Chapter 4

  I stood up from the sofa and looked around, “Ok, early night tonight, bye bye.”

  Everyone made an aww sound.

  Aisling giggled, “I think Andrew needs to smash one out before bed.”

  I turned to her angrily, “Don’t make me say something unkind, Aisling…”

  She smiled at me… then stopped smiling when she realised, I was serious, “Andrew, can we talk about this, please?”

  I shook my head, “No, we can’t.”

  Nadia joined, “I don’t get it, your sex drive returns, and you instantly repress it. What’s really going on?”

  I looked at them for a moment, “Nothing.”

  OIiver stood up, “No, that’s not good enough! You’re here in this room with me, and that means honesty. Therapy is still happening.”

  I looked away, “I don’t want to talk about this…”

  He seemed irritated, “Say it! Let’s hear it mate. The clock is ticking, and I highly doubt it’s going to be worse than the things we’ve already spoken about…”

  Aisling jumped up in realisation, “Wait, when Ashley first asked Andrew about his sex drive… you said that you’re a virgin.”

  Everyone went “oooooooh” at the same time.

  Bella chuckled, “It’s easy, I’ll take charge and show you how it’s done. You only need to do it once to get how it works, really.”

  I looked at her sharply, “Thanks Bella, but no thanks…”

  She tilted her head sideways, “Not pretty enough for you, Andrew?”

  I looked at the floor and shook my head, “That’s not it… I kind of… I wanted Ashley to be my first time…”

  Nadia smiled, “Aww, he’s saving himself for her! That’s adorable!”

  Bella chuckled, “Andrew she’s a slut, plain and simple.”

  AI spoke, “We do not use that language here, Bellatrix…”

  Bella shrugged, “I was speaking street, AI. Slut means player, not slut like you mean it. On the street, it’s just a term for a male or female who enjoys a lot of sex, not an insult towards loose women.”

  AI nodded, “Very well, I apologise, I assumed that you meant to insult her.”

  Bella laughed, “I’ve fucked Ashley more than anyone here, why on earth would I insult her for who she is?”

  Everyone breathed out in surprise after hearing that.

  Bella waited a moment, “Let’s play a game, shall we? Those who HAVEN’T had sex with Ashley, please stand up.”

  Oliver sat down, as did Aisling. I quickly realised I was the only one standing. Oh damn.

  I looked at Michael in surprise, “Wait… really?”

  Michael shrugged, “What, Andrew? You think I don’t fuck? Look at me, do I look like a person who goes home and reads books?”

  Everyone laughed again for a short while. I stood there feeling pretty humiliated, however.

  I looked at Bella angrily, “So what are you trying to do here, Bella? Make me feel bad?”

  Bella shook her head, “What I’m saying… is that we have this moment, right now. Ashley is injured, so she isn’t fucking no one any time soon, trust me… Take my hand, Andrew. I’ll make your first time a memory worth remembering, not a tick in the 100th box.”

  I looked away in frustration, “She said she would be the first… she promised that. I can’t believe I’m honouring a promise most likely made as a joke… but I am. She promised me and I… I’ll wait for that day.”

  Bella walked up to me, “Fair enough. If that’s really how you feel, I will respect it. I just need to know… Do you love her?”

  I immediately answered, “No.”

  She turned to Zoe, “Is this prick lying or not?”

  Zoe shook her head, “No, he meant it.”

  Bella took a step closer, “Good… because after she has your first time… I crave you. As do a few others here. Don’t you dare deny us our chance…”

  Zoe breathed out intensely, “Phew! I don’t know what was stronger there, Bella’s sexual energy… or mine. She’s right, I want in, Andrew. Don’t go and marry her, ok?”

  I looked away, “I have no such plans… but isn’t it weird for friends to do this though?”

  Aisling responded cheerily, “What was it that the great Ashley once said? Oh yeah, ‘sex is sex, love is love and work is work, don’t make the mistake of mixing them together’.”

  Bella chuckled, “The irony is that if Ashley were here, she would have kicked Andrew's ass for NOT having sex with me now…”

  I chuckled, “Probably. Tomorrow, I can surprise her with the good news of my… return to combat.”

  Oliver shook his head, “She’s going to kick your arse just for stepping into her ward…”

  I turned and started walking out, “Hey, as we all know, I'm the best boxing bag in town. My ass kicking’s are so legendary, it actually saved lives!”

  I heard everyone laugh as I entered my room and shut the door. I sat down on the edge of the bed as I tried wrapping my head around everything. The horrible sight in the morning to the sudden awakening in the evening. The day had been a strain on my emotions, and I just needed to sleep.

  I lay down on the bed and AI appeared on the tablet.

  She looked away, “I should probably turn off the camera…”

  I shook my head, “No, nothing’s happening, AI.”

