Erastus 23

  My fingers curled through Sosima’s midnight bck hair, gently grasping her illusory horns. Her head bobbed up and down in my p, warm mouth wrapped snugly around my cock. My hips bucked in time with her, eager for release. Her luminous yellow eyes, the only part of her face completely unchanged by the illusion, gnced up at me as she worked.

  “Fuck!” I groaned. “It’s time!”

  She pulled back, twisting her head as she did, until her lips were wrapped around my head. Her hands gently massaged my balls, and I couldn’t hold back anymore. I filled her mouth with hot, sticky white, which she dutifully swallowed. Once I stopped shuddering with pleasure, she pulled away. Sosima fetched a small, cy kerchief and dabbed at her lips. A brief gnce in her pocket mirror evoked a smirk, which she directed at me.

  “My, my, my. I’ll need to fix my hair quickly.” She said, “I might be able to make a lesson of it for Pepper, but I just can’t bring myself to walk down the hall looking less than my best.”

  “Oh?” I asked, smiling, “I like the mussed look. Maybe it can be a regur thing?”

  Of course, I may be biased due to the context.

  “If you’d like.” She said, “I certainly hope we can arrange for a more equitable encounter next time? I was in a hurry, you see.”

  She fished in her voluminous skirts, which apparently had multiple small bags concealed amongst the folds. She produced a simple wooden comb and sat down to put her hair back in order.

  “Well I am a man of business.” I agreed. “I’d hate to rob you.”

  “Of course.” She answered, “though I think you’re entitled to the occasional pleasant surprise. After all, I owe you.”

  I stood up.

  “Well, I don’t think Pepper wants to work with me more today.” I said, “Do you think I should go ahead and clear out?”

  “That may be for the best. Such a shame.” Sosima said, though the smug smile on her face told me she was perfectly happy without the additional competition. (Sense Motive 19+1=20)

  I chuckled, pulling on my trousers and leaving the House of Amber Silk by the front door. I may not have made it all the way home, but apparently my HUD considered a trip to Third Base good enough as long as she came. That meant I had a shiny new toy: a second level spell.

  2nd level Spell known (Disrobe)

  Disrobe

  Transmutation

  Casting Time: 1 standard action

  Components: V,S

  Range: close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 levels)

  Target: one creature

  Duration: Instantaneous

  Saving Throw: Reflex Partial (see text)

  Spell Resistance: yes

  The target’s clothing is magically rendered insubstantial and weightless, flying off in random directions. The items are scattered into random squares within 5 feet of the target. Clothing is defined as any item which covers a substantial portion of the body, including armor, shoes, and hats, but not small jewelry like rings or items carried in the hands like weapons.

  The target receives no saving throw to preserve nonmagical clothing, as the clothing is fully incorporeal. A target wearing magical clothing is entitled to a reflex save to snatch the semi-corporeal items before they go flying, keeping the magical items in pce with no ill effect.

  It was a doozy, and certainly much more immediately useful than my only other 2nd level spell: Create Treasure Map. People tend to act differently while naked. They might power through and keep trying to attack me if we were in a life or death struggle, but I don’t actually get into all that many life or death struggles. Hell, it was quite a power py; I might be able to win some fights before they happen. Even the caveat about keeping magical gear didn’t bother me much.

  Oh no! People wearing outfits that cost thousands of gold pieces won't be instantly stripped naked if they make a reflex save. I’ll have to use my other spells. Shame.

  Of course I wasn’t going to use it to strip random people naked in the street. In a bedroom, maybe, but definitely not in the street. If nothing else, the Verbal and Somatic components would make my involvement in the random clothes explosions extremely obvious.

  “Man who will destroy your credibility if you cross him” is a reputation I can get behind. Itinerant purveyor of sexual harassment is not.

