March 2010

  ***

  “Here’s to your sixteenth birthday, miss Magical Girl!”

  Ayame grinned as she handed her best friend a small piece of cake with a single candle on it.

  They sat on the roof of a luxury residential building in the middle of Tokyo, enjoying the view after her friend transformed and carried Ayame all the way up.

  “Thank you, Ayame!” her friend exclaimed with a wide grin – or Ayame thought it was a wide grin. In this moment she couldn’t really discern her friend’s appearance. It looked like there was a black void where her face was supposed to be as she leaned in to blow out the candle. She even drew a blank on her friend’s name, but she still spoke it.

  “So, S[…]a, what’s the plan now that you reached that sweet, sweet age? One more year and you’re in that forever desirable age which has men of all ages go crazy for you, as long as you strike a cute pose and say, ‘I’m forever seventeen!’”

  Her friend shook her head with a laugh and ate the first piece of cake with a little fork – then she simply fed Ayame the second piece.

  “Same as always. Save people and somehow make it through the next year of school. I think I’ll try and do something related to books once I’m an adult, though, like my mother. She keeps them, so how about I help make them? Not as an author, but as an editor.”

  “That’s your dream for the future, huh?” Ayame leaned her head backwards and stared into the sky.

  “I’m thinking of going into fashion design, myself.”

  Her friend appeared surprised, putting the piece of cake aside.

  “Fashion design? Why is that?”

  Ayame grinned and pointed at her friend.

  “Because Magical Girl costumes are super cute! I want to be able to tailor something like that. Maybe one day we’ll even give your outfit an upgrade!”

  Her friend shook her head with a little chuckle.

  “That’s so you, Ayame. You’ve always been my greatest supporter… thank you. And I’m so sorry for all the danger I’m putting you in, just by being your friend.”

  Ayame made a dismissive gesture.

  “Don’t ever worry about that, S[…]a. Anyway, other topics! Let’s talk about romance. You know I’ve been going out with Aoki, short-lived as it was. I want to know if you have your eyes on anyone!”

  Her friend stared ahead for a long time before she answered.

  “Nakamura.”

  Ayame nodded, then she stopped, letting that last name sink in and associating it with a face and a first name. Her eyes widened and she turned towards her best friend.

  “Eh? You mean Mika?” She inquired as she leaned closer. “The girl?!”

  Her friend squirmed uncomfortably in place and looked away, clearing her throat.

  “What? You got a problem with that? I’m into both boys and girls, apparently. But I think I prefer girls a little more.”

  “Oh no! No, that’s wonderful, S[…]a! I wouldn’t ever hold that against you! I’m thrilled actually!” Ayame reassured her hastily.

  This changes everything!

  For a few months now Ayame couldn’t help but notice what a good-looking woman her friend from middle school would turn into with a little more time. Her attractions were the same as her friend’s, for both boys and girls, leaning more towards the feminine. However, she never told anyone. And right now, she felt very, very attracted to the girl sitting next to her.

  Maybe I can…

  She tried to open her mouth, looking for something to say.

  Let’s go with a classic line of plausible deniability…

  “Haha, hey, S[…]a, since you got a girl in mind and I am looking for my next boyfriend, maybe we can practice kissing with each other? You know, so we don’t embarrass ourselves when it happens for real?”

  Her friend cast her an odd glance – and she turned red. At least Ayame remembered that she turned red. Her face wasn’t visible right now after all.

  “Ayame?! W-w-what are you…?”

  Suddenly, dread filled Ayame’s heart. This was her best friend – one she shared a great secret with. The one she wanted to have by her side forever, to grow into old ladies together with many strange stories to tell. The one person she truly felt comfortable with.

  Treating her like one of her many one-weekend boyfriends would ruin all of that.

  Stupid! Stupid, stupid!

  “Ahh! Just kidding. You know, I’m only into boys!”

  The words hung between them for a while longer – then it was like someone deflated all the tension at once, like they took their finger off a full balloon’s neck. S[…]a chuckled and gently punched Ayame’s arm.

  “Geez. Don’t mess with me like that when I’m being vulnerable, okay? But it's great that you’re not treating me any different from before.”

  Ayame began masking her conflicting, confused feelings with jokes.

  August 2024

  ***

  Ayame opened her eyes. She immediately grabbed her phone and frantically typed in what she remembered of the dream she had just experienced.

  For a minute she typed down notes, as she already felt the details slipping from her mind.

  ‘-16th birthday party on roof

  ‘-friend comes out as bisexual

  ‘-I start seeing her as a potential sexual partner

  ‘-but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship

  ‘-mask my desire for her as jokes, insist that I’m straight

  ‘-talked about dreams for future jobs

  ‘-became a fashion designer because I admired her MG outfit

  ‘-she wanted to become a'

  Ayame stopped and a gritted her teeth as her memory failed her. The dream was gone, and she could only watch the blinking cursor behind the final bullet point. She couldn’t remember what job her friend wanted to work towards.

