The server room was screaming.

  The walls were closing in, grinding sparks against the floor as the room shrank. The Spaghetti Code was filing wildly, its bck wire-tentacles whipping the air in a desperate attempt to stop the intruders.

  And high above the chaos, clinging to the side of the central obsidian tower, was a twenty-foot pixeted Ape.

  "Hold fast, Diplomat!" Gideon roared.

  The Knight was currently clinging to the Ape’s back, his boots glued to the goril’s fur thanks to the residue of the Sticky Pumpkin. He looked like a flea on a very angry dog.

  "He climbs with purpose!" Gideon shouted down to Kai. "He seeks the High Ground!"

  "He’s looking for a banana!" Kai screamed from the bottom of the tower, dodging a falling piece of server rack. "Just keep him moving! The walls are ten feet away!"

  High above, held tightly in the Ape’s massive fist, Viscount Pigglesworth was having the worst day of his life.

  "Unhand me, you brute!" Pigglesworth shrieked. He beat his cane uselessly against the Ape’s thumb. "I am a nobleman! I require personal space! And your grip is wrinkling my cravat!"

  Suddenly, a thick bck cable shot up from the darkness below. It wrapped around the Ape’s ankle, trying to drag it down.

  The Ape roared, losing its grip on the tower. It slipped.

  "Do not let go!" Gideon shouted.

  Pigglesworth, dangling helplessly from the Ape’s other hand, swung wildly in the air like a pendulum. As he swung, his left foot—the one wearing the cursed Sticky Shoe—smacked directly into the attacking cable.

  SCHLUCK.

  The cable stuck instantly to the shoe.

  "Get off!" Pigglesworth kicked violently. "Release my footwear, you rubbery peasant-snake! I do not consent to this attachment!"

  He kicked so hard that the cable, stuck fast to the shoe, was ripped taut. The tension snapped the wire clean off the main body of the boss.

  SNAP.

  The Ape regained its footing. Pigglesworth had accidentally cleared the path.

  "A strike!" Gideon cheered. "The Viscount strikes with the Foot of Justice!"

  "I am merely protecting my Italian leather!" Pigglesworth yelled, scraping the dead wire off his sole.

  The Ape reached a ledge near the top of the tower and paused. It sat down on a jutting piece of bck metal.

  "Why has he stopped?" Kai yelled from below. "The walls are crushing us!"

  "He is... honoring the hostage!" Gideon reported, sounding awestruck.

  The Ape had shifted its grip. It was now holding Pigglesworth high above its head with both hands, presenting the shiny purple Viscount to the fshing ceiling lights, exactly like a jungle king presenting a cub to the sunrise.

  "Put me down!" Pigglesworth kicked his legs in the air. "I am not a trophy! I am not a prize to be dispyed! Stop showing me to the ceiling!"

  "It is a coronation!" Gideon wiped a tear from his visor. "He acknowledges your royal blood! He offers you to the Sky Spirits!"

  "I do not want to meet the Sky Spirits!" Pigglesworth screamed. "I want to meet the ground!"

  "Gideon!" Kai shouted, his voice desperate. "Stop the ceremony! Look up! The thick cable! The big blue one coming out of the ceiling! That’s the power source! Tell the Ape to pull the vine!"

  Gideon looked up. Suspended from the ceiling was a massive, glowing blue cable—the main power trunk for the Spaghetti Code. To the Ape, it looked exactly like a delicious, glowing jungle vine.

  "Diplomat!" Gideon yelled into the Ape’s ear. "The Wizard speaks true! The Root of Evil is above us! Pull it, and the beast shall fall!"

  The Ape looked up. It saw the vine. It grunted, tucking Pigglesworth back under its arm like a football.

  With a massive heave of its legs, the Ape unched itself from the ledge. It soared through the air, Pigglesworth dangling from one hand, Gideon clinging to its back.

  The Ape grabbed the Power Cable with its free hand.

  SKREEEEE.

  The cable held. The Ape swung back and forth, suspended over the abyss of the server room. The Spaghetti Code below shrieked, realizing its lifeline was in danger. It sent a hundred razor-sharp wires shooting upward to stab them.

  "Heave!" Gideon shouted. "For the Glory of the Jungle!"

  The Ape roared. It pnted its feet against the obsidian tower for leverage. Muscles rippled under its pixeted fur. It pulled.

  SNAP.

  The sound was deafening. It sounded like a suspension bridge snapping in half.

  The massive blue cable ripped out of the ceiling socket.

