Jessica the Racist Human Cleric walked into the village.

  Otherwise unprompted, its entire population stared at her.

  A man waved a handkerchief from off to the side. “Oh mmmyyy, if it isn’t a cleric.”

  His wife rolled on the ground next to him, jerking uncontrollably like a teacher who’d just spotted fairy god parents. “I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING AS IMPRESSIVE AS YOUR MERE EXISTENCE!!!”

  A Fighter walked down the street with slumped shoulders, raising his head from a depressive downwards stare after nearly bumping into Jessica.

  As their eyes met, he jumped out of her way.

  Ensuring he was no longer an inconvenience to the greatest gamer he’d ever seen, he just stared at the legend before him, eyes boggling at her glorious class. “OH, EHM, GEE, ZUSS, THAT’S SO FRUITING IMPORTANT!!!”

  Careful not to cross paths with the cleric in the first place, his Rogue companion stood to the side, his feet trembling even as he couldn’t resist voicing his true feelings. “BE MY SON IN REAL LIFE!!!”

  Blushing at the unexpected praise, the Human addressed the Rogue. “I’m a girl though…”

  The crowd immediately dispersed, muttering in equally discernible, loud, and judgmental vitriol.

  The first man recoiled in disgust, throwing his handkerchief to the ground and stomping it. “Blegh! How repellent.”

  The rogue sidled up to his Fighter friend and projected a whisper, ineffectually blocking his mouth from view with one hand. “That’s so racist.”

  So it was only okay to be a racist if you were a guy? That couldn’t be a thing. Right? That was right, right?

  Whatever, the Racist didn’t care about this game’s stupid labels anyway. Even if everyone else did…

  Wandering down the newly vacant street, Jessica almost tripped over a loose stone.

  On further investigation, she realized the stone was perfectly round. That was… Rare. Or was it? But, roundness aside, what could you do with a loose stone?

  Shrugging, she opted to treat the rock like an undersized soccer ball and kick it over a nearby escarpment.

  It got more air than anyone expected, least of all her.

  After a whistling arc, it hit the head of a dragon that happened to be flying above a nearby savannah.

  On impact, the dragon went completely rigid, careening diagonally downward just like the Cleric had once seen in a plane crash video.

  After a harrowing yet futile attempt to right itself, the flaming dragon stalled into a terminal spin before landing on a group of inexplicably high-level Oil Golems.

  Everyone in the village was blown over by the gale-force wall of wind from the resulting mushroom cloud.

  Getting blown over by the blast notwithstanding, Jessica’s day was once more interrupted by nine overlaid copies of the same disembodied voice, screaming over each other like a chorus of angry gods.

  “BINGBONG!!! YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 2!!! THROUGH GREAT STRIFE AND LONG STRUGGLE, YOU HAVE GROWN STRONGER!!! AS A CLERIC, YOU GAIN 10 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE TO ATTRIBUTES INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 1!!! YOU ALSO GET 25% ADVANCEMENT TO THE CULTIVATION STAGE OF YOUR CHOICE!!! FUCK BITCHES!!! GET MONEY!!! CHEW BUBBLEGUM!!!”

  “BINGBONG!!! YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 3!!! THROUGH GREAT STRIFE AND LONG STRUGGLE, YOU HAVE GROWN STRONGER!!! AS A CLERIC, YOU GAIN 10 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE TO ATTRIBUTES INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 1!!! YOU ALSO GET 25% ADVANCEMENT TO THE CULTIVATION STAGE OF YOUR CHOICE!!! FUCK BITCHES!!! GET MONEY!!! CHEW BUBBLEGUM!!!”

  And so on until…

  “BINGBONG!!! YOU HAVE REACHED LEVEL 10!!! THROUGH GREAT STRIFE AND LONG STRUGGLE, YOU HAVE GROWN STRONGER!!! AS A CLERIC, YOU GAIN 10 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE TO ATTRIBUTES INSTEAD OF THE USUAL 1!!! YOU ALSO GET 25% ADVANCEMENT TO THE CULTIVATION STAGE OF YOUR CHOICE!!! FUCK BITCHES!!! GET MONEY!!! CHEW BUBBLEGUM!!!”

  That was when, blessedly, eight of the nine disembodied voices shut the fuck up.

