Ivy’s mom reminded me a lot of someone I used to know. A friend of mine way back when. Back when I had somewhat of a social life. Friends that I could call my own. I never really shared much about myself with them—I was scared to. I was scared to be vulnerable all because of the way they used to bully others and I’d just watch because deep down, I knew I was the same as the person they bullied.

  I wanted to be liked so badly. I wanted for everyone to see me as a person they could hang out with and that they’d invite over to their houses for parties, stuff like that.

  “Yo, Wyatt? How many times are you going to space out?” Ivy punched me in the shoulder.

  “Hm? Oh, sorry,” I said, grabbing my tray and putting it onto the cart.

  “You gotta stop doing that. You need to start living in the moment. That moment?” She said, speed walking to stand in front of me then lunged her finger into my chest, “is Piper. Look, I get it,” she sighed, “I may have exaggerated the entire thing but Piper would only talk to you by herself if I did that so give me a break,” she opened the door and held it open for me.

  “Thanks,” I held it open behind me for the next person.

  “Hey, kid,” The burly man from the pool walked behind me.

  “Hey, man,” I scratched my head, “I—uh, never got your name…”

  He laughed a deep bellow, “You’re totally right, my name is Eddie. I won’t keep you,” he waved and looked at the girls, “Ladies,” he tilted his head.

  The two of them looked at me.

  “I met him the first day we were here,” I explained.

  “Ohhhh,” Ivy snapped her fingers, “that’s why you were gone so long.”

  “Yeah, I found the indoor pool and met him and this older guy.”

  “There’s an indoor pool?” Ivy and Piper said in unison.

  “Yeah but you can only go under adult supervision so I wasn’t supposed to be there.”

  “So why don’t we go?”

  “You two can, I’m gonna go meet with someone,” I waved to them as I walked down the hallway.

  Ivy looked at me, a longing look in her eyes. Piper looked at me and then at her.

  Piper knew what it was.

  “You like him, don’t you?” She whispered to Ivy.

  “HUH?!” Ivy shouted, taken aback.

  The passing guests stared at her with a confused look on their faces as she gave them an apologetic gesture.

  “Can we go somewhere else?” Ivy asked Piper.

  “Sure. This place has actually got a really good restaurant just down the hall.”

  “We just ate.”

  “Fine,” Piper grumbled, “We can head back to my room. It’s around the corner.”

  The two of them walked to her room. Ivy closed the door behind her as Piper slumped onto the bed. She sunk into the soft, fluffy pillows. The warm lamplight lit up the room, giving it a chill vibe.

  “So you do, huh?” Piper teased.

  “I’m not sure,” Ivy sat down next to her.

  “What do you mean? It’s pretty obvious to know if you’ve got a crush on someone.”

  Ivy sighed, laying back onto the bed, “You know…” she looked at her hand, “You know what I’ve been through.”

  “Yeah. I know. You’ve become a stronger person, whether you wanted to or not.”

  “I can’t know if I’m in love or not. Not when my dad was so in love with my mom and then she did what she did to him and now he just gives my stepmom whatever she wants,” Ivy sat up, “I don’t want to be the one who ends up broken. But worse—I don’t want to be the one who breaks someone else.”

  “Honestly,” Piper sat up and placed her hand onto Ivy’s, “I, personally, think you’re reading too much into it.”

  Ivy looked at her, her eyes were glossy—reflecting the lamp’s light.

  Piper reached over and wrapped her arms around her.

  “I promise, I won’t let that happen to you,” Piper muttered.

  Ivy buried her head into her shoulder, trying everything to not bawl her eyes out right now.

  After a few more seconds, Ivy pulled away.

  “So why did you say you liked him? Do you really like him or not?”

  “Of course I don’t. He seems nice but I just met the guy. Honestly, I didn’t expect to care this much. I just... wanted to know if you’d fight for him.”

  Ivy looked at her, “You know he said he liked you too, right?”

  Piper’s eyes shot open, “What?! Did he really?!”