  She looked at me intensely, “I mean… I really should need to turn off the camera.”

  I looked at her sadly, “When did you start doubting my self-discipline?”

  She shook her head, “This is not about self-discipline. You should be doing something right now.”

  I breathed out mildly and turned off the bedside light, “Well sorry to disappoint you, because the only thing I’m doing is closing my eyes and sleeping. Goodnight AI… Tomorrow’s going to be hell.”

  *

  “Wake up sleepy!”

  I opened my eyes to see Oliver stood next to me, smiling. I slept amazingly, and I couldn’t complain at all. I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

  I weakly responded, “Morning Oliver, mate.”

  He spoke quickly, “Morning. Jump in the shower, you have 30 minutes to get fully dressed. AI tells me that Ashley is likely to be awake in an hour. Let’s be there before she wakes, shall we?”

  I quickly got up and made my way to the shower, “Zoe?”

  He answered grimly, “She is already waiting at Ruth's room.”

  I stopped to look at him, “Well, we won’t be there for a while yet…”

  He nodded, “She said she wanted to prepare herself, now go shower.”

  Before I jumped into the shower, I pulled out my phone and took a photo of my body. I needed to know if the rest of me was healing. I looked at the image, zooming in on certain parts. Yes… I was healing as well across the rest of my body, as I was on my face and arms. I definitely looked much better.

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  I jumped in the shower quickly and had a basic wash. When I was done, I jumped out quickly, got dressed and quickly walked to the living room. Oliver was still standing as he focused on his tablet.

  He looked at me as I entered the living room, “Good news, we can talk with her as she leaves. She is due to be discharged today.”

  I nodded, “She must be going crazy being stuck there.”

  Oliver laughed as he started walking to the front door, “Oh yes… crazy indeed.”

  *

  The silent drive was interesting as I looked out the car window. A new route, with new sights to see. The hospital was quite fancy looking and since Ashley was a Roses member, she was given high quality care at a private hospital.

  Oliver parked us and we entered the hospital swiftly. I let him lead the way to her room. After an elevator and a few turns, we arrived. Michael was leaning against the wall by the door.

  He looked up as we arrived, “Took you long enough. I’ve been listening to her shouting at the nurse. Poor lass had to put the shoulder harness on Ashley, herself.”

  Oliver shook his head, “Damn, ok. I’ll go in first… actually no I won’t, I don’t want to. Not in the mood, Andrew, off you go mate.”

  I looked at him, “Just going to toss me in there, are you?”

  He nodded, “Precisely… get in there. You wanted this...”

  I shrugged as I opened the door and entered the room. Ashley was sitting on the edge of her bed, with her shoulder length golden curly blonde hair and freckled face. It was unusual not seeing her dressed in her black Roses dress. She was instead wearing tight jeans and a woollen pink sweater. I saw her black shoulder brace; it connected from her right shoulder to her opposite rib side.

  The nurse looked at me with a deeply frustrated and scared face. She tried to gesture me to leave, very quickly. I chuckled… as if I am afraid of being hurt. I walked closer to her.

  Ashley looked up at me with a neutral face initially, before it changed to anger.

  Her voice was venomous, “Took you long enough! Too busy celebrating to bother seeing me?”

  I shook my head, “They insisted that I didn’t, apparently you were being a nasty bitch to everything around you. They said you wouldn’t want to see me anyway… But I insisted that they told you I sent my best wishes.”

  She ran her left hand over her right shoulder, “Yeah… they were probably right. Every damn day they kept telling me “Andrew says he wishes he could be here” ... All I could think was, THEN FUCKING COME THEN!”

  I walked right up to her, “I should have ignored them. I should have visited you straight away, just as I had intended to. I’m sorry Ashley… next time I’ll listen to my gut.”

  She grabbed me by my arm hard, “I fought for you! I got shot for you! A week, a whole fucking week!... Am I really worth that little to you?”

  I looked away as she squeezed tightly, “I’ve told you the truth. I wanted to visit you that very day, that’s the- Argh! Easy with the squeezing!”

  She let go of my arm, “Well whatever, you’re here now. I probably would have punched you in the face if you came the first day… I may or may not have slugged the chief surgeon after the operation.”

  I sat down next to her on the bed, “... I’m going to pretend you never did that. Either way, there’s so much I want to talk to you about.”

  She looked away, “You know what happened… I fucked up.”

  I shook my head, “You kicked so much ass, you almost outperformed Michael at his own speciality.”

  She nudged me with her whole-body weight, “Andrew, I got shot! Look at this! Nobody else even got fucking hurt, stop trying to make it seem like I didn’t fail!”

  I breathed out, “Didn’t I promise you I would never lie?”

  She stopped moving as she stared at the window, “... Right.”

  We sat there for a long moment in silence.