  But the last bellowed something else. “UNIQUE CLASS UNLOCKED… STONE KICKER!!!”

  The Cleric tried to stammer out a response. “What in the flying fuc-”

  But she was interrupted by the ninth voice again. “CLERIC CLASS REMOVED!!! YOU ARE NOW A STONE KICKER!!!”

  Just above her life bar, she watched her name change from ‘Jessica the Level 1 Racist Human Cleric’ to ‘Jessica the Level 10 Racist Human Stonekicker’.

  That was apparently the cue for everyone in the village to dust themselves off from the practically nuclear explosion, ignoring it entirely in a rush to crowd around her again.

  There was Handkerchief-Man, waving his handkerchief again. “OH MY GOD A STONE KICKER!!!”

  And his wife. “I’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF ANYTHING SO IMPRESSIVE!!!”

  The fighter was back too, having rushed in front of her again, only to once more scramble out of the way. “WE NO LONGER CARE ABOUT RACISM!!!”

  Next to him, as always, was the Rogue. “BE MY DAUGHTER IN REAL LIFE!!!”

  At a loss for what else to do, the Stone Kicker waved back.

  She was so preoccupied with her social discomfort that she didn’t notice the pipe in the middle of the road. Not until she tripped over it.

  Jessica had just enough time to shut her eyes, hold her breath, and brace for impact.

  But just as my face is about to fully whip into the ground, I catch that I’m standing rigidly upright.

  [ SIDE QUEST FAILED: ESCAPE ONESHOT ]

  Already wobbling in place, I flinch at the popup. My equilibrium hasn’t quite come to terms with the world’s orientation pivoting nearly 90o from an upwards stance, only to end in another upwards stance.

  I belatedly open my eyes to find that I’ve entered Ultra Instinct. That’s not how I feel. Just how it looks as beams of prismatic light endlessly ascend past me on all sides.

  But before I can hyper-focus on that for the several hours it deserves, an old man’s voice breaks through the light show from just ahead. “Why hello there… Jessie, is it?”

  Deja Vu… At least it’s someone new this time. His voice sounds so scratchy. And tired. And… Kindly? I feel like I know exactly how he looks, even without seeing him. Unless… Is this light alive? Am I inside of him right now?

  Thankfully, the voice interrupts my train of thought before it can go too far down that dumb track. “Are you feeling alright? The Respawn System can be quite disorienting at first.”

  “Hello?! Who are you?! I can’t see anything through all this light!”

  The voice chuckles warmly. “I see… Would you like me to guide you, then?”

  I shake my head long enough to realize how dumb it is not only to refuse help just now, but to do so visually. “Okay, that sounds good.”

  A wrinkled hand slowly pierces through the wall of light to stop right in front of me.

  At a loss, I just stare at it.

  At least until the hand makes a beckoning motion. “If you please..?”

  Already having stared long enough at it to make the whole situation irredeemably awkward for us both, I abandon all pretense and grasp the hand already.

  The hand grasps back. “Ready?”

  I feel like this could be a trap. But I’ve thought that about everything lately, so… “Sure-GAH!!!”

  The hand yanks me through the wall of light, immediately letting go.

  Completely off-balance, I stumble forward and try to recover my footing before I trip over the inevitable… Perfectly level cobblestone. Oh. I’m on a street. Just like the ones in Richmond.

  Well maybe not ‘just’ like that. I do seem to be standing in a mini-island in the middle of a roundabout. And I don’t think Richmond had anything quite as fancy as roundabouts. Or cobblestone. Or the legion of lanterns lending a well-lit, slightly romantic feeling to the crisp night air.

  The full moon hanging right above doesn’t hurt the effect, either.

  What I have now confirmed to be an old man and not a sentient pillar of light, looks concerned at my wobbling.

  He hesitantly gestures to a nearby bench. “Rather unsteady there, are we? Would you perhaps like to sit down?”

  Oh my god that sounds amazing.

  Covering for my excitement at the first actual seat I’ve seen in days, I merely nod and try to resist the urge to sprint over there before someone else takes it. But it turns out, I don’t need to.

  Not long into my increasingly unhurried jog over to the bench, I notice how most people are avoiding it like the plague.