  “Yeah, how could you do that to him?” Ivy asked, concerned.

  “I didn’t mean for it to end up like this. I would’ve thought he’d have more common sense than that. I’m just going to tell him the truth.”

  A few hours later…

  I didn’t know what I was doing. I just walked. I walked down the empty hallway as the fluorescent lights buzzed overhead. The hallway was too quiet. It gave me the silence I needed to hear my thoughts.

  To hear myself question whether or not this was real or not.

  Ivy’s proclamation of Piper’s crush. I never gave Piper the chance to tell me what she wanted to and now, I’m lost. I don’t know what she feels nor do I know what I feel. Was it real or was it fake? Was it genuine or was it for when they’re alone, they’ll laugh about it behind my back?

  I don’t want to be that person who gets used in the story to move it forward. I know I’m not the main character and that I’m probably just someone’s side character in the grand scheme of whatever it is I’m destined to be a part of.

  I stuffed my hands in my pocket as I walked down the carpeted hallway. It was clean, sterile, untouched like no one had lived here for a long time. Maybe, ever.

  Maybe that’s how I felt too. Like I was just here to fill up space?

  Ivy likes me? Piper likes me? I don’t know. I don’t want to delude myself with these grand delusions and just get shot down. I could never get a read on Ivy and now another piece appeared on the board when I’ve been struggling with the game already.

  Reading on Amazon or a pirate site? This novel is from Royal Road. Support the author by reading it there.

  I turned the corner, hoping no one else was in the lounge. I needed quiet. I needed answers. I needed to matter to someone—for once.

  The tension in my body, this foreboding feeling that something was gonna happen. I couldn’t shake it.

  “Hey,” I was greeted by the voice I didn’t need to hear right now. Piper, who wore a guilty expression, “Can we talk?”

  “Sure,” I said. As much as I wanted to be alone, I couldn’t find it in myself to be rude to a friend.

  We walked to an open table near the back of the lounge, away from prying eyes.

  She took a deep breath. Her breath was shaky as she fiddled with her hands nervously. She wanted to say something but it seemed like she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

  “You don’t actually like me, do you?” I stated, bluntly.

  “Huh?” She looked around, her eyes wide in confusion before she closed them and gained her composure, “Yeah. I wanted to bring you and Ivy closer but after some time, I realized this wasn’t the way to do it.”

  Her voice murmured to me. I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. All I could think about was my middle school days. Where this exact scenario unraveled just as it is before me. I had just started to find my happiness. My strength to move on, and it was all thanks to Ivy. To Kendall, to Leo. Not you, Piper. I never once considered you a person who allowed me to be stronger and maybe I was deluding myself. I was telling myself I liked her back because I heard the words I’ve been wanting to hear from someone else and I didn’t realize it.

  “What gave you the right to mess with my heart like that?” I asked.

  “I didn’t mean to. Like I said, I thought Ivy would’ve finally realized her true feelings.”

  “So what?” I stood up and leaned towards her, “That gives you the right to tell me that you like me even though you didn’t? That gives you the right to play with my feelings?”

  Piper sighed and stood up, “You and her are both stubborn asses. I wanted what was best for both of you. You don’t realize it yet but you will,” She walked away, her heels clicking on the ground as she walked.

  I sat down.

  I looked up at the ceiling.

  I got up and made my way to the vending machine. I slipped a few coins into the slot and pressed the button to send a water tumbling to the bottom. I grabbed it from the opening at the bottom and unscrewed the top. I took a chug and walked back to the table I was sitting at.

  I sat there, staring at the bright lights above. The lights above me shone, so bright and beautiful. I want to be the light in someone’s life. I want to be beautiful to someone.

  I want to be—

  “Guess who?” A familiar voice said.

  I snapped up.

  “What do you want, Alyssa?” I glared at her.

  “Honestly, I’m not too sure,” She sat down at the seat across from me.

  That made me feel even more uneasy. Alyssa was usually so sure of herself. She was always one to have a plan but she looked unsure. That scared me more than if she were here to fight.