  I finally said gently and earnestly, “Thank you for saving my life, Ashley. I owe you everything...”

  She stood up quickly and yelped as her shoulder must have hurt her badly then. I noticed her left-hand flex extremely tightly into a fist, and her face showed raw vulnerability… Pain had the tendency of beating out one's pride.

  She stared daggers at me, “Do you have any idea how painful this is? They have me taking some seriously powerful painkillers and it still hurts!”

  I looked at the counter and saw that her pill bottle was there. I picked it up and looked at it, reading the writing on its back. I pulled out my own pill bottle from my cargo trouser pocket and compared the two. Yeah, hers were far weaker than mine.

  She chuckled, “See, powerful stuff…”

  I looked back at her, “Your dosage is 30% of mine.”

  She stared at me in disbelief. She grabbed her bottle, looking at the dosage then snatched mine out of my hands and looked at it in disbelief.

  Her face showed absolute shock and disbelief, “What… that doesn’t… Why is yours so much more?”

  I looked at her sadly, “Did you forget that I was tortured for three and a half weeks?”

  She stared at me for a long moment, “Oh my God… How did you manage… What the FUCK!?”

  I shook my head, “I’m not here to make your pain seem small. I respect that your pain is intense to you, and I truly hope it goes away as soon as possible.”

  She stood up and took a step away from me in fear, “How on God’s green earth… can you be feeling pain that much worse than me? This pain makes my whole body lock up… I don’t understand…”

  I walked up to her and gently hugged her, “I don’t want you to understand. I don’t want anyone to fathom what I felt. It doesn’t matter now anyway, I’m so much better, look at me!”

  She looked at me as I let go of the hug, “Actually, now that I’m looking at you… I would.”

  I looked away, “Apparently you and quite a few others…”

  She stared at me, “Oh, the vultures are circling already? Shame your cock isn’t ready.”

  I looked at her, “Actually… Last night I discovered it is… capable.”

  She smiled her wicked smile, “... Oh good… I bet you had a very good night last night with the girls.”

  I shook my head, “No.”

  She stared at me confused, “No? No confidence in yourself still? Come on Andrew, I told you a woman needs a confident man.”

  I stared back at her, “They tried, and I refused.”

  She tilted her head sideways, “Why the hell not?”

  I stared into her eyes for a moment. At first, she was waiting for my response, before she clocked on to the fact that I was giving her the answer. I saw her trying to make sense of it before her eyes opened up widely.

  She shouted, “You stupid man!”

  I spoke back loudly, “I never break a promise.”

  She immediately shot back, “You never made that promise, I did!”

  I shook my head, “Doesn’t matter, I agreed to your promise.”

  She chuckled frustratingly, “Do the others know why?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, they managed to pry my reasoning out of me…”

  She shook her head, “I bet they laughed at you. Tell me, who tried to have you… Who made the first move? It was Nadia, wasn’t it?”

  I shook my head, “Actually, it was Bella…”

  She slightly leaned back in surprise, “Bella? I thought she was more for the girls… You turned down Bella for me?... Idiot.”

  I nodded as I looked away briefly, “That’s precisely how she responded. She tried really hard, trust me.”

  Ashley shook her head, “You should have fucked her, you moron!”

  I walked past her in irritation and opened the door… I had no time for this. Oliver and Michael looked at me instantly to inspect me.

  *

  Michael walked up to me, “Let’s see the damage…”

  I shook my head, “Just a tight squeeze on the arm. I was right, I should have visited her right away, you people were wrong.”

  Ashley came out of the room and looked at Michael, “You really think I would beat up my friend?”

  Michael shrugged, “I think you're a spoiled brat, so yeah, you would have.”

  She instantly punched him hard in his shoulder. He slightly moved back but everyone was more concerned with her own yelps of pain. Punching him made her move her shoulder a lot, and it triggered a huge wave of pain for her.

  She took a step back as a tear went down her face, “Fucking hell… Oh my God this is too much!”

  I nodded, “Let me get your pill bottle.”

  She shook her head, “No, give me one of yours.”

  Oliver instantly objected, “No chance. That will knock you out.”

  Ashley shouted back, “Good! That’s exactly what I want!”

  I looked at Oliver, “I don’t mind, I use these pills less and less every day.”

  He hesitated as he thought about it, “Fine, just one… Michael be prepared to carry her if she falls asleep.”

  Michael nodded in agreement, as I pulled out a single tablet for her. She swiped it from my hand and instantly swallowed it.

  She smiled confidently, as she looked at me, “Let’s see if this stuff really is as powerful as they say on the bottle…”

  I chuckled, “Oh trust me, it is. Wait till it kicks in 20 minutes.”

  I looked at her with concern, “Before we go… Ashley… How have you managed in terms of… You know… killing people?”