  I stretched my arms to the sky, and checked Rowe’s character sheet. Still uninjured, but I worried about her regardless. Besides, I needed to talk to her uncle. There weren’t all that many people in Goatshead that could buy an isnd, and I had one to sell. I didn’t trust my buyers much, so I decided to summon some backup. Something that wouldn’t get me into too much trouble.

  https://postimg.cc/nMSDk4mg

  Gerbies are an unusual sort of fey, and distinctly different from any other creature I’ve managed to summon thus far. They are powerful, but not aggressive. They utterly abhor violence, in fact. Ethyl, the Gerbie I’d summoned to stand by in case Pepper had been setting some kind of trap, was only too happy to come along in case any further conflicts needed to be deescated.

  During the short jaunt over to the Cn HQ, Ethyl had insisted on stopping four times to intervene in conflicts. Once she’d seen a shopkeep manhandling a drunk over a broken window, demanding repayment. She’d tugged on my sleeve and hurried over. As she approached, the tenor of the conversation had shifted completely. By the time I was close enough to hear over the din of the harbor, all aggression was gone.

  You have entered Ethyl’s Aura of Friendship

  You have already succeeded on your saving throw for the day.

  “Aw hell, your fist is all fucked up.” The shopkeeper said, examining the drunkard’s hand. “That’s why you can’t go swinging it around like a loon, Berk.”

  “I deserve it!” Berk slurred, “Demeku left me, and I took it out on your window! I’m a terrible person! There ain’t a damn bit of good in me.”

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s true, Berk.” Ethyl chirped in a high pitched, motherly voice. “Come on everyone, help him cheer up! There must be something good you can think of to say about Berk!”

  “He’s pretty good at brickying!” One woman said, “and he didn’t beat Demeku half as much as some people I know beat their wives.”

  “Well that’s… something.” Ethyl said, “anything else?”

  “He’s honest!” A halfling chimed in, spping Berk on the back. “Some guys’ll only call me a slip when they’re drunk, but I always knew where I stood with Berk, right from the start!”

  Slip is a term used to refer to halflings in Cheliax, widely considered a slur. There has been some attempt to recim the term, but most halflings find its use by anyone outside the community, especially humans, to be very offensive. (Knowledge Local 11+2=13)

  “Ok!” Ethyl said, “that’s enough cheering Berk up. How about we get his hand looked at and sweep up this gss.”

  ??????????

  Happy chanting flowed out of the Sea Shanty Cn complex, dozens of songs yering overtop one another in a haphazard cacophony. Whatever else was true of Goatshead’s Goblin popution, they genuinely loved music. As I was escorted in to see Dahk, I caught glimpses of rooms full of goblins singing together as they assembled strange contraptions, or used simir contraptions to rapidly produce… something. I saw one group making bolts of sailcloth, but most of their products were just as unrecognizable as their methods.

  I’d been allowed in for multiple reasons. First was that I stated directly that I was a customer here on business. Second, I was polite to the front door guards and bribed them with 4 silver coins practically before introducing myself. Third, and perhaps the most valuable, I had a cute little lizard at my heels.

  The chief was waiting for me, dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and brown scks. He reclined in a makeshift throne atop an elevated podium, transparently pcing himself in a position to look down on the “longshanks” visiting him. He smiled, but there was a wariness in his expression that told me he wasn’t charmed by Ethyl’s aura. (Sense Motive 13+1=14)

  “Welcome, Captain.” Dahk said, “to what do I owe this honor?”

  “Two things, Chief.” I said, bowing. “First up, I’d like to ask about my gunnery chief. Rowe is a great asset to the team, and she hasn’t gotten in contact since she came home.”

  “She does that.” Dahk said with a shrug. “But not her fault this time. She isn’t leaving. Probably shouldn’t even see you.”

  A gunshot rang out from somewhere within the complex, along with a familiar mad cackle. I pced a hand on Ethyl’s shoulder to keep her from running off.

  “She’s being difficult,” Dahk confided in me with a sigh. “Does not want to marry.”

  “I see.” I said delicately. “Not to be rude, but she mentioned that she hasn’t been out of her child-cage for long.”

