The door to the ramshackle house opened with a mocking squeak, as if it was laughing at my every effort to be stealthy. Little bastard. Must be because I didn't have enough money to give him the upgrade he so desperately needed and this is an act of petty revenge.

  Fool. Does he truly think he can out petty me? Well, we'll see about that. I'll paint him a rainbow of the worst colors you could imagine, like mustard yellow, puke green, and that god awful orange of Naruto's jacket. That'll show him.

  As the door finally opened up completely, I peeked inside, feeling somewhat stupid as it was my own damn house I was sneaking into. If I was in a better neighborhood, someone might have called the cops. But if anybody saw me, they were minding their own damn business.

  Looking to the left, where my bed was, I saw it currently occupied with a certain blonde haired girl. The blankets were thrown off of her person and she was sprawled out, snoring happily. Not sure if it was cute or obnoxious.

  I sighed with relief at seeing her slumbering peacefully. While I needed to have a conversation with her about meeting Tatsuki, I didn't exactly want to bring it up with a sleepy, grumpy little goblin. Better to bring it up when she was well rested and less likely to punch me in the face.

  Thankfully, my floors were basically brand new, so they, unlike my door, didn't make a sound as I tiptoed across them. I needed a fresh pair of undies, as mine were currently uncomfortably soggy after working out with Tatsuki.

  Once I reached my little dresser beside my bed, I carefully opened the drawer and began rummaging through it until I found a pair. Maybe I should just keep them in my Inventory? That would make for one hell of a surprise attack. Who in their right mind would expect underwear to just pop out of nowhere?

  No one, that's who!

  But that's a problem for another time. I suppose I could just wear the Gigachad Ogre's Loincloth commando, but it was more comfortable with a barrier in between it and my most sacred of treasures. Regardless, I have them now and that's what's important.

  Beyond that, my school uniform was safely in my Inventory, so I didn't need to worry about that. Now, all I need to do is take a shower and eat some breakfast and I'll be good to go for another day of forced, government approved education.

  Hooray…

  Standing up, I glance down at the sleeping Hiyori, who somehow maintained her expression of, "I'll fucking kill you!" even as she traveled deep into la-la land. Her shirt was pulled up, revealing her toned stomach, but that didn't distract me at all. Nope, not one little bit.

  As I gave her flat tummy a brief, very brief mind you, look, I saw her give a small shiver. Guess without the blanket she was a bit nippy. Reaching over, I grabbed the blanket and pulled it over her lithe frame, making sure she was nice and cozy.

  She immediately grabbed hold of it and wrapped herself up like a caterpillar getting ready to turn into a butterfly. She gave a sigh of content as she snuggled up into it. Man do I wish I had a camera. That peaceful, happy look she had on her face would have been excellent blackmail material.

  Oh well… Turning away from the little shrimp, I made my way towards the shower, eager to wash away the morning's activities. However, as I closed the door, I received a notification.

  Gain 1 Affection to Hiyori Sarugaki (30/100)

  Huh, guess she wasn't as asleep as I thought she was. Guess it pays to be chivalrous from time to time.

  After taking a nice luxurious shower, I stepped out of the steaming bathroom fully clothed. Part of me wanted to walk out of there bearing it all to the world (and Hiyori) but I decided discretion was the better part of valor at the moment.

  Hiyori was facing the other direction now, clutching the blanket like a lifeline. I had about half an hour before school started, and as much as I didn't give a damn about going there, I didn't want to deal with listening to the teacher bitch at me about it.

  "Where were you Ushio? What were you doing that was more important than school? Do you want to be retarded for the rest of your life? Is there anything at all in that bald head of yours? Don't let it happen again. Blah, blah, blah…"

  They could be pretty damn windy when they want to be, and I have better things to do with my day than listen to them.

  Walking into the kitchen area, I looked inside the fridge for what I could throw together real quick. I ended up just tossing a bunch of stuff into a bowl and heating it up in the microwave. It was… technically edible.

  "That looks fucking disgusting," Hiyori said form beside me, almost making me shit my pants. But I held it in, against all odds. It was a fierce battle but in the end I emerged victorious.

  "I don't have time to make something better. I have to get to school and I don't want to get into a firefight with the truant officers," I inform her, getting a raised eyebrow of immense skepticism.

  "Are you a dumbass?"

  "Don't know. We'll see when I get my first report card," I reply, taking a bit of my bowl full of slop. Fuck, I should have just made some toast a slathered it with peanut butter. Oh well, I made my bed and I'll just have to lie in it.