  She laughed out loud, “Fucking parasites! It felt incredible watching their lifeless bodies hit the floor. I just wish I didn’t get hit so that I could have killed more of them…”

  I shook my head, “Oh… I thought maybe you might have been a bit shocked about ending lives…”

  She looked at me surprised, “Not at all. They were just soldiers to me, just tools. If I didn’t kill them, they would have killed me… Who would feel bad about that?”

  Oliver chuckled, “I can tell Ashley isn’t going to feel remorse about it. Andrew, everyone deals with things differently.”

  I stared at the floor, “Maybe if she saw the aftermath…”

  After a moment, I felt her rest her hand on my shoulder, “Andrew… You look like you saw a ghost.”

  I looked at her sadly, “I saw eighty of them… It doesn’t matter. Let’s walk over to the psych wards now.”

  She tilted her head, “Honey… Do you need counselling over what you saw? Nobody told me about any of this and now I’m worried…”

  I shook my head, “That is not why we are going there now. I did need counselling though and I got that over the last week. This trip now, is to visit someone else.”

  Michael led the way as we walked through the hallways. It was kind of funny seeing people step aside for him, as he took up so much room, some people even had to turn sideways to go past him.

  Ashley kept talking, “What else did I miss?”

  I spoke to her as I kept close to Michael, “I’m no longer suicidal… For the moment, at least.”

  I heard concern in her voice, “For the moment at least? You talk as if you are going to become suicidal again…”

  I ignored that, “Also my body is healing. I managed to walk 4.3 miles… I’m quickly getting fitter.”

  I saw her nodding, “Good… I still look forward to you being as amazing as I hope you will be.”

  We reached a sealed metal door with small little windows to look through. Next to it was a small desk with a computer and a lady sitting down at it.

  She looked up at all of us, “Only approved visitors may enter and only with appointments.”

  Oliver nodded, “My name is Oliver Jones, I am visiting with Aaron Campbell.”

  She looked at her computer screen, “Yes, the calendar shows you two are due. The others however will need to wait here.”

  I turned to Michael and Ashley, “Sorry…”

  Michael nodded, “No problem… Andrew, promise me… Don’t let yourself fall back, ok?”

  I nodded, “That’s why Zoe is there.”

  Ashley seemed surprised, “Zoe? What don’t I know here?”

  I looked at her, “For privacy reasons, Ashley… we can’t tell you. It doesn’t matter, you’re five minutes away from falling asleep anyway… Sleep well, ok?”

  She laughed, “You must think I’m weak, Andrew. I’ll be here, hopefully feeling no pain.”

  *

  I nodded as the lady pressed a button and I heard the door electrically open. Oliver and I walked through it, and it instantly shut itself behind us. Oliver immediately led the way through the passageways, looking for the isolation section.

  We finally ended up at the right door. Zoe was standing outside the door looking at her phone. She looked up at us as we arrived.

  Her voice was grim, “Andrew… You’re asking such a difficult thing from me. Give me those headphones.”

  I took off the headphones that were resting on my neck and gave it to her. She put them on to test they worked, as she clicked her fingers loudly. She nodded and took them off again.

  Her tone went professional, “Good. So, what will happen is that I will wear these headphones to ensure I don’t hear what is being said. My job is only to watch your body language, to prevent you from falling into darkness. If I hear the conversation, I may find myself falling as well… so I need to be ignorant.”

  I nodded, “Yeah, good idea. What am I expecting in that room?”

  Oliver answered, “There is a nurse assigned to watch her. They haven’t restrained her as they try to avoid restraining as much as possible. The nurse is there to observe and prevent a second attempt. The room is rather basic, just the bed and smooth objects with lots of padding. Everything is designed to be self-injury proof.”

  I stared at the door, “Has she said anything yet to anyone?”

  Oliver looked sad as he shook his head, “No… She’s not even said her name.”

  I looked away, “Oh God…”

  I stood there for a long moment, as I tried to prepare myself, however possible. I knew the darkness she was in… I took a few deep breaths and finally opened the door. I looked inside to see a… very boring room. It was completely absent from almost anything other than the bed and a single chair. The walls were creamy white, and the floor was a nasty brown colour. The nurse who was sitting down, glanced up at me as I entered. She stood up quickly when she recognised me. I looked over to the bed where Ruth was lying. She was on top of the bedding, dressed in casual jeans and a sweater. She slowly looked at me and instantly turned away, “No… not you…”

  I felt hurt seeing that reaction. The nurse approached me with a concerned face, “I’ll be outside, Andrew. If things go poorly, call out… ok?”

  I nodded, “Thank you.”

  She walked out of the room, leaving the door open to ensure they could hear if there was a problem. Zoe put on the headphones and sat in the chair, locking her eyes on me. She gave me a thumbs up and I gave her one in return. It was time for me to begin.