  One of these days I’ll puzzle enough pieces together to find you.

  She let out a heavy sigh as she put her phone aside, then she finally found the time to look around.

  This isn’t my apartment. Right, I scored yesterday.

  She turned her head to the side, and surely enough, there was an attractive woman still sleeping next to her, her short, black hair a mess both from the pillow and the way Ayame pulled it when they went at it last night; her shoulders and neck were covered in Ayame’s lipstick and faint bite marks.

  Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

  She was one of two types of women Ayame was into. Short, but headstrong. Black hair, kept at shoulder length. And Ayame was certain that the girl wore glasses yesterday, before they went to bed and had sex.

  Ayame grabbed her phone again and checked the time. It was 5am, enough time for her to go back to her own place and write those notes down properly before heading to work.

  She slipped her naked body out of the blanket, gathering her underwear strewn about the floor and her glittering party dress.

  I’ll have to take a shower when I’m home.

  She let out a heavy sigh as she approached a block of note paper and grabbed the pen next to it.

  ‘Thanks for the great night – I’m off to work, but if you ever want a round 2, my LINE is…’

  Ayame stopped and looked at the note. Then she tore it off and crumpled it before stuffing it in her handbag, writing a different note instead.

  ‘Thanks for the great night – I’m off to work now, maybe I’ll catch you again when you’re in ni-chōme.’

  She left the apartment with that.

  Ayame entered the doors of Atelier Antoinette, a modest little enterprise in the niche of lolita fashion. They didn’t quite have the presence of brands like Atelier Pierrot or Alice and the Pirates yet, but they were able to amass a dedicated little following, not least of all because of the designs Ayame and her colleagues developed here.

  She greeted her co-workers who were already on their sewing machines and entered her small office away from the noise. She started her computer and unwrapped a package lying on her desk, which contained all the latest editions of lolita brand fashion magazines. She already had her free copy of AkiCul on the desk, so the bundle contained FRUiTS, Girlism, Tulle, and Le Panier. Additionally, she opened KERA’s website, navigating to Gothic & Lolita Bible’s section. She spent her morning reading various articles, looking at photographs and fashion tips, to get a feeling for the direction fashion trends were moving.

  Next, she opened her illustrator software and continued working on a design that was already halfway done. Clicks and clacks of her mouse and keyboard filled the little office as she worked on her next grand design. She even had a specific model in mind to present this dress to the masses, but she had yet to convince her.

  She opened LINE on her phone and opened the chat with one of her few registered friends, Miori Takeuchi, to read their past messages – incidentally, she was the woman Ayame saw in front of her mind’s eye as the one wearing her next masterpiece for the camera.

  ‘Hey there, beautiful. I want to make something really special and would love if you could give me your measurements – or you could satisfy your grabby big sis Ayame by letting her touch you all over with her measuring tape!’

  She remembered being left on read for a day before Miori sent all the measurements Ayame required – Miori’s way of firing back for her crude jokes. After nine years of friendship Miori didn’t seem to mind Ayame’s raunchy nature overly much, receiving all her jokes with good humor, and Ayame treasured their friendship, which mostly showed itself in the fact that she didn’t try to get into her pants (or rather under her lolita skirt) – most of the time, at least, even though Miori fit Ayame’s other preferences that weren’t glasses-wearing women with shoulder-length black hair. Pretty blondes, or, if the hair color didn’t match, gothic lolita wearing women. Instead of sleeping with her, Ayame would be satisfied with the opportunity to have Miori model in her newest dress, at the very least.

  ***

  Ayame spent the rest of her workday continuing her design before joining the others at the sewing machines. She managed to create one of the sleeves she wanted to add to her new dress in isolation, examining it from side to side. She discussed some of the requirements with her fellow designers before she went back into her office to adjust the details.

  After clocking out, she went home, took a shower and dried her hair before she applied her make-up, some light touches of perfume and went to her closet, grabbing one of her many dresses.

  She went to ni-chōme again, opting for one of the larger lesbian bars tonight.

  As she flirted with the other women and found one interested in more than just a casual chat, she kept thinking back to her dreams and that lost friend.

  ‘I’m only into boys’. A laughable line, when Ayame considered her lifestyle.

  Moments later her and her new acquaintance found a quiet corner, making out – knowing each other’s tongues before they even knew each other’s names. Ayame didn’t know if that was common for other regulars here – but it was well enough for her, and more than once she got mean looks for her blatant disregard of society’s disapproval of ‘PDA’.

  “Your place?” Ayame asked as she felt the first stares on her back. The woman she was with had her hair dyed blonde – almost looking like Miori, who sported these features naturally. She nodded, but looked at Ayame’s handbag as they both heard her ringtone coming from inside.

  Ayame sighed and fished the phone out of her handbag, looking at the contact name on the screen.

  ‘Evil ex-girlfriend’

  Ayame quickly pushed the red symbol to hang up, rolling her eyes.