  When I asked Rowe about her past, I had found out that it had been exceptionally boring. Goblin children, being even more energetic little hellions than the adults, were kept in cages until they reached a certain age. As far as I can tell, the target age is around when they can be trusted to not set their own house on fire just to see what happens. Rowe was, as far as I knew, basically a teenager.

  “Old enough to run off, old enough for pups.” Dahk said with a shrug. “Important to tie her to cn, or she might run off again. Marriage does that, usually. Hard on the suitors knees, but do what is needed.”

  This could be trouble. I’m not giving up Rowe, that’s for damn sure, but I really don’t want to piss this guy off while he has my ship in dry dock.

  “Any chance I could hire her?” I asked, “formally, I mean?”

  “No.” He snapped, “that pearl-toothed incubus on your crew would whisk her away. Too innocent and impressionable.”

  Wait. Is he talking about Conchobar? Shit. Uh. Maybe she can elope with him? Wait, no, Dahk specifically doesn’t want that. Oh yeah, and I need to at least talk to Conchobar before I take him out to buy his tux.

  I didn’t have time to think through a whole pn, so instead I nodded sagely.

  “I understand why you’d be careful about that.” I said, “I admit it, she’s one hell of a gal. I’d love to keep her on my crew, but I don’t want to offend a business partner. I’ll just have to learn to accept it.”

  “I’m so gd you could come to an equitable arrangement.” Ethyl chimed in. “Everything is better when you can calm down and have a civil conversation.”

  Sure Ethyl. It’s not like I’m lying or anything. Gotta get my ship and some cash out of this guy before we steal Rowe back. She’s on the back burner till then.

  “You'd better.” Dahk said, glowering. “So, you said there was something else?”

  “Right! Right. An offer.” I said, “I have an isnd, and you have the men and resources needed to develop it.”

  Dahk didn’t have hair, not even eyebrows, but the ridges above his blood-red eyes stretched up at my words. He leaned back, pressing his knuckles into his chin.

  “I’m open to renting out a few of my boys, longshanks, but you’d need to pay well.” He said, “the Sea Shanty Cn is independent, and we have friends. Don't think you’ll be able to back out once you’re a lord.”

  “Oh no; that’s not what I meant at all. I wasn’t clear.” I said with a smile. “I’m offering you to take the isnd for yourself. I’ll give you the location and information, and you can snatch it up before someone else does.”

  “Oh. Bonewrack?” Dahk said, smiling. “Thanks for clearing it out for us, Longshanks.”

  “Beg pardon?” I said, locking my PR smile into pce.

  “Rowe told us where you were.” The goblin said, leaning against the arm of his throne. “And you can’t stop us from taking it. So why pay you?”

  Well shit. There goes pn a.

  “Because it’ll go poorly for you if you try something like that.” I answered with a shrug. I gnced down at a frowning Ethyl. “You have first dibs on the isnd if I sell it to you. If you try to take it from me without paying, then you’ll have competition.”

  “Two men can keep a secret if one is dead.” Dahk said, his eyes boring into me.

  “Sure. If you think you can kill me.” I said. “I don’t think it’ll be as easy as you imagine. I brought Ethyl here along just in case something unpleasant threatened to break out. I’m willing to bet that I can walk out of here if you try to start something. If you try something after that, well… I’d prefer not going to war with you. I have nothing against the Sea Shanty Cn and I’d hate if something happened to them.”

  Ethyl gave Dahk a gre perfectly calibrated to immobilize an unruly kindergartner. (Intimidate 10+11+2(Ethyl aid another)=23)

  Dahk ran his eyes across his guards, noting that they seemed unusually rexed for such a tense conversation. While he ran the numbers, so did I.

  Goblins have darkvision. Maybe fog, or rain? Rowe’s gun doesn’t do well when it’s too wet, so that might be my best chance. Blinds me too, but with Ethyl here I was never going to be leaning too hard on violence anyway.