  Too bad the sexy shorty got out of it. I wouldn't mind getting in that bed again, even with the risk of bodily injury.

  "Well I'm not eating that. Got anything that's actual food?" she asked, opening up the fridge. Did I stare at her backside barely encased in those tiny little booty shorts of hers?

  Why yes, yes I did.

  "Probably. Maybe check in the back," I tell her, watching as she arched her back to get better access to the contents of the fridge. My food was completely forgotten at this point, as there was a much more delectable delicacy right in front of me.

  I had to resist my every instinct to get up and smack it.

  "I don't see anything," she groused.

  "Maybe try the bottom," I mentioned, eyes laser focused on the booty before me. I could hear her cursing and grumbling as she looked. If only she knew about the slabs of thicc, juicy ham parading about on the outside of the fridge.

  "Damn it, I still don't see… aha!" she exclaimed, snapping me out of my trance. Hiyori stood up and in her hands was a plate filled with bacon.

  Since when did I have that?

  "Maybe you want some vegetables to go along with that?" I mention, taking another bite of food. It wasn't so bad if you didn't look at it.

  "Eh? Why would I need something like that?" she asked, giving me a look that said she thought I was some kind of idiot. Which was just plain rude in my opinion.

  "No wonder you're so short," I tell her dryly.

  "You wanna die!"

  "Not really. I just got my house the way I want it," I reply. Sure I was about as broke as they come now, but at least I have a nice looking interior. And, I don't have to pay rent, so all in all, I'm doing pretty good.

  Besides, dying sucks.

  "Then mind your own business!" Hiyori huffed, walking towards the stove. I almost asked if she wanted a stool or something so she could see, on account of her vertical impairment, but my brain stopped me at the last minute.

  What a swell guy. I should be nicer to him.

  I was about done with my own food, as loosely defined as that is, when I heard the first crackle of bacon. It wasn't long after that I smelled that familiar scent of sizzling pork. Now was as good a time as any to bring up Tatsuki I suppose. She was only mildly irritated with me after all.

  "So… there's something I wanted to talk with you about," I start, feeling nervous. Tatsuki seemed alright about me literally sleeping with another girl, like some cheesy harem rom com, but Hiyori was another beast altogether.

  One whose tiny, adorable frame belied just how viscous she could be.

  "If it's about this morning then I'm not apologizing," she said, not even looking in my direction. I felt my bruised eye give a twitch at that. Just because I pushed her off the bed due to excessive amounts of blood flowing in the southern direction doesn't mean I deserved to be punched. It was an accident completely out of my control.

  "No, not that. It's something else," I tell her, getting a curious hum in response. Ok, here goes nothing. Now or never. Do or die.

  "I have a… friend, who would like to meet you," I say, making her pause in her movements. She turned to look at me, honest surprise covering her face. Her mouth opened and closed several times as she tried to formulate a sentence. If the threat of testicular harm wasn't so great, I would have teased her for it.

  Eventually though, she did in fact manage to speak, and her every word made me want to punch her in the face.

  "You have friends?"

  "What the hell's that supposed to mean!?"

  "It's just surprising is all! I didn't think you were capable of making friends."

  "That's it! You want to go, you damn midget!?"

  "Bring it on baldy! I'll kick your ass so bad you won't be able to sit for a week!"

  Lightning crackled between our eyes as we glared at one another. Just when I thought we were about to actually throw down, which I was all for by the way, even if I knew it would likely be me who wound up getting the short end of the stick, a loud snap coming from her breakfast snapped us out of it.

  She turned back to cook her food with an angry huff, stabbing into the pan almost violently. Aw, who am I kidding, there was no almost about it. She looked like she was trying to murder that poor pig a second time.

  "So, why does this friend of yours want to meet with me?" Hiyori asked after a minute.

  "There's a couple reasons. First, because you gave me a black eye and I get the feeling she was impressed by that," I state, resting my head in my hand with my elbow on the table, watching her.

  The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.

  It should come as no surprise that she puffed up at that, proud of the violence she inflicted upon my fragile person. Why couldn't I be into nice girls? Why did it have to be the violent ones that got my motor running?

  Maybe I should seek therapy?

  "So this friend of yours wants to punch you as well, huh? Makes sense," Hiyori commented with a sly smirk on her face. I just rolled my eyes at her. Not everyone I meet wants to punch me. Like Orihime. And Yuzu. And… Chad, I suppose. See, three people right there who don't want to hurt me.