  One diagonal walk across the street later, all tension flees my legs as I plop down with a groan. I don’t give a fuck if it’s cursed. This is worth it. Even moreso than I thought with just how comfortable it is. Wait. It’s a bench. I’ve sat on benches. For real. How is it so comfortable? I guess the padding? Why aren’t all benches padded like this?

  In a glance back from where I walked, I take in the pillar of prismatic light shooting up from the center of the roundabout. Awe… I thought it was doing another reference. But that’s still not what this is. And why did I assume I was trapped inside of it? Fuck…

  Leisurely following in my wake, the old man takes the bench’s other seat and settles into a comfortable position before paying me any mind. “Now then… From the Colonies, are we?”

  My eyes zip from the spawn point, back to him in an attempt to pretend I wasn’t just distracted by the pretty, pretty lights. “Oh… Um, yeah. I’m from the United States if that’s what you mean. What’s left of it, anyway…”

  He throws his hands up. “Wonderful! I have so much less to explain with that cultural context. At least assuming… Are you familiar with the concept of an MMORPG?”

  I mean… “Yes?”

  “You’re sure?”

  Unsure of just about anything at the moment, I lyingly nod.

  “Have you played such a thing?”

  I nod again, less lyingly and more hesitantly this time.

  He raises a finger in triumph. “So then you understand the concept of respawning?”

  “Conceptually? Yeah, I guess. That’s what that crazy light back there does, right?”

  “Now we’re getting somewhere. Yes, indeed. The so-called ‘crazy light back there’ is the reason you’re alive once more. The same reason I’m now speaking to a teenage girl instead of the hundreds of teenage girl chunks last seen raining down on innocent bystanders just over eight hours ago. That was quite the entrance, by the way.”

  The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.

  “Th-thank-”

  “It’s actually why I ambushed you as I did. Now, not to be rude, but would you mind recounting the events leading up to your most recent death?”

  “My…” I gulp. “Death-”

  I shake my head. “Wait, no. What was that about hundreds of pieces-”

  I shake harder, ignoring the fact that my view of him is now fully obstructed by a thatch of crimson hair. “Waaait… Who are you? And how do you know me?”

  “Me? Why, I am the Mayor here in the Town of All Beginnings. Name’s Sennefer”

  I can’t help snickering. “Really now…”

  Sennefer’s smile stiffens. “Is something funny about that?”

  “I mean… Yeah? Or does literally everyone start right here?”

  His face relaxes. “Oh no. There’s a Village of All Beginnings, Fresh Startsville, Adventure’s Call…”

  He shrugs. “And many more besides. The starting area, also known as Outset, is rather large. If you can think of a similar name for a place like this, you can probably find it somewhere in the region. But nobody actually starts ‘in’ a town. Even you yourself entered here by jumping a fence. Speaking of…”

  Oh right, I forgot about the part where I probably wasn’t supposed to do that… “I guess you do deserve to know why I randomly died on your property… I’m not entirely clear on the whole thing myself. But here’s what I remember.”

  Then I read him in on the last few chapters of my life. Or should it be ‘first few’? Was I technically ‘born’ on that hill back there?

  I try not to let my philosophical wanderings get in the way of how fast I can lay out the facts as I best recall.

  Sennefer doesn’t interrupt, waiting for me to finish before asking any questions.

  But he does have some. “Fascinating. So this ‘Spawn Camper’ you mentioned… You say he truly killed someone who’d just arrived? Whatever did this new arrival do to provoke such a thing?”

  “Like I said. He just fell over. Does that count as doing something?”

  Sennefer looks concerned. “Not particularly, no. You see, when one spawns in for the first time, they come equipped with an accessory that prevents damage of any sort until they deal damage themselves. If all he did was fall over, what you’re saying should’ve been impossible. For you as well, come to think of it. But here you are before me, having clearly taken damage yourself. Assuming you didn’t leave anything out, is it correct to say that you haven’t dealt any either?”

  “I don’t exactly get how combat works here. But I don’t think so, no.”

  “And yet… You were killed by the backlash from a Private Area Barrier.” He eyes me sternly. “And it’s a lucky thing you were, too. Otherwise, the next place you found yourself would’ve been a far cry from my little town’s even littler spawnpoint. And I daresay your interrogator wouldn’t be nearly so nice as me.”

  Wait, what? That raises so many questions. I don’t know where to start.

