olympics they hosted there a few years ago.

  A local guy had demonstrated by flicking the little live octopus, momentarily wrapping its tentacles around themselves, then popping it into his mouth. No problem. The American reporter tried it, but got the flicking motion wrong, so when he tossed the octopus into his mouth, all those little legs snapped out, grabbing onto his face while he chewed on its body.

  The disgusting image had totally freaked me out at the time. Now I was getting wrapped up by an octopus that planned to eat me instead. Not sure why I made the connection, but I had to fight to stay focused and not lose my grip on the monster’s claws. I didn’t plan to eat its face, and would prefer it didn’t eat mine.

  My spear was still dealing ongoing fire damage inside its chest, and some of its hair started to smolder. It twitched and tried pulling away to scrape at the spear. I let it and used the brief respite to extract a zombie stun gun. I blasted the thing in the face, and it froze, the tentacles going limp.

  I ripped them off, the motions sending us both tumbling around each other again. The stun lasted only for a couple seconds, but it was enough. I crawled up one tentacle to its long snout and from there to its back. There I wrapped my legs around its neck like a fantasy version of a bull rider, and pulled out one of the silver spears I’d taken from the cows.

  I really needed more blades, and probably some knives as backup. Still, I could make the spear work. As tentacles again lashed out toward me, I plunged the spear into the monster’s neck, right through the spine.

  Its body stiffened, while the tentacles thrashed wildly. I held on with my legs, ripped the spear out, and plunged it in again, much deeper the second time. The monster went limp, tentacles floating all around me as Eva read the announcement.

  “Congratulations, Lucas! You have defeated the Rotclaw Octo-Mole. Level 40. Bonus experience gained for defeating a higher-level enemy.”

  I triggered Loot and Soul Feed, then remembered I was still stuck in the bubble for 45 more seconds. I held my breath as the cloud of black, stinking smoke floated all around me and streams of silver energy poured in.

  The brief fight had been fun, but it served as a stark reminded I needed to replenish my stock of weapons. With a couple good blades, I would have made short work of the strange creature.

  With loot, I only got a few mana crystals, along with a roll of mole hide that could be worked into clothing with enhancements either to boost poison resistance or add poison damage to melee attacks. Not bad, but I doubted I’d use it. I also got 239 giant worms, ranging from 3 feet to 6 feet.

  “Gross,” I muttered, thinking back to the truly awful B horror movie Squirm. I think it was made in the 70s, along with a lot of other very forgettable horror movies. Edmund was a total stupid horror movie junkie, though, so I’d watched more than a few of them through the winter months when I’d stayed with him in Arizona while teaching skydiving lessons.

  I had no plans for using those giant worms, but I wouldn’t just dump them loose in the dungeon. I’d think of something eventually.

  As soon as the zero gravity bubble popped, I returned to harvesting the big mushrooms. I’d worked for them, so I didn’t plan to let them go to waste. In moments, I harvested 200. Sam, Paul, and the other bakers and cooks in town would probably pay a lot to get some.

  I ate another cookie with a bit of mushroom on it just to spite the Rotclaw loser who interrupted my previous moment. Again, the rush of absolute foodie nirvana floored me, but I maintained a better awareness, ready to deal out punishment if another monster tried to interrupt my moment.

  Nothing happened. Just one monster. I was okay with that and sighed as I savored the last of the cookie. Paul would give me a hundred dozen donuts for those mushrooms. I couldn’t wait to make dinner for Ruby and sprinkle a bit of these beauties on there.

  As I headed deeper into the cavern, I thought about the rapture I’d sunk into while eating the cookie. I’d gotten lucky, my instinct to trigger my spell even while distracted had probably saved my life. That had been by far the best cookie experience of my life, but the distraction had proved almost deadly.

  I couldn’t forget I was in a dungeon. It had been the tastiest trap I’d ever heard of, but still a trap. We’d have to be careful with those mushrooms and make sure no one ate one away from the safety of town. I advanced again, but had to fight the urge to eat another cookie. Just one more.