Chapter 142 - Chicken Dinner

  I was darting upward at the same time as the chicken’s massive, wide-open mouth was descending toward me. It wasn’t a great combination, because dodging just wasn’t going to happen. I knew instantly there was no way I could slow down enough to avoid that beak. As big as the chicken was, it had to be insanely strong. If it closed that beak around me, I’d be lucky if it didn’t cut me in half on the spot. Best case, I’d be seriously wounded.

  That meant I couldn’t dodge, and if I slowed down I’d be bitten in half. There was only one way to go, and that was forward! All of these thoughts raced through my mind with lightning speed in the fraction of a second I had before I became chicken feed, courtesy my enhanced Intellect. Thinking faster was a serious advantage in moments like this.

  Pouring on the speed was the only way I was making it through this in one piece. I sped up, flying upward straight into the thing’s mouth like a bolt of lightning!

  The inside of a chicken’s mouth is gross, folks. As I darted up, what looked like tendrils dangled from the roof of its mouth, stretching toward me. The back of its throat was just a dark hole in space that seemed to keep going forever. But I was past the beak, anyway. That was something.

  Before I could do anything smarter than fly into the kaiju chicken’s mouth, its beak snapped shut, closing me off in darkness. Thankfully, my NightVision took over there, and I could still see. Those dangling bits were now barely above my hair, and I darted lower to avoid them, landing on a tongue that was sticky with slime and raspy at the same time. It felt like I was standing on the hooky part of a strip of massive velcro.

  The tongue twitched, and I fell sideways, landing squarely on the disgusting mess. It wiggled more, and I realized those hooks were pulling me deeper into the chicken’s gullet. Another moment, and it would have me down its throat.

  “Not happening!” I said, swinging my sword. The blade sliced deep into the soft tissue of the animal’s tongue.

  It wasn’t happy about that. No sooner had I started cutting into it than it gave another epic-level squawking sound, the noise loud enough to blast my ear drums, almost stunning me. On the plus side though, it opened its mouth again to talk. I used my Flight power to burst free from its beak, darting up toward its face instead. The mouth tracked me as I moved, trying to nab me out of the air again, but I was too quick and too close.

  My sword darted out, stabbing the chicken in the eye. That sent it over the edge. The monster went wild, whirling around in a frenzy as it tried to attack me, to grab me and kill me by any means possible. Fortunately I saw it coming, and just went up—well above the thing’s head. I didn’t want to find out the hard way that it could flutter up after me.

  It didn’t, though, just made a bunch of god-awful noises as it clucked and ran around in circles. I dropped another Drain Life on it to heal my ears. My mana was starting to run low, so as soon as the Drain timer ran down I cast Health to Mana on myself again, then Drain Life on the chicken. It partially replenished my reserves, but it looked like I was going to need to use more Drains than I easily had mana to cast, especially if I had to keep flying.

  Arrows flickered through the air toward the creature, but most of them simply bounced off. It was just too big. Those feathers were each as long as I was tall, and their size turned them into formidable armor.

  At least it was on the road, now. If I kept it away from the farm, then my people were safe, and that’s what mattered most. Killing it might take all day, but that was fine, provided the Domain was safe.

  I ordered a group of twenty of my tier one zombies out onto the highway and started them moving south at their best possible pace. The chicken saw the movement and, as I had hoped, gave chase. Now that I was up above it, the creature seemed to have mostly forgotten about me, which was fine. Gave me all the time I needed to play a little game.

  One zombie stopped running south, instead running around in circles. I told it to try to not get eaten, and to its credit, the zombie did its best. It lasted almost thirty seconds before the chicken gulped it down. By that time, the other zombies were a good distance down the road. It hurried after them, looking for more free food, and I had another one pause and distract it, buying the rest a little more time to escape.

  We repeated that cycle six times before the chicken was finally in range for Sue to nail it with a Fireball.

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  I ordered my dino to take the shot as soon as the creature was near enough. The spell blasted through the air and slammed into the middle of the chicken’s chest, sending flames in all directions.

  “SQUAWK!”

  Some of the feathers caught fire, burning brightly. Chicken clearly never went to elementary school, because it didn’t ‘stop, drop, and roll.’ Instead it just ran around in circles for a few moments until the flames died out on their own, leaving a massive scorched area on its chest.

  I cycled Health to Mana and Drain Life again, staggering the beast. We had it on the ropes now. I could almost feel the thing’s life force slowly fading. It reached skyward with its beak, even flapping its wings in a desperate attempt to take off and chase me, but gravity was one of those bits of physics that had not gone away with the Event. As big as the chicken was, its wings were not strong enough to lift it clear of the ground.

