Chapter 36: Donn Donn Donn

  “Was that the relic that’s supposed to plunge the universe into eternal darkness?” I asked, walking up behind them.

  Melvin shrugged. “Hard to say. The system has little information on relics. I’m sure you can see that when you try inspecting them.”

  “So, we only might be screwed?” I concluded.

  Alariel, who was shaking, spoke up in a weak voice. “Even I don’t know exactly what was stolen. The only people who could have answered evacuated.”

  “But you know about this, right?” I asked, taking out the note Pi slipped me.

  The Heart of Umbral Damnation (THUD)

  Also known as Qlipoth - The inky husk known to contain the beating heart of Sephirot.

  It is a vital ingredient in the ritual: Apocalypse.

  Melvin and Kaliphae leaned close to examine the crudely drawn image of the black heart.

  “That’s it?” Melvin asked. “The thing that’s supposed to end the universe?”

  “It says so right here,” Kaliphae said, pointing to the description. “Is Apocalypse a bad thing?”

  “That depends,” I said.

  “On what?” Primith asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “Well,” I hedged at suddenly being put on the spot. “It’s not a bad thing if you get a cool class or stats for the tutorial.”

  Primith rolled her eyes. “You’ve been reading too many books.”

  “We need to figure out where they went,” Alariel said, bringing us all back to the problem.

  My chest burned as Iris’s tattoo uncoiled. The goddess appeared before us in all her divine glory. Only, she wasn’t looking at me. Her attention was focused on Melvin Murphy.

  “We are honored that you returned to us,” she began. “I can tell you with certainty that a ritual of that magnitude would have to take place on Luna.”

  “Hey! I know you,” Melvin barked. “You’re Irene, the Goddess of Depression, right?”

  Iris stiffened, and her face contorted. It was a look I’d never seen from the goddess.

  “It’s Iris,” she stammered. “The Dark Goddess…of…Tragedy.”

  “Oh, right,” Melvin chuckled. “It’s just that you didn’t…”

  Kaliphae smacked him on the back of the head, cutting him off. “What my beloved means to say is that it’s been a while, and he’s happy to see you. He didn’t mean any disrespect.”

  Melvin made a show of acting wounded by rubbing the back of his head. “She’s right. I meant no disrespect. Why do you think the ritual will take place on Luna?”

  Iris turned to me. “Ask this one. He has a ritual book in his possession that has all the details you need.”

  Realizing she was talking about the cookbook, I took it out and set it on top of one of the display cases.

  “Page 666,” the goddess announced ominously.

  Everyone huddled around as I flipped through the pages of the Iris’s book.

  Page 666

  Mutually Assured Apocalyptic Destruction (MAAD)

  Want to wipe out society and start over? Look no further! Use this ritual to blot out universes you don’t like in five easy steps.

  Required ingredients:

  1 Heart of Umbral Damnation (THUD)

  5 Drops of Divine Blood

  1 Sacrifice from the Ruler’s line

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  1 Fully Charged Infernal Machine

  Take the heart of darkness, infuse it with the blood of a god, and insert it into the body of one chosen by The System?. Bake on high in a fully powered infernal machine for one hour, or until the universe comes to a screeching halt, whichever comes first.

  Chant Huzzah when complete.

  “What kind of twisted ritual is that?” Kaliphae asked.

  “The kind you never want to experience,” Iris said solemnly. “The kind that brings only tragedy. Tragedy for everything in the known universe.”

  “Do they have the other ingredients?” Primith asked.

  “Let’s see,” Melvin said, checking off points on his fingers. “We know they have the relic. I’m assuming divine blood can come from any god, and the gods know there’s several wandering around out there. The sacrifice must be the reason they kidnapped Kiki, and the infernal machine on Luna was brimming with mana last time I checked the console. I’d say they have everything they need. If we’re going to stop them, we need to go now.”

  I cast a mournful glance at all the relics that were free for the taking before joining hands with Primith and Kaliphae. Once Melvin had us all gathered, darkness enveloped us, and the next thing I knew, we were standing in a throne room surrounded by more elves.

  “Where are we?” I asked, my hand resting on Excalibur, just in case.

  Did Melvin take us straight here? I wondered if Melvin had made any pit stops this time.

  “Hey, you!” Melvin barked at one of the guards. “Where is Optimus?”

  “I am here,” a booming voice echoed.

  I turned and was surprised to see a god I hadn’t met before.

  “Why is he called Optimus?” I asked, looking for an Autobot.

  Melvin laughed. “Yeah. He’s not what I expected, either. He’s the god of hope, I believe.”

  “That’s correct,” Optimus replied.

  “Did anyone else come through here?” an elf who came with us asked as he walked to the throne.

  “None, Sire,” a guard by the door replied.

  “Good,” Primith said. “That must mean we’re here first. Now, why do you think this place is their target? You said something about a machine.”

  “Oh, right!” Melvin exclaimed, running toward a stairwell. “Follow me. It’s on the upper floor.”