  I mean, technically Yuzu killed me but that wasn't on purpose so it doesn't count!

  "Haha, laugh it up. It only impressed her because of how sturdy I am," I shoot back.

  "Whatever you say. Hang on, this friend of yours is a girl?" Hiyori asked, turning around with wide eyes.

  "You're not jealous, are you?" I tease, giving her a cocky smirk. She scoffed and turned back around, continuing to cook her bacon.

  "Course not! Why would I be jealous of you spending time with some broad?"

  I would say she sounded defensive, but her tone wasn't anything out of the ordinary. Just the usual tsundereness I've come to expect. The hell was going on? Shouldn't she be mad about me hanging around other women?

  Still haven't figured it out yet, huh?

  "What exactly haven't I figured out?" I question the disembodied voice in my head. Any other world that would be cause for alarm but it's pretty par for the course in this one.

  Three simple words my ignorant friend. Big Dick Energy.

  That… made a whole lot of sense. If it can turn me into a naked Super Saiyan, dick flapping in the wind, why couldn't it give me a harem? Tis both a blessing and a curse I suppose.

  Actually, that meant I was going to get a harem no matter what, didn't it? I mean, sure I could always turn other women down I suppose, but that was quitter talk! It would be like saying I couldn't handle it. Not to mention it would be downright selfish of me, wouldn't it? Yes, I have no choice but to accept the love of as many women as my dick would allow.

  I feel like I should be proud of you right now, and yet…

  "Shush you."

  Looking over at Hiyori who was finishing up with her culinary escapade, I couldn't help but admire her. Not just for her sexy little body, but for the way she moved. She was shockingly graceful as she bustled about the kitchen. I didn't expect that from her, but then again, she is ten times my age, so I guess I shouldn't be too surprised.

  As I continued to watch, I felt my heartbeat quicken. Hiyori wasn't just some booty call, no matter how fantastic of a booty it was. I want to get to know her. To see the person she hid beneath that gruff exterior, the part of herself she didn't show anyone else.

  Same could be said for Tatsuki, though she wasn't nearly as guarded as Hiyori. I have no doubt this is going to be one hell of a bumpy ride, going for the harem route while seeing them as more than pieces of meat to slake my lust on, and yet, a part of me felt eager for the trip.

  Guess I can no longer deny my calling as a harem protagonist.

  Hiyori finally finished up with her cooking and made her way over to me, a massive plate filled with nothing but bacon in her hands. I tried to snatch a piece, but she simply swatted my hand away.

  "Try to touch my food again and I'm keeping a finger," she warned, glaring at me. Geez, for such a petite thing she sure is possessive of her food.

  "Fine, fine. I need to get going anyway," I said, standing up. I take my empty bowl to the kitchen and place it in the sink. Turning back around, I watched with morbid fascination as the bacon was shoved into her eager maw until her cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk's, grease dripping from her chin.

  Not sure if that was cute or not…

  "So, should I tell her you're ok with meeting her?" I ask. Hiyori turned to stare at me, a thoughtful look in her eyes.

  "What exactly is your relationship with this chick anyway?" Hiyori asked, taking another, far more sedate bite of bacon.

  "Err, friends, I suppose. Though, I do have a date with her," I say, getting another thoughtful look from the girl. After a moment, she turned around, facing the diminished plate of crispy bacon.

  Come to think of it, shouldn't that be pretty damn hot? How was she just eating it like that? Was she the type who drank coffee as soon as it was poured as well? What was her mouth made out of and what else could it do?

  "Fine, guess I don't mind meeting her. Be grateful I'm such a kind and understanding person," Hiyori claimed in a smug tone, making me roll my eyes. It would have been more believable had she not been wolfing down bacon like she was a starving animal.

  "Yeah, yeah, thank you very much, oh compassionate one," I said, with about as much sarcasm as I could muster. "Anyway, I'm off. I'll see you after school."

  Hiyori mumbled something, though I have no fucking clue what it was. Her mouth was too full of bacon to make out the words. However, I'm pretty sure it was something like, "Why are you still here? Get the fuck out already!"

  Just as I was passing behind her, a thought most devious entered my mind. Her cheeks, so round and full, light reflecting off the grease like diamonds, were simply too great a target for me to pass up.

  So, it was with the greatest of pleasure that I snuck up behind her and planted a big, fat wet one right on her engorged right cheek.