  With a whisper of my will, I drew in moisture from the air outside to increase the humidity of the room. Not enough to be overly noticeable, but enough to make fog a tiny bit closer to hand. (Precipitation increased from 0 to 1)

  Weird that it’s called precipitation when there isn’t actually any rain until it reaches 2.

  “Since you don’t want to buy the isnd, you can buy my silence instead.” I drawled. “It’ll be cheaper. If you make an offer I like, I’ll tell you about the hazards we left behind.”

  The ankhegs are probably all dying from starvation, honestly, but I can still hold them over his head.

  “Hmm.” Dahk said, “you caught me in a good mood. 1000 gold.”

  “Thank you for your time.” I said, turning on my heel and walking towards the door.

  “Stop!” Dahk commanded, “This meeting isn’t over!”

  “Isn’t it?” I asked, turning back and raising an eyebrow. “If that’s your initial offer, you’re either disrespecting my intelligence or substantially less wealthy than I thought. Either way, why would I stay?” (Pusible Bluff 18+11+5(Silver Tongue)=34)

  “Fine. Five thousand to stay quiet, and we won’t shoot you in the head or burn your ship.” Dahk grumbled. “I’m not buying an isnd right now, I’m bribing you to go away. You aren’t worth more than that.”

  The isnd is probably worth tens of thousands, but I need money now and Dahk will make things difficult if I don’t py ball.

  “Acceptable, if only just.” I said, frowning. “Don’t expect any repeat business from me, if this is how you treat someone trying to enrich you.”

  “One isnd is enough.” Dahk said, baring his teeth. “No need for more.”

  He gestured to one of his assistants, who rushed off to get the cash. In a surprisingly short amount of time, only about five minutes of awkward waiting, five goblins returned with my pay. Each goblin held a small burp sack full of coins. They were about the right size for 1000 per bag, though it was always possible he’d mixed in some silver or copper near the bottom. (Appraise 10+2=12)

  I summoned my shadow to haul out four of the heavy sacks, while I carried the fifth myself. I bowed to Dahk, since politeness didn’t cost me anything, and left the complex in a hurry. I wanted this back in my room, preferably under guard, before I did anything else.

  We aren’t staying in town any longer than we need to. I don’t think Dahk will be happy with me when Rowe mysteriously vanishes.

  ??????????

  When I arrived back at Walleye’s a few hours past noon, I was thankfully able to sneak past the crowd. The lion’s share of patrons were distracted with something going on on one of the tables, chanting "fight!” repeatedly. At any other time I’d have been curious enough to take a look immediately, but one does not carry giant sacks full of money into a crowd of pirates. It’s just not done. Ethyl split off while I headed upstairs, her lips pursed disapprovingly.

  My room did have a lock, and I decided to trust the inn’s security for just as long as it took to find a few members of my crew. Summoning an outsider to guard it was too likely to backfire; I still didn’t have any good go-to guard dog summons. Most of what I could call would be likely to attack Sosima if she got home early, and I have a policy against summoning new creatures while alone. Yael would probably do a great job, but she’d also ask for way too much as payment.

  Downstairs, I found many of the men and women who had been gathered around a brawl mere moments ago singing a nursery rhyme together. In their defense, they were mostly very drunk and the crowd was quickly dispersing as people lost interest. Ethyl stood on a table, leading them all in the song.

  “When the bzing sun is gone,

  When he nothing shines upon,

  Then you show your little light,

  Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

  Twinkle, twinkle, little star,

  How I wonder what you are!”

  Wow. I didn’t know there even were other verses. You learn something new every day.

  At Ethyl’s feet, I saw two tiny green figures swaying and singing along: Deirdre and a one foot tall goblin whose eye was swollen shut. I scanned the crowd, and was slightly surprised about which members of my crew were present: Ratline Rattsberger, and Lubo, the older dy from st night.

  I walked up to Lubo, who was smiling and chatting with a bearded old man wearing a striped shirt.

  “Oh, I don’t know. I think it’s cute.” She said, “my Naomi loved this song when she was little. She’s out on the town shopping with a couple new friends right now; we are finally leaving this dump.”