  She looked at me, her eyes locking with mine, a sense of purpose behind her eyes.

  “I didn’t realize it before. I didn’t think about it much. However, something about you seemed familiar,” she tapped her finger on the table, “then it came to me. I remember you from middle school.”

  My heart sank.

  “No, I didn’t tell anyone about you. No, I didn’t know you like that. No, I don’t plan on telling anyone anything. My quarrel is with Ivy, not you.”

  “Why are you telling me this?”

  “I just wanted to let you know that I really am sorry for the things my friends did to you. Whether or not I'm a bully, I’m not your bully—”

  That was the worst apology I’ve ever heard in my life.

  “Thank you,” I said, trying to get her to go away.

  Luckily, she took it at face value and scurried away.

  “You look like crap,” a voice snickered.

  “Oh, come on—” I turned around to see Ivy’s head hovering above me.

  “That bad?” She sat down where Alyssa had been.

  “You could say that,” I laid my head on my crossed arms.

  “You know that the party is happening soon?”

  “Yeah, it’s been a long day though so I’m thinking about turning in for the night,” I said to her.

  “Boring,” she yawned.

  “I guess—”

  “Try again,” she said, nudging my arm. “I know that’s not how you really feel.”

  “Stand up for yourself. Stop being so sad. I get it, you’ve been through a lot and you never seem to be able to keep anything good but the more you let that keep you down, the more it will keep you down,” she rested her hand on mine, “Piper told you, didn’t she?”

  I nodded. She took her hand back slowly.

  “I’m so sorry about her. I didn’t know that was the reason, I promise,” she said, the regret in her voice sounded more sincere than anything I’ve heard today.

  “It’s fine. It’s happened before so it’s not like it caught me by surprise.”

  “Oh? Did it?”

  “I told you about it. It was with Alexis. She asked me out as a dare. Kids sure can be cruel.”

  “Yeah,” her sigh dragged out underneath her breath.

  “Come to the party. I heard it's supposed to be fun. Maybe you, Mr Doom and Gloom, can have a good time before we leave this place.”

  “Fine.”

  I didn’t feel like being alone with my thoughts right now.

  Another few hours later…

  Ivy and I walked into the cafeteria, the entire room filled to the brim with students. A disco ball had been installed in the ceiling, lighting the room with an array of colors. At the far side, the buffet had been filled with food as the staff watched our school with annoyed expressions.

  I can’t blame them, I’d be pissed if someone was throwing a party and I was working.

  “YOU GUYS MADE IT!” A random student greeted us, “You need this to get access to the buffet and drinks,” she handed Ivy and I bracelets with the words Meadows High School engraved onto them.

  “Thank you,” Ivy and I waved at her and walked past.

  “THIS IS—” She shouted over the deafening music.

  “DISGUSTING?” I tried to guess the word she was thinking.

  “YEAH! IT’S SO HOT AND SWEATY IN HERE!”

  “THIS IS WHY I DIDN’T WANNA COME TO THIS THING!”

  “LET’S GO OUTSIDE!” She suggested.

  We walked past the sweaty crowd that had been dancing for a while before we got here and made our way out of the doors.

  The cold breeze hit us like a fan in the peak of summer. It was just what we needed.

  “Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think there’d be that many people.”

  “I thought we were the only ones who won that trip,” I asked.

  “No, our class was shouting too loudly to even hear the other classes that won from the other grades.”

  “Yeah, that sounds like our class.”

  We sat down in the chairs that were on the patio and stared at the stars in the sky.

  Shuffling feet caused me and Ivy to turn around.

  “Oh, hey, Piper,” Ivy smiled and waved at her.

  “Hello, Piper,” she looked over at me, “Can I talk to you in private?”

  I looked at Ivy and she shrugged.

  I stood up.

  We walked next to the hotel, away from anyone who could hear us.

  “I’m truly sorry for what I did. I know that you usually know or hear of me as this perfect, elegant, intelligent woman—”

  “Humble, too.”