  Sue hit it with another Fireball as the chicken was reaching toward me. The blast took it in the side and knocked it right over. It rose, staggering as it got back to its feet, just in time for the team of Abominations that had gone south with us to run in and attack!

  The Abominations were huge, hulking creatures, zombies made up of an amalgamation of five different human bodies, all merged by magic into one colossal creature. They were tier five, tough as nails, and I’d taken the time to arm each of them with a long, sharpened steel bar. As spears go, they weren’t perfect, but with the strength the Abominations had, they didn’t have to be.

  At almost ten feet tall, they were half the height of the chicken, and better able to stab areas more vulnerable than the legs and feet. The kaiju bit down on one Abomination, snapping its head clean off with that powerful beak. But the others all stabbed it with their spears, each one sinking a few feet into its flesh.

  The chicken released the headless undead and let its body drop to the ground, crying out as the spears transfixed it. Blood flowed freely from the wounds, painting its white feathers red.

  And…I felt bad.

  This was clearly just a regular chicken that had somehow grown to epic size. It wasn’t a horrific monster out to kill everyone and everything, like Lyonius or the goblins. It was just doing what chickens do—wander around and eat anything that looks tasty. It wasn’t smart enough to be evil. It was just hungry.

  Maybe a death by a thousand cuts was the best we could give it, but anything which hastened its end felt like the right thing to do.

  The Abominations held it in place with those spears. It wasn’t able to turn far enough to attack any of them; they had it transfixed.

  Sue slammed home another Fireball. This one hit it on the beak, igniting some of the head feathers briefly. The dino marched forward, almost as tall as the chicken and with teeth that looked like something from a nightmare.

  The chicken wanted nothing to do with Sue. Somewhere back in its hindbrain, it knew things that looked like Sue were bad news, even if the chicken was bigger than a Tyrannosaurus rex. It struggled against the spears, trying to rip free of them. All that did was rip apart more of its flesh.

  I dropped another Drain Life and dove toward its head as soon as the flames faded out. This time, I plummeted fast, using my speed to add more power to the strike. Sue’s Fireball had burned away a lot of the feathers shielding the head, and that left a big patch open right near the back of the skull.

  That’s where I struck.

  My sword slammed home with all the Strength my body and crystals could muster. Coupled with the speed of my dive, it was just enough to crack through the thick bones, slicing into the brains within. The chicken gave a few more loud cries, flapping its wings erratically as it tried to spin around in circles, but couldn’t due to the spears.

  I shoved the blade in harder, pushing it all the way to the hilt.

  The chicken stopped moving. For a long moment, I wasn’t sure what was happening. I tried to drag the sword back out, but it was solidly wedged into the bone. It wasn’t going anywhere without a lot more work and some leverage, so I flew backward, getting clear of the beast.

  Which continued standing there, motionless, for a few more heartbeats. Sue’s Fireball was ready to go, but I ordered the dino to hold off. I was pretty sure…

  The chicken collapsed.

  It couldn’t flop over on its side. The Abominations’ spears held it upright. But its legs stopped supporting it, and as soon as my undead let go of their weapons, the monstrous creature sank to the ground, finally dead.

  I flew the rest of the way to the ground, utterly exhausted. That was a ton of mana I’d just run through. On the way down, I tapped the chicken on the snoot, receiving a tier eight stamina crystal for my troubles. Of course it was tier eight stamina. No wonder the thing had taken so much damage to kill. On the ground at last, I stumbled, then sat my butt down before I fell over. I was that worn out.

  I chuckled as I looked at the stone in my hand. I could use some more Stamina. The stone absorbed immediately into my skin, adding itself to my fourth point, the one with all my clear crystals, and most of my exhaustion faded right away.

  Hoofbeats sounded. That was Farnsworth and the other guards, riding up to me. I got myself back to my feet and turned toward Clay as he rode up. His expression was a mixture of worry and amusement.

  “Looks like Sesame Street is gonna be missing one of their cast from now on,” he said.

  I glared at him. “Not okay! I did not kill a beloved childhood icon, damn it”

  He laughed. “Good kill, though. That fight looked tough.”

  “It was,” I replied. “Thing was tier eight. Now I have a major problem, though.”

  “What’s that?” Farnsworth asked, suddenly concerned.

  “Should I animate it as a new soldier to defend the Domain?” I asked. “Or are we eating nothing but chicken dinners for the next week or so?”