  For a scrawny kid, Melvin had some serious stamina. We struggled to keep up as he and Kaliphae raced up the stairs. They only stopped when they got to a room that looked like something out of a sci-fi movie. Panels and displays covered every wall except one. The one in the back had a console with three chairs facing a window that was angled to look down.

  Kaliphae pressed her nose to it while Melvin studied the display.

  “I don’t get it,” he said. “Did we really beat them here?”

  Kaliphae suddenly spun around. “Melvin! They might not know how to get here, and that would lead to…”

  She trailed off, and Melvin shot to his feet. “Celestea! We have to go, now!”

  Primith and I barely had time to get to him as he and Kaliphae teleported us out of the room. The next thing I knew, I was in yet another throne room. Only this one was bigger.

  “You idiot!” I snapped. “You just left behind…”

  I wanted to tell him he left Isa, Nax, and Zelle on Luna, but I froze when I saw what was in the room with us.

  “That’s impossible!” Melvin said. “I killed you.”

  An old man with a twisted beard looked back with glowing red eyes. His decrepid body was wrapped in wicked black armor.

  “Ra-Ra-Rasputin!” Kaliphae stammered. “H-how!”

  “Didn’t you kill him?” I asked, looking at the very alive Rasputin. “Well, he’s mostly alive.”

  While he was standing upright, and his skin was a little pale, the glowing red eyes weren’t something I’d ever seen outside of a horror movie.

  Melvin cleared his throat. “Well, I stuffed my armor down his throat. I swear he died. That woulda killed anyone.”

  “The armor he’s wearing?” Kaliphae pointed out.

  Melvin sighed. “Yeah, that armor.”

  Then the creature spoke in a raspy voice that came out without Rasputin moving his mouth. “I am Donn, bow to the darkness.”

  “That’s the Donn Pi warned me about!” I barked, not caring that I was, once again, telling the world about Pi.

  “The question is, who’s Donn?” Primith asked. “It’s obviously not this dead guy.”

  “No!” the voice rasped. “I am darkness. The human is just fuel. Take me to the machine or I will devour you all.”

  “We will eradicate you,” thousands of voices chorused as the Shades melted out of Melvin’s shadow. They swarmed Donn until all I could see was a giant blot of darkness that looked like it didn’t belong. Then a loud wailing made my ears ring, and the darkness imploded, as though it was being sucked into a black hole. What followed was deathly silence, where only Donn remained.

  “Well, that didn’t work,” Melvin said in a voice that was far less alarmed than I felt.

  “You!” Don rasped, reaching a shriveled hand out to Melvin. “You reek of the system. I must devour you.”

  “In your dreams,” Melvin replied with a smirk.

  The two circled one another, looking for an opening to strike. I’d barely reached for Excalibur when Kaliphae struck. Out of nowhere, green flame erupted from an amulet clutched in her hands. It enveloped Donn and swirled around him.

  I was just thinking that was way too easy when Donn emitted an otherworldly shriek and the flame exploded off of him. Although the body remained, the fire charred it beyond recognition, yet the black armor appeared more vibrant than ever.

  “Wait a second,” Melvin gasped, his eyes widening with realization. “Are you my armor? Do you mean I was wearing a monster all that time?”

  That earned a chuckle from Donn, a sound that reminded me of gravel in a cement mixer. “You may have thought of me as armor, and, yes, I did serve that purpose, but I used you as well. I fed on your family bloodline for millennia. Yours is the very mana I will use to restore the universe to the utopia it once was. We primordials existed before the dawn of your time. Your universe was created atop ours. The void you cherish was once our home, and we will have it restored.”

  Melvin tugged at his robe while looking down at it. “Are you alive too?”

  The outfit didn’t reply. Of course, the whole thing was funny to me. If I was a monster disguised as armor, that last thing I would do was reply to a guy asking if I was.

  Kaliphae, who had been edging her way around Donn to get to the throne, suddenly spoke up. “Where’s Shiv?”

  Everyone turned to look and Donn used that distraction to rush toward the exit.

  Shing. Excalibur sang its magical tune as the blade cut through the air, barring Donn’s path.

  “You carry the scent of my brethren?” Donn said, turning Rasputin’s lifeless gaze to me. “We need not be enemies. Step out of the way.”

  Did he mean Pi? Was that what he was, a Primordial? I added it to my list of things to ask him.

  I didn’t move. “Sorry, I just paid the light bill. I’m afraid you’re going to have to shut off another universe’s electricity.”

  Donn tilted his head to the side. “Tis a shame. If you refuse to move, I shall just have to devour you as well.”

  Once again, my sword reacted and arced out to Donn’s outstretched arm. It cut cleanly through the armor and Rasputin’s decaying arm. Donn looked at the stump for a moment and a new arm grew out of jet black armor.

  “How do we kill it?” I asked, wondering why none of the others were helping.

  A glowing blue cage appeared out of nowhere around Donn.

  “We don’t have time for this,” Melvin shouted over the din of Donn’s wailing as he fought against his sudden imprisonment. “Shiv knows how to get to Luna and the Puppetmaster got her.”