  Oh shit, he’s starting to look concerned.

  Gotta think of something… What’s a good question? Can I just ask that? No, that’s stupid. What’s not stupid? Hold on… No, I can’t ask that either. Um…

  I’ve got it! “Wait, what?!” Genius.

  Sennefer seems unconcerned by my near-heart-attack just now. “Young lady… What is your view on rape?”

  I feel like I get actual whiplash from that change in topic. “…Say what now?”

  But he doesn’t let on that he was joking at all. “You heard me right. How do you look upon rapists?”

  “They’re… Um, I mean… Bad?”

  “That’s all? Just ‘Um, I mean… Bad’?”

  Hold on, is this old dude seriously lecturing me about this? “Oh, what? They’re the scum of the earth. The fuck do you want from me here?”

  Sennefer’s kindly smile returns. “The Admins happen to agree with that assessment.”

  He eyes my hand starting to raise. “Not to worry, you won’t have heard of them yet. Their purpose and function is rather complicated… But for ours today, I suppose the general idea will do. You’ve heard of MMOs. So, are you also familiar with the role of a moderator?”

  “They’re a kind of in-game customer support working on behalf of the developers.”

  “Is that all they do?”

  I shrug. “They do a lot of stuff. But you said ‘interrogator’… So do you mean their role as a kind of police force? Wait, hold on. Can you get banned from this place?”

  He claps his hands, clearly happy to be getting wherever he’s going with this. “Exactly! You’ll find no fairer judges, juries, or executioners anywhere. But make no mistake… That is truly what they are. Each has the authority to remove a soul from Heaven. But they tend to reserve that punishment for repeat offenders. And egregious ones, at that. The invite you accepted to come here was sent by an authority greater even than them. So they need a damn good reason, along with a lot of behind-the-scenes bureaucracy to rescind it. But they can, and do. Not often. But there are cases where…”

  Sennefer sighs wearily. “Anyway, here’s my point. Even in a world where murder is tolerated, rape is not. Not by them. Not ever. As far as they’re concerned, there are few offenses that match it in severity. And none that exceed it. Now, this is usually good news to teenage girls joining us for the first time. But honestly, if leaping uninvited into the middle of an ongoing orgy doesn’t count as rape, I don’t know what does.”

  He seems to notice the color leaving my face. “Oh, don’t worry too much, Jessie. You said you didn’t know what you were jumping into, no matter how literally. So, I don’t imagine it counted. Especially since you weren’t immediately whisked away for them to tell you all this instead of me. But make no mistake. As fair as they truly are… The admins are harsh. If I were you, I wouldn’t straddle the line so closely going forward. They don’t take too kindly to even the smallest of steps across.”

  He turns in his seat. “That said, I do have one more question for you, and then I think we can close the book on this little incident… Just before your body exploded blood and viscera all over that orgy, they were hit by something else. Something a witness described as ‘Rotting leftovers’. I can’t pretend to know what that means, but do you have any idea what that could refer to?”

  I can’t help it. I laugh.

  Oh my god, I vomited that same quesadilla all over them, didn’t I? “Holy shit I wish I could see the look on their faces-”

  I thankfully don’t get all the way through the sentence before I spot the cloud over the mayor’s expression darkening with every word.

  I stutter through an attempt to recover my apparently precocious status of not being hated by the highest authority in this place. “It was an accident, don’t get me wrong. The image is funny though. I won’t lie and say it’s not. But, funny as it was, it was also entirely involuntary on my part.”

  The glour he’s still giving me less than ideal.

  I guess I can try and sound at least a little sincere about it. “But, funny or not, it wasn’t a performance I plan on repeating… Ever.”

  Sennefer’s expression softens a tinge.

  But I seem to have lost control of my filter now that the memory is fully, irrevocably, unrepressed. “It’s just… They were doing some weird-ass shit in that wriggling flesh pile. Some of it involved literal shit. That was just-”

  The old man seems to have swallowed his entire throat. “Oh, that’s… Understandable, I suppose.”

  He’s more flustered than anything now. “Very well. Thank you, I believe that’s all the information I require. Have a wonderful day, Hero Jessie. And welcome to the Town of All Beginnings. But please do make it a point not to repeat your little performance back there. Deal?”

  Wait, that’s it?