  “Aye!” The man said, cpping a hand on her shoulder. “It’s never too te. I only took to the sea te st year, and look at me now!”

  “Hey! Lubo.” I said, “I hate to interrupt, but there’s something that needs doing upstairs and nobody else is avaible.”

  She jumped at my appearance, and tension flooded back into her body. Ethyl’s aura allowed her to rex, as she saw everyone else affected as a friend. I had made my saving throw, so I was still just her weird new boss. (Sense motive 9+1=10)

  “Is this man bothering ye?” The old man said, his face twisting into an ugly grimace. “I can make him walk the pnk if ye wish, Lubo.”

  “No! No. He hasn’t done anything wrong.” Lubo answered forcefully. “Calm down, Caruthers.”

  Isn’t that the name of Pepper’s first mate? Better be careful here. A fight would look bad even if I won.

  “I don’t want trouble. It’s not a particurly difficult job, but if your friend wants to come along I’ll even bring you up a bottle and some food.” I offered, keeping my voice low and level. “It’s just guard duty, and I don’t expect you to do anything but yell if something happens. I know you aren’t a fighter.”

  “Yet.” Caruthers chimed in defensively. “She’ll get there. I’d be happy to help her on her first mission. I’m in port, no trouble at all.”

  “Sure, sure.” I answered. “I’m afraid this isn’t a request, Lubo, but I will pay you for it.”

  “Yes. Yes sir.” She said, bobbing her head nervously. “If you say so.”

  I showed her up to my room, letting her and Caruthers in. I’d cleverly stowed the money under the bed, and I didn’t point it out to them.

  “I’m trusting you because I think Captain Bck seems like a good judge of character.” I told Caruthers. “It wouldn’t be fair for me to run off with new friends and then treat their officers like thieves.”

  In actual point of fact Pepper hangs out with Plugg willingly, but it’s more important that he knows that I’m on friendly terms with his boss when I leave him in the room with giant piles of cash. She doesn’t seem the type to let her subordinates fuck over new contacts.

  “O’course, Cap’n.” He said seriously, “yer booty be safe with me.”

  After ordering a bottle of wine and two helpings of cm chowder to be sent up to my room, I sidled over to sit with Ratts.

  I had to double check to be sure it really was him; his hair was combed and parted to the side, and he didn’t have a fine yer of grime on him. Dierdre had told me the night before that he didn’t have anything of note to report, save that the three chuckleheads were settling in, Pepper was leaving in a few days, and he was pnning on coming back.

  “Hey boss.” He whispered, hardly giving me any time to settle. “I know I’m supposed to go through the fairy, but I think there’s something you should know.”

  I looked at him and nodded, waving my hand in a “come on,” gesture.

  “When Captain Bck left for some kind of all-day appointment today, Plugg ran off into the slums.” Ratts expined, “I tailed him. He snuck into one house in particur, and stayed there for an hour. He came back to the ship right after, and cimed he was coat shopping.”

  “Oh, that is curious.” I mused. “Hopefully he didn’t hire an assassin. I’ll need to add it to my list.”

  I was abruptly interrupted by a new popup in my HUD.

  Mission Pack Avaible: Plunder and Peril

  Sail the length and breadth of the Shackles, hunting the lost treasure of the legendary Captain Jemma Redcw! To begin, follow the lead you have been given.

  Oh. Oh my. Well, I needed a heading, and Plugg went and made me curious. I guess it can be time to get back to work.

  I accepted the mission pack.

  ??????????

  The reclusive artificer Melku lives in Goatshead; you might as well check in with him while you’re here. Commission and receive an item from him, whether by force, falsehood, or finance.

  Reward: 2 exp, Scroll of Inverted Reactions

  Make an alliance with Captain Varossa Lanteri.

  Reward: 1 exp, Damage Control Talent

  Have a threesome that integrates specific kinks from both other people involved.

  1 exp, one lover will gain a perk reted to the kink indulged.