  KA-BOOM.

  An arc of blue electricity, thick as a tree trunk, bsted out of the severed connection. It hit the Ape, lighting up its skeleton like a cartoon x-ray for a split second. The Ape shook its head, barely annoyed by the voltage.

  Below them, the Spaghetti Code instantly died.

  The red eyes went bck. The writhing wires went limp. The entire mass of the boss colpsed into a heap of dead rubber and pstic on the floor.

  The walls stopped closing in. The humming noise of the servers died. The room plunged into silence and darkness, lit only by the sparking power cable dangling from the Ape’s hand.

  "We... we did it," Kai exhaled, leaning against the cold metal wall.

  The Ape slid down the tower, nding on the floor with a heavy THUD. It gently pced Pigglesworth on the ground.

  Pigglesworth immediately began dusting himself off. "I shall require a bath. And a therapist. And a tailor. In that order."

  Gideon slid off the Ape’s back and bowed low. "You fight with honor, Great Beast. Your strength is legendary."

  The Ape looked at Gideon. It tilted its head. It reached into nowhere (its inventory) and pulled out a single, perfectly yellow banana. It held it out to Gideon.

  Gideon accepted the fruit with trembling hands.

  [Item Received: Banana of Friendship] [Rarity: Common (Potassium-Rich)] [Description: A token of respect from a dispced asset.]

  "I shall never eat this," Gideon whispered, holding the banana up to the light. "It is a holy relic. The Golden Crescent."

  He looked at Kai seriously. "Kai, we must return this to the Faceless Saints of the Vilge. The ones who speak the Holy 'Lorem Ipsum'. They will know how to worship this fruit properly."

  Kai rubbed his temples. "Sure, Gideon. When we see the guys again, you can give them the banana."

  Suddenly, the room was bathed in a harsh, fshing red light.

  [SYSTEM ALERT: ASSET MISMATCH DETECTED.] [ERROR: Object 'Jungle_Titan_01' is not native to Zone 'Server_Room'.] [VIOLATION: Biome Rules.]

  "What is happening?" Gideon drew his sword, standing in front of the Ape. "The red light of judgment!"

  "It’s the System," Kai said, shielding his eyes. "The Ape doesn't belong here. The zone is rejecting him."

  [INITIATING ASSET RELOCATION.]

  A beam of solid blue light descended from the ceiling, encasing the Ape in a transparent cylinder. The Ape looked around, confused. It poked the blue gss.

  "No!" Gideon shouted. "He is a hero! You cannot take him!"

  The Ape looked at Gideon one st time. It let out a soft grunt. Then, slowly, it raised one hand and beat its chest once. Thump.

  "Farewell, Diplomat," Gideon whispered, saluting.

  WOOSH.

  With a sound like a vacuum cleaner, the Ape was sucked upward into the digital void, vanishing instantly.

  The room was empty. Just three tired adventurers and a dead pile of wires.

  "He is gone," Gideon said sadly, clutching the banana to his chest.

  "He stole my pocket square," Pigglesworth noted, checking his coat. "The beast was a pickpocket."

  Suddenly, a small, cheerful Ping! echoed through the darkness. A paperclip with googly eyes appeared in the air.

  "Hi there! It looks like you crashed the server! Would you like some help with that?"

  "Clippy," Kai groaned. "Is it over?"

  "Technically, yes! You successfully terminated the process."

  [Victory!] [Reward: +2,000 Gold.]

  Kai sighed in relief. Finally, a win.

  [Penalty Assessment:] [Unlicensed Zoology Fee: -1,000 Gold.] [Infrastructure Damage: -1,500 Gold.] [Unauthorized Mount Usage (Goril): -200 Gold.]

  [Total Earnings: -700 Gold.]

  "I lost money," Kai stared at the screen. "I killed the boss, saved the system, and I still lost money."

  "A standard transaction," Pigglesworth nodded knowingly. "Hidden fees, my boy. The true enemy of the working man."

  "Warning!" Clippy bounced happily. "System stability is at 0%. Hard Reboot is initiating in 3... 2..."

  "Wait, what happens when it reboots?" Gideon asked, looking at the dissolving walls. The floor began to turn into blue pixels.

  "We go to the next zone," Kai said, closing his eyes as the blue light consumed them. "Hopefully somewhere with better physics."

  [SYSTEM REBOOTING...] [Destination: The Swamp of Sadness.]

  The world went white.

  [System Notification: Autosave Complete.]