  The effects were immediate. First, she froze in place, mouth open and ready to shove some more meat into her gullet. It looked like her brain shut down as it tried to compute what just happened.

  Then, as she seemingly rebooted, her face turned a bright red before she swiveled around and leveled me with a death glare. It would have been far more effective had she not been opening and closing her mouth like a fish out of water. No idea how she kept all that bacon inside, but she did. Weird talent to have but I'm not one to judge.

  "W-w-w-what the hell was that you dumbass!?" she shouted, pointing an accusing finger in my direction. I could practically see the steam coming out of her ears.

  "I believe the kids these days call that a kiss on the cheek," I inform her, a cheeky grin lighting up my face. She is just way too easy to tease, it almost makes me feel bad for doing it.

  Almost being the keyword here. Although, I might have a different definition of almost than most.

  "I know that stupid! I meant, why!?" she continued to shout. Man it's a good thing I don't have any neighbors. I'd get noise complaints all the time! And probably accusations of domestic abuse.

  Even though I'm the one with the black eye.

  "Because I felt like it? I mean, how could you expect me to ignore such happy, pudgy cheeks?" I ask, reaching out to poke her grease stained cheek.

  Only to snap my hand back to avoid that razor sharp snaggletooth of hers.

  "Mou, Hiyori… don't be so mean," I pout at her.

  "Go to hell! Who said you were allowed to touch me anyway!?" she continued to bellow.

  "Kisuke," I stated simply. Hiyori looked like she desperately wanted to keep yelling but she was once more frozen in place, mouth wide open.

  "Tsk, that bastard would," she mumbled, once she got over it. I snickered internally at having thrown him all the way under the bus, but that's what he gets for spying on me. An angry loli on the warpath.

  "Anyway, I don't see what the big deal is. After all, you kissed me just the other day. Remember?" I ask, giving her a sly grin.

  "That… that was totally different!" she shouted.

  "True, you kissed me right on the lips, while I only gave you a little peck on the cheek," I said as I continued to antagonize her.

  "That's not the point!"

  "Oh, are you maybe disappointed that I only kissed you on the cheek? I can rectify that if you want," I said, leaning in closer to her. Her eyes widened and for a second I thought for sure she was going to flee. But instead, she just sat there, multiple emotions warring on her freckled face.

  But of course, her tsundere side won out in the end. Before I could plant a second kiss, this on on her lips, her fist met with my chin in an intimate embrace, sending me flying into the air.

  -62 Hp

  "Dumbass!" she shouted. I hit my brand new floor hard, shaving off some durability I'm sure. Maybe I should have gone with the sturdy option? I should have known Hiyori would have caused some damage, I just didn't think it would be with my own body.

  "Ow, what the hell was that for?" I grumble, sitting up and leveling her with a glare. She turned away from me with a huff, crossing her hands over her chest.

  "That's what you get for trying to get all touchy-feely with me. Let that be a lesson for you," she said. But her eyes told a different story. Before she turned away, I could see the guilt and regret in her eyes. Freakin tsunderes, can't be honest with themselves.

  Guess it's up to me to make an honest woman out of her.

  "Hate to tell you this, but I'm a slow learner," I inform her, slowly getting to my feet. She turned to look at me, confusion on her pretty little face. But I only grinned at her, making kissing motions at her. It took her a moment to understand what I was implying but when she did, her eyes went wide once more as she backed away.

  "Don't you even think about it," she said, taking up a fighting stance.

  "Come on, don't be shy. You know you want to," I said, slowly approaching the embarrassed girl.

  *Line Break*

  "What the hell happened to you?" Ichigo asked. He was standing next to my desk looking at me with what I can only assume is concern. Although, it was kind of hard to tell with my face as lumpy and swollen as it was.

  I did remember to use Healing Hands, but I ran out of Reiryoku before I could fully heal myself. Now I have no choice but to heal the old fashioned way. I could Meditate to make it go by faster, but I don't see that happening right now. Class was about to start and our homeroom teacher looked like the kind of woman who would be more than happy to use corporal punishment on me. So I just have to suck it up.

  "I'm just a slow learner is all. Nothing to worry about," I tell him. He raised an eyebrow at that, or at least, I think he did.

  "Right… Isn't this the part where you say, 'You should see the other guy?'" Ichigo asked, a small bit of mirth entering his tone. Jerk.

