What a haul! I opened a bottle, took a sip, and was hit with an uedly sweet fvor. The hoaste reminded me of a Sauternes I’d once splurged on during my first proper holiday, a week of overpriced wihat all but obliterated my wallet. I grinned, gazing out into the distant forest as memories of that time came flooding back. Good times.

  Lucas touched my shoulder lightly. “Charlie, you look… kind of wrecked. You alright?” I gave him my brightest grin, but he just sighed. “I’m serious—you’ve got a problem with alcohol, don’t you?” He moved closer, pullio an ued hug. For some strange reason, butterflies started swarming in my stomach as soon as he touched me. Woah, the wihat strong?

  “My dear mage, now is not the time for doom and gloom. Let’s celebrate our first spoils!” I offered him the bottle, but he pulled back, running a nervous hand through his hair.

  “I’ll pass. We’ve been pying for over six hours. I o log out for a bit,” he said apologetically. He froze food ten seds after hitting the log out button, standing statue-like before his body faded. I shrugged, taking another sip.

  [Attention! You had ehe intoxicated state 1][The pain toleration had increased by 20%]“What? Drinking lowers pain? Amazing!” I raised my bottle in a toast to my hardw friends at the QA department. “Cheers to you!” I shouted, downing the rest of the bottle.

  [Attention! You had ehe intoxicated state 2][The pain toleration had increased by 40%][Intelligence decreased by 20%][Agility decreased by 10%]The ground seemed to waver a bit as my sense of dire blurred. No way I could keep hunting o-kill Goolems in this state. Better find something safer.

  After a moment’s thought, I remembered a weird dungeon with Goolems nearby a out in its dire—or so I thought. But as I stumbled along, I repeatedly snagged my heels on the same root, tripping again and again. An infinite loop of roots! My heels jammed between the same cursed roots at least five times before I finally wrehem free.

  Finding the dungeon quickly proved impossible. I walked for what felt like ages, hearing my footsteps echo as I wandered in circles, only to return to the Goolem hole. My old enemy, the root!

  I plopped down on a familiar boulder, waiting for the world to stop spinning. I vaguely remembered ara payment for finding this pce, something near running water. A pond? A creek?

  [Attention! You had ehe intoxicated state 1]I wandered, a little more clear-headed, until I heard a stream and followed it until I found the… let’s say thirteenth most beautiful waterfall. Okay, I couldn’t check the ranking in a sightseeing guide, because Ricky probably didn’t know what Rimelion was, so he obviously hadn’t written it. Yet. I made a mental o tell him at The Riker’s Luck if I ever got the ce.

  To avoid reag the “thirsty” state, I took a sip from the cool stream, spshing my face to wake myself up. The hunger modifier? Future John’s problem.

  After the break at the waterfall, I gnced up the mountain. Thankfully, the north side was full of gray rough stones, so I nodded and started climbing up. My heels were helpihis time, and when I climbed near a resting pbsp;I grew excited and tried to jump there. Guess what? The fall almost gave me a heart attack, and the rocky ground weled me in a warm embrace.

  [You suffered fall damage 27]“Ouchie.” I massaged my forehead and quickly cast a healing spell to rack up proficy points. Maybe masochists really make the best healers.

  The sed climb went smoothly, and I reached the top with a surge of satisfa. Gazing into the distance, I could just make out Main Vilge Number Four, faintly visible about eight miles away, acc to the map. A few other vilges dotted the ndscape between us, but they were desigo be swallowed up by Irwen soon enough. Could I somehow get involved in that chaos?

  I spent the hour sc the cliff, finally spotting a small creviestled between the roots of an old piree.

  A faint glow from within firmed my suspi, but unfortunately, the opening was only wide enough for my hand. “No problem—clever solutions, John.” I wedged my staff into the crevice, slowly prying it open bit by bit. I leaned in, pressing harder, feeling the wood strain under my weight.

  With a loud crack, the staff snapped, sending a few small rocks tumbling inside—and, before I could catch myself, I stumbled forward and fell in right after them.