  She chuckled.

  “But I don’t know what came over me when I did that. I know that I messed with your feelings but I would really like to remain friends.”

  I wrapped her in a hug. I don’t hug. Almost never but somehow this felt like the right thing to do. She jolted from the initial shock and then hugged me back. After a few seconds, we broke apart.

  “You were still my friend anyways. It’ll take more than a small fight to change that,” I reassured her.

  We began walking back to Ivy.

  “What were you and Ivy doing?” She asked.

  “The party was a bit overwhelming so we decided to hang out on the patio. It’s a lot nicer and more quiet.”

  “Actually… I just remembered I had something I have to do,” she bowed as an apology and jogged off.

  I rounded the corner and sat down in my seat.

  “It’s been a wild trip. Not wild in the sense that I’ve done crazy things but that I’ve experienced things I didn’t think I’d ever get the chance to.”

  “Like what?”

  “Happiness.”

  Ivy looked at me, her hazel eyes reflecting the moonlight. I looked at her, my eyes glued onto her.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  I looked away, realizing how long I’d been staring, “Yeah.”

  “Do you think that you’ll be, sort of, betraying your parents if you found happiness?” She bluntly asked.

  I stopped and thought about it. Did I? Did I deserve to be happy while they had their lives stolen from them.

  “I think so. I wasn’t too sure of how I felt, whether I deserved to be here while they weren’t, all of it was just so…” I looked at my hands.

  When I was little, I was the happiest kid in the room. My radiant smile, as my parents said, caused even the gloomiest of people to give me a smirk at the very least. I had this uncanny ability to make everyone else around me happy. However, some people resented me for that. The ones who sat in the back and watched me be happy while they themselves weren’t. They thought to themselves, “Why does he get to be happy but I don’t?” and then took it upon themselves to make my life a living hell. I’m not too sure why they decided that when all I wanted was to be a happy person and live a happy life but they were just upset because they weren’t happy.

  They’d bully me.

  Shove my head in the toilet, trip me in the halls, beat me up outside on my way home. Eventually, it got so bad that I stopped smiling. There was no reason to smile when everytime I did, they’d rough me up even more.

  “Lost in thought there, huh?” Ivy nudged my shoulder, “I get it. Truth is you’re kind of a depressing person to be around—”

  “Gee, thanks,” I chuckled, knowing she was mostly kidding.

  “No, I’m not kidding. Although, that’s not a bad thing. Happy people are usually so one dimensional. They do what everyone tells them to or what’s expected of them and I think deep down, they’re the saddest of us all.”

  “Yeah,” I looked at the stars that were plastered across the sky like a canvas.

  I turned and faced Ivy again.

  “Why did Piper do it?”

  She jolted slightly—like I caught her by surprise, “Honestly, I have no idea.”

  I looked at her, doubting the words she just said, “You know. Why did she—”

  “STUDENTS!” The speaker interrupted the music and caused all of us to look for the source of the sound.

  “IT’S BEEN,” Mrs Swiler burped loudly, all of us covering our ears in unison as the burp echoed throughout the room, “3 DAYS! LET’S WRAP THIS UP SO I CAN GET BACK TO MY CATS!” She groggily made it off the stage. Barely.

  “We didn’t even get to do anything,” I said, turning to Ivy.

  “You do realize what time it is, right?”

  I took out my phone and checked the time.

  “11:24 PM?! WHERE DID THE TIME GO?!” I shouted, confused.

  “Time flies when you’re having fun,” Ivy walked past me and into the hotel.

  She stopped right outside the door, “Thanks for this. I get you were sad and all but I hope you had fun,” she smiled.

  Her smile beamed. Her smile was so beautiful that I found myself staring at her as she walked away, infatuated by her dazzling radiance. I feel as if I’m the only one who really understands who she is—past that shell of hers, past the sarcasm, past everything. Something bothered me though. There was something more to that smile.

  Something romantic.

  But I didn’t realize that until much later.