  "I could, but that would only embarrass me more," I say, slurring my words slightly. Pretty sure even someone like Ichigo would burst out laughing if he saw the tiny form of the girl who kicked my ass.

  She was barely any taller than his sisters for goodness sake! Just curvier and legal.

  I may have gone a bit too far with Hiyori this morning, I must begrudgingly admit. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad had I not been making squeezing motions with my hands, that really set her off. Note to self, do not overly tease the angry, tsundere loli. Bad things happen otherwise.

  I didn't lose any affection points with her at least, so she couldn't be that upset about it.

  "Well, now you got me really curious," Ichigo said. But before I could tell him off, another, more genuinely concerned voice interrupted me.

  "Oh my gosh! Ushio, are you alright? What happened to you?" Orihime asked, coming to a stop next to Ichigo. Tatsuki was behind her, giving me a look of concern as well, but unlike the others, she had a pretty good idea of what happened to me after seeing my black eye this morning.

  "I'm fine Orihime. Just had a little accident is all. I'll be fine by the time school lets out," I tell her, giving her my best reassuring smile. Too bad I looked like one of Dr. Frankenstein's rejected monsters. It would have been perfect for Halloween but failed spectacularly at comforting the worried ginger.

  "Are you sure you don't want to go to the nurse?" she asked.

  "Yeah, I'm good. It looks worse than it is," I tell her. I don't think she really believed me, considering my face looked like a cartoon character that just fell into a hornets nest.

  "But-"

  "Just leave him be Orihime. If he says he's fine he's fine," Ichigo stated. My man, coming to my rescue. Maybe you aren't such an asshole after all. Or maybe you just don't want to get saddled with taking me to the nurse's office. Yeah, that sounds more likely.

  "If you say so…" she mumbled, before turning towards the other ginger haired person in the room.

  "Oh, Ichigo! When did you get here?" she asked, fidgeting in place with a dusting of pink on her cheeks. Pretty sure I wasn't the only one who sweatdropped at that. Girl is an airhead with a capital A.

  "So, I take it this was caused by that "friend" of yours?" Tatsuki asked, leaning in to whisper in my ear. I sighed, giving her a small nod.

  "Yeah. There was a bit of a communication problem. But she did say she was ok with meeting you," I said. Now, it may just be my imagination, but I could swear she got an excited gleam in her eyes. But I must have just imagined it. No way she would be more eager to meet her after seeing what she did to my beautiful face, right?

  I didn't have time to ponder this, as the gleam was replaced by righteous anger as Chizuru appeared out of nowhere to get a nice handful of Orihime. Which resulted in her getting drop-kicked by said tomboy.

  Was high school always this violent?

  …Yes, I do believe it was.

  However, before I could think too much about this, the door slid open and our lovely homeroom teacher walked inside.

  "Alright class, sit down and shut up while I take roll call," she ordered. It didn't take long for the class to adhere to this order and she soon called out everyone, pausing at me once again to ask if I needed medical attention. Once I told her no she shrugged and moved on.

  Nice to know how much she cares.

  "Alright, with that out of the way, it's time to introduce a transfer student," she said, getting confused murmuring for the class. Not that I could blame them. A transfer student on the second day was just weird. Wonder who it could be? From my admittedly shoddy memory, it seemed like everyone was here.

  It couldn't have been Rukia, could it? Pretty sure it was too early for her to show up. Hell, I don't even think she's in the world of the living yet. But she's the only one I know who transfers in. Besides Rangiku, Hitsugaya, that pretty boy and my bald brother from another mother that is.

  But it's definitely too early for them to appear.

  "So I want all of you to make her feel welcome, got it? You can come in now," she said. The door once more slid open and in walked just about the last person I expected. But thinking about it, it made perfect sense.

  Kisuke, you crafty bastard… How did you pull off something like this in a day?

  The girl, a short, petite thing with blonde hair done in pigtails, three freckles beneath each of her eyes and a snaggletooth poking out between her frowning lips came to a stop beside the teacher.

  "Now, why don't you introduce yourself to the class," the teacher suggested. The girl let out a sigh at that.

  "What a pain in the ass… Fine, whatever. Name's Hiyori. Happy?"

  Now, seeing Hiyori pop up wearing a school girl uniform out of nowhere was more than a little shocking. Sexy, but shocking. The little brat didn't mention anything about it this morning. So it should come as no surprise when I had to calmly, rationally and above all else, eloquently ask about her sudden appearance.

  "What the hell are you doing here!?"