  [You suffered fall damage 17][You found ‘Goolem factory dungeon,’ stage 3]Yes! I jumped up, fist-pumping in quiet celebration, though I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the dim light. The air was stale and warm, weighing heavily on me. I found myself in a small side room, barely furnished with a broken table and two half-funal chairs.

  Good job, devs—what arance, right? I ughed to myself, knowing full well that the AI would eventually patch exploits like this. But for now, I’d gdly skip the tedious stages of the Scorg Dungeon. Maybe there’s a way to slip into Lisa’s group for this run?

  Moving carefully, I reminded myself that stealth was crucial. One small Goolem was manageable if I pushed myself, but anything more would be a death sentend a brutal twenty-four-hour wait to respawn. As I crept into the hallway, the floorboards beh me creaked, their old wooden beams groaning with each step.

  [Goolem Lv.5]Type: 1-on | HP: 100/100For a moment, I sidered digging another hole, but thought better of it. I couldn’t guarahese Goolems wouldn’t climb—only the wild ones had been patched. Holding my breath, I attempted to sneak around, careful to make as little noise as possible. If only I were a Thief. At least they get some leeway. But nooo, Priests werely known for their stealth.

  As I made my way down the hallway, a pebble ched underfoot and skittered across the floor, eg far too loudly in the quiet hall. My stomach dropped as the sound seemed to go on forever, rousing a Goolem. No!

  The stone creature whipped around and charged toward the noise. Not about to let it catch me, I bolted, sprinting into the room and throwing myself inside—ay ohank gods. Just in time, too, as I heard the Goolem’s stone body scraping against the doorframe.

  I gulped, feeling my heart hammering wildly.Trouble in a noob dungeon, John, you’re pathetic.

  After searg around for a while, I stumbled into a bonus room, where the faint pitter-patter of tiny Goolems scurrying about filled the air. My eyes locked onto my prize: a chest tucked away in the er, half-hidden behind a pile of boulders. Thankfully, I wasn’t in any real dahe little Goolems ignored me entirely, boung around aimlessly.

  [Little Goolem Lv.1]Type: 1-on | HP: 10/10As I began digging through the rubble, I quickly realized I’d made a major miscalcution. Even the smaller stones proved a challenge for my weak, low-level body. Sweat trickled down my forehead as I heaved the rocks aside, needing to stop and catch my breath more than ohis wouldn’t be a problem if I were a warrior.

  Was I here to clear a dungeon or work as a miner? I muttered to myself, resuming my makeshift excavation with a resigned sigh.

  [You found a secret treasure chest!][You found Basibsp;Mace][You found Goolem scroll x5][Basic Mace]Quality: 2-unonATK:6-8Restri:Level 5Effects:bonus damage to Goolems 2-3Basibsp;Mace sturdy enough to hit a Goolem.[Goolem scroll]Quality: 4-exceptional Grants temporarily (10 minutes) Goolem disguise. The Goolems won’t attaless provoked.Yes! The system had already identified the items—the perk of chest loot over monster drops. Sweet. But my excitement dimmed when I saw there was no staff. Instead, I had a mace, which would deal measly one damage since I didn’t meet the level requirements. Well, better than nothing.

  With a newfound, if slightly shaky, fidence, I strode back to the hallway, gripping the mace tightly and aiming it at the Goolem. “e at me, you little rock! You’re nothing but a pebble in my eyes!”

  My taunt did the trick. The Goolem shot toward me, closing the distan an instant and smming into my abdomen. Ouch! The pain hit like a sledgehammer, and I let out a scream, as if a sadistitist had jabbed my entire core. Even through the agony, I pulled out the scroll, fumbling as I activated it, though I couldn’t hold back the scream ripping from my throat.

  [You lost 6 HP.] [You have used the Goolem scroll, you are now disguised.][You lost 1 HP.]Activating the sid-fight threw the Goolem’s AI for a loop. After each hit, it seemed tet its purpose, freezing in pce for a solid five seds—like Lucas without his precious energy drink—before swinging again. The best part? Each bash only dealt a single point of damage. This exploit was an old cssic, but if it worked, why not use it? Even if it still hurts.