  “Sorry about that, let’s get going,” she urged her date, who shook her head and stepped away, leaving Ayame confused until she turned around and grimaced, face to face with the devil herself – both in the sense of the turn of phrase as well as her character.

  “Ugh. Maria. Why are you here?” Ayame spoke.

  The woman in front of her was beautiful, but her pale blue eyes were narrowed like they saw anything and anyone in front of her as inferior.

  Her hair was dyed white, with an intentional gradient from her black roots, falling over her shoulders down to her impressive breasts. Physical traits that made her appear attractive to Ayame in the past, but now they were nothing but a bad memory. Her villainous appearance could only be more blatant if she wore the typical drill hairstyle of an otome game villainess, but in lieu of that, a large scar adorned her left shoulder, looking like someone drove a whole steel beam through her at some point.

  “An industrial accident,” Ayame remembered her saying when she saw the scar for the first time. Back then, Maria hid it under her clothing every moment she didn’t spend sleeping with Ayame, utterly ashamed of it. But these days she almost flaunted it, especially with the loose dress she wore, showing lots of cleavage.

  “Last I checked you don’t own the place, Ayame… so I can come and go and have my pick of cute girls, just like you.”

  The woman stepped closer and looked Ayame in the eyes as if to challenge her.

  Maria Hattori. CEO of a moderately successful fashion brand. Her and Ayame met at a fashion expo four years ago and started talking. Ayame stupidly ignored all of the red flags, slept with her and even agreed to a steady relationship despite herself, which ended only a month later when she got to know her real character.

  “Well, if you’re going to hunt for ‘cute girls’ with me around I’m going to tell every girl you approach that you tend to go deaf when you start hurting your partners and they use their safe word.”

  Ayame responded to the challenge, her words dripping with venom – and yet it only got a scoff from Maria.

  “Oh please. You’d be surprised how many girls there are who have more… endurance than you.”

  Ayame clenched her right hand into a fist – she was almost ready to punch this woman, for suggesting that her blatant disregard of consent was just a matter of Ayame’s stamina.

  “Why did you call me?” she asked instead of throwing a punch.

  Maria’s lips curled into a mocking smile in response to her question.

  “Just to mess with you. But now that we’re face to face, I want to know if you’re… down to fuck? We both know that despite your protests you can’t resist me.”

  Ayame gritted her teeth and simply pushed her way past Maria.

  “Keep dreaming.”

  She turned around and held her phone up, demonstratively blocking Maria’s number in full view.

  “And go to hell!”

  With that Ayame left the bar – she lost her carnal appetite for tonight.

  Ayame stood under her shower, staring holes into her wall as she let the hot water run down her body.

  “Maria, you’re hurting me.”

  “Good. It’s no less than you deserve.”

  “Stop! Pierrot! Pierrot! Stop!”

  “I’m not finished with you yet!”

  “I SAID PIERROT! STOP IT ALREADY!”

  She shuddered as she remembered. It didn’t shake her as much today as it did right after it happened, but this was the primary reason she didn’t let her chance encounters cuff her anymore. Being at the mercy of some deranged sadist with her hands shackled behind her back was a nightmare scenario come true, and she had no desire to relive it.

  Worst of all, Maria’s taunt at the bar rang true. Ayame came back to her a few months ago but regretted it immediately after arriving in her bed. She thought that maybe it was a misunderstanding of some sort, that Maria may have reflected on her mistake – but it was quite consistent behavior on Maria’s end after all. Even worse, there were now ugly rumors in the fashion industry that half the girls who came to model for clothes Maria’s company produced turned up in AVs instead. That she enjoyed crushing the dreams of young, beautiful hopefuls for her own pleasure.

  A shame that I can’t trust people anymore. I enjoyed being restrained.

  Ayame let out a heavy sigh as she dried herself off, looking at herself in the mirror.

  Maybe if I ever do it with Miori. Or if I ever remember my friend. I wonder how either of them would treat me…

  Ayame sighed again and tossed herself on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was vaguely aware that Miori was currently seeing someone – but not yet in a relationship with them.

  If she gets with someone… I wonder if I could…

  She grinned to herself. She played the unicorn before, the no strings attached friend with benefits for steady couples - most of the time that involved straight couples with a bi-curious woman, but she did it with lesbian couples, too.

  Yes. That’s certainly an option…

  She lost herself in self-indulgent fantasies about that scenario until her phone vibrated – she didn’t want to look at it at first, but then she remembered that she blocked Maria earlier and grabbed it after all.

  It was a message from Miori.

  ‘My date this Saturday was cancelled, want to hang out?’

  Ayame’s mood improved significantly. All thoughts of being a unicorn or memories of broken trust simply vanished. All that filled her mind now was a fun morning hangout with Miori where they could talk about anything.

  And maybe she could broach the subject of wanting Miori to model while wearing her newest creation while she was at it.

  ‘Hey, Miori! Of course I want to hang out! I missed you!’