  In utter bemusement at getting off so easy, I reach out to shake his hand. “Deal!”

  Sennefer just looks at it. “I’m not sure what you’re… Oh right, the Greek ‘enlightenment’ culture with the hand grasping and all that.”

  He has a ginger, but firm grip. I have no idea what that’s supposed to tell me, but James never shuts up about how important handshakes are.

  Remembering something too important to contemplate anything else right now, I look up to where Sennefer seems to have teleported halfway across the crowded street. “Wait!”

  He flinches before turning halfway around. “Yes?”

  “You’re the mayor here?”

  “I… That is, I am.”

  “So do you mind if I ask you a few questions about where to go for things?”

  Sennefer turns on his heel and sighs back to the bench with a slightly impatient, nonetheless indulgent smile. “Oh, very well. Shoot.”

  Well that was easier than I thought it’d be… “Sorry. But can you point me to where I can buy a katana?”

  Sennefer’s look hardens again, only less like a cop and more like a grandparent. “Now why in the world would you want something like that?”

  “To… Kill things?”

  His smile fades back to something distinctly cop-esque. “I see… And what ‘things’, pray tell, would you like to kill?”

  “I… I just meant… No, wait. You said you knew what an MMO was. You should know exactly what I mean.”

  The grandfather cracks a smile from behind his cop mask. “Well, you’re certainly hard to tease. I do think I understand, but why don’t you tell me just so I know I’m not helping you plot the murder of me or my citizens?”

  “I mean… I just figured I’d kill some monsters… Find loot… Earn enough XP to level up… Get more Skills… And…”

  Shit, I already ran out of ideas. I was trying to tease him back by provoking that impatience I thought I just saw.

  But what am I actually gonna do after that? “And Yeah… Um… Then, I’ll probably… Move to another area? With higher-level monsters? Rinse and repeat till I’m max level, I guess.”

  Sennefer snorts. “Sorry… But you may have trouble with that plan in the long run. Though, I suppose in the short term, you’ll be looking for a dungeon, yes?”

  I perk up at that. If there are actual, nonsexual dungeons in this place… “Definitely. Eventually, though. I figure I’d better grind out a few levels first. Work up to it, you know? I don’t want to just dive into one of those places first thing.”

  I’ve seen how that goes… “But until then, I’d definitely be interested to know of any low-level monster spawn areas around here.”

  Sennefer shakes his head. “You seem to be under a misapprehension of sorts. We don’t have low-Level monsters just roaming around, spawning out in public spaces, or anything like that. With some Quest-related exceptions, those can only be found in dungeons.”

  Oh fuck… “So the only places to fight anything are just cramped caves and shit?”

  “No, no. I should’ve seen this coming with the MMO comparison. As I understand, many of those did tend to work like that. Damn. I’ve been looking for a shorter way to explain things for millennia. When video games were invented, I thought that was the answer. But, time and time again, I keep having to repeat most of it anyway.”

  The mayor sighs. “Dungeons are… Wherever they are. Once one shows up, it’ll stay right where it is, cut off from the outside world by a purple dome of sorts, to be beaten ad nauseam until people get sick of it. Its appearance, contents, and yes, monsters, are all generated by some procedure that not even I, as an Outset town mayor, am privy to. I know you lack the context for how significant that is. But if you knew…”

  He smirks. “You’d be very unimpressed. In any event, dungeons are more or less the only places the System will generate a ‘monster’ as you think of them. This is still Heaven, after all. Can’t just have aggressive apex predators roaming around everywhere. Eight is enough, I think…”

  Of everything he just said, I can’t help latching onto one word in particular. ‘Millennia’… “Holy fuck, you’re immortal?!”

  I feel a smile stretch across my face. “Holy fuck…”

  I neglect to suppress it. “I’m immortal..?”

  Sennefer belts out what must be the first genuine belly-laugh I’ve heard from him. “That’s one way to look at it, I suppose! Some of us aren’t quite so happy about the fact. But it’s good to hear you’re not quite so jaded as that.”

  “But… If you’re immortal… Why do you look so…”

  He snorts. “Old? I suppose I could look just as you do. But then, would you, a complete stranger to this world, have let your guard down as quickly as you did?”

  “I… Well no, probably not. But is it really worth it for you to be an old man forever, just to make a slightly smoother first impression?”