  Goolem bashed at me with a glee.

  Damn! Hurts like a hangover.

  With this trick, the Goolem kept chipping away at me for 1 HP, which I could out-heal... mostly. I retaliated with my own mighty 1-damage swings from the mace. Out-heal might’ve been an optimistic term; I succeeded with my healing spell maybe once every three attempts.

  Stupid magic system. Tougher than figuring out barroom puzzles.

  Gritting my teeth, I reached for my trusty wine mid-fight, downing it to dull the pain. As the intoxication level hit 2, the aches dulled to something like walking barefoot on broken whiskey bottles.

  In the end, the Goolem rewarded me with a measly 8 XP—a far cry from the glorious 300 XP, but at least I was stag proficy points with each heal. Except for the relentless pain. Wait. Am I being a masochist?

  With that troubling thought, I made the most of my situation. Running around the hallway like a madwoman, I took on Goolems left and right, embrag each hit, each crack of stone against my knees and abdomen—all for those sweet XP and proficy points. When the scroll timer ticked down, I activated another one, ready to keep the cycle going.

  With a triumphant grin, I smashed the st Goolem’s head, watg as it cracked and rolled across the stone floor. My excitement waned quickly, though, as I looked at the empty ground. Not a siem drop. All that work, and no loot? And the XP gain wasly inspiriher.

  [XP to the level: 272/450]With only three scrolls left and the timer still tig down, I took a deep breath and stepped into the boss’s room. The cavern opened up before me, vast and shadowed, the air thid stale. At its ter stood the boss: a massive, motionless Goolem, looming taller than me and radiating an ominous presehe developers had given it a bright, angry red hue—because he’s angry, of course. Hinal.

  [Angry Goolem Lv.7]Type: 4-exceptional Dungeon Boss | HP: 1000/1000I braced myself, heart pounding in my chest, feeling a weight settle over me. This battle is make or break of this run… I stopped walking. Wait, no, this is not a test run, this is… Live server. I took a step back. Is it worth to risk it?

  Yes.

  With a battle cry, I charged toward the hulking Goolem, my on raised, ready to take on the ridionster as a warrior.

  Since I could only manage one smash per sed, I unched into a relentless rhythm, hammering away without pause. The boss’s skills—[Rage], [Berserk], and a few other dramatic-sounding moves—were ughably iive. They couldn’t touch me; each hit only chipped away a single point of damage. Hurts though. Meanwhile, the Boss still stood there like a fool, taking a five-sed breather after every hit.

  Hello! It’s me, The Exploiter, the glorious tanker! I ughed internally as I battered him; the timer tig down o another scroll.

  That was a bit of an ht on my part. Sure, my healing was teically keeping me alive, but I was forced to attack even during casting. If only I had the skill [Simultaneous Spell-Casting]—or, let’s be real here, if I’d just gotteer at casting by now.

  I had to focus harder than I ever did ba my warrior days. It was like solving a differential equation while downing whiskey. My old warrior instincts helped, but without the agility stat to back it up, I could only dodge half the time. At best. So, I stuck to the basics: positioning myself between two massive boulders and timing each dodge to avoid his angry smashes. Yes, his attack was [Angry smash].

  When my stamina hit ro, my attack speed dropped by half, and I squeezed out my st bit of mana. The Boss was down to his final sliver of HP when my st scroll expired.

  Yeah, yeah, John miscalcuted again. Stop ughing Lucy! With no more room for missteps, I downed my trusty wine, feeling the heat rush. Fueled by the sweet intoxication, I attacked with fury, dodging his swinging fists but miscalg his footwork.

  Pain exploded as his massive foot collided with me.

  [You lost 19 HP. Warning! You have only 3/30 HP.] Princess, how could you be so fident, you moron? Jumpiween his legs, I turned around and smashed his head with mad destroyed his angry nose.

  [Angry Goolem has beeed. +140XP. XP to the level: 412/450][You found an unknown staff.][You found a strange book x2. Angry Goolem pool: 48/50]“I still got it, bastards!” I shouted and happily collected my spoils.

  [The God of Ice Blood is calling a young heroine.]