  He chuckles like the grandpa he resembles. “More than ‘slightly’ in my experience. It’s a useful side-benefit, to be sure. But no, I appear this way because I want to. This suits me. I like it. And besides, it’s not like I’m infirm with creaky joints and constant fatigue. In terms of physical health, STATs are all that truly matters. Either of us could switch to each other’s appearance, and be just as capable as we were before. Our aesthetic differences are only that. Aesthetic.”

  “But when I changed my appearance, I could do things my old body never could.”

  “And did you try those things before changing your appearance?”

  “Of course I… That is… No. I just… I guess I didn’t try. But you’re saying I could’ve? Right from the start?”

  Sennefer nods. “From the moment you entered Purgatory, I’d wager. And certainly once you confirmed your race selection. Your body isn’t human, Jessie. Nor is mine. We look human enough. But make no mistake, your current body is more different from your original one, than your original one was from a tree. Limb length aside, any form you take will be just as acrobatic as you are now, able to jump just as high, and spray just as much vomit and explode onto just as many innocent people trying to enjoy each other’s company. Although I suppose the leftover chunks would vary in size and amount based on said length.”

  I suppress a wince. “Oh… Right, so… Where can I find the… Um… Orgy People?”

  “And why, pray tell, would they wish to see the cause of the trauma they experienced so recently as eight hours ago?”

  I fail to suppress the next one. “I… Wanna apologize. I didn’t know what I was doing.”

  I have to fight back an involuntary gag as I remember what I saw back there.

  Gotta hurry and get it over with so I can avoid ever thinking about it again. “Whatever that was, it clearly wasn’t right of me to go and ruin their… ‘Gathering’.”

  “Tell you what. I’ll direct you to the GON office. Then you can speak to a representative. I’m sure they’ll be willing to convey your apologies to all involved.”

  “GON?”

  “Global Orgy Network. It’s pretty much what it sounds like.”

  I snicker at the acronym.

  Sennefer raises his hands in negation of my inevitable take. “And if you’d like to know anything about their business, I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to answer. I, however, have other things to be doing. And with that, I think I should be getting back to-”

  His eyes wander upwards for a moment. “My, we’ve gotten wildly off-topic, haven’t we? One more thing then, and then I really do have to be off. Your original question was about finding a katana. Unfortunately, no such thing is sold here. Or anywhere within a hundred kilometers or so. At least not at a price you can afford with the money you’ll have being new as you are. How about you start out with a nice dagger or broadsword?”

  “I kinda have my hopes pinned on the katana thing.”

  “Ah… Have a special affinity for katanas, do you?”

  I nod like a dog at the sound of ‘outside’.

  “Katanas are rated as a medium-complexity weapon. Most people would start out basic and work up from there. By the time they know they’re ready for a katana, they’re typically off in the middle of some other business, far from places called anything like ‘the Town of All Beginnings’. And unfortunately, that means shops in Outset don’t tend to stock them. It would be different if mail orders were available, but you’d have to leave Outset for that service as well.”

  “But there’s gotta be some way to… Oh right, dungeons are a thing. Is there a nearby dungeon that drops katanas?”

  He shakes his head. “Not to my knowledge, no. But I can’t say as I’ve ever paid specific attention to that. So maybe. Pay a visit to the town’s Quest Hall. They should be able to help.”

  I smile in relief at the first thin ray of hope after my dreams were so unceremoniously shattered with the news that I can’t just pop into a store and buy what I need. “Alright, yeah. I’ll go do that then. Thanks!”

  “You’re quite welcome.” At that, he gets up and strides briskly across the street, into what looks to be his office.

  Oh fuck I forgot to ask him where to get a map-

  A transparent minimap overlays on top of my normal vision. Oh Wow. That’s amazing. And less than useless. Not only does it block my entire line of sight, all that’s filled in is the outline of a town, an arrow where I am, and a line squiggling its way from the fence, way off to the side where it just stops on a hill, the top of which looks just as random as I remember.

  Come to think of it, my entire UI is a mess. But Thomas didn’t… But I’m not called ‘Anal Retentive HUD Customizer’ for nothing.

  Determined to live up to my passive-aggressive nickname, I minimize the map, and move it to my upper-right periphery before zooming in to center on the town instead of my arrow.

  Then